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Jodo Kast's Savage Tidings (Updated July 9, 2007)
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<blockquote data-quote="Jodo Kast" data-source="post: 3633473" data-attributes="member: 4810"><p><strong>Peril! Under Parrot Island ... Part II</strong></p><p></p><p>Dreadful moans and the sounds of gnashing teeth echoed throughout the tunnels, making it difficult to estimate how many zombies remained, or even from what direction they were approaching. Zhandle tugged on Rubb's sleeve. "Do you think Verys will be all right alone?" The elf's wound had been worse than any of them realized. Despite Gauruloc's best efforts, Verys' neck would not fully heal. He was feverish, and turning a very unhealthy shade of gray. Worse, his will seemed to have been sapped completely. The elf showed no interest in going any further. It was as if the fight with the zombies had broken his will.</p><p></p><p>"We shut him in pretty tight. He's probably safer than we are, roaming around these tunnels with those things," sighed Rubb as a particularly gruesome moan rose above the others. Rubb patted Zhandle's hand reassuringly, then scurried up to join Jouko. Whispering so that Zhandle would not hear, he shared his concern with the pirate. "I'm not sure Tightbritches is going to make it. Should we finish our exploration, or just work on finding a way out of here?"</p><p></p><p>"I ain't sees no booty. That swim ain't going to hurt yer lass none. I think it's high time we make fer the surface."</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, Gauruloc called out to his god, Corellon, while holding three stones in his open palm. "Fill these stones with the power to fell the profane dead, Sharp Ears!" The half-orc kept one of the <em>magic stones</em>, and gave the others to Rubb and Zhandle. "Take these, snacklings. If we encounter any more dead ones, fling them with all your might."</p><p></p><p>Rubb took the stone Gauruloc offered and turned back to Jouko. He nodded grimly, then moved down the hallway as swiftly and silently as he could. "Let us make our escape. The sooner we get this over with, the better for Verys." And for Zhandlegarrii, the halfling thought.</p><p></p><p>Rubb came to the entrance of the chamber where the party had encountered monstrous crabs. A horrible moaning emanated from within. Jouko pushed past the halfling, rushing inside to face this new foe. Zhandle quickly cast <em>mage armor</em> on Rubb, hoping to protect him from the ravenous teeth and ripping nails of the pirate zombies.</p><p></p><p>Upon entering the chamber, Jouko immediately spotted two zombies. He lashed out with his chain, flaying rotting flesh away from a creature's torso. Although the chain injured the zombie, it was not nearly as effective as it would have been against a living foe.</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc flung his <em>magic stone</em> at a zombie, but his aim was errant and the stone clattered harmlessly into the pool. Rubbumba, emboldened by his wife's protective spell, rushed into the room belting out a fierce battle-cry and hurled Gauruloc's glowing pebble at the nearest zombie. The halfling's aim was no better than the half-orc's, and the stone bounced harmlessly off a pillar behind the mindless monster.</p><p></p><p>The first of the ravenous pirate zombies attempted to bite Jouko. The pirate narrowly evaded the monster's gaping jaws, filled with row after row of ravenous teeth. The next zombie charged at Gauruloc and attempted to bite him, but the half-orc managed to get his shield up in time to slam the zombie's jaw shut.</p><p></p><p>In muffled hysterics and dramatic whines, Zhandle wiped the fog away from her glasses (caused by her near-hyperventilation) and managed to cast <em>summon monster</em>. The halfling wizard called for a celestial dog, which blinked into existence near one of the zombies. The dog attempted to bite its master's foe, but was unable to get in under the zombie's flailing limbs.</p><p></p><p>Jouko whipped his spiked chain at a zombie's legs, tripping the monster. He immediately sent his chain flying again, making solid contact. But he could see that his piercing chain just sloughed through the zombie's soaked, rotting flesh. Jouko's chain just doesn't seem to be inflicting the amount of damage it should.</p><p></p><p>Rubbumba ducked and tumbled around one of the zombies, using a pillar for leverage and momentum as he swung around with his sword for a rapid attack. The thief's little sword pierced the monster's soggy, rotting flesh, with seemingly no effect.</p><p></p><p>The prone zombie attempted to stagger to its feet, drawing successful attacks from Jouko, Gauruloc, and Rubb. Gauruloc's weapon seemed to be the most effective, but the zombie refused to fall. "Slashing weapons," the cleric grunted to his companions. "Zombies are vulnerable only to slashing weapons...." Another zombie bit into Gauruloc's shoulder as he imparted their deadly secret.</p><p></p><p>Frustrated, Jouko yelled out to the half-orc. "I'll keep 'em on the deck, ye cut em up." Heeding Gauruloc's advice, Zhan threw her little hand-axe at a zombie. Miraculously (considering she hurled the weapon with one hand over her eyes, peering through her fingers), the blade buried itself in a zombie's forehead. The monster fell to its knees, then slumped face-first onto the stones, driving the axe deeper and splitting its skull. The zombie twitched for a moment, then ceased moving entirely. Zhandlegarrii cried out triumphantly. "I did it? I did it!!!"