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<blockquote data-quote="Talindra" data-source="post: 104937" data-attributes="member: 155"><p>Aliya’s Journal </p><p>30th day of Deepwinter, 1373 DR </p><p></p><p>I must admit that I enjoyed the journey to Amn. I have never been there, and I always envied Vallia her freedom to go where she chose. I want to see as much of Faerun as I can, before I am forced to settle down. As time has passed, I find myself thinking of Kalanthor less and less. I have also enjoyed the time that I have gotten to spend with my Karanaj, my husband. We were married so quickly, that we hardly knew each other at all. I have enjoyed learning his little quirks, and I can only hope he has enjoyed learning mine as well. He is genuinely a good person, and he loves all those around him, even Misha. I aspire to be so understanding.....</p><p></p><p>There is an organization, called the Shadow Thieves, located in Athkatla, and they are our only lead on the sword. It would appear that Misha is familiar with these thieves, but I am not surprised by this. It would seem to me that wherever he lived, if there was a seedier side of the town, he would be intimately familiar with it. Perhaps I do not give him enough credit, but I find it hard to be generous when I see the pain he has brought Vallia. They have barely spoken the entire journey, and Vallia has withdrawn from everyone. I wish I could help her, but I just don’t know how. Neither does Kara, and I can see how sad that makes him.</p><p></p><p>We entered the city quietly, trying not to draw too much attention. Gruush quickly left us, to visit the ruins of his monastery; I did not consider it wise for us to split up, but as Vallia did not forbid him to go, I said nothing. Winter has hit Amn, and the temperature fell quickly as night began to fall. As always, my Karanaj noticed first that Vallia shivered violently, and was quick to wrap her in an extra cloak. Every day, as I watch the way he interacts with the world and the people around him, I fall in love with him all over again.</p><p></p><p>We moved quickly to an inn with which the others were familiar, called the Silent Siren. We all blundered inside, too secure in our safety to send someone to scout, first. The common room was packed, and huge, rough-looking men were laughing and talking loudly. My senses immediately prickled, and I looked around quickly, aware that something was not right. A glance at Vallia told me she felt the same, but as she did not turn to leave, I chose to stay as well. The others did not appear to notice anything out of the ordinary. Nym arranged for rooms as Misha bought a round for everyone, trying in his own way to make friends. One of the biggest men I had ever seen decided at this moment to take possession of Vallia, and stepped forward, naming himself Adka when challenged. Vallia did nothing, which I thought was odd. She always was quick to anger. Perhaps she has grown more than I had realized over the course of our time apart. I must take care to remember that we are not children any longer, and she does not need me as she once did.</p><p></p><p>I waited to see what Vallia would do, aware that it was likely the other men in the room would take Adka’s side against us. Vallia seemed content to weather his affection, but Misha thought otherwise. Nym and my Kara moved to flank him, but I put a restraining hand on my husband’s arm, shaking my head slightly. Vallia is one of the most diplomatic people I know, and if anyone could get us out of this without bloodshed, it would be her.</p><p></p><p>I almost laughed at Misha’s pathetic attempt to intimidate the huge man, and was interested when he named himself "Burning Rose." That is clearly something I will have to ask Karanaj about later. The men laughed and claimed Burning Rose was dead, and I began to understand a bit more. I would assume that Misha was once a part of this underworld, and that is the name he used. Of course, this knowledge did not raise my estimation of him in the slightest.</p><p></p><p>As the argument intensified, Vallia looked alarmed, and I could tell by the look of concentration on her face that she was communicating with Misha, and that apparently he was about to do something rash yet again. My fears were well founded as Misha moved forward, and suddenly we were surrounded on all sides by men who were no longer smiling. I sighed, resenting the fact that his quick temper would force me to kill men I need not have to kill. And, I knew that no matter what magic I had at my disposal, it would not be enough to kill them all. I braced myself, ready to cast, as Misha drew his sword.