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ready for a new round of Ceramic DM?(judgements in, check in for finals...)
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<blockquote data-quote="alsih2o" data-source="post: 959538" data-attributes="member: 4790"><p>maldur-</p><p> </p><p>Taladas wrote a very short story about one of the kings mages, very nice</p><p>idea but I have seen him do better on the actual writing.</p><p>NoOneofConsequence's story on revenge, always a popular theme in the ceramic</p><p>contest, was better.</p><p>But Joshua wrote a longer, but also much better story. </p><p></p><p>So reading the stories the order should be:</p><p>1:Joshua Dyal</p><p>2: NoOneofConsequence</p><p>3:Taladas </p><p></p><p></p><p>alsih2o-</p><p> nooc- wow, i really like this bit. i like the use of the arm, the wrestlers, the frozen guy, the smoking bird. the story isn't exactly shocking, but the way it uses theses images to convey a classic feeling story just does it for me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> joshua dyal- what an odd story, possibly a bot too long for ceramic dm, but it held my interest the whole way through. i kept waiting for it to fall apart into a poor harry potter ripoff, or a sexual farce of a story, but it was actually pretty darned good. the pictures were all used the same way except 1 though, i liked HOW they were used, but it seems to slightly cheapen them to use them all the same way.</p><p> taladas- good pic usage, but i couuld have stood for a lot more fluff, maybe some more detail and distraction. it just felt a little rushed.</p><p></p><p> for my money, nooc and josh dyal move on <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>mirthcard-</p><p> <strong>NoOneOfConsequence:</strong> Again, nicely done.</p><p>Balanced and clever use of the pictures. Maybe a bit</p><p>too clever? "The Judgment Rendered," indeed. Don't be</p><p>cheeky, mate. I don't read any storyhours (I probably</p><p>should), but this piece is what I conceive of a good</p><p>storyhour to sound like. It's a game scenario that</p><p>doesn't read like a game scenario. We're all gamers</p><p>here and we all love a good game, but how easy would</p><p>it be to capture that game as short fiction and not</p><p>have it sound trite and hokey. Not sure what else to</p><p>say. You are proving to be one hard cookie to break.</p><p></p><p><strong>Joshua Dyal:</strong> I'm just going to come right out</p><p>and say it. I really hated the premise. The combo of</p><p>Harry Potter/Pokemon (or is it Card Captors or is it</p><p>Digimon, who can tell?)/Oversexed Teens/Strip Poker</p><p>left me really cold, so to speak. I can't buy a bunch</p><p>of adults sanctioning/overseeing a stripping contest</p><p>between underage kids anyway. All of that coupled with</p><p>the fact that it just went on way too long made this</p><p>piece extremely difficult to get through. I like your</p><p>writing style, your characterization and your pacing,</p><p>but that premise just drives daggers through my head.</p><p>Your picture use seemed a bit contrived as well. All</p><p>but one of the pics was a force of magic in the game,</p><p>which easily could have been replaced by anything else</p><p>(for example a bunch of pigs and a tiger) and would</p><p>still have worked just as well. The one pic that</p><p>wasn't part of this grouping wasn't used especially</p><p>well either. Even when I take the time to try and get</p><p>into the story, things keep throwing me back out again</p><p>(i.e. Colin knew he was going to a stripping match...</p><p>he knew that the girls had won for several years</p><p>running... the odds are that he will have to strip...</p><p>he DOESN'T have any clean pairs of his normal</p><p>underwear?!?! I just don't buy it!) All in all, this</p><p>entry seemed cheesy and contrived, something I</p><p>honestly wasn't expecting from you.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>Taladas:</strong> Your imagery (and your use of the</p><p>pictures) is quite nice - the oracle incased in glass,</p><p>Lord Sean sitting bored at the festival play, the</p><p>breath of a songbird - all of these details are really</p><p>well done and draw me into the tale. Yet my confusion</p><p>outweighs my interest because your main character's</p><p>point of view shifts so often. From third person to</p><p>first person, from passive to active voice - this</p><p>story is all over the place. It's so hard to follow</p><p>that I find myself not caring about what happens. It</p><p>seems as if you rushed to get this in on time. A good</p><p>reread and some strong editing could have helped this</p><p>piece get unstuck from the mire that it has instead</p><p>become. As it is, I can't read it.