Menu
News
All News
Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
Pathfinder
Starfinder
Warhammer
2d20 System
Year Zero Engine
Industry News
Reviews
Dragon Reflections
Columns
Weekly Digests
Weekly News Digest
Freebies, Sales & Bundles
RPG Print News
RPG Crowdfunding News
Game Content
ENterplanetary DimENsions
Mythological Figures
Opinion
Worlds of Design
Peregrine's Next
RPG Evolution
Other Columns
From the Freelancing Frontline
Monster ENcyclopedia
WotC/TSR Alumni Look Back
4 Hours w/RSD (Ryan Dancey)
The Road to 3E (Jonathan Tweet)
Greenwood's Realms (Ed Greenwood)
Drawmij's TSR (Jim Ward)
Community
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Resources
Wiki
Pages
Latest activity
Media
New media
New comments
Search media
Downloads
Latest reviews
Search resources
EN Publishing
Store
EN5ider
Adventures in ZEITGEIST
Awfully Cheerful Engine
What's OLD is NEW
Judge Dredd & The Worlds Of 2000AD
War of the Burning Sky
Level Up: Advanced 5E
Events & Releases
Upcoming Events
Private Events
Featured Events
Socials!
Twitch
YouTube
Facebook (EN Publishing)
Facebook (EN World)
Twitter
Instagram
TikTok
Podcast
Features
Top 5 RPGs Compiled Charts 2004-Present
Adventure Game Industry Market Research Summary (RPGs) V1.0
Ryan Dancey: Acquiring TSR
Q&A With Gary Gygax
D&D Rules FAQs
TSR, WotC, & Paizo: A Comparative History
D&D Pronunciation Guide
Million Dollar TTRPG Kickstarters
Tabletop RPG Podcast Hall of Fame
Eric Noah's Unofficial D&D 3rd Edition News
D&D in the Mainstream
D&D & RPG History
About Morrus
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
The
VOIDRUNNER'S CODEX
is LIVE! Explore new worlds, fight oppressive empires, fend off fearsome aliens, and wield deadly psionics with this comprehensive boxed set expansion for 5E and A5E!
Community
General Tabletop Discussion
*Dungeons & Dragons
Looking for feedback on my game's Kickstarter pitch
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Dethklok" data-source="post: 6298627" data-attributes="member: 6746469"><p>Good intro...</p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"<span style="color: #000000">Fracturing landsca<span style="color: #000000">p</span>e<span style="color: #000000">" sounds awkward; <span style="color: #000000">the latter part o<span style="color: #000000">f this sentence may <span style="color: #000000">need to be rewor<span style="color: #000000">ked.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Better might be: "This system <span style="color: #000000">sets a tough, heroic tone. Characters are strong, butpoison or a hidden dagger are deadly at any level.</span></span></span>"</p><p></p><p></p><p>Do you really want boldface rather than italic? (Maybe you do, but there should be a reason.)</p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Maybe better would be to cut the first sent<span style="color: #000000"><span style="color: #000000">e</span>nce and say </span>"In a crumbling ci<span style="color: #000000">vilization of tangled alliances and secret guilds, will you forge your legend, or die trying?"</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Delete bolded - the writing is too verbose. Indeed, whole paragraphs could probably be cut. It may be interesting, but <span style="color: #000000">this is as far as I got before skimming.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span>Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dethklok, post: 6298627, member: 6746469"] Good intro... [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Arial][I][/I][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Arial] "[COLOR=#000000]Fracturing landsca[COLOR=#000000]p[/COLOR]e[COLOR=#000000]" sounds awkward; [COLOR=#000000]the latter part o[COLOR=#000000]f this sentence may [COLOR=#000000]need to be rewor[COLOR=#000000]ked.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Arial] Better might be: "This system [COLOR=#000000]sets a tough, heroic tone. Characters are strong, butpoison or a hidden dagger are deadly at any level.[/COLOR][/FONT][/COLOR]" [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR] Do you really want boldface rather than italic? (Maybe you do, but there should be a reason.) [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Arial] Maybe better would be to cut the first sent[COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000]e[/COLOR]nce and say [/COLOR]"In a crumbling ci[COLOR=#000000]vilization of tangled alliances and secret guilds, will you forge your legend, or die trying?"[/COLOR] [I][/I] Delete bolded - the writing is too verbose. Indeed, whole paragraphs could probably be cut. It may be interesting, but [COLOR=#000000]this is as far as I got before skimming.[/COLOR] [/FONT][/COLOR]Good luck! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Community
General Tabletop Discussion
*Dungeons & Dragons
Looking for feedback on my game's Kickstarter pitch
Top