</p><p></p><p>Jouko whirled around and lashed at a zombie's legs with his chain, sending the clumsy monster prone. Gauruloc wasted no time, bringing his sword down and hacking one of the zombie's arms off at the elbow. Rubbumba, still stunned by Zhan's success, launched himself at the remaining zombie. He ran up behind Guaruloc, vaulted off of his back, and came down upon his foe with a hard, slashing blow. Howling, the zombie attempted to rise and grapple the halfling. Gauruloc's mighty blade flashed again, beheading the monster and ending the threat.</p><p></p><p>Zhandlegarrii wrinkled her nose and pointed to her little axe. "Can someone fetch that for me? It's kinda stuck ... and really gross." Rubbumba yanked the axe out of the zombie's skull and handed it, dripping oozing blade side out, to his sweet wife.</p><p></p><p>Jouko pulled his flask from his vest pocket, took a long swig and offered it to Zhandle. "All right, mates -- who's up fer a swim?"</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc frowned. "I'm afraid that my armor and my unfamiliarity with water would not be a good combination."</p><p></p><p>Zhandlegarrii chimed in. "I still only dog paddle."</p><p></p><p>"Fine bunch o' land lubbers ye be," growled the pirate.</p><p></p><p>Rubbumba sighed. "Unless you want to go see what's behind door number..." --the halfling counted on his stubby fingers -- "eleven, I don't see as you have a choice, orc."</p><p></p><p>"That would be my preference, yes, snackling. I'd rather face the dead and have a fighting chance than entrust our fate to the murky depths."</p><p></p><p>Rubbumba set his jaw and spoke forcefully through gritted teeth. "Our elven friend's life hangs in the balance. Unpleasant as it may be for tender halfling women and orcs, I think a swim at this point would be our most prudent option."</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc finally shrugged his shoulders and fell in behind the halfling. The group grimly made their way to the churning waters of the sea cave. Fueled by what must be powerful submerged currents, the water lapped and splashed against the walls of the twisting natural cavern. A sandy slope descended from the door down to the edge of the subterranean tide. Dozens of purple and red sea urchins glistened in shallow divots along the ground and lower walls here, their spines glittering with water.</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc began removing his armor. "I will not be pulled down to drown like some clubbed fish."</p><p></p><p>Jouko waded out into the water first, with Rubb close behind. Gauruloc and Zhandle followed reluctantly. Jouko looked back and splashed Zhandle playfully. "See lass, it's not that baaaaa...." The surging current pulled Jouko prone. Zhandle began to laugh, until she too was knocked flat. Pirate and wizard alike landed painfully in a patch of sea urchins. Jouko became nauseous almost immediately, retching a green cloud into the churning water. Aside from the painful prick of the urchin barbs in her backside, Zhandle felt no other negative effect.</p><p></p><p>"Mind the urchins, lads, they packs a punch," Jouko mumbled weakly. "Pardon me while I feed the fish again...." In addition to his nausea, the pirate felt as if his strength had been sapped. Using the flat of his dagger, Rubbumba carefully flicked a couple urchins into his backpack for later study.</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc grunted. "I'm afraid I don't know how to help you recover from -- pointed sea fungus, human."</p><p></p><p>"Bah! I be fine. Let's swim." Jouko managed to keep his footing, reaching deeper water where he could swim with no risk of slipping. Gauruloc and Rubb cautiously paddled out after the pirate.</p><p></p><p>Zhandle bravely tried to follow, but once again was knocked flat by surging waters. She screamed as poisonous urchin barbs pierced her backside. "Argh! My rump feels like a pin cushion!" Suddenly she felt nausea swell up inside her. Her little cheeks ballooned outwards and then sent a grotesque fountain of spray high into the air. Gauruloc groaned and swam back to assist the halflings.</p><p></p><p>Jouko muttered something about useless lubbers and swam ahead. Even with his glowstick, the water-filled smuggler caves were dark and eerie. After a while he called back. "Wee ones! Where ye be?"</p><p></p><p>"We're barely wet yet," yelled a frustrated Rubbumba. "My Sweat Pea fell on another urchin and is summarily filling the cavern with cheesy vomit."</p><p></p><p>Zhandlegarrii sobbed softly. "Rubb, are we going to die down here?"</p><p></p><p>"Yes, dear. I think that's very likely, at this rate."</p><p></p><p>Jouko shook his head. "Stay where ye be, ye'll do less harm that way. I'll find the way out fer all of us. We can discuss payment later." Jouko swam on, eventually coming to a door. Jouko pulled the door open slowly, not knowing whether to expect monstrous crabs, pirate zombies, or perhaps a giant urchin. The smell in the chamber was horrific, a cloying stink of rotten meat rising from a bloated, seeping body slumped in the middle of the floor. The corpse's dark, almost black flesh bulged against its armor, ready to burst at the slightest touch. An intricate tattoo of a dragon clutching a flower was barely visible on his shoulder against the diseased flesh, and clutched in one hand was a crumpled scroll.