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ready for a new round of Ceramic DM?(judgements in, check in for finals...)
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<blockquote data-quote="Mirth" data-source="post: 940659" data-attributes="member: 5242"><p><strong>Re: Re: drawmack vs taladas results!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Drawmack, please remember not to take this personally, as it seems you are. I'm only trying to offer constructive criticism, not attack you. That said...</p><p></p><p>I didn't choose to use that picture as the mother, you did. I am offering that you should have used the picture in a different way, specifically in a way that would have added to the development of the plot or story, not as stage dressing. This all might stem from a misunderstanding of the way that the competition works, however. All the submissions for each round should be self-contained and complete as well as being balanced in their use of the picture ingredients. I can only judge the story that you submit now, not one that you <em>might</em> submit in the future. I can't be expected to read your mind.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We don't know anything about this story until the old man transforms and tells it to the ancients in a long diatribe. It is not set up in the first part of the story at all. Basically, the villain steps forward and says, "Here's the plot for those that don't know, and by that I mean everyone." Plot should be something that is developed, not something that is told about in a monologue. It's the old show-don't-tell mantra that you may have heard about.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We don't know he's the villain until he tells us he is, in fact we didn't even know there was a villain until he tells us. The plot doesn't reveal itself until the villain steps forward and tells us what it is. The plot even resolves itself at the same time that it is revealed by the villain. This was a bad narrative decision that you as the author made and I am simply calling you on it. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>How are we the readers supposed to infer that the children are in shock from what is written. To me they seemed nonchalant about the whole thing. They came off as saying, "Well our loved ones were just destroyed by this guy we brought to town... Let's get out of here." I will again reiterate that you may not have been aware of the nature of the competition, which you don't seem to be if you consider your entry to be the first part of a trilogy. You yourself prove the points that I was making. Only one of the pictures is developed and it is developed to the detriment of all of the other pictures. I cannot see the future and predict what you are going to do with the pictures later. And honestly in this contest, you don't have the option to develop it later.</p><p></p><p>I hope that this has given you a better sense of what I was trying to get at in my earlier criticism. Try to take this as a live and learn experience. Next time you enter, hopefully you will fare better. Good luck and PLEASE don't take it personally.</p><p></p><p>I LOVE YOU MAN <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p></p><p>Jay</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mirth, post: 940659, member: 5242"] [b]Re: Re: drawmack vs taladas results![/b] Drawmack, please remember not to take this personally, as it seems you are. I'm only trying to offer constructive criticism, not attack you. That said... I didn't choose to use that picture as the mother, you did. I am offering that you should have used the picture in a different way, specifically in a way that would have added to the development of the plot or story, not as stage dressing. This all might stem from a misunderstanding of the way that the competition works, however. All the submissions for each round should be self-contained and complete as well as being balanced in their use of the picture ingredients. I can only judge the story that you submit now, not one that you [i]might[/i] submit in the future. I can't be expected to read your mind. We don't know anything about this story until the old man transforms and tells it to the ancients in a long diatribe. It is not set up in the first part of the story at all. Basically, the villain steps forward and says, "Here's the plot for those that don't know, and by that I mean everyone." Plot should be something that is developed, not something that is told about in a monologue. It's the old show-don't-tell mantra that you may have heard about. We don't know he's the villain until he tells us he is, in fact we didn't even know there was a villain until he tells us. The plot doesn't reveal itself until the villain steps forward and tells us what it is. The plot even resolves itself at the same time that it is revealed by the villain. This was a bad narrative decision that you as the author made and I am simply calling you on it. How are we the readers supposed to infer that the children are in shock from what is written. To me they seemed nonchalant about the whole thing. They came off as saying, "Well our loved ones were just destroyed by this guy we brought to town... Let's get out of here." I will again reiterate that you may not have been aware of the nature of the competition, which you don't seem to be if you consider your entry to be the first part of a trilogy. You yourself prove the points that I was making. Only one of the pictures is developed and it is developed to the detriment of all of the other pictures. I cannot see the future and predict what you are going to do with the pictures later. And honestly in this contest, you don't have the option to develop it later. I hope that this has given you a better sense of what I was trying to get at in my earlier criticism. Try to take this as a live and learn experience. Next time you enter, hopefully you will fare better. Good luck and PLEASE don't take it personally. I LOVE YOU MAN :D:D:D Jay [/QUOTE]
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