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Maure Money [min. spoilers, max. humor]
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<blockquote data-quote="Ipissimus" data-source="post: 2942108" data-attributes="member: 41514"><p>Maure Money: Episode 3</p><p>It's Actually a Very Good Golem, Really.</p><p></p><p>Prologue:</p><p>After a few misadventures in some totally empty rooms, our heroes discover a gigantic room seperated from the rest of the dungeon by an enormous curtain. Across the colossal chamber, three statues grace a platform. To either side are audience stands. A line of statues, each different from the other, stands near the curtain, parrallel to it.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: -examines the statue of a beggar, which seems to be pointing to the three statues on the dais- I know what this is.</p><p></p><p>CELENE: You do?</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: Yeah, this is a temple to some sort of crazy god. Look here, this beggar statue's pointing at the dais. I think it's a clue.</p><p></p><p>BOBNOBBLE: Clue to what?</p><p></p><p>ELDEARION: Don't you see? The beggar symbolizes humility! That big iron statue is obviously the supreme god of whatever pantheon these people worshipped.</p><p></p><p>MARCUS: It's not any religion <em>I'm</em> familiar with.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: -sticks his tongue out- What would you know?</p><p></p><p>MARCUS: (sotto voice) I am a cleric...</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: Anyway, obviously we've got to approach the deity on our hands and knees like a beggar. That way, we'll get all these godly blessings and be ready to tackle the next level. Come on, follow me.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION immediately gets on his hands and knees and starts crawling the approximately 75 feet of cold stone floor. Everyone else follows at a discreet distance, still standing.</p><p></p><p>BOBNOBBLE: Are you sure you know what you're doing?</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: Absolutely.</p><p></p><p>CELENE: It's an awful long way to crawl like that...</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: What? You think the Gods are going to make getting their ultimate blessing easy?</p><p></p><p>MARCUS: I still don't think this has any religious significance.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: Bite me, you're just jealous.</p><p></p><p>MARCUS: -straight faced- what?</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: That's right, I'm going to be the favored servant of the all-powerful deity of smiting evil and you're not. Watch and weep, sucker.</p><p></p><p>MARCUS: ...</p><p></p><p>Finally, the companions reach the bottom of the stairway up the dais. The huge iron statue of the 'diety' atop it remains motionless.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: Ok... obviiously, I've got to crawl up the steps.</p><p></p><p>CELENE: What do you think that thing is? The suprememe God of masocism?</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: It is carrying a whip...</p><p></p><p>CELENE: Of feathers. Maybe it's the God of Painful Tickling.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: Ha-ha. Watch this...</p><p></p><p>Upon ELDARION touching the first step of the stairway, the giant iron statue animates, leaps to its feet, charges down the steps, and cleaves ELDARION across the back with its crystaline sword. The elven rogue immediately turns photosynthesis green and dies.</p><p></p><p>ALL THAT ARE LEFT: FNARK!!!</p><p></p><p>CELENE: Well, that didn't tickle...</p><p></p><p>BOBNOBBLE: <WALL OF FORCE!> Ok, that should buy us some time. Marcus, grab that doofus and Ressurect him, if you please.</p><p></p><p>MARCUS: -Resurrects Eldarion- You'll have to pay for that scroll, you know.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: -mumbles something under his breath about fickle gods-</p><p></p><p>CELENE: How long will that hold it?</p><p></p><p>BOBNOBBLE: 13 minutes. Shall we run or do we have a plan?</p><p></p><p>MARCUS: How tall's the barrier?</p><p></p><p>BOBNOBBLE: About 30 feet.</p><p></p><p>MARCUS: I have a few flasks of acid... Eldarion, make yourself useful. Run up the walls and drop these on it. Then start using your arrows. I tell you what, if you manage to take it down, we'll re-name you Godslayer.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: -curses under his breath but, deflated, does as ordered-</p><p></p><p>Almost thirteen minutes later...