</p><p></p><p>A commanding voice sounded from the crowd, sarcastically taunting Misha, and I would have laughed had the situation not been so serious. Misha turned, and I could tell that they knew each other. They spoke briefly, and Misha lowered his sword and nodded to the others to do the same. The man gestured, and my skin prickled as I heard the sound of crossbow bolts clicking into place echoing around the room. "We have been waiting for you." </p><p></p><p>My first reaction to that was "This can’t be good." Misha and the others sheathed their blades, as the man gave us a choice: go with him or die. So we went. The men smiled as they pulled me from Karanaj, gripping my arms tightly. Adka was in front of me with Vallia, and she seemed unperturbed, so I went quietly as well. I was worried, however, that her calm was due to her belief in Misha, a belief I must admit I don’t share. Don’t get me wrong, in other circumstances, I would like Misha very much. We are too much alike for me to do otherwise. If he were not involved with my sister, that is. Men like him bring pain whether they intend to or not, and my heart breaks for Vallia.</p><p></p><p>We moved quickly through the streets, entering an old warehouse, where a secret entrance was quickly uncovered, and I found myself in a room with Vallia, and what appeared to be female slaves. They apparently thought we were merely new slaves, and kept trying to force us into these clothes that did not cover anything. Vallia lost her temper, and I smiled as she flashed her sword at the women, scattering them. They left us alone after that, glaring at us from the other side of the room.</p><p></p><p>A dozen men entered, accompanied by an elf. I did not like the look of him, even before he admitted to working for Thain. I was too busy assessing the situation to pay attention to much of the conversation, and as soon as he mentioned killing the others, I began to cast, as Vallia drew her sword, and flew at the elf in a fury. I began slinging magic missiles this way and that, as Vallia hacked about her. We took down five or six, but once several men caught my arms, there was nothing I could do. Vallia would not stop fighting however, and the men finally took to hitting at her with the hilts of the swords, since obviously they were under orders not to kill us. Still, she fought on, and there were only three standing when she finally went down, her face almost unrecognizable for the bruises.</p><p></p><p>The men took everything from me this time, including my ring, saying that they would keep it safe. Everything we had was placed in a sack, and one man took it as another lifted Vallia, and a third pushed me out of the room. We traveled through the streets of Athkatla, but I was quickly lost. I know that we were in the poor section of town....the way that other races treat each other disgusts me. I feel such pain whenever I see a child living on the streets, but I know in my heart I cannot save them all. We entered what appeared to be a tavern, and were taken upstairs. The men dropped the sack of our belongings, and tied us up, before holding my head and forcing some foul tasting concoction down my throat. As I lost consciousness, I saw them doing the same to Vallia.</p><p></p><p>I awoke before Vallia did and managed to make my way over to the sack, spilling it on the floor. I was able to get my ring on my finger and speak with Karanaj. I could hear the sounds of music and laughter, and I was pretty sure that a tavern was our location, though I knew that didn’t help much. However, apparently they had been able to track us, and soon Nym appeared out of nowhere, untying us, and picking up Vallia. Knowing we could not just leave this way, I cast an invisibility spell on the two of them, and let them exit, as I slipped down the stairs behind Karanaj. I saw Gruush sitting near the door, and Misha on the other side, with some woman on his lap. I watched in disgust as he kissed her, and only grew more and more angry.</p><p></p><p>Gruush erred in leaving, and barely made it out with his hide. Karanaj and I followed, to find Misha outside with this woman. We made our way quickly to a house the woman claimed was safe, and Nym laid Vallia on the bed, as I released my spell. She looked worse than I remembered her, and Misha moved quickly to heal her. Her first word was "Misha?" and I felt rage build inside me, knowing that all that had concerned her was his safety, it was why she was so grievously injured, for we were never in danger of losing our lives. She had fought for him, and as he kissed her just as he had kissed this Noriya, it was all I could do not to kill him then and there.