Menu
News
All News
Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
Pathfinder
Starfinder
Warhammer
2d20 System
Year Zero Engine
Industry News
Reviews
Dragon Reflections
Columns
Weekly Digests
Weekly News Digest
Freebies, Sales & Bundles
RPG Print News
RPG Crowdfunding News
Game Content
ENterplanetary DimENsions
Mythological Figures
Opinion
Worlds of Design
Peregrine's Next
RPG Evolution
Other Columns
From the Freelancing Frontline
Monster ENcyclopedia
WotC/TSR Alumni Look Back
4 Hours w/RSD (Ryan Dancey)
The Road to 3E (Jonathan Tweet)
Greenwood's Realms (Ed Greenwood)
Drawmij's TSR (Jim Ward)
Community
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Resources
Wiki
Pages
Latest activity
Media
New media
New comments
Search media
Downloads
Latest reviews
Search resources
EN Publishing
Store
EN5ider
Adventures in ZEITGEIST
Awfully Cheerful Engine
What's OLD is NEW
Judge Dredd & The Worlds Of 2000AD
War of the Burning Sky
Level Up: Advanced 5E
Events & Releases
Upcoming Events
Private Events
Featured Events
Socials!
Twitch
YouTube
Facebook (EN Publishing)
Facebook (EN World)
Twitter
Instagram
TikTok
Podcast
Features
Top 5 RPGs Compiled Charts 2004-Present
Adventure Game Industry Market Research Summary (RPGs) V1.0
Ryan Dancey: Acquiring TSR
Q&A With Gary Gygax
D&D Rules FAQs
TSR, WotC, & Paizo: A Comparative History
D&D Pronunciation Guide
Million Dollar TTRPG Kickstarters
Tabletop RPG Podcast Hall of Fame
Eric Noah's Unofficial D&D 3rd Edition News
D&D in the Mainstream
D&D & RPG History
About Morrus
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
The
VOIDRUNNER'S CODEX
is LIVE! Explore new worlds, fight oppressive empires, fend off fearsome aliens, and wield deadly psionics with this comprehensive boxed set expansion for 5E and A5E!
Community
Playing the Game
Story Hour
Of Sound Mind the Halfling Way
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="the Jester" data-source="post: 4240620" data-attributes="member: 1210"><p><strong>The Trial of Eating and the Trial of Drinking</strong></p><p></p><p>Naked of armor, with only a dagger or staff amongst them, the halflings follow their guide to the First Trial of the Promised Land: The Trial of Eating. It is pleasantly warm, with enough wind stirring that the air stays fresh rather than oppressive. The smells of delicious food cooking waft along on the air currents. It looks like it is about noon. </p><p></p><p>The guide leads our heroes to a massive spread of food of all kinds. A clearing, surrounded by a trellis with grape vines curling up it, hosts a mass of food unlike anything the party has ever seen. Spilling over a mass of tables, there are breads, fruits, cheeses, meats, pies... everything that a clan of halflings could hope for in a meal. Several pitches of water, milk, juice and other drinks are upon the tables. It all looks remarkably fresh, and the smells of fresh muffins, bread, bacon and beef mix to form a tantalizing olfactory experience that begs to go on to the next level: in the mouth, down the gullet to rest in the belly.</p><p></p><p>“So much food,” gasps Naomi in awe.</p><p></p><p>The guide nods. “Once you make it into the Promised Land, <em>if</em> you make it into the Promised Land, you will never want for food again.”</p><p></p><p>The party slowly walks up to the arch leading into the clearing where the food is set up. “There are even dishes for us to use!” Nara exclaims, pointing at one table in particular. Jawbreaker snorts at them disdainfully. </p><p></p><p>“Of course. This is the first trial,” the guide announces gravely. “You must show that you know how to eat like halflings. When you are done, walk out of the arch in the trellis on the other side of the clearing.” He indicates the position to which he is referring with a gesture. “I will meet you on the other side. Eat like halflings. Good luck.” </p><p></p><p>With that, the party advances upon the horde of food. Or is it... hoard of food?