</p><p></p><p>Jouko scratched his scraggly chin, and cautiously kicked one of the corpse's feet. Nothing happened. He stooped and gingerly took the scroll from the corpse's dead hand. It was a hastily scribbled note identify the body as the corpse of the smuggler Penkus and condemning Vanthus Vanderboren. Jouko searched the body, mindful not to touch the flesh. He reckoned that Penkus' suit of masterwork leather armor was still serviceable, though it would need to be cleaned mightily before it could be used. He also found a gold ring upon one bloated finger, and a masterwork dagger hidden in one of Penkus' boots. Jouko pocketed the dagger and ring and carefully stripped off the armor, stowing it in his duffle with wrinkled nose. "That stench," he mused ruefully, "isn't gonna come out."</p><p></p><p>************************************************************************************</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, Rubb called out to Jouko, his little voice eerily echoing off stone and water. There was no reply. "That's it. The hatch is our only way to get out of here, whether the scoundrel makes it or not. It can't hurt to go give it a try."</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc nodded slowly. "You'd have a hard time opening that door, snackling, even if we hadn't heard the bastard Vanthus sealing it from above. But I may as well try my shoulder at it. We can check on the elf while we're at it. Not that he's been of any use."</p><p></p><p>"Rubb, all of this swimming -- or not swimming, I suppose -- is making me hungry. Do we have any food left? Please tell me we're not going to starve down here."</p><p></p><p>"Darling, there's a whole cavern of crushed crab behind us. I imagine they can be prepared to be rather tasty. We'll stop there and have a bite before we rejoin Verys and have a try at that hatch."</p><p></p><p>************************************************************************************</p><p></p><p>Having finished the grim task of looting Penkus, and finding no way out of the caverns, Jouko waded back into the drink for the swim back to his companions. On the swim back, however, he felt a current tugging at him. He dove under to investigate, swimming to the bottom and following the current. There he found the entrance to a tunnel, roughly five feet in radius. Jouko surfaced, drew a deep breath and dove back down and into the tunnel.</p><p></p><p>Jouko followed the twisting, claustrophobic tunnel for a long way. Just when he thought his lungs would burst, the tunnel emerged from the seabed into open ocean water. A strong kick propelled him up to the surface and he drank in night air! He was in the harbor between Parrot Island and the gate that separated Shadowshore from Cudgel District.</p><p></p><p>Jouko swam to shore on Parrot Island, dragging himself up onto a sandy beach. He followed the beach until he found the trail leading back to the clearing with the hatch -- the site of Vanthus Vanderboren's ambush. There was no sign of Vanthus in the clearing, other than some boulders rolled over the top of the hatch. Jouko dropped his pack and went about clearing the hatch. The boulders rolled away easily enough, but it probably would have been impossible to budge the hatch from below.</p><p></p><p>Jouko opened the hatch and stuck his head down into the shaft. "Yar, ye land lubbers!" He was greeted by an odd sound below, muffled, and vaguely -- squinchy? That was followed by a crunch and a dreadful moan. "That be you, elf? Ye don't sound well." Jouko dropped his sunrod down the shaft. In the glow, he saw a face emerge below -- a rotting, horrifying face, its fanged maw open to reveal row upon row of jagged teeth. It was a ravenous zombie pirate, and it looked to be feasting upon the elf -- or what was left of him, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Jouko lifted one of the boulders back to the lip of the shaft and balanced it as he looked down at the horrific scene again. He waited until he could see the zombie's entire body below, and then released the boulder. The rock crashed down loudly. Jouko could see the zombie's limbs protruding from beneath the boulder, and heard a muffled "Yaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."</p><p></p><p>************************************************************************************</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc paused between bites of crab leg. "Did you snacklings hear something just then? A crash?"</p><p></p><p>Zhandle wiped crab juices from her mouth with the back of her hand. "Nnnyoph, I dninnit ear nuffin."</p><p></p><p>Rubbumba shook a crab leg at Gauruloc. "You know, if that pirate's not dead, I'm going to give him what for when he returns. Us, having to do all this hard work, living off the land, while he's off gallivanting about and having fun. I imagine he swam back to town and is probably out carousing as we speak."