</p><p></p><p>I heard her call my name, asking if I was alright, as Misha moved away, bidding me to care for her as he slipped outside with Noriya. My hands were shaking with anger, but I moved to my sister, though I saw from the look on her face she had seen as well. Karanaj seemed to realize that it would not be wise for me to speak, and tried to comfort Vallia, though she would not be comforted. She blames herself for driving him away, and I almost laughed bitterly at that. She was hurt that he had left her while she was injured, and even Kara could find no excuse for that. Nym quickly became uncomfortable, and I could see in his eyes that he had seen what I had. He excused himself, and left the room.</p><p></p><p>Karanaj, trying to distract Vallia, asked if she was hungry, and took the opportunity to use the Rod he had found, which provided us all with food, and even healed more of Vallia’s injuries. I had almost forgotten Gruush was in the room, when he took some food, and settled in a corner to meditate. I realized I was starving, and Vallia and Karanaj must have been as well, for soon all the food was gone. I gently helped Vallia remove her armor, and I used a damp cloth to bathe her face and hands, before brushing out her hair as I used to when we were children. </p><p></p><p>Misha returned, and Karanaj and I quickly said our goodnights and left. I could not keep my feelings from my face, and Misha glanced at me as I exited, saying "You glower all you like, but I love your sister... and I know that truly now." He closed the door behind us, and I heard him say "I do not like her." before Kara and I moved off to our own room. The feeling is mutual.</p><p></p><p>As I walked, Vallia was querying me about my anger. I did not want to upset her, so I told her it was nothing.</p><p></p><p>Vallia knows me all too well, though, and knew that I would not be angry without good reason. I felt her pain as the fool told her all about kissing that woman, even as he tried to kiss her. I could feel my lip curl in disgust, even as she cried to me that even his lips tasted different, like her....</p><p></p><p>She shrieked in my mind "Why won’t he leave me? I can’t bear to look at him." I stopped in the hallway, waiting, knowing that she would need us soon. I could almost hear her crying as she said "But I still love him......" I heard Misha exit, and told Karanaj all that had transpired. He is more compassionate than I am, and closer to Vallia as well. I sent him to her, knowing it to be the best thing. In my anger, I could not stay idle, and I moved after Misha, finally finding him standing in an empty lot, staring at the moon.</p><p></p><p>I watched him for a moment, then suddenly said. "I do not like you, you know."</p><p></p><p>Misha did not turn, saying "Someone alert the gods above.. an elf does not like me..."</p><p></p><p> "If I were you, I would stop trying to push people away." I replied.</p><p></p><p>I sensed a hint of sadness, of remorse, when he said softly "Pushing people away is what I do best."</p><p></p><p>"I can see that."' I said, but I don't think he heard me as he continued on.</p><p></p><p>"That is obvious now... Ellyn... Vandal... Vallia... Kara... you...it is wonder the gods have not turned their back upon me."</p><p></p><p>"I cannot disagree." I replied, not willing to let my anger go so easily. "You did not have to tell her. We all knew....we chose not to."</p><p></p><p>Stubbornly, he said "I don't live in lies. That is the path of cowardice...A true king recognizes his weakness, he does not run from it."</p><p></p><p>I felt very sad for both of them as I said "You might try to spare her pain. She loves you regardless, and she will forgive you this. So why put her through it at all."</p><p></p><p>"Spare..." Misha mumbled. He turned to look at me then "I do what I think is best. I live by truth..."</p><p></p><p>I frowned at him. "Sometimes, you are wrong. Truth is not always the answer."</p><p></p><p>"I know." he softly replied. "I will not live in a web of lies. Misha Koldun is not a coward."</p><p></p><p>"But he is a fool." I sharply answered.</p><p></p><p>"A fool for living an honest life?" he asked.</p><p></p><p>"Hurt her enough, and she will leave you, even if she never stops loving you." I promised him.</p><p></p><p>Misha looked off. "If she leaves then.. I will never love another..."</p><p></p><p>Angry that he didn't understand, I was harsher than I might have been, saying "It would be fitting for you, but I do not like that for her. She loves you, and if I could do something about that, I would, but I can't. But you should not have told her about Noriya. It is not a lie to not speak."