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IRON DM 2013--Entries, Judgements, Commentary, & Trash-Talk
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<blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 6158295" data-attributes="member: 67"><p><strong>Round 2, Match 1 Judgement: Wicht vs. Dragonwriter</strong></p><p></p><p>Let me start out by saying that this was a very difficult match for me to judge. I'll get to the reasons for this later. First, I want to talk a little bit about the rules. With a 48 hour time-limit, I expect to see more polished entries—entries that have been given extra consideration and extra editing. Put simply, a 48 hour time-limit is a lot less challenging than a 24 hour time-limit. To balance this out, there is a word limit, which, in the second round, is 3000 words. And Dragonwriter's entry, “The Unending Cycle” (henceforth, “Cycle”) clocks in at 3009 words (not including the title or ingredient list <em>at the beginning</em>). I didn't even include the byline in the count. This is with Open Office, which counts “--” as an individual word (there were five of these), but counts two words separated with a slash as a single word (there were several instances of these).</p><p></p><p>Dragonwriter said (in the scheduling thread) that the piece clocked in at 2995, but I can't figure out how how. I tried very hard to figure out where the extra 14 words came from, but I just can't. In the end, I have to go with my count. So, now I get to figure out whether or not those extra 9 words are that critical to the entry. I guess the reasonable thing to do would be to mentally chop off the last 9 words of the entry. Fortunately for Dragonwriter, those last 9 words didn't really add anything at all, they were merely part of the formatting used to help me (the judge) navigate the piece.</p><p></p><p>And, anyway, Wicht didn't exactly follow the rules, either (nor in his first entry). There was no easy-to-reference list of ingredients at the start of his entries, even though both ingredients-posts specifically asked for one. But it doesn't really matter. I bring it up only because we're talking about rules, here. In the end, I'll call it a wash. This time.</p><p></p><p><strong>Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about ingredients, shall we?</strong></p><p></p><p>Wicht's entry, “The Crystals of Monassan,” (henceforth, “Crystals”) gives us a potential end of <u>A</u> world. It's an interesting world, though, and, more importantly, it factors heavily into the actual adventure. “Cycle” has a true <strong>End of the World</strong> and also did something that I was hoping to see—it used the ingredient as a location. But, as flavorful as this was, it really didn't matter much to the adventure, except as a set-piece and a(n admittedly very interesting) moral dilemma posed at the very end. If the PCs actually had a way to alter the fate before it happened and/or didn't have a way to make it inconsequential after the end of the adventure, I would have happily given the edge to “Cycle,” but as it is, I can't.</p><p></p><p>And that brings us to <strong>Unearth</strong>. In both entries, it is used to represent the type of normal investigative process that one could expect in an adventure. In the case of “Crystals,” it is more literal, but they are both a bit standard. In addition, “Cycle” refers to a place as an “Un-earth,” which is exactly the clever kind of interpretation I was hoping the ingredient would invoke. Unfortunately, that “Un-earth” is simply another name for the first ingredient (the location, that is). That's a problem. In order for two ingredients to successfully apply to one thing, <em>they have to be substantially different in some way!</em>.</p><p></p><p><strong>Diplomatic Immunity</strong> factors in both entries in a similar manner, as well, but favors one adventure over the other. “Crystals” presents some interesting role-playing opportunities with its murderous ambassador(s). Meanwhile, “Cycle” once again gives us the hint of a promising scenario by giving the PCs diplomatic immunity—as well as their foe. And yet, I'm not sure I see the point, as far as the adventure is concerned. Arkaz doesn't really need it—he will soon be too powerful for it to matter. And the PCs could get into a lot more trouble without it—which would be a good thing for the adventure.</p><p></p><p>And, hoo boy, do we have some good stuff with the next ingredient! “Crystals” gives us not one, but three races powered by artificial intelligence (well, really, two). These are some interesting and well-thought out cultures—but there <em>is</em> a bit of a problem, here. The one race that isn't so much an artificial intelligence (the psypossessors) as a dominating intelligence is the one that features in the adventure. The rest is really just background. “Cycle” does a much better job with this one. The coldly logical Arkaz is a great villain (although I would have liked to have seen more actual reasoning in his arguments. Just saying that something is logical does not necessarily make it so.). Even better, his logic is flawed—which, in itself, is a kind of artificial intelligence.