</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc shook his head in disgust. "Enough, snacklings! You are plump enough already. These crabs are as big as you, don't try to eat them all! Let's go check on the elf. I'll try the blasted trap door, though no good it will do."</p><p></p><p>Zhandlegarrii pouted. "This may be our last meal -- EVER!"</p><p></p><p>Rubbumba grinned. "Yeah, relax. We might as well make the best out of a bad situation. The elf's no doubt sleeping off his injury, and the pirate's probably off drinking and wenching."</p><p></p><p>************************************************************************************</p><p></p><p>Jouko lifted a soggy boot high and stomped the zombie's head until it ceased moving. Nearby, the elf's partially eaten intestines were strewn on the floor. Verys' face had been chewed away until it was barely recognizable. Jouko sighed and went about searching through the elf's belongings.</p><p></p><p>************************************************************************************</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc had finally had enough. "By Sharp-Ears," he roared, "you snacklings are the most useless creations I've ever encountered. Eat and whine, is that all your puny gods meant you to do?"</p><p></p><p>Rubbumba threw up his hands. "Oh fine. Let's go check on the elf. I'll bring him a crab leg. No more than one, though. I'd hate to see him split his tight britches."</p><p></p><p>The half-orc and halflings left their crustacean feast behind and tromped back towards the entrance. To their dismay, they found that the door they had left secured was battered down.</p><p></p><p>"Oh dear," said Zhandlegarrii. "You don't think...."</p><p></p><p>Inside the door lay an unmoving zombie, a veritable pin cushion. There must have been twenty arrows sticking out of it. Rubbumba kicked at the zombie admiringly. "Skinnypants must have been really hungry to do this!"</p><p></p><p>Gauruloc grimly surveyed the scene. From what he could tell, it looked as if two zombies had burst in. Verys managed to fell one with his swift bow. The other, however, likely shielded behind its companion, managed to reach the elf. There was a heavy splash of blood on the wall, too fresh and vital to have come from a zombie. The elf retreated. Here now was an empty flask -- the elf must have quaffed one of his healing potions. There were signs of a valiant battle, steel against death itself. The half-orc turned the corner and saw Jouko perched over Very's grisly remains, and the second zombie crushed beneath a boulder.</p><p></p><p>Rubb and Zhandle rounded the corner right behind Gauruloc. Zhandle immediately began to gag, her crabby meal trying to return the way it had come.</p><p></p><p>"Ahoy, mateys," called Jouko. Rubbumba rushed forward and reverently laid Verys' crab leg upon his chest. Or at least, in the vicinity of the elf's ravaged chest cavity. Gauruloc delivered a brief consecration over the elf's remains. He would have taken him above ground to bury him properly in the fashion of Corellon, but there were so many bits and pieces, and it was difficult to distinguish where elf ended and zombie began in the bloody mess.</p><p></p><p>Minutes later, the remaining companions emerged at last from beneath Parrot Island, their packs stuffed with Verys' things, and breathed deeply of the fresh night air. Zhandlegarrii threw herself down in the grass and hugged the land. The relief she felt was beyond description -- especially as she heard a plaintive, hungry groan emanate from somewhere below. Her need to get far away from here overrode Zhandle's instinctive mistrust of boats, and the little crew had soon boarded the dinghy Jouko "borrowed" for their expedition to Parrot Island.</p><p></p><p>Out in the open water, Jouko stopped rowing for a moment and plucked a scroll from his breast pocket. Rubbumba stared at the approaching shoreline, thinking dark thoughts. Jouko tossed the scroll to the halfling. "What ye make o' this, wee lad?"</p><p></p><p>Rubbumba read the scroll silently, passing it to Zhandle when he finished. Remembering Thoersten Coppersmiter's description of half-orcs as being confused and "real stupid," Zhandle assumed that Gauruloc was illiterate. As a show of friendship, she read the scroll aloud for his benefit. She even put on her best pirate-smuggler voice.</p><p></p><p>"These bones once be Penkus, so if ye read this, I be dead, laid low by the sick put on me by that foul dead thing. Yet even as me flesh wracks, know t'was not the dead that brought my doom, but one I 'til recently called friend! Vanthus Vanderboren! Your name fills me with bile! Spineless, treacherous cur! You left us here to die! You left ME here to die, after all what I done t'get ye into th' Lotus! Yer designs on the Lady of the Lotus be clear now, and with meself out th' way ... ye doubtless move even now into power, slithering amid my vacancy like a hermit crab in a shell, or a cadaver worm to still warm flesh. CURSE UPON YE! To th' one what reads this. If ye have any honor or vengeance in yer soul, know that Vanthus must die. He dwells in the lap o' th' Lotus, below th' Taxidermist's Hall. Seek him there, but 'fore he dies he must ken it were Penkus what undid him and guides yer killing blow. And if, by some cruel spite of fate, it be ye what read this, Vanthus, know with certainty I wait for ye in Hell, where I intend t' rival the pit itself in yer torment!"