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The Adventures of the Gofers of Zarash'ak
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<blockquote data-quote="Karrde723" data-source="post: 5254577" data-attributes="member: 35837"><p><strong>The Adventures of the Gophers of Zarash'ak: Entry 2</strong></p><p></p><p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: left">AUTHOR'S NOTE: Damn this took a long time to write. This isn't as easy as I'd thought it'd be.</p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: left"></p></p> <p style="text-align: center">EPISODE II.5: THE FILLER EPISODE</p> <p style="text-align: center">In which our heroes wait for the plot to continue.</p> <p style="text-align: center"></p><p></p><p>The caravan reached Urthhold without further incident.</p><p></p><p> “The ship won’t reach port ‘til tomorrow morning,” Azeron told them in the port office when they reached the dock. “So piss off ‘til then.”</p><p></p><p> Theren and Theta nodded and turned to go. Lyanwhyte, however…</p><p></p><p> “Of course, but about young Cabbagehead…”</p><p></p><p> Azeron signaled to the ogre, who picked up Lyanwhyte and tossed him out the window.</p><p></p><p> Lyanwhyte landed hard on his face. Slowly, he stood and brushed himself off. “I shall make note of this,” he muttered to himself.</p><p></p><p> Theren and Theta left and split up. Theren was looking forward to the time alone. Mainly because it was time away from Lyanwhyte. He walked the busy streets looking for the best bar in town, which considering Urthhold was little more than a glorified shantytown, was a little like trying to find the softest part of a manure heap. While searching, he had the distinct feeling he was being followed. He discreetly looked around and found, much to his dismay, Lyanwhyte was poorly attempting to tail him. Theren ignored him, hoping the bard would keep his distance. But he also noticed two hobgoblins seemed to be unusually interested in him, though they were much more discreet about it than Lyanwhyte.</p><p> </p><p>Theren found a not entirely run down tavern called the Tarnished Monkey and entered. Inside was what would be a typical dive bar in any other city, but in Urthhold was probably a first class establishment. The patrons were mostly goblins and hobgoblins with a smattering of humans. Behind the bar was a massive female bugbear, polishing a chipped glass with a dirty rag. Theren sat at the bar and noticed both Lyanwhyte and the two tailing hobgoblins enter the bar. The hobgoblins quietly took a seat at a table, while Lyanwhyte walked right up to Theren.</p><p> </p><p>“Fancy meeting you here,” Lyanwhyte said. Theren grimaced in response.</p><p> </p><p>The bartender stepped up to them. “Whatd’ya want?” “A flagon of your finest, barkeep,” said Lyanwhyte. “What’s good to eat?” asked Theren.</p><p> </p><p>“We got some good elf meat in yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anything that doesn’t think?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just said we got elf meat,” the bartender said with a toothy grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Just a glass of the cheap stuff.” The bartender poured two mugs of the same beer and set them down in front of Theren and Lyanwhyte.</p><p></p><p>“My good lady, I am the Lord General Lyanwhyte, a humble minstrel, and I was hoping I could entertain your patrons with a small medley.”</p><p> </p><p>“We usually don’t get music from your…” the bartender looked over Lyanwhyte’s ridiculous outfit, “type.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then you are in for a treat.”</p><p> </p><p>Theren grabbed a tiny hand as it wrapped around his money pouch. A small goblin looked up at him in surprise and fright. Theren leaned down close to the goblin. <em>I suggest you find an easier mark</em> he hissed in Giant. Lyanwhyte loomed up next to the goblin, his height and bizarre appearance somehow adding to his menace. <strong>YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO HIM</strong> Lyanwhyte boomed in his best devilish sounding Supernal. Theren released the goblin’s hand and he ran off to a far off corner of the bar. Lyanwhyte turned back to the bartender, all smiles. “Now shall I play a ballad or would you prefer something… lighter