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Spectator Commentary thread for Ceramic DM (Winter 2005)
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<blockquote data-quote="Hellefire" data-source="post: 2001754" data-attributes="member: 28129"><p>All I can say is, wow. A lot of imagination and a lot of talent. I have enjoyed all of these stories. Personally, I havent written anything except poetry since high school about 15 years ago. I signed up one night after drinking a bit too much wine. But I am glad I did, both from what I am learning writing for myself, and for what I am seeing in other peoples writing.</p><p> </p><p>I don't know if I should make critiques, being a contestant myself. But I guess I will since I'm not a judge.</p><p> </p><p>the 'nilla wafer stories. The first one was interesting but seemed stretched. The horror one I thought was more imaginative and made better use of the pics. I agree with judges call. No offense to anyone.</p><p> </p><p>the snail on the road stories. They were both great stories. The high school magic kid one was funny. The race one was more involved and seemed like it would be a good moral lesson or heading toward a novel. Very professional. As much as I like fun more than morals, I give my vote to the race story.</p><p> </p><p>the parade stories. The changeling story was great and had a great ending that I hadn't seen and i Love the irony of. The clown of god story was very well written and I enjoyed it, the ending was warm and fuzzy and I like that kinda thing. But I am still debating the issue of using someone else's story, even if you twist it in your own way. I appreciate the ackowledgement of the fact, but really, that takes away too much in my opinion. I vote for the changelings.</p><p> </p><p>the worst day story. laughed a bunch. I would have liked to see a competing story, but you did damn well. looking forward to seeing your next one.</p><p> </p><p>Princess. Best use of pictures I have seen so far. Tied with the race story for my favorite story so far, both mainly due to interesting story, easy reading, entertaining and great flow. Incidentally, my own daughter's name is Sunshine.</p><p> </p><p>Ghoul stories. end of worlds did a great job of explaining scientific theory in a short story. The story itself was captivating and an interesting idea. A little nit-picking; with all that advanced math, i'm not sure how 4 people paying 2million euros each came out to a 10million euro profit, and John explaining to his friend who started the theories seemed like a no-other-idea way of introducing the concept, since I would imagine that would be pretty common knowledge. Til death do us part (or til death do us partner), which is my suggestion for the title, was also a smooth tale. It seemed very realistic at the beginning, detailing a real relationship. The ghouls were worked in well, and I liked the not-written decision that he does Love her, blah-blah-blah. I think it was a bit too quick of a turn from we're seperation to cute shower scenes, even though the reasons for the friction were explained. All-in-all a great story though. I have personal biases, because John has a relationship with his daughter that I want to have with mine (who is now a little over a year old), and the relationship of Glen and Becky reminded me of me and my first ex-wife (dont ask <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />). Anyway, it was a close call, but I have to go with end of worlds.</p><p> </p><p>Cat cake stories. hardest for me to judge so far. i read life's illusions first, and was extremely impressed with picture use, flow and enjoyment. great story and written superbly. Though it would win hands down, but then I read determinism. Also a great story, and great picture use. In addition, I Loved the humor, that added a lot for me. Eventually i realized that I think determinism uses too many descriptions. They are ok in a novel or if they are an important part of the story, but in a short story, they seemed to take a third of the words. I also had a couple hanging questions that I would have liked at least partly answered or alluded to, like the accident with the cat. so, after much though, I have to give my vote to life's illusions, but on a 2-1 scale instead of a 1-0 or 3-0 scale.</p><p> </p><p>lastly, but not leastly, my own contest with orchid blossom. i liked both stories but judging on something i wrote is nigh impossible for me. i wanted more words, i had more to add and felt i had to rush the ending a bit. orchids was a great story, though i thought a bit vague in a couple areas, again a word count thing. My judgement - no comment.</p><p> </p><p>My Judgements(official judgements):</p><p>Firelance vs NiTessine - Firelance(Firelance) </p><p>Hellefire vs Orchid Blossom - Hellefire(Orchid Blossom)</p><p>CarpeDavid vs Mythago - Mythago(Mythago)</p><p>Big Tom vs Eeralai - Eeralai(Eeralai)</p><p>Thorod Ashstaff vs Rodrigo Istalindir - Thorod Ashstaff(Thorod Ashstaff)</p><p>Macbeth vs Ruined - Ruined(Macbeth)</p><p>Maddman75 vs Sigurd - Maddman75(Maddman75)</p><p>MarauderX vs Taladas - MarauderX(MarauderX)</p><p> </p><p>I was 6/8 on round one. Then again, two of those were no contests.