</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: Guys... I've run out of arrows and it's still going!</p><p></p><p>CELENE: How many did it take?</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: Twenty from my quiver... one hundred from my Bag of Holding...</p><p></p><p>BOBNOBBLE: Plan B, guys. My wall's not gonna last much longer. Time to run...</p><p></p><p>CELENE: Hang on, I've got one last thing to try... <GREATER DISPEL MAGIC!></p><p></p><p>The GOLEM shudders to a halt, cracks, and keels over, lifeless.</p><p></p><p>ELDARION: &%(#@*&%@()*@&%@()*&@()!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ipissimus, post: 2942108, member: 41514"] Maure Money: Episode 3 It's Actually a Very Good Golem, Really. Prologue: After a few misadventures in some totally empty rooms, our heroes discover a gigantic room seperated from the rest of the dungeon by an enormous curtain. Across the colossal chamber, three statues grace a platform. To either side are audience stands. A line of statues, each different from the other, stands near the curtain, parrallel to it. ELDARION: -examines the statue of a beggar, which seems to be pointing to the three statues on the dais- I know what this is. CELENE: You do? ELDARION: Yeah, this is a temple to some sort of crazy god. Look here, this beggar statue's pointing at the dais. I think it's a clue. BOBNOBBLE: Clue to what? ELDEARION: Don't you see? The beggar symbolizes humility! That big iron statue is obviously the supreme god of whatever pantheon these people worshipped. MARCUS: It's not any religion [I]I'm[/I] familiar with. ELDARION: -sticks his tongue out- What would you know? MARCUS: (sotto voice) I am a cleric... ELDARION: Anyway, obviously we've got to approach the deity on our hands and knees like a beggar. That way, we'll get all these godly blessings and be ready to tackle the next level. Come on, follow me. ELDARION immediately gets on his hands and knees and starts crawling the approximately 75 feet of cold stone floor. Everyone else follows at a discreet distance, still standing. BOBNOBBLE: Are you sure you know what you're doing? ELDARION: Absolutely. CELENE: It's an awful long way to crawl like that... ELDARION: What? You think the Gods are going to make getting their ultimate blessing easy? MARCUS: I still don't think this has any religious significance. ELDARION: Bite me, you're just jealous. MARCUS: -straight faced- what? ELDARION: That's right, I'm going to be the favored servant of the all-powerful deity of smiting evil and you're not. Watch and weep, sucker. MARCUS: ... Finally, the companions reach the bottom of the stairway up the dais. The huge iron statue of the 'diety' atop it remains motionless. ELDARION: Ok... obviiously, I've got to crawl up the steps. CELENE: What do you think that thing is? The suprememe God of masocism? ELDARION: It is carrying a whip... CELENE: Of feathers. Maybe it's the God of Painful Tickling. ELDARION: Ha-ha. Watch this... Upon ELDARION touching the first step of the stairway, the giant iron statue animates, leaps to its feet, charges down the steps, and cleaves ELDARION across the back with its crystaline sword. The elven rogue immediately turns photosynthesis green and dies. ALL THAT ARE LEFT: FNARK!!! CELENE: Well, that didn't tickle... BOBNOBBLE: <WALL OF FORCE!> Ok, that should buy us some time. Marcus, grab that doofus and Ressurect him, if you please. MARCUS: -Resurrects Eldarion- You'll have to pay for that scroll, you know. ELDARION: -mumbles something under his breath about fickle gods- CELENE: How long will that hold it? BOBNOBBLE: 13 minutes. Shall we run or do we have a plan? MARCUS: How tall's the barrier? BOBNOBBLE: About 30 feet. MARCUS: I have a few flasks of acid... Eldarion, make yourself useful. Run up the walls and drop these on it. Then start using your arrows. I tell you what, if you manage to take it down, we'll re-name you Godslayer. ELDARION: -curses under his breath but, deflated, does as ordered- Almost thirteen minutes later... ELDARION: Guys... I've run out of arrows and it's still going! CELENE: How many did it take? ELDARION: Twenty from my quiver... one hundred from my Bag of Holding... BOBNOBBLE: Plan B, guys. My wall's not gonna last much longer. Time to run... CELENE: Hang on, I've got one last thing to try... <GREATER DISPEL MAGIC!> The GOLEM shudders to a halt, cracks, and keels over, lifeless. ELDARION: &%(#@*&%@()*@&%@()*&@()!!! [/QUOTE]
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