</p><p></p><p>And it gets better with the <strong>Wise Fool</strong>. No, not the Divine Jester in “Cycle”—that character didn't really add very much to the adventure at all. Arkaz, again, steals the show, here, proceeding on a course that is entirely logical and yet, so very foolish. It's really almost a theme, at this point, which leads to a nice payoff when the PCs are faced with the decision at the end whether or not they want to play along. It's like a baton—the title gets to be passed around.</p><p></p><p>Okay, okay, "wise" isn't exactly the right word here, but I'm willing to let it slide, since “Crystals” has an imposter fool who is cunning, crafty, scheming, and clever, but does not exhibit discernment, judgement, or discretion, nor any special knowledge—except about his foes. And anyway, the divine fool in "Cycle" actually <em>is</em> wise.</p><p></p><p>Finally, the <strong>Impossible Dream</strong>. “Cycle” chooses not to use a literal dream, but, rather, to make the main foe's motive an impossible one to achieve. Clever, but as much a weakness as a strength, because it doesn't really factor into the adventure at all, until the very end. And by then, the players may not even realize that it <em>is</em> impossible (or even what the motive <em>really</em> was, to begin with).</p><p></p><p>“Crystals” gives us an actual dream-world, in a globe. Impossible! It gives three impossible trials (which, unfortunately, are all solved in the same manner). And, more subtly, it also presents themes of class-inequity and strife throughout that echo a certain novel-turned-musical...</p><p></p><p>[spoiler]So, “Crystals” does a marginally better job with the ingredients, but for some reason, I had a hard time with it. It's just such a mess! Much like the second ingredient, reading (and re-reading and re-re-reading) the piece is like an excavation. Buried in it somewhere are some real gems.</p><p></p><p>But, Dude! Most of your entry is background information or information on races and their motives (in other words, more background)! And most of <em>that</em> is only indirectly relevant to the adventure! And there really is <em>a lot</em> going on in this adventure on top of all that! Lots of potential adventure during and lots of hooks to pick up on when it concludes!</p><p></p><p>What's most heartbreaking, I think, is that, with some more time spent on the entry (<em>which you <u>had</u>!</em>), it would have been so much more refined! It's simply too ambitious in scope for the short amount of time you gave it. It <em>felt</em> like it was well over the word limit, even though it wasn't.</p><p></p><p>“Cycle,” in contrast, was a tighter piece and very well-polished. It was much more pleasurable to read. The problem is, I don't think it would be as <em>fun</em> as the other to run or play in. Don't get me wrong, it does look fun (even though it gets fairly linear <em>and</em> heavy-handed in places—including the hook). But there is so much more going on in “Crystals” that I think I could do more with it—even though it would take much more work to make it work. Add to that the marginally better ingredients-use...</p><p></p><p>Dragonwriter, I've really enjoyed your work, thus far. You're very good at writing for the reader (as opposed to writing just for yourself), which is very much appreciated. You're clever and creative, which are great qualities for an Iron DM Contestant. I do think there is room for improvement in two particular areas, however. You should trust the players (and the DM) a little more. You have a definite tendency to rely on heavy-handed techniques for progressing the adventure. Also, you have a tendency to rely on the cleverness of your interpretation to carry your ingredient, which, much as it is appreciated, is not enough. The ingredients ought to have a tight relationship with each other, but the also (importantly) <em>need</em> to be relevant to the PCs—and in a significant way to the players.</p><p></p><p>Wicht, for those of you who don't know, is pretty much the definitive “Veteran Iron DM.” One way or another, he has participated in pretty much <em>all</em> of the EN World Iron DM Tournaments (most often as a contestant). For this reason, alone, I'm sure he knew immediately that this wasn't his best piece.