</p><p> </p><p>My favorite story of round 1 goes to Thorod Ashstaff for End of Worlds.</p><p> </p><p>Aaron Blair</p><p>Foren Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hellefire, post: 2001754, member: 28129"] All I can say is, wow. A lot of imagination and a lot of talent. I have enjoyed all of these stories. Personally, I havent written anything except poetry since high school about 15 years ago. I signed up one night after drinking a bit too much wine. But I am glad I did, both from what I am learning writing for myself, and for what I am seeing in other peoples writing. I don't know if I should make critiques, being a contestant myself. But I guess I will since I'm not a judge. the 'nilla wafer stories. The first one was interesting but seemed stretched. The horror one I thought was more imaginative and made better use of the pics. I agree with judges call. No offense to anyone. the snail on the road stories. They were both great stories. The high school magic kid one was funny. The race one was more involved and seemed like it would be a good moral lesson or heading toward a novel. Very professional. As much as I like fun more than morals, I give my vote to the race story. the parade stories. The changeling story was great and had a great ending that I hadn't seen and i Love the irony of. The clown of god story was very well written and I enjoyed it, the ending was warm and fuzzy and I like that kinda thing. But I am still debating the issue of using someone else's story, even if you twist it in your own way. I appreciate the ackowledgement of the fact, but really, that takes away too much in my opinion. I vote for the changelings. the worst day story. laughed a bunch. I would have liked to see a competing story, but you did damn well. looking forward to seeing your next one. Princess. Best use of pictures I have seen so far. Tied with the race story for my favorite story so far, both mainly due to interesting story, easy reading, entertaining and great flow. Incidentally, my own daughter's name is Sunshine. Ghoul stories. end of worlds did a great job of explaining scientific theory in a short story. The story itself was captivating and an interesting idea. A little nit-picking; with all that advanced math, i'm not sure how 4 people paying 2million euros each came out to a 10million euro profit, and John explaining to his friend who started the theories seemed like a no-other-idea way of introducing the concept, since I would imagine that would be pretty common knowledge. Til death do us part (or til death do us partner), which is my suggestion for the title, was also a smooth tale. It seemed very realistic at the beginning, detailing a real relationship. The ghouls were worked in well, and I liked the not-written decision that he does Love her, blah-blah-blah. I think it was a bit too quick of a turn from we're seperation to cute shower scenes, even though the reasons for the friction were explained. All-in-all a great story though. I have personal biases, because John has a relationship with his daughter that I want to have with mine (who is now a little over a year old), and the relationship of Glen and Becky reminded me of me and my first ex-wife (dont ask :)). Anyway, it was a close call, but I have to go with end of worlds. Cat cake stories. hardest for me to judge so far. i read life's illusions first, and was extremely impressed with picture use, flow and enjoyment. great story and written superbly. Though it would win hands down, but then I read determinism. Also a great story, and great picture use. In addition, I Loved the humor, that added a lot for me. Eventually i realized that I think determinism uses too many descriptions. They are ok in a novel or if they are an important part of the story, but in a short story, they seemed to take a third of the words. I also had a couple hanging questions that I would have liked at least partly answered or alluded to, like the accident with the cat. so, after much though, I have to give my vote to life's illusions, but on a 2-1 scale instead of a 1-0 or 3-0 scale. lastly, but not leastly, my own contest with orchid blossom. i liked both stories but judging on something i wrote is nigh impossible for me. i wanted more words, i had more to add and felt i had to rush the ending a bit. orchids was a great story, though i thought a bit vague in a couple areas, again a word count thing. My judgement - no comment. My Judgements(official judgements): Firelance vs NiTessine - Firelance(Firelance) Hellefire vs Orchid Blossom - Hellefire(Orchid Blossom) CarpeDavid vs Mythago - Mythago(Mythago) Big Tom vs Eeralai - Eeralai(Eeralai) Thorod Ashstaff vs Rodrigo Istalindir - Thorod Ashstaff(Thorod Ashstaff) Macbeth vs Ruined - Ruined(Macbeth) Maddman75 vs Sigurd - Maddman75(Maddman75) MarauderX vs Taladas - MarauderX(MarauderX) I was 6/8 on round one. Then again, two of those were no contests. My favorite story of round 1 goes to Thorod Ashstaff for End of Worlds. Aaron Blair Foren Star [/QUOTE]
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