</p><p></p><p>He glared at me as I spoke, and responded "To not speak is the greatest lie of all... I am the Corellon's Champion... I lead by example... if I make a mistake I will own up to it and atone...cowardice... and lies are not my way..."</p><p></p><p>"There is no atonement in love." I snarled</p><p></p><p>"Then I say you are the fool." he snapped back.</p><p></p><p>I turned to go as I said "Then I pity Vallia her lifetime of pain. You would do her far better service to leave now."</p><p></p><p>Misha turned me back to him. "Lifetime of pain? I made a mistake Aliya.. I do not deny it... and if she hates me for telling the truth... then so be it."</p><p></p><p>I nodded.. "Your presence is salt in a wound."</p><p></p><p>I would rather her know the truth... and pain then to bind her in lies... and ignorance...You live in a fantasy world where things are good if you do not look upon them..." Misha waved to the slums around us... "This is my palace... this is my realm... this is reality."</p><p></p><p>I smiled at him sadly "No, I live in a world of shades of gray, not black and white...there are no absolutes, and brutal truth is just that."</p><p></p><p>"How would you feel if I had told her nothing.. or lied? You knew the truth..." he asked.</p><p></p><p>""If you had told her nothing....well, we had all already chosen to do the same. So she would not have known. I would have been angry had you lied, but I do not know if I would have told her, even then." I said softly.</p><p></p><p>Misha turned away from me then "Then maybe I my path is one that I must travel alone then..."</p><p></p><p>"That is a decision only the two of you can make."</p><p></p><p>Misha glanced at me over his shoulder... "I do not persist in lies..."</p><p></p><p>Something in me snapped then, and I said "You do not persist in anything."</p><p></p><p>He turned then, looking shocked "What? Why did you come here?"</p><p></p><p>"For my sister." I answered.</p><p></p><p>"How so?" he asked. "I will not lie to her... I love her too much for that."</p><p></p><p>"And you believe silence to be a lie?" I queried him.</p><p></p><p>He sounded certain when he said "Yes."</p><p></p><p>I nodded, thinking. "I see."</p><p></p><p>He continued "Silence... i have lived in silence...those men... vandal... There is a time and place for silence....I served with him.. I took that path and I lived in silence... surrounded by wickedness I was not chosen for silence..."</p><p></p><p>"You must find a balance. Never tip the scales too far any direction." I advised.</p><p></p><p>He looked so lost at that moment. "This is a time of change... the balance is already tipped..."</p><p></p><p>I looked him in the eye and said "If there was something between you and the girl, then it would be right to tell her." He looked away from me. "But if it is finished, then there was no need."</p><p></p><p>"It is finished..." he mumbled.</p><p></p><p>"Other than easing your conscience and causing her pain." I continued. "That is all you did. It was selfish to tell her."</p><p></p><p>"Selfish?" he said in disbelief. "Selfish...you are selfish dear sister..."</p><p></p><p>I was taken aback "I?"</p><p></p><p>"To maintain a delicate mocking balance you hide things" he said in disgust. "Sweep them away...'</p><p></p><p>"Tell me, what did telling her accomplish other than easing your mind?" I asked. "I do not hide, but things that are not relevant have no need to be hidden, they just cease to be."</p><p></p><p>He sounded frustrated then, saying "This from the one who acknowledges a time and place for silence. Nothing ever ceases to be."</p><p></p><p>"Of course." I said quietly. "Then you still love the girl? Want her?"</p><p></p><p>"I beleived Ellyn had ceased but she haunts me still." He said musingly. "I love Ellyn... I love Vallia..."</p><p></p><p>"And until you choose, you will not have either." I told him.</p><p></p><p>"There is no choice... I love Vallia... but my love for Ellyn will always be in my heart." He replied.</p><p></p><p>I turned then, walking away from him before I did something rash "Then I pity you both."</p><p></p><p>"I do not want your pity." he called after me.</p><p></p><p>"You have it anyway." I said, as I disappeared into the night.