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Is this OK, or is it simply awful?
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<blockquote data-quote="fba827" data-source="post: 5369893" data-attributes="member: 807"><p>First off: kudos for actually scribbling down what has been in your head for years, and kudos for also for having the guts to put it out here. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Writing: it's full of all these european spelling, grammar, colloquialisms, and such... you do know that's not real English, right?! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick out tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /> (i'm kidding)</p><p></p><p>More seriously, I wouldn't call it awful. It's decent; it would take a few more pages for <em><u>me</u></em> to get used to the writing style</p><p></p><p>Example: The frequent use of em dashes and ellipsis was a little awkward in the first half but then once I realized that this was primarily internal dialogue it seemed to somehow make sense that he would be pausing with half-thoughts to himself.</p><p></p><p>(disclaimer: for the past few years I've been immersed in nonfiction for school and not had much time to read fiction, so I've gotten out of the habit of picking up on fiction-based tones, styles, voice, etc - so that very well could just be a 'me' thing)</p><p></p><p>There were perhaps one or two sentences that seemed awkward, but overall, it wasn't difficult to read or anything like that and I got (what I think to be) the gist of where it was going in trying to establish simon as an everyday man who is changed and therefore confused by those changes. </p><p></p><p>And, given the title and the little intro lines i'd probably expect about half the novel to be his rise to power (gaining powers, understanding them, using them to what he believes to be benefits) and then a turning point chapter (something goes wrong or he causes an accident, or someone just no longer trusts him), and then the other half about his fall from grace, the repercussions of falling from grace, and how he is dealing with it. Whether or not i'm right isn't the issue, just trying to say what my expectation as the reader is based on the title and intro lines.</p><p></p><p>anyway, it is a good start, i enjoyed it, and i hope you have fun with it! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="fba827, post: 5369893, member: 807"] First off: kudos for actually scribbling down what has been in your head for years, and kudos for also for having the guts to put it out here. :) Writing: it's full of all these european spelling, grammar, colloquialisms, and such... you do know that's not real English, right?! :-P (i'm kidding) More seriously, I wouldn't call it awful. It's decent; it would take a few more pages for [I][U]me[/U][/I] to get used to the writing style Example: The frequent use of em dashes and ellipsis was a little awkward in the first half but then once I realized that this was primarily internal dialogue it seemed to somehow make sense that he would be pausing with half-thoughts to himself. (disclaimer: for the past few years I've been immersed in nonfiction for school and not had much time to read fiction, so I've gotten out of the habit of picking up on fiction-based tones, styles, voice, etc - so that very well could just be a 'me' thing) There were perhaps one or two sentences that seemed awkward, but overall, it wasn't difficult to read or anything like that and I got (what I think to be) the gist of where it was going in trying to establish simon as an everyday man who is changed and therefore confused by those changes. And, given the title and the little intro lines i'd probably expect about half the novel to be his rise to power (gaining powers, understanding them, using them to what he believes to be benefits) and then a turning point chapter (something goes wrong or he causes an accident, or someone just no longer trusts him), and then the other half about his fall from grace, the repercussions of falling from grace, and how he is dealing with it. Whether or not i'm right isn't the issue, just trying to say what my expectation as the reader is based on the title and intro lines. anyway, it is a good start, i enjoyed it, and i hope you have fun with it! :) [/QUOTE]
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