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<blockquote data-quote="AuroraGyps" data-source="post: 1905219" data-attributes="member: 1166"><p>Some you may have read previous posts about how I have a social anxiety disorder (20 years this spring) and depression (we've all seen the Zoloft commercials with the little oval peoplel things talking about it) and how things have not been easy for me since my divorce: friends abaondoned me, ex hooked up with another woman, got engaged and married in a bit over two years, trouble having a job, making friends, blah blah blah. The way I was treated did a lot of damage: damage on top of being an emotional mess. Well, I was doing pretty good, although lately I've been having a bit of a rough spot, when I stumble onto the ex's forum site this weekend and find out they just had a kid (the ex can never be straight with me, and while I know he didn't have to let me know about this, it would have been nicer that bumping into it online or into someone on the street), and it was the straw that broke my back. I stayed in Buffalo because it had MUCH more to offer than the town I grew up in like colleges, transportation, job oppurtunities, but I just can't hack it on my own anymore. I am just so tired. I just can't seem to get things to click and it's not that I don't try. I take my meds, I see a therapist, a shrink, try to figure out ways through and around my disability (and I have been found to bad enough to be considered disabled by several different places). I sometimes think of killing myself, I can't help but have it pop in my mind sometimes. Being this way for so long wears on you and I can't help thinking, "things would be easier, my parents wouldn't worry, or have to help me money wise." I think about it all the time and it scares me, but I can't, because I can't do that to my parents and because I'm just to much of a coward. </p><p>Anyways, I just wanted to say that I may not be around much during the next few months. This place being here has been a big help. I haven't played D&D in years, but the people here are so nice and even if we're just talking about gross soda pop, it's the most social interaction I get most of the time. </p><p>I'll try to let you all know when I'm settled. I'm moving in w/ my parents sometime before March w/ my cat going to stay with relatives. Hopefully, I, and the cat, will be able to find an affordable place near them and a job as soon as possible, although I can't rush things cause mistakes with my health are made that way. I'm going down for the holidays (have to board the cat </p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> ) cause I can't spend them alone. So, if anyone can spare a bit of luck, I'd REALLY appreciate it. I hope everybody has a really great holiday season & thanx for listening to my depressing, rambly post. Here's to a great 2005 for us all!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AuroraGyps, post: 1905219, member: 1166"] Some you may have read previous posts about how I have a social anxiety disorder (20 years this spring) and depression (we've all seen the Zoloft commercials with the little oval peoplel things talking about it) and how things have not been easy for me since my divorce: friends abaondoned me, ex hooked up with another woman, got engaged and married in a bit over two years, trouble having a job, making friends, blah blah blah. The way I was treated did a lot of damage: damage on top of being an emotional mess. Well, I was doing pretty good, although lately I've been having a bit of a rough spot, when I stumble onto the ex's forum site this weekend and find out they just had a kid (the ex can never be straight with me, and while I know he didn't have to let me know about this, it would have been nicer that bumping into it online or into someone on the street), and it was the straw that broke my back. I stayed in Buffalo because it had MUCH more to offer than the town I grew up in like colleges, transportation, job oppurtunities, but I just can't hack it on my own anymore. I am just so tired. I just can't seem to get things to click and it's not that I don't try. I take my meds, I see a therapist, a shrink, try to figure out ways through and around my disability (and I have been found to bad enough to be considered disabled by several different places). I sometimes think of killing myself, I can't help but have it pop in my mind sometimes. Being this way for so long wears on you and I can't help thinking, "things would be easier, my parents wouldn't worry, or have to help me money wise." I think about it all the time and it scares me, but I can't, because I can't do that to my parents and because I'm just to much of a coward. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I may not be around much during the next few months. This place being here has been a big help. I haven't played D&D in years, but the people here are so nice and even if we're just talking about gross soda pop, it's the most social interaction I get most of the time. I'll try to let you all know when I'm settled. I'm moving in w/ my parents sometime before March w/ my cat going to stay with relatives. Hopefully, I, and the cat, will be able to find an affordable place near them and a job as soon as possible, although I can't rush things cause mistakes with my health are made that way. I'm going down for the holidays (have to board the cat :( ) cause I can't spend them alone. So, if anyone can spare a bit of luck, I'd REALLY appreciate it. I hope everybody has a really great holiday season & thanx for listening to my depressing, rambly post. Here's to a great 2005 for us all! [/QUOTE]
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