</p><p></p><p>Zhandle chuckled nervously. "Anyone else detect some anger management issues?"</p><p></p><p>Rubbumba spoke grimly. "I think, after a quick stopover to clean up, get some proper rest, and recover, we need to head to the Taxidermist's Hall and pay Vanthus what's coming to him. After what we just went through, I can't wait to gut him like the pig he is." Rubb sat silently for the rest of the short trip, momentarily shocked by the harshness of his own words. He recalled a forbidden tome that he had hidden away, and wondered if he could use its secrets to inflict terrible retribution upon their foe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jodo Kast, post: 3633473, member: 4810"] [b]Peril! Under Parrot Island ... Part II[/b] Dreadful moans and the sounds of gnashing teeth echoed throughout the tunnels, making it difficult to estimate how many zombies remained, or even from what direction they were approaching. Zhandle tugged on Rubb's sleeve. "Do you think Verys will be all right alone?" The elf's wound had been worse than any of them realized. Despite Gauruloc's best efforts, Verys' neck would not fully heal. He was feverish, and turning a very unhealthy shade of gray. Worse, his will seemed to have been sapped completely. The elf showed no interest in going any further. It was as if the fight with the zombies had broken his will. "We shut him in pretty tight. He's probably safer than we are, roaming around these tunnels with those things," sighed Rubb as a particularly gruesome moan rose above the others. Rubb patted Zhandle's hand reassuringly, then scurried up to join Jouko. Whispering so that Zhandle would not hear, he shared his concern with the pirate. "I'm not sure Tightbritches is going to make it. Should we finish our exploration, or just work on finding a way out of here?" "I ain't sees no booty. That swim ain't going to hurt yer lass none. I think it's high time we make fer the surface." Meanwhile, Gauruloc called out to his god, Corellon, while holding three stones in his open palm. "Fill these stones with the power to fell the profane dead, Sharp Ears!" The half-orc kept one of the [I]magic stones[/I], and gave the others to Rubb and Zhandle. "Take these, snacklings. If we encounter any more dead ones, fling them with all your might." Rubb took the stone Gauruloc offered and turned back to Jouko. He nodded grimly, then moved down the hallway as swiftly and silently as he could. "Let us make our escape. The sooner we get this over with, the better for Verys." And for Zhandlegarrii, the halfling thought. Rubb came to the entrance of the chamber where the party had encountered monstrous crabs. A horrible moaning emanated from within. Jouko pushed past the halfling, rushing inside to face this new foe. Zhandle quickly cast [I]mage armor[/I] on Rubb, hoping to protect him from the ravenous teeth and ripping nails of the pirate zombies. Upon entering the chamber, Jouko immediately spotted two zombies. He lashed out with his chain, flaying rotting flesh away from a creature's torso. Although the chain injured the zombie, it was not nearly as effective as it would have been against a living foe. Gauruloc flung his [I]magic stone[/I] at a zombie, but his aim was errant and the stone clattered harmlessly into the pool. Rubbumba, emboldened by his wife's protective spell, rushed into the room belting out a fierce battle-cry and hurled Gauruloc's glowing pebble at the nearest zombie. The halfling's aim was no better than the half-orc's, and the stone bounced harmlessly off a pillar behind the mindless monster. The first of the ravenous pirate zombies attempted to bite Jouko. The pirate narrowly evaded the monster's gaping jaws, filled with row after row of ravenous teeth. The next zombie charged at Gauruloc and attempted to bite him, but the half-orc managed to get his shield up in time to slam the zombie's jaw shut. In muffled hysterics and dramatic whines, Zhandle wiped the fog away from her glasses (caused by her near-hyperventilation) and managed to cast [I]summon monster[/I]. The halfling wizard called for a celestial dog, which blinked into existence near one of the zombies. The dog attempted to bite its master's foe, but was unable to get in under the zombie's flailing limbs. Jouko whipped his spiked chain at a zombie's legs, tripping the monster. He immediately sent his chain flying again, making solid contact. But he could see that his piercing chain just sloughed through the zombie's soaked, rotting flesh. Jouko's chain just doesn't seem to be inflicting the amount of damage it should. Rubbumba ducked and tumbled around one of the zombies, using a pillar for leverage and momentum as he swung around with his sword for a rapid attack. The thief's little sword pierced the monster's soggy, rotting flesh, with seemingly no effect. The prone zombie attempted to stagger to its feet, drawing successful attacks from Jouko, Gauruloc, and Rubb. Gauruloc's weapon seemed to be the most effective, but the zombie refused to fall. "Slashing weapons," the cleric grunted to his companions. "Zombies are vulnerable only to slashing weapons...." Another zombie bit into Gauruloc's shoulder as he imparted their deadly secret. Frustrated, Jouko yelled out to the half-orc. "I'll keep 'em on the