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Spectator Commentary thread for Ceramic DM (Winter 2005)
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<blockquote data-quote="BSF" data-source="post: 1993728" data-attributes="member: 13098"><p><strong>Taladas - Charon Calls</strong></p><p></p><p>Hey Taladas!</p><p></p><p>OK, there are several things that I enjoy about your story. Little things like the paperboy demanding two dollars. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> The three-day course in Orlando to become a Charon is also fun. </p><p></p><p>It seems like the story is a bit rushed. OK, that's not a surprise. We are talking about Ceramic DM here. While I liked the encounter with the paperboy, I can't help but question what it does to drive the story forward. The use of the sinkhole isn't bad, but I think it could have been tied into the story a little better. The fare isn't bad. I think I would have liked a little description though when Larry first meets him. The last two pictures suffer from a lack of description and relevance as well. </p><p></p><p>One of the hardest things to avoid in the rush of a Ceramic DM story is relying too much on the pictures to describe themselves. Especially since they are always such oddball pictures. </p><p></p><p>In the end, I think your story is a solid idea that needs some fleshing out. It reads a bit more like a draft where you have sketeched in portions, but haven't finished filling everything out. Nevertheless, I did enjoy it and I offer my thanks for weaving the story together. You always have interesting ideas that are fun to read.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BSF, post: 1993728, member: 13098"] [b]Taladas - Charon Calls[/b] Hey Taladas! OK, there are several things that I enjoy about your story. Little things like the paperboy demanding two dollars. :) The three-day course in Orlando to become a Charon is also fun. It seems like the story is a bit rushed. OK, that's not a surprise. We are talking about Ceramic DM here. While I liked the encounter with the paperboy, I can't help but question what it does to drive the story forward. The use of the sinkhole isn't bad, but I think it could have been tied into the story a little better. The fare isn't bad. I think I would have liked a little description though when Larry first meets him. The last two pictures suffer from a lack of description and relevance as well. One of the hardest things to avoid in the rush of a Ceramic DM story is relying too much on the pictures to describe themselves. Especially since they are always such oddball pictures. In the end, I think your story is a solid idea that needs some fleshing out. It reads a bit more like a draft where you have sketeched in portions, but haven't finished filling everything out. Nevertheless, I did enjoy it and I offer my thanks for weaving the story together. You always have interesting ideas that are fun to read. [/QUOTE]
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Spectator Commentary thread for Ceramic DM (Winter 2005)
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