</p><p></p><p>I returned to the house feeling even more frustrated and helpless, and made my way to Vallia's room quietly. Seeing she was asleep, I put a hand on Kara's shoulder and nodded at the door. I noted Misha's ring laying on the table, and I picked it up, placing it in my pocket for safekeeping. Vallia does not need to carry such a reminder of her husband's unfaithfulness. Kara and I made our way to our room. We did not say much, but I held him close to me as I fell asleep in his arms, thankful for the husband Corellon had chosen for me. I can only hope that I am wrong, and that the husband he chose for my sister will one day be the man she already thinks he is. I can only hope.....</p><p></p><p>--Aliya Umian</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Talindra, post: 104937, member: 155"] Aliya’s Journal 30th day of Deepwinter, 1373 DR I must admit that I enjoyed the journey to Amn. I have never been there, and I always envied Vallia her freedom to go where she chose. I want to see as much of Faerun as I can, before I am forced to settle down. As time has passed, I find myself thinking of Kalanthor less and less. I have also enjoyed the time that I have gotten to spend with my Karanaj, my husband. We were married so quickly, that we hardly knew each other at all. I have enjoyed learning his little quirks, and I can only hope he has enjoyed learning mine as well. He is genuinely a good person, and he loves all those around him, even Misha. I aspire to be so understanding..... There is an organization, called the Shadow Thieves, located in Athkatla, and they are our only lead on the sword. It would appear that Misha is familiar with these thieves, but I am not surprised by this. It would seem to me that wherever he lived, if there was a seedier side of the town, he would be intimately familiar with it. Perhaps I do not give him enough credit, but I find it hard to be generous when I see the pain he has brought Vallia. They have barely spoken the entire journey, and Vallia has withdrawn from everyone. I wish I could help her, but I just don’t know how. Neither does Kara, and I can see how sad that makes him. We entered the city quietly, trying not to draw too much attention. Gruush quickly left us, to visit the ruins of his monastery; I did not consider it wise for us to split up, but as Vallia did not forbid him to go, I said nothing. Winter has hit Amn, and the temperature fell quickly as night began to fall. As always, my Karanaj noticed first that Vallia shivered violently, and was quick to wrap her in an extra cloak. Every day, as I watch the way he interacts with the world and the people around him, I fall in love with him all over again. We moved quickly to an inn with which the others were familiar, called the Silent Siren. We all blundered inside, too secure in our safety to send someone to scout, first. The common room was packed, and huge, rough-looking men were laughing and talking loudly. My senses immediately prickled, and I looked around quickly, aware that something was not right. A glance at Vallia told me she felt the same, but as she did not turn to leave, I chose to stay as well. The others did not appear to notice anything out of the ordinary. Nym arranged for rooms as Misha bought a round for everyone, trying in his own way to make friends. One of the biggest men I had ever seen decided at this moment to take possession of Vallia, and stepped forward, naming himself Adka when challenged. Vallia did nothing, which I thought was odd. She always was quick to anger. Perhaps she has grown more than I had realized over the course of our time apart. I must take care to remember that we are not children any longer, and she does not need me as she once did. I waited to see what Vallia would do, aware that it was likely the other men in the room would take Adka’s side against us. Vallia seemed content to weather his affection, but Misha thought otherwise. Nym and my Kara moved to flank him, but I put a restraining hand on my husband’s arm, shaking my head slightly. Vallia is one of the most diplomatic people I know, and if anyone could get us out of this without bloodshed, it would be her. I almost laughed at Misha’s pathetic attempt to intimidate the huge man, and was interested when he named himself "Burning Rose." That is clearly something I will have to ask Karanaj about later. The men laughed and claimed Burning Rose was dead, and I began to understand a bit more. I would assume that Misha was once a part of this underworld, and that is the name he used. Of course, this knowledge did not raise my estimation of him in the slightest. As the argument intensified, Vallia looked alarmed, and I could tell by the look of concentration on her face that she was communicating with Misha, and that apparently he was about to do something rash yet again. My fears were well founded as Misha moved forward, and