deck, ye cut em up." Heeding Gauruloc's advice, Zhan threw her little hand-axe at a zombie. Miraculously (considering she hurled the weapon with one hand over her eyes, peering through her fingers), the blade buried itself in a zombie's forehead. The monster fell to its knees, then slumped face-first onto the stones, driving the axe deeper and splitting its skull. The zombie twitched for a moment, then ceased moving entirely. Zhandlegarrii cried out triumphantly. "I did it? I did it!!!" Jouko whirled around and lashed at a zombie's legs with his chain, sending the clumsy monster prone. Gauruloc wasted no time, bringing his sword down and hacking one of the zombie's arms off at the elbow. Rubbumba, still stunned by Zhan's success, launched himself at the remaining zombie. He ran up behind Guaruloc, vaulted off of his back, and came down upon his foe with a hard, slashing blow. Howling, the zombie attempted to rise and grapple the halfling. Gauruloc's mighty blade flashed again, beheading the monster and ending the threat. Zhandlegarrii wrinkled her nose and pointed to her little axe. "Can someone fetch that for me? It's kinda stuck ... and really gross." Rubbumba yanked the axe out of the zombie's skull and handed it, dripping oozing blade side out, to his sweet wife. Jouko pulled his flask from his vest pocket, took a long swig and offered it to Zhandle. "All right, mates -- who's up fer a swim?" Gauruloc frowned. "I'm afraid that my armor and my unfamiliarity with water would not be a good combination." Zhandlegarrii chimed in. "I still only dog paddle." "Fine bunch o' land lubbers ye be," growled the pirate. Rubbumba sighed. "Unless you want to go see what's behind door number..." --the halfling counted on his stubby fingers -- "eleven, I don't see as you have a choice, orc." "That would be my preference, yes, snackling. I'd rather face the dead and have a fighting chance than entrust our fate to the murky depths." Rubbumba set his jaw and spoke forcefully through gritted teeth. "Our elven friend's life hangs in the balance. Unpleasant as it may be for tender halfling women and orcs, I think a swim at this point would be our most prudent option." Gauruloc finally shrugged his shoulders and fell in behind the halfling. The group grimly made their way to the churning waters of the sea cave. Fueled by what must be powerful submerged currents, the water lapped and splashed against the walls of the twisting natural cavern. A sandy slope descended from the door down to the edge of the subterranean tide. Dozens of purple and red sea urchins glistened in shallow divots along the ground and lower walls here, their spines glittering with water. Gauruloc began removing his armor. "I will not be pulled down to drown like some clubbed fish." Jouko waded out into the water first, with Rubb close behind. Gauruloc and Zhandle followed reluctantly. Jouko looked back and splashed Zhandle playfully. "See lass, it's not that baaaaa...." The surging current pulled Jouko prone. Zhandle began to laugh, until she too was knocked flat. Pirate and wizard alike landed painfully in a patch of sea urchins. Jouko became nauseous almost immediately, retching a green cloud into the churning water. Aside from the painful prick of the urchin barbs in her backside, Zhandle felt no other negative effect. "Mind the urchins, lads, they packs a punch," Jouko mumbled weakly. "Pardon me while I feed the fish again...." In addition to his nausea, the pirate felt as if his strength had been sapped. Using the flat of his dagger, Rubbumba carefully flicked a couple urchins into his backpack for later study. Gauruloc grunted. "I'm afraid I don't know how to help you recover from -- pointed sea fungus, human." "Bah! I be fine. Let's swim." Jouko managed to keep his footing, reaching deeper water where he could swim with no risk of slipping. Gauruloc and Rubb cautiously paddled out after the pirate. Zhandle bravely tried to follow, but once again was knocked flat by surging waters. She screamed as poisonous urchin barbs pierced her backside. "Argh! My rump feels like a pin cushion!" Suddenly she felt nausea swell up inside her. Her little cheeks ballooned outwards and then sent a grotesque fountain of spray high into the air. Gauruloc groaned and swam back to assist the halflings. Jouko muttered something about useless lubbers and swam ahead. Even with his glowstick, the water-filled smuggler caves were dark and eerie. After a while he called back. "Wee ones! Where ye be?" "We're barely wet yet," yelled a frustrated Rubbumba. "My Sweat Pea fell on another urchin and is summarily filling the cavern with cheesy vomit." Zhandlegarrii sobbed softly. "Rubb, are we going to die down here?" "Yes, dear. I think that's very likely, at this rate." Jouko shook his head. "Stay where ye be, ye'll do less harm that way. I'll find the way out fer all of us. We can discuss payment later." Jouko swam on, eventually coming to a door. Jouko pulled the door open slowly, not knowing whether to expect monstrous crabs, pirate zombies, or perhaps a giant urchin. The smell in the chamber was horrific, a cloying stink of rotten meat rising from a bloated, seeping body slumped in the middle of the floor. The corpse's dark, almost black flesh bulged against its armor, ready to burst at the slightest touch. An intricate tattoo