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My wife won't let me play D&D.
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<blockquote data-quote="robaustin" data-source="post: 403178" data-attributes="member: 2703"><p>Let me just say this - all of the advice given so far has been excellent. I just want to offer this piece of advice:</p><p></p><p>There is something called the "dialogue wheel." This 'device' allows people to explore an issue in depth. The idea is to first make sure that all defenses are down. Then explore an issue with the following statements:</p><p></p><p>I feel...</p><p>I see....</p><p>I think...</p><p>I am bothered by...</p><p>I hope (in the future)...</p><p>I wish...</p><p>I want...</p><p>I am happy...</p><p>I enjoy....</p><p></p><p>Etc... (I do not have the whole dialogue guide handy)</p><p></p><p>The reason you do this (there are about 20 different beginning statements) is to explore the full issue in depth. I'm sure you could come up with more beginninng statements yourself.</p><p></p><p>The point is to get to the root of the issue. I suspect it is not the gaming itself that she hates, but the time away and not spending time with her.</p><p></p><p>With that said - my personal experience is that my wife looks at my time at games (we usually play one Fridaynight and one 12 hour saturday session a month, sometimes two fridays) as time SHE has to HERSELF.</p><p></p><p>Just because you are married does not mean that you are one integrated unit all the time. You're two separate human beings who have needs that cannot be fulfilled by each other. If her perspective on your time spent gaming can change to that of "oh I can go out with my friends for a girls' night out" or "Now I can get that nice quiet evening with the book without being interrupted" then you'll have it made. My wife actually looks forward to these times now, because she knows she gets time to herself to do something I would never want to do. </p><p></p><p>We play with two couples (one of whom has kids) and three other married guys (one of whom also has a child). We are all in our 30's and all have decent jobs. It is not as unusual as you might think. We are just a good group of friends who like to play D&D. My wife is friends with all of them as well. I tried to get her to play D&D but she said she wasn't interested in spending that much time playing (she has played before).</p><p></p><p>Hope that helps..</p><p></p><p>--*Rob</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="robaustin, post: 403178, member: 2703"] Let me just say this - all of the advice given so far has been excellent. I just want to offer this piece of advice: There is something called the "dialogue wheel." This 'device' allows people to explore an issue in depth. The idea is to first make sure that all defenses are down. Then explore an issue with the following statements: I feel... I see.... I think... I am bothered by... I hope (in the future)... I wish... I want... I am happy... I enjoy.... Etc... (I do not have the whole dialogue guide handy) The reason you do this (there are about 20 different beginning statements) is to explore the full issue in depth. I'm sure you could come up with more beginninng statements yourself. The point is to get to the root of the issue. I suspect it is not the gaming itself that she hates, but the time away and not spending time with her. With that said - my personal experience is that my wife looks at my time at games (we usually play one Fridaynight and one 12 hour saturday session a month, sometimes two fridays) as time SHE has to HERSELF. Just because you are married does not mean that you are one integrated unit all the time. You're two separate human beings who have needs that cannot be fulfilled by each other. If her perspective on your time spent gaming can change to that of "oh I can go out with my friends for a girls' night out" or "Now I can get that nice quiet evening with the book without being interrupted" then you'll have it made. My wife actually looks forward to these times now, because she knows she gets time to herself to do something I would never want to do. We play with two couples (one of whom has kids) and three other married guys (one of whom also has a child). We are all in our 30's and all have decent jobs. It is not as unusual as you might think. We are just a good group of friends who like to play D&D. My wife is friends with all of them as well. I tried to get her to play D&D but she said she wasn't interested in spending that much time playing (she has played before). Hope that helps.. --*Rob [/QUOTE]
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