suddenly we were surrounded on all sides by men who were no longer smiling. I sighed, resenting the fact that his quick temper would force me to kill men I need not have to kill. And, I knew that no matter what magic I had at my disposal, it would not be enough to kill them all. I braced myself, ready to cast, as Misha drew his sword. A commanding voice sounded from the crowd, sarcastically taunting Misha, and I would have laughed had the situation not been so serious. Misha turned, and I could tell that they knew each other. They spoke briefly, and Misha lowered his sword and nodded to the others to do the same. The man gestured, and my skin prickled as I heard the sound of crossbow bolts clicking into place echoing around the room. "We have been waiting for you." My first reaction to that was "This can’t be good." Misha and the others sheathed their blades, as the man gave us a choice: go with him or die. So we went. The men smiled as they pulled me from Karanaj, gripping my arms tightly. Adka was in front of me with Vallia, and she seemed unperturbed, so I went quietly as well. I was worried, however, that her calm was due to her belief in Misha, a belief I must admit I don’t share. Don’t get me wrong, in other circumstances, I would like Misha very much. We are too much alike for me to do otherwise. If he were not involved with my sister, that is. Men like him bring pain whether they intend to or not, and my heart breaks for Vallia. We moved quickly through the streets, entering an old warehouse, where a secret entrance was quickly uncovered, and I found myself in a room with Vallia, and what appeared to be female slaves. They apparently thought we were merely new slaves, and kept trying to force us into these clothes that did not cover anything. Vallia lost her temper, and I smiled as she flashed her sword at the women, scattering them. They left us alone after that, glaring at us from the other side of the room. A dozen men entered, accompanied by an elf. I did not like the look of him, even before he admitted to working for Thain. I was too busy assessing the situation to pay attention to much of the conversation, and as soon as he mentioned killing the others, I began to cast, as Vallia drew her sword, and flew at the elf in a fury. I began slinging magic missiles this way and that, as Vallia hacked about her. We took down five or six, but once several men caught my arms, there was nothing I could do. Vallia would not stop fighting however, and the men finally took to hitting at her with the hilts of the swords, since obviously they were under orders not to kill us. Still, she fought on, and there were only three standing when she finally went down, her face almost unrecognizable for the bruises. The men took everything from me this time, including my ring, saying that they would keep it safe. Everything we had was placed in a sack, and one man took it as another lifted Vallia, and a third pushed me out of the room. We traveled through the streets of Athkatla, but I was quickly lost. I know that we were in the poor section of town....the way that other races treat each other disgusts me. I feel such pain whenever I see a child living on the streets, but I know in my heart I cannot save them all. We entered what appeared to be a tavern, and were taken upstairs. The men dropped the sack of our belongings, and tied us up, before holding my head and forcing some foul tasting concoction down my throat. As I lost consciousness, I saw them doing the same to Vallia. I awoke before Vallia did and managed to make my way over to the sack, spilling it on the floor. I was able to get my ring on my finger and speak with Karanaj. I could hear the sounds of music and laughter, and I was pretty sure that a tavern was our location, though I knew that didn’t help much. However, apparently they had been able to track us, and soon Nym appeared out of nowhere, untying us, and picking up Vallia. Knowing we could not just leave this way, I cast an invisibility spell on the two of them, and let them exit, as I slipped down the stairs behind Karanaj. I saw Gruush sitting near the door, and Misha on the other side, with some woman on his lap. I watched in disgust as he kissed her, and only grew more and more angry. Gruush erred in leaving, and barely made it out with his hide. Karanaj and I followed, to find Misha outside with this woman. We made our way quickly to a house the woman claimed was safe, and Nym laid Vallia on the bed, as I released my spell. She looked worse than I remembered her, and Misha moved quickly to heal her. Her first word was "Misha?" and I felt rage build inside