</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>They eat. </p><p></p><p>Everything, every single morsel, is as good as it looks and smells. This food is succulent, spicy. crispy, crunchy, bursting with juice, salty or bitter as required. It is <em>perfect,</em> literally <em>perfect</em> food. </p><p></p><p>One of them will try something, then declare how delicious it is. Some of their companions move over to join in the feasting on that particular item, but others are too busy with the specific taste that they have found at a different table. Even Ari, scrawny by halfling standards, who favors simple grains, vegetables and nuts, cannot deny that the granola here is better than any other granola that he has ever tasted. Finally he can stand it no longer, and he <em>wild shapes</em> into a bear to devour the mounds of berries, to dig into the fresh salmon, to lick the honeycombs. </p><p></p><p>Jawbreaker thinks like a chief. He prowls about, looking to find the very best first. It is a hard thing, when <em>everything</em> is the very best, but every man has things that he prefers. His inner bear quivers in joy as he begins nom nom nomming along with all his friends- along with his clan. Clan Ham.*</p><p></p><p>Jawbreaker smiles. <em>Long ago, Jawbreaker’s old clan died,</em> he thinks. <em>At last, Jawbreaker has moved on. New clan. New family. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>And soon, the Promised Land.</em> His smile turns into a grin. </p><p></p><p>They eat and eat and eat. Of them all, only Ari is at all moderate. Soon they are all bloated and stuffed. </p><p></p><p>“Can’t eat any more,” gasps Jawbreaker. “So full.”</p><p></p><p>Ari, in bear form, moans agreement. </p><p></p><p><em>“Never!”</em> Naomi cries. “Too much,” gasp wheeze, “is never enough!” She struggles to stuff another sausage in her mouth. Grease drips from her chins, pooling between her pendulous breasts. Butter stains dapple her shirt and collar.</p><p></p><p>Taking heart from their slug-like friend, Erasmuz and Nara continue. Erasmuz pauses, then casts <em>righteous might,</em> growing to medium size and thereby enlarging his remaining stomach space.</p><p></p><p>Finally, when they can barely move, they stop.** Stuffed like they have never been stuffed before, they rest for a time, cleansing their palates with cool water (and, in Naomi’s case, one last fruit tart) and finally staggering towards the arch that leads from the clearing. When they emerge, they find their guide waiting for them with a smile. </p><p></p><p>”Well, how did it go?” he asks.</p><p></p><p>“I thought you could tell us,” replies Ari (who is once again in halfling form).</p><p></p><p>The guide shrugs. “Hey, I’m just your guide.”</p><p></p><p>“What was your name again, buddy?” Erasmuz queries.</p><p></p><p>“Ask me again after you’re in,” the guide says. “Until then, my role is very tightly prescribed.”</p><p></p><p>“Well, what about the next test?” Naomi burbles.</p><p></p><p>“The Trial of Drinking,” the guide nods. “Are you ready?”</p><p></p><p>Jawbreaker chortles. “Jawbreaker ready!”</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>The second trial takes place just around the bend from the first, where a small hillside tavern awaits the group. Their guide leads our heroes inside.</p><p></p><p>Within the hillside tavern is a friendly room that smells pleasantly of pipe weed, fresh-baked bread and ale. It is peopled by a nice mix of races, including a few gnomes, humans, half-elves, a dwarf, even a trio of goblins and a fat centaur. Strangely, though in all cases their race is obvious, all of them are the size of halflings. There are also two other halflings in the place, who look rather glum.</p><p></p><p>The party makes their way into the room. Several of the strangers within nod or raise glasses to the, and a half-elf calls out, “Good luck!”</p><p></p><p>The party approaches the two other halflings. Shrewd Erasmuz notes that the guide doesn’t leave them yet. “Hello,” Nara says to the two glum-looking halflings, who nod at her. “I’m Nara. We’re looking for the Promised Land.”</p><p></p><p>“Yeah, us too,” one of the two strangers replies sadly. “Except, we found it; we just didn’t get in.”</p><p></p><p>“But maybe we can get in with you, if you succeed,” the second one puts in. “I’m Nullick Acorn, and this is my brother Tork.”</p><p></p><p>Gently, the guide says, “You know that it doesn’t work like that.”</p><p></p><p>Nullick’s face falls. “We’ll see,” he answers. “We won’t give up. We’ll find a way! We won’t go back to Cydra- we’ll stay here forever if we have to!”