of a dragon clutching a flower was barely visible on his shoulder against the diseased flesh, and clutched in one hand was a crumpled scroll. Jouko scratched his scraggly chin, and cautiously kicked one of the corpse's feet. Nothing happened. He stooped and gingerly took the scroll from the corpse's dead hand. It was a hastily scribbled note identify the body as the corpse of the smuggler Penkus and condemning Vanthus Vanderboren. Jouko searched the body, mindful not to touch the flesh. He reckoned that Penkus' suit of masterwork leather armor was still serviceable, though it would need to be cleaned mightily before it could be used. He also found a gold ring upon one bloated finger, and a masterwork dagger hidden in one of Penkus' boots. Jouko pocketed the dagger and ring and carefully stripped off the armor, stowing it in his duffle with wrinkled nose. "That stench," he mused ruefully, "isn't gonna come out." ************************************************************************************ Meanwhile, Rubb called out to Jouko, his little voice eerily echoing off stone and water. There was no reply. "That's it. The hatch is our only way to get out of here, whether the scoundrel makes it or not. It can't hurt to go give it a try." Gauruloc nodded slowly. "You'd have a hard time opening that door, snackling, even if we hadn't heard the bastard Vanthus sealing it from above. But I may as well try my shoulder at it. We can check on the elf while we're at it. Not that he's been of any use." "Rubb, all of this swimming -- or not swimming, I suppose -- is making me hungry. Do we have any food left? Please tell me we're not going to starve down here." "Darling, there's a whole cavern of crushed crab behind us. I imagine they can be prepared to be rather tasty. We'll stop there and have a bite before we rejoin Verys and have a try at that hatch." ************************************************************************************ Having finished the grim task of looting Penkus, and finding no way out of the caverns, Jouko waded back into the drink for the swim back to his companions. On the swim back, however, he felt a current tugging at him. He dove under to investigate, swimming to the bottom and following the current. There he found the entrance to a tunnel, roughly five feet in radius. Jouko surfaced, drew a deep breath and dove back down and into the tunnel. Jouko followed the twisting, claustrophobic tunnel for a long way. Just when he thought his lungs would burst, the tunnel emerged from the seabed into open ocean water. A strong kick propelled him up to the surface and he drank in night air! He was in the harbor between Parrot Island and the gate that separated Shadowshore from Cudgel District. Jouko swam to shore on Parrot Island, dragging himself up onto a sandy beach. He followed the beach until he found the trail leading back to the clearing with the hatch -- the site of Vanthus Vanderboren's ambush. There was no sign of Vanthus in the clearing, other than some boulders rolled over the top of the hatch. Jouko dropped his pack and went about clearing the hatch. The boulders rolled away easily enough, but it probably would have been impossible to budge the hatch from below. Jouko opened the hatch and stuck his head down into the shaft. "Yar, ye land lubbers!" He was greeted by an odd sound below, muffled, and vaguely -- squinchy? That was followed by a crunch and a dreadful moan. "That be you, elf? Ye don't sound well." Jouko dropped his sunrod down the shaft. In the glow, he saw a face emerge below -- a rotting, horrifying face, its fanged maw open to reveal row upon row of jagged teeth. It was a ravenous zombie pirate, and it looked to be feasting upon the elf -- or what was left of him, anyway. Jouko lifted one of the boulders back to the lip of the shaft and balanced it as he looked down at the horrific scene again. He waited until he could see the zombie's entire body below, and then released the boulder. The rock crashed down loudly. Jouko could see the zombie's limbs protruding from beneath the boulder, and heard a muffled "Yaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." ************************************************************************************ Gauruloc paused between bites of crab leg. "Did you snacklings hear something just then? A crash?" Zhandle wiped crab juices from her mouth with the back of her hand. "Nnnyoph, I dninnit ear nuffin." Rubbumba shook a crab leg at Gauruloc. "You know, if that pirate's not dead, I'm going to give him what for when he returns. Us, having to do all this hard work, living off the land, while he's off gallivanting about and having fun. I imagine he swam back to town and is probably out carousing as we speak." Gauruloc shook his head in disgust. "Enough, snacklings! You are plump enough already. These crabs are as big as you, don't try to eat them all! Let's go check on the elf. I'll try the blasted trap door, though no good it will do." Zhandlegarrii pouted. "This may be our last meal -- EVER!" Rubbumba grinned. "Yeah, relax. We might as well make the best out of a bad situation. The elf's no doubt sleeping off his injury, and the pirate's probably off drinking and wenching." ************************************************************************************ Jouko lifted a soggy boot