me, knowing that all that had concerned her was his safety, it was why she was so grievously injured, for we were never in danger of losing our lives. She had fought for him, and as he kissed her just as he had kissed this Noriya, it was all I could do not to kill him then and there. I heard her call my name, asking if I was alright, as Misha moved away, bidding me to care for her as he slipped outside with Noriya. My hands were shaking with anger, but I moved to my sister, though I saw from the look on her face she had seen as well. Karanaj seemed to realize that it would not be wise for me to speak, and tried to comfort Vallia, though she would not be comforted. She blames herself for driving him away, and I almost laughed bitterly at that. She was hurt that he had left her while she was injured, and even Kara could find no excuse for that. Nym quickly became uncomfortable, and I could see in his eyes that he had seen what I had. He excused himself, and left the room. Karanaj, trying to distract Vallia, asked if she was hungry, and took the opportunity to use the Rod he had found, which provided us all with food, and even healed more of Vallia’s injuries. I had almost forgotten Gruush was in the room, when he took some food, and settled in a corner to meditate. I realized I was starving, and Vallia and Karanaj must have been as well, for soon all the food was gone. I gently helped Vallia remove her armor, and I used a damp cloth to bathe her face and hands, before brushing out her hair as I used to when we were children. Misha returned, and Karanaj and I quickly said our goodnights and left. I could not keep my feelings from my face, and Misha glanced at me as I exited, saying "You glower all you like, but I love your sister... and I know that truly now." He closed the door behind us, and I heard him say "I do not like her." before Kara and I moved off to our own room. The feeling is mutual. As I walked, Vallia was querying me about my anger. I did not want to upset her, so I told her it was nothing. Vallia knows me all too well, though, and knew that I would not be angry without good reason. I felt her pain as the fool told her all about kissing that woman, even as he tried to kiss her. I could feel my lip curl in disgust, even as she cried to me that even his lips tasted different, like her.... She shrieked in my mind "Why won’t he leave me? I can’t bear to look at him." I stopped in the hallway, waiting, knowing that she would need us soon. I could almost hear her crying as she said "But I still love him......" I heard Misha exit, and told Karanaj all that had transpired. He is more compassionate than I am, and closer to Vallia as well. I sent him to her, knowing it to be the best thing. In my anger, I could not stay idle, and I moved after Misha, finally finding him standing in an empty lot, staring at the moon. I watched him for a moment, then suddenly said. "I do not like you, you know." Misha did not turn, saying "Someone alert the gods above.. an elf does not like me..." "If I were you, I would stop trying to push people away." I replied. I sensed a hint of sadness, of remorse, when he said softly "Pushing people away is what I do best." "I can see that."' I said, but I don't think he heard me as he continued on. "That is obvious now... Ellyn... Vandal... Vallia... Kara... you...it is wonder the gods have not turned their back upon me." "I cannot disagree." I replied, not willing to let my anger go so easily. "You did not have to tell her. We all knew....we chose not to." Stubbornly, he said "I don't live in lies. That is the path of cowardice...A true king recognizes his weakness, he does not run from it." I felt very sad for both of them as I said "You might try to spare her pain. She loves you regardless, and she will forgive you this. So why put her through it at all." "Spare..." Misha mumbled. He turned to look at me then "I do what I think is best. I live by truth..." I frowned at him. "Sometimes, you are wrong. Truth is not always the answer." "I know." he softly replied. "I will not live in a web of lies. Misha Koldun is not a coward." "But he is a fool." I sharply answered. "A fool for living an honest life?" he asked. "Hurt her enough, and she will leave you, even if she never stops loving you." I promised him. Misha looked off. "If she leaves then.. I will never love another..." Angry that he didn't understand, I was harsher than I might have been, saying "It would be fitting for you, but I do not like that for her. She loves you, and if I could do something about that, I would, but I can't. But you should not have told her about Noriya. It