</p><p></p><p>The guide sighs. “Of course, you may stay as long as you like.”</p><p></p><p>The party moves off towards the bar, talking to the other, halfling-sized, people along the way. They are all creatures who attempted to reach the Promised Land with halflings, but didn’t quite make it. Like the Acorn brothers, they refuse to give up, choosing instead to stay on the border to the Promised Land. “They serve their purpose, though,” the guide states enigmatically.</p><p></p><p>The Trial of Drinking requires the pcs to “drink like halflings”, as the Guide invites our heroes to do to the cheers of the onlookers, who all seem to know what’s going on. The crowd boisterously wishes the party luck. Meanwhile, the dwarf tears off his shirt, revealing a formidably-muscled chest and neck, and announces, “I’d best get started, then!” He pulls a prodigiously large bottle of spirits out and takes a frightfully large pull off of it. Smacking his lips, he shouts, “Oh yeah! That’s good! Who doesn’t like that, <strong>oh yeah!!</strong>”</p><p></p><p>“Well,” Nara says, ignoring the dwarf (who is rapidly getting tanked and growing rowdy), “let’s drink like halflings, then!” She orders a round of beers (discovering that the tavern doesn’t charge for drinks) and casts <em>blessed beer,</em> one of the spells that Cornbread taught the party.</p><p></p><p>The party gets to drinking, Queffe dances around, not stripping for once, and the party gets pretty drunk. But not outrageously so; not like the dwarf, who keeps getting louder and louder and more and more obnoxious. Soon he is mocking Naomi. “Damn, girl, I thought that I’d seen fat halflings before, but you’re <em>fat!</em>” he screams.</p><p></p><p>“Why thank you,” she bats her eyelashes at him. </p><p></p><p>The dwarf utters a series of what he means as blistering insults, and Naomi flirts right back. He grows red in the face and gives an angry roar. Queffe steps up between the two of them and says, “Calm down, big boy. You need to relax-”</p><p></p><p>The dwarf throws a drunken punch.</p><p></p><p>Queffe tumbles away. Jawbreaker throws his bucket of beer at the dwarf with a hearty bear-guffaw, and Naomi <em>dominates</em> the dwarf. </p><p></p><p>“Oh, sit down and have a drink with us,” she says, and puts her hand on his knee.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Happily drunk, our heroes leave the tavern behind singing traditional halfling songs about bacon and wine. The dwarf, after his intoxicated and <em>dominated</em> strip tease, was left to gather up what dignity he could and sleep off the effects of the dramatic amounts of liquor that he drank. </p><p></p><p>The guide claps his hands appreciatively as they approach. “If I had to guess, I’d guess that you’re doing well so far,” he tells them.</p><p></p><p>“Can we wait a while for the neksht tesht?” slurs Nara.</p><p></p><p>“As long as you’d like,” he nods.</p><p></p><p>Naomi is already snoring.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>Next Time:</strong></em> The Trials continue!</p><p></p><p>*For the record, the founding of Clan Ham took me completely off guard. I had been expecting a “Clan Jawbreaker” to congeal for about a year (real time), but it never did. </p><p></p><p>**Naomi took 4 points of dex damage from eating, Erasmuz 3 points and Nara 2 points. They really did eat until they could barely move!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="the Jester, post: 4240620, member: 1210"] [b]The Trial of Eating and the Trial of Drinking[/b] Naked of armor, with only a dagger or staff amongst them, the halflings follow their guide to the First Trial of the Promised Land: The Trial of Eating. It is pleasantly warm, with enough wind stirring that the air stays fresh rather than oppressive. The smells of delicious food cooking waft along on the air currents. It looks like it is about noon. The guide leads our heroes to a massive spread of food of all kinds. A clearing, surrounded by a trellis with grape vines curling up it, hosts a mass of food unlike anything the party has ever seen. Spilling over a mass of tables, there are breads, fruits, cheeses, meats, pies... everything