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Need a decent writer to edit my backstory
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<blockquote data-quote="HermanTheWize" data-source="post: 7081281" data-attributes="member: 6803538"><p>IF someone has the time, and you think you have the ability, I would very much appreciate someone edit my short backstory.</p><p></p><p>OF course I'll give exp for doing it...</p><p></p><p>but, <strong>if you do a great job I will allow you to add one thing to my backstory and I'll use it for my character(as long as it's reasonable)</strong>.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for any help anyone can give.</p><p></p><p></p><p>-From a Mathematician/Statistician who isn't that great at writing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><strong>STORY</strong></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><strong></strong></span>[sblock]<span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-size: 10px">Character: Hexblade/Blade Warlock trying to learn to control his powers.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-size: 10px">Human</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">Dark Brown Hair</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">Green Eyes</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">6'1</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">215</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">Darian originates from the Vinterlands; most of his days spent on a boat on the great lakes at the top of the Vinterlands Mountains fishing. On his 20th birthday, a foggy evening, Darian was on the last fishing trip of the season. As the day grew darker, the boat started to head in to town.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">The waters were calm on the way home...Darian had never seen these waters so calm. He had heard of this happening in old sailor tales, but those were just tales. A loud burst of green light rose out of the water....then all was dark.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">Darian woke up the next day(or so he thought) upon the shore. He slowly made his way to town, feeling a sharp pain in his chest. Walking into to town, everyone seemed surprised to see him and murmuring under their breath. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">He made his way to the docks to find his crew, surely they were all there waiting. The normal docking spot was empty, the normal inn with his crew was also empty...where was everyone. Lenny, the inn owner came out from behind the bar and seemed amazed at the site of Darian.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">After a short conversation...he a had found out his crew was missing, presumed dead, and it had been a month. Becoming emotional, Darian felt an immense anger building inside him...almost being compelled(like scratching an itch). Then it happend, a bright green light exploded from Darians chest and sat the bar on fire and knocking out Lenny.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit">Darian drug Lenny out and not knowing what to do, then ran to his house. Running down the streets, everyone who saw Darian ran inside their homes. He made it to his house and slammed the door. Darian turned around from his door and saw himself in the mirror...horns protruding from his head, eyes red as a blazing fire and his shirt burned away and green veins pulsing from a large scar on his chest...he packed and left that night for Rasgoria. Before his mom had died, she had talked about a small town in Rasgoria, </span></span>Meadowfield,<span style="color: #404040"><span style="font-family: inherit"> and an old friend who lived there...it was the only place he knew to go.</span></span>[/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HermanTheWize, post: 7081281, member: 6803538"] IF someone has the time, and you think you have the ability, I would very much appreciate someone edit my short backstory. OF course I'll give exp for doing it... but, [B]if you do a great job I will allow you to add one thing to my backstory and I'll use it for my character(as long as it's reasonable)[/B]. Thanks for any help anyone can give. -From a Mathematician/Statistician who isn't that great at writing. [SIZE=4][B]STORY [/B][/SIZE][sblock][SIZE=4][SIZE=2]Character: Hexblade/Blade Warlock trying to learn to control his powers. Human [/SIZE][/SIZE][COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']Dark Brown Hair[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']Green Eyes[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']6'1[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']215[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']Darian originates from the Vinterlands; most of his days spent on a boat on the great lakes at the top of the Vinterlands Mountains fishing. On his 20th birthday, a foggy evening, Darian was on the last fishing trip of the season. As the day grew darker, the boat started to head in to town.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']The waters were calm on the way home...Darian had never seen these waters so calm. He had heard of this happening in old sailor tales, but those were just tales. A loud burst of green light rose out of the water....then all was dark.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']Darian woke up the next day(or so he thought) upon the shore. He slowly made his way to town, feeling a sharp pain in his chest. Walking into to town, everyone seemed surprised to see him and murmuring under their breath. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']He made his way to the docks to find his crew, surely they were all there waiting. The normal docking spot was empty, the normal inn with his crew was also empty...where was everyone. Lenny, the inn owner came out from behind the bar and seemed amazed at the site of Darian.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']After a short conversation...he a had found out his crew was missing, presumed dead, and it had been a month. Becoming emotional, Darian felt an immense anger building inside him...almost being compelled(like scratching an itch). Then it happend, a bright green light exploded from Darians chest and sat the bar on fire and knocking out Lenny.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit']Darian drug Lenny out and not knowing what to do, then ran to his house. Running down the streets, everyone who saw Darian ran inside their homes. He made it to his house and slammed the door. Darian turned around from his door and saw himself in the mirror...horns protruding from his head, eyes red as a blazing fire and his shirt burned away and green veins pulsing from a large scar on his chest...he packed and left that night for Rasgoria. Before his mom had died, she had talked about a small town in Rasgoria, [/FONT][/COLOR]Meadowfield,[COLOR=#404040][FONT='inherit'] and an old friend who lived there...it was the only place he knew to go.[/FONT][/COLOR][/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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