</p><p></p><p><em>mirthcard's decision:[/b] NoOneOfConsequence and</em></p><p><em>Joshua Dyal advance to the finals. The former for</em></p><p><em>obvious reasons, the latter because even though I</em></p><p><em>found the subject matter distasteful, it was readable,</em></p><p><em>whereas Taladas' entry was not.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p> <em>unanimous, josh dyal and nooc go on to the finals.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="alsih2o, post: 959538, member: 4790"] maldur- Taladas wrote a very short story about one of the kings mages, very nice idea but I have seen him do better on the actual writing. NoOneofConsequence's story on revenge, always a popular theme in the ceramic contest, was better. But Joshua wrote a longer, but also much better story. So reading the stories the order should be: 1:Joshua Dyal 2: NoOneofConsequence 3:Taladas alsih2o- nooc- wow, i really like this bit. i like the use of the arm, the wrestlers, the frozen guy, the smoking bird. the story isn't exactly shocking, but the way it uses theses images to convey a classic feeling story just does it for me :) joshua dyal- what an odd story, possibly a bot too long for ceramic dm, but it held my interest the whole way through. i kept waiting for it to fall apart into a poor harry potter ripoff, or a sexual farce of a story, but it was actually pretty darned good. the pictures were all used the same way except 1 though, i liked HOW they were used, but it seems to slightly cheapen them to use them all the same way. taladas- good pic usage, but i couuld have stood for a lot more fluff, maybe some more detail and distraction. it just felt a little rushed. for my money, nooc and josh dyal move on :) mirthcard- [b]NoOneOfConsequence:[/b] Again, nicely done. Balanced and clever use of the pictures. Maybe a bit too clever? "The Judgment Rendered," indeed. Don't be cheeky, mate. I don't read any storyhours (I probably should), but this piece is what I conceive of a good storyhour to sound like. It's a game scenario that doesn't read like a game scenario. We're all gamers here and we all love a good game, but how easy would it be to capture that game as short fiction and not have it sound trite and hokey. Not sure what else to say. You are proving to be one hard cookie to break. [b]Joshua Dyal:[/b] I'm just going to come right out and say it. I really hated the premise. The combo of Harry Potter/Pokemon (or is it Card Captors or is it Digimon, who can tell?)/Oversexed Teens/Strip Poker left me really cold, so to speak. I can't buy a bunch of adults sanctioning/overseeing a stripping contest between underage kids anyway. All of that coupled with the fact that it just went on way too long made this piece extremely difficult to get through. I like your writing style, your characterization and your pacing, but that premise just drives daggers through my head. Your picture use seemed a bit contrived as well. All but one of the pics was a force of magic in the game, which easily could have been replaced by anything else (for example a bunch of pigs and a tiger) and would still have worked just as well. The one pic that wasn't part of this grouping wasn't used especially well either. Even when I take the time to try and get into the story, things keep throwing me back out again (i.e. Colin knew he was going to a stripping match... he knew that the girls had won for several years running... the odds are that he will have to strip... he DOESN'T have any clean pairs of his normal underwear?!?! I just don't buy it!) All in all, this entry seemed cheesy and contrived, something I honestly wasn't expecting from you. [b]Taladas:[/b] Your imagery (and your use of the pictures) is quite nice - the oracle incased in glass, Lord Sean sitting bored at the festival play, the breath of a songbird - all of these details are really well done and draw me into the tale. Yet my confusion outweighs my interest because your main character's point of view shifts so often. From third person to first person, from passive to active voice - this story is all over the place. It's so hard to follow that I find myself not caring about what happens. It seems as if you rushed to get this in on time. A good reread and some strong editing could have helped this piece get unstuck from the mire that it has instead become. As it is, I can't read it. [i]mirthcard's decision:[/b] NoOneOfConsequence and Joshua Dyal advance to the finals. The former for obvious reasons, the latter because even though I found the subject matter distasteful, it was readable, whereas Taladas' entry was not. unanimous, josh dyal and nooc go on to the finals.[/i] [/QUOTE]
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