that a clan of halflings could hope for in a meal. Several pitches of water, milk, juice and other drinks are upon the tables. It all looks remarkably fresh, and the smells of fresh muffins, bread, bacon and beef mix to form a tantalizing olfactory experience that begs to go on to the next level: in the mouth, down the gullet to rest in the belly. “So much food,” gasps Naomi in awe. The guide nods. “Once you make it into the Promised Land, [i]if[/i] you make it into the Promised Land, you will never want for food again.” The party slowly walks up to the arch leading into the clearing where the food is set up. “There are even dishes for us to use!” Nara exclaims, pointing at one table in particular. Jawbreaker snorts at them disdainfully. “Of course. This is the first trial,” the guide announces gravely. “You must show that you know how to eat like halflings. When you are done, walk out of the arch in the trellis on the other side of the clearing.” He indicates the position to which he is referring with a gesture. “I will meet you on the other side. Eat like halflings. Good luck.” With that, the party advances upon the horde of food. Or is it... hoard of food? *** They eat. Everything, every single morsel, is as good as it looks and smells. This food is succulent, spicy. crispy, crunchy, bursting with juice, salty or bitter as required. It is [i]perfect,[/i] literally [i]perfect[/i] food. One of them will try something, then declare how delicious it is. Some of their companions move over to join in the feasting on that particular item, but others are too busy with the specific taste that they have found at a different table. Even Ari, scrawny by halfling standards, who favors simple grains, vegetables and nuts, cannot deny that the granola here is better than any other granola that he has ever tasted. Finally he can stand it no longer, and he [i]wild shapes[/i] into a bear to devour the mounds of berries, to dig into the fresh salmon, to lick the honeycombs. Jawbreaker thinks like a chief. He prowls about, looking to find the very best first. It is a hard thing, when [i]everything[/i] is the very best, but every man has things that he prefers. His inner bear quivers in joy as he begins nom nom nomming along with all his friends- along with his clan. Clan Ham.* Jawbreaker smiles. [i]Long ago, Jawbreaker’s old clan died,[/i] he thinks. [i]At last, Jawbreaker has moved on. New clan. New family. And soon, the Promised Land.[/i] His smile turns into a grin. They eat and eat and eat. Of them all, only Ari is at all moderate. Soon they are all bloated and stuffed. “Can’t eat any more,” gasps Jawbreaker. “So full.” Ari, in bear form, moans agreement. [i]“Never!”[/i] Naomi cries. “Too much,” gasp wheeze, “is never enough!” She struggles to stuff another sausage in her mouth. Grease drips from her chins, pooling between her pendulous breasts. Butter stains dapple her shirt and collar. Taking heart from their slug-like friend, Erasmuz and Nara continue. Erasmuz pauses, then casts [i]righteous might,[/i] growing to medium size and thereby enlarging his remaining stomach space. Finally, when they can barely move, they stop.** Stuffed like they have never been stuffed before, they rest for a time, cleansing their palates with cool water (and, in Naomi’s case, one last fruit tart) and finally staggering towards the arch that leads from the clearing. When they emerge, they find their guide waiting for them with a smile. ”Well, how did it go?” he asks. “I thought you could tell us,” replies Ari (who is once again in halfling form). The guide shrugs. “Hey, I’m just your guide.” “What was your name again, buddy?” Erasmuz queries. “Ask me again after you’re in,” the guide says. “Until then, my role is very tightly prescribed.” “Well, what about the next test?” Naomi burbles. “The Trial of Drinking,” the guide nods. “Are you ready?” Jawbreaker chortles. “Jawbreaker ready!” *** The second trial takes place just around the bend from the first, where a small hillside tavern awaits the group. Their guide leads our heroes inside. Within the hillside tavern is a friendly room that smells pleasantly of pipe weed, fresh-baked bread and ale. It is peopled by a nice mix of races, including