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My wife won't let me play D&D.
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<blockquote data-quote="Dremen" data-source="post: 401842" data-attributes="member: 6773"><p>I have had the very exact thing happen to me. Just to give you some background I recently left a church and was very depressed. Gaming was the only ecscape I had. We had a new baby. I played weekly from about 6 to 11-12ish on fridaynights. My wife stayed home.</p><p></p><p>Here is what I did wrong:</p><p>1. I used gaming as a crutch. I sould of leaned on her.</p><p>2. I would read gaming books whenever I had spare time as I don't like watching tv. So when I was home I was not mentaly with her.</p><p>3. I would have an argument every week with her which shot the weekend. I needed to game, but I couldn't get her to understand.</p><p>4. She thought I was a Jock untill we got married. I'm very active but she never saw the amount of time I read, she felt kinda like she didn't know me. It is hard to REALLY get to know somebody till you live together. She knew I gamed and even went a couple of times.</p><p></p><p></p><p>After getting through what I had to mentaly things got better. We learned to talk this and other things out. We are still married 3 kids now and very happy.</p><p></p><p>I only game every other week. I don't run a game anymore. I make sure I spend time with her. If she really wants to do something once and awhile on game night will spend the time with her. She respects this and does not take advantage. The biggest issue was time. I only gamed 1 a week for 5-6 hours but I was involved at home with the game too much. She felt I did not pay attention to her enough.</p><p></p><p>My advice:</p><p>1) Talk and try to her find out what the real issue is. It looks like a quality time issue.</p><p>2) Limit the game to once every other week. My wife does not like going to bed without me so I make sure I am home by 1am. </p><p>3) Sometimes come home early 10-11ish and bring flowers, wine, favorite candy, favorite movie etc. Show her you appreciate the time she lets you have. </p><p>4) Don't force her to game, go to the game, socialize with the other wives. My wife is shy and very attractive. After having 3 kids she wears a size 0. Many women are standoffish towards her, so it is hard for her to make female friends. But encourage her to explore her own interests.</p><p></p><p>If I game every other week and don't spend all my spare time in a book then the issue is moot. But attention I found is the key. Women like to be paid attention to. I think they need it a bit more than us guys. But there are rewards. You married her and you love her, so use this a a clue to devote more attention to her. Beyond gaming this will help the relationship. You may also want to get counceling as a PREVTION of future problems. You would feel very bad if your gaming caused you a divorce. counceling is not just for problems but it can help you avoid problems. In my observations many people do not devote the time mentaly and physicaly to their relationships, as they do their jobs or hobbies. They leave the most important aspect to chance. We all need to WORK on our relationships. As all gamers know sometimes you roll lots of 1's! So add some skill bonuses to your relationships. You can always "take 10" or "take 20" at this!</p><p></p><p>-d</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dremen, post: 401842, member: 6773"] I have had the very exact thing happen to me. Just to give you some background I recently left a church and was very depressed. Gaming was the only ecscape I had. We had a new baby. I played weekly from about 6 to 11-12ish on fridaynights. My wife stayed home. Here is what I did wrong: 1. I used gaming as a crutch. I sould of leaned on her. 2. I would read gaming books whenever I had spare time as I don't like watching tv. So when I was home I was not mentaly with her. 3. I would have an argument every week with her which shot the weekend. I needed to game, but I couldn't get her to understand. 4. She thought I was a Jock untill we got married. I'm very active but she never saw the amount of time I read, she felt kinda like she didn't know me. It is hard to REALLY get to know somebody till you live together. She knew I gamed and even went a couple of times. After getting through what I had to mentaly things got better. We learned to talk this and other things out. We are still married 3 kids now and very happy. I only game every other week. I don't run a game anymore. I make sure I spend time with her. If she really wants to do something once and awhile on game night will spend the time with her. She respects this and does not take advantage. The biggest issue was time. I only gamed 1 a week for 5-6 hours but I was involved at home with the game too much. She felt I did not pay attention to her enough. My advice: 1) Talk and try to her find out what the real issue is. It looks like a quality time issue. 2) Limit the game to once every other week. My wife does not like going to bed without me so I make sure I am home by 1am. 3) Sometimes come home early 10-11ish and bring flowers, wine, favorite candy, favorite movie etc. Show her you appreciate the time she lets you have. 4) Don't force her to game, go to the game, socialize with the other wives. My wife is shy and very attractive. After having 3 kids she wears a size 0. Many women are standoffish towards her, so it is hard for her to make female friends. But encourage her to explore her own interests. If I game every other week and don't spend all my spare time in a book then the issue is moot. But attention I found is the key. Women like to be paid attention to. I think they need it a bit more than us guys. But there are rewards. You married her and you love her, so use this a a clue to devote more attention to her. Beyond gaming this will help the relationship. You may also want to get counceling as a PREVTION of future problems. You would feel very bad if your gaming caused you a divorce. counceling is not just for problems but it can help you avoid problems. In my observations many people do not devote the time mentaly and physicaly to their relationships, as they do their jobs or hobbies. They leave the most important aspect to chance. We all need to WORK on our relationships. As all gamers know sometimes you roll lots of 1's! So add some skill bonuses to your relationships. You can always "take 10" or "take 20" at this! -d [/QUOTE]
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