</p><p></p><p>But, for all of its flaws, it was fundamentally interesting and well-conceived. And, of course, used the ingredients to somewhat better effect. As much as it surprises me (and it does--if I had only read the two entries casually, the verdict would be quite different!) Wicht advances to the Championship Match.[/spoiler]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rune, post: 6158295, member: 67"] [b]Round 2, Match 1 Judgement: Wicht vs. Dragonwriter[/b] Let me start out by saying that this was a very difficult match for me to judge. I'll get to the reasons for this later. First, I want to talk a little bit about the rules. With a 48 hour time-limit, I expect to see more polished entries—entries that have been given extra consideration and extra editing. Put simply, a 48 hour time-limit is a lot less challenging than a 24 hour time-limit. To balance this out, there is a word limit, which, in the second round, is 3000 words. And Dragonwriter's entry, “The Unending Cycle” (henceforth, “Cycle”) clocks in at 3009 words (not including the title or ingredient list [i]at the beginning[/i]). I didn't even include the byline in the count. This is with Open Office, which counts “--” as an individual word (there were five of these), but counts two words separated with a slash as a single word (there were several instances of these). Dragonwriter said (in the scheduling thread) that the piece clocked in at 2995, but I can't figure out how how. I tried very hard to figure out where the extra 14 words came from, but I just can't. In the end, I have to go with my count. So, now I get to figure out whether or not those extra 9 words are that critical to the entry. I guess the reasonable thing to do would be to mentally chop off the last 9 words of the entry. Fortunately for Dragonwriter, those last 9 words didn't really add anything at all, they were merely part of the formatting used to help me (the judge) navigate the piece. And, anyway, Wicht didn't exactly follow the rules, either (nor in his first entry). There was no easy-to-reference list of ingredients at the start of his entries, even though both ingredients-posts specifically asked for one. But it doesn't really matter. I bring it up only because we're talking about rules, here. In the end, I'll call it a wash. This time. [b]Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about ingredients, shall we?[/b] Wicht's entry, “The Crystals of Monassan,” (henceforth, “Crystals”) gives us a potential end of [u]A[/u] world. It's an interesting world, though, and, more importantly, it factors heavily into the actual adventure. “Cycle” has a true [b]End of the World[/b] and also did something that I was hoping to see—it used the ingredient as a location. But, as flavorful as this was, it really didn't matter much to the adventure, except as a set-piece and a(n admittedly very interesting) moral dilemma posed at the very end. If the PCs actually had a way to alter the fate before it happened and/or didn't have a way to make it inconsequential after the end of the adventure, I would have happily given the edge to “Cycle,” but as it is, I can't. And that brings us to [b]Unearth[/b]. In both entries, it is used to represent the type of normal investigative process that one could expect in an adventure. In the case of “Crystals,” it is more literal, but they are both a bit standard. In addition, “Cycle” refers to a place as an “Un-earth,” which is exactly the clever kind of interpretation I was hoping the ingredient would invoke. Unfortunately, that “Un-earth” is simply another name for the first ingredient (the location, that is). That's a problem. In order for two ingredients to successfully apply to one thing, [i]they have to be substantially different in some way![/i]. [b]Diplomatic Immunity[/b] factors in both entries in a similar manner, as well, but favors one adventure over the other. “Crystals” presents some interesting role-playing opportunities with its murderous ambassador(s). Meanwhile, “Cycle” once again gives us the hint of a promising scenario by giving the PCs diplomatic immunity—as well as their foe. And yet, I'm not sure I see the point, as far as the adventure is concerned. Arkaz doesn't really need it—he will soon be too powerful for it to matter. And the PCs could get into a lot more trouble without it—which would be a good thing for the adventure. And, hoo boy, do we have some good stuff with the next ingredient! “Crystals” gives us not one, but three races powered by artificial intelligence (well, really, two). These are some interesting and well-thought out cultures—but there [i]is[/i] a bit of a problem, here. The one race that isn't so much an artificial intelligence (the psypossessors) as a dominating intelligence is the one that features in the adventure. The rest is really just background. “Cycle” does a much better job with this