high and stomped the zombie's head until it ceased moving. Nearby, the elf's partially eaten intestines were strewn on the floor. Verys' face had been chewed away until it was barely recognizable. Jouko sighed and went about searching through the elf's belongings. ************************************************************************************ Gauruloc had finally had enough. "By Sharp-Ears," he roared, "you snacklings are the most useless creations I've ever encountered. Eat and whine, is that all your puny gods meant you to do?" Rubbumba threw up his hands. "Oh fine. Let's go check on the elf. I'll bring him a crab leg. No more than one, though. I'd hate to see him split his tight britches." The half-orc and halflings left their crustacean feast behind and tromped back towards the entrance. To their dismay, they found that the door they had left secured was battered down. "Oh dear," said Zhandlegarrii. "You don't think...." Inside the door lay an unmoving zombie, a veritable pin cushion. There must have been twenty arrows sticking out of it. Rubbumba kicked at the zombie admiringly. "Skinnypants must have been really hungry to do this!" Gauruloc grimly surveyed the scene. From what he could tell, it looked as if two zombies had burst in. Verys managed to fell one with his swift bow. The other, however, likely shielded behind its companion, managed to reach the elf. There was a heavy splash of blood on the wall, too fresh and vital to have come from a zombie. The elf retreated. Here now was an empty flask -- the elf must have quaffed one of his healing potions. There were signs of a valiant battle, steel against death itself. The half-orc turned the corner and saw Jouko perched over Very's grisly remains, and the second zombie crushed beneath a boulder. Rubb and Zhandle rounded the corner right behind Gauruloc. Zhandle immediately began to gag, her crabby meal trying to return the way it had come. "Ahoy, mateys," called Jouko. Rubbumba rushed forward and reverently laid Verys' crab leg upon his chest. Or at least, in the vicinity of the elf's ravaged chest cavity. Gauruloc delivered a brief consecration over the elf's remains. He would have taken him above ground to bury him properly in the fashion of Corellon, but there were so many bits and pieces, and it was difficult to distinguish where elf ended and zombie began in the bloody mess. Minutes later, the remaining companions emerged at last from beneath Parrot Island, their packs stuffed with Verys' things, and breathed deeply of the fresh night air. Zhandlegarrii threw herself down in the grass and hugged the land. The relief she felt was beyond description -- especially as she heard a plaintive, hungry groan emanate from somewhere below. Her need to get far away from here overrode Zhandle's instinctive mistrust of boats, and the little crew had soon boarded the dinghy Jouko "borrowed" for their expedition to Parrot Island. Out in the open water, Jouko stopped rowing for a moment and plucked a scroll from his breast pocket. Rubbumba stared at the approaching shoreline, thinking dark thoughts. Jouko tossed the scroll to the halfling. "What ye make o' this, wee lad?" Rubbumba read the scroll silently, passing it to Zhandle when he finished. Remembering Thoersten Coppersmiter's description of half-orcs as being confused and "real stupid," Zhandle assumed that Gauruloc was illiterate. As a show of friendship, she read the scroll aloud for his benefit. She even put on her best pirate-smuggler voice. "These bones once be Penkus, so if ye read this, I be dead, laid low by the sick put on me by that foul dead thing. Yet even as me flesh wracks, know t'was not the dead that brought my doom, but one I 'til recently called friend! Vanthus Vanderboren! Your name fills me with bile! Spineless, treacherous cur! You left us here to die! You left ME here to die, after all what I done t'get ye into th' Lotus! Yer designs on the Lady of the Lotus be clear now, and with meself out th' way ... ye doubtless move even now into power, slithering amid my vacancy like a hermit crab in a shell, or a cadaver worm to still warm flesh. CURSE UPON YE! To th' one what reads this. If ye have any honor or vengeance in yer soul, know that Vanthus must die. He dwells in the lap o' th' Lotus, below th' Taxidermist's Hall. Seek him there, but 'fore he dies he must ken it were Penkus what undid him and guides yer killing blow. And if, by some cruel spite of fate, it be ye what read this, Vanthus, know with certainty I wait for ye in Hell, where I intend t' rival the pit itself in yer torment!" Zhandle chuckled nervously. "Anyone else detect some anger management issues?" Rubbumba spoke grimly. "I think, after a quick stopover to clean up, get some proper rest, and recover, we need to head to the Taxidermist's Hall and pay Vanthus what's coming to him. After what we just went through, I can't wait to gut him like the pig he is." Rubb sat silently for the rest of the short trip, momentarily shocked by the harshness of his own words. He recalled a forbidden tome that he had hidden away, and wondered if he could use its secrets to inflict terrible retribution upon their foe. [/QUOTE]
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Jodo Kast's Savage Tidings (Updated July 9, 2007)
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