a few gnomes, humans, half-elves, a dwarf, even a trio of goblins and a fat centaur. Strangely, though in all cases their race is obvious, all of them are the size of halflings. There are also two other halflings in the place, who look rather glum. The party makes their way into the room. Several of the strangers within nod or raise glasses to the, and a half-elf calls out, “Good luck!” The party approaches the two other halflings. Shrewd Erasmuz notes that the guide doesn’t leave them yet. “Hello,” Nara says to the two glum-looking halflings, who nod at her. “I’m Nara. We’re looking for the Promised Land.” “Yeah, us too,” one of the two strangers replies sadly. “Except, we found it; we just didn’t get in.” “But maybe we can get in with you, if you succeed,” the second one puts in. “I’m Nullick Acorn, and this is my brother Tork.” Gently, the guide says, “You know that it doesn’t work like that.” Nullick’s face falls. “We’ll see,” he answers. “We won’t give up. We’ll find a way! We won’t go back to Cydra- we’ll stay here forever if we have to!” The guide sighs. “Of course, you may stay as long as you like.” The party moves off towards the bar, talking to the other, halfling-sized, people along the way. They are all creatures who attempted to reach the Promised Land with halflings, but didn’t quite make it. Like the Acorn brothers, they refuse to give up, choosing instead to stay on the border to the Promised Land. “They serve their purpose, though,” the guide states enigmatically. The Trial of Drinking requires the pcs to “drink like halflings”, as the Guide invites our heroes to do to the cheers of the onlookers, who all seem to know what’s going on. The crowd boisterously wishes the party luck. Meanwhile, the dwarf tears off his shirt, revealing a formidably-muscled chest and neck, and announces, “I’d best get started, then!” He pulls a prodigiously large bottle of spirits out and takes a frightfully large pull off of it. Smacking his lips, he shouts, “Oh yeah! That’s good! Who doesn’t like that, [b]oh yeah!![/b]” “Well,” Nara says, ignoring the dwarf (who is rapidly getting tanked and growing rowdy), “let’s drink like halflings, then!” She orders a round of beers (discovering that the tavern doesn’t charge for drinks) and casts [i]blessed beer,[/i] one of the spells that Cornbread taught the party. The party gets to drinking, Queffe dances around, not stripping for once, and the party gets pretty drunk. But not outrageously so; not like the dwarf, who keeps getting louder and louder and more and more obnoxious. Soon he is mocking Naomi. “Damn, girl, I thought that I’d seen fat halflings before, but you’re [i]fat![/i]” he screams. “Why thank you,” she bats her eyelashes at him. The dwarf utters a series of what he means as blistering insults, and Naomi flirts right back. He grows red in the face and gives an angry roar. Queffe steps up between the two of them and says, “Calm down, big boy. You need to relax-” The dwarf throws a drunken punch. Queffe tumbles away. Jawbreaker throws his bucket of beer at the dwarf with a hearty bear-guffaw, and Naomi [i]dominates[/i] the dwarf. “Oh, sit down and have a drink with us,” she says, and puts her hand on his knee. *** Happily drunk, our heroes leave the tavern behind singing traditional halfling songs about bacon and wine. The dwarf, after his intoxicated and [i]dominated[/i] strip tease, was left to gather up what dignity he could and sleep off the effects of the dramatic amounts of liquor that he drank. The guide claps his hands appreciatively as they approach. “If I had to guess, I’d guess that you’re doing well so far,” he tells them. “Can we wait a while for the neksht tesht?” slurs Nara. “As long as you’d like,” he nods. Naomi is already snoring. [i][b]Next Time:[/b][/i][b][/b] The Trials continue! *For the record, the founding of Clan Ham took me completely off guard. I had been expecting a “Clan Jawbreaker” to congeal for about a year (real time), but it never did. **Naomi took 4 points of dex damage from eating, Erasmuz 3 points and Nara 2 points. They really did eat until they could barely move! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Community
Playing the Game
Story Hour
Of Sound Mind the Halfling Way
Top