one. The coldly logical Arkaz is a great villain (although I would have liked to have seen more actual reasoning in his arguments. Just saying that something is logical does not necessarily make it so.). Even better, his logic is flawed—which, in itself, is a kind of artificial intelligence. And it gets better with the [b]Wise Fool[/b]. No, not the Divine Jester in “Cycle”—that character didn't really add very much to the adventure at all. Arkaz, again, steals the show, here, proceeding on a course that is entirely logical and yet, so very foolish. It's really almost a theme, at this point, which leads to a nice payoff when the PCs are faced with the decision at the end whether or not they want to play along. It's like a baton—the title gets to be passed around. Okay, okay, "wise" isn't exactly the right word here, but I'm willing to let it slide, since “Crystals” has an imposter fool who is cunning, crafty, scheming, and clever, but does not exhibit discernment, judgement, or discretion, nor any special knowledge—except about his foes. And anyway, the divine fool in "Cycle" actually [i]is[/i] wise. Finally, the [b]Impossible Dream[/b]. “Cycle” chooses not to use a literal dream, but, rather, to make the main foe's motive an impossible one to achieve. Clever, but as much a weakness as a strength, because it doesn't really factor into the adventure at all, until the very end. And by then, the players may not even realize that it [i]is[/i] impossible (or even what the motive [i]really[/i] was, to begin with). “Crystals” gives us an actual dream-world, in a globe. Impossible! It gives three impossible trials (which, unfortunately, are all solved in the same manner). And, more subtly, it also presents themes of class-inequity and strife throughout that echo a certain novel-turned-musical... [spoiler]So, “Crystals” does a marginally better job with the ingredients, but for some reason, I had a hard time with it. It's just such a mess! Much like the second ingredient, reading (and re-reading and re-re-reading) the piece is like an excavation. Buried in it somewhere are some real gems. But, Dude! Most of your entry is background information or information on races and their motives (in other words, more background)! And most of [i]that[/i] is only indirectly relevant to the adventure! And there really is [i]a lot[/i] going on in this adventure on top of all that! Lots of potential adventure during and lots of hooks to pick up on when it concludes! What's most heartbreaking, I think, is that, with some more time spent on the entry ([i]which you [u]had[/u]![/i]), it would have been so much more refined! It's simply too ambitious in scope for the short amount of time you gave it. It [i]felt[/i] like it was well over the word limit, even though it wasn't. “Cycle,” in contrast, was a tighter piece and very well-polished. It was much more pleasurable to read. The problem is, I don't think it would be as [i]fun[/i] as the other to run or play in. Don't get me wrong, it does look fun (even though it gets fairly linear [i]and[/i] heavy-handed in places—including the hook). But there is so much more going on in “Crystals” that I think I could do more with it—even though it would take much more work to make it work. Add to that the marginally better ingredients-use... Dragonwriter, I've really enjoyed your work, thus far. You're very good at writing for the reader (as opposed to writing just for yourself), which is very much appreciated. You're clever and creative, which are great qualities for an Iron DM Contestant. I do think there is room for improvement in two particular areas, however. You should trust the players (and the DM) a little more. You have a definite tendency to rely on heavy-handed techniques for progressing the adventure. Also, you have a tendency to rely on the cleverness of your interpretation to carry your ingredient, which, much as it is appreciated, is not enough. The ingredients ought to have a tight relationship with each other, but the also (importantly) [i]need[/i] to be relevant to the PCs—and in a significant way to the players. Wicht, for those of you who don't know, is pretty much the definitive “Veteran Iron DM.” One way or another, he has participated in pretty much [i]all[/i] of the EN World Iron DM Tournaments (most often as a contestant). For this reason, alone, I'm sure he knew immediately that this wasn't his best piece. But, for all of its flaws, it was fundamentally interesting and well-conceived. And, of course, used the ingredients to somewhat better effect. As much as it surprises me (and it does--if I had only read the two entries casually, the verdict would be quite different!) Wicht advances to the Championship Match.[/spoiler] [/QUOTE]
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