is not a lie to not speak." He glared at me as I spoke, and responded "To not speak is the greatest lie of all... I am the Corellon's Champion... I lead by example... if I make a mistake I will own up to it and atone...cowardice... and lies are not my way..." "There is no atonement in love." I snarled "Then I say you are the fool." he snapped back. I turned to go as I said "Then I pity Vallia her lifetime of pain. You would do her far better service to leave now." Misha turned me back to him. "Lifetime of pain? I made a mistake Aliya.. I do not deny it... and if she hates me for telling the truth... then so be it." I nodded.. "Your presence is salt in a wound." I would rather her know the truth... and pain then to bind her in lies... and ignorance...You live in a fantasy world where things are good if you do not look upon them..." Misha waved to the slums around us... "This is my palace... this is my realm... this is reality." I smiled at him sadly "No, I live in a world of shades of gray, not black and white...there are no absolutes, and brutal truth is just that." "How would you feel if I had told her nothing.. or lied? You knew the truth..." he asked. ""If you had told her nothing....well, we had all already chosen to do the same. So she would not have known. I would have been angry had you lied, but I do not know if I would have told her, even then." I said softly. Misha turned away from me then "Then maybe I my path is one that I must travel alone then..." "That is a decision only the two of you can make." Misha glanced at me over his shoulder... "I do not persist in lies..." Something in me snapped then, and I said "You do not persist in anything." He turned then, looking shocked "What? Why did you come here?" "For my sister." I answered. "How so?" he asked. "I will not lie to her... I love her too much for that." "And you believe silence to be a lie?" I queried him. He sounded certain when he said "Yes." I nodded, thinking. "I see." He continued "Silence... i have lived in silence...those men... vandal... There is a time and place for silence....I served with him.. I took that path and I lived in silence... surrounded by wickedness I was not chosen for silence..." "You must find a balance. Never tip the scales too far any direction." I advised. He looked so lost at that moment. "This is a time of change... the balance is already tipped..." I looked him in the eye and said "If there was something between you and the girl, then it would be right to tell her." He looked away from me. "But if it is finished, then there was no need." "It is finished..." he mumbled. "Other than easing your conscience and causing her pain." I continued. "That is all you did. It was selfish to tell her." "Selfish?" he said in disbelief. "Selfish...you are selfish dear sister..." I was taken aback "I?" "To maintain a delicate mocking balance you hide things" he said in disgust. "Sweep them away...' "Tell me, what did telling her accomplish other than easing your mind?" I asked. "I do not hide, but things that are not relevant have no need to be hidden, they just cease to be." He sounded frustrated then, saying "This from the one who acknowledges a time and place for silence. Nothing ever ceases to be." "Of course." I said quietly. "Then you still love the girl? Want her?" "I beleived Ellyn had ceased but she haunts me still." He said musingly. "I love Ellyn... I love Vallia..." "And until you choose, you will not have either." I told him. "There is no choice... I love Vallia... but my love for Ellyn will always be in my heart." He replied. I turned then, walking away from him before I did something rash "Then I pity you both." "I do not want your pity." he called after me. "You have it anyway." I said, as I disappeared into the night. I returned to the house feeling even more frustrated and helpless, and made my way to Vallia's room quietly. Seeing she was asleep, I put a hand on Kara's shoulder and nodded at the door. I noted Misha's ring laying on the table, and I picked it up, placing it in my pocket for safekeeping. Vallia does not need to carry such a reminder of her husband's unfaithfulness. Kara and I made our way to our room. We did not say much, but I held him close to me as I fell asleep in his arms, thankful for the husband Corellon had chosen for me. I can only hope that I am wrong, and that the husband he chose for my sister will one day be the man she already thinks he is. I can only hope..... --Aliya Umian [/QUOTE]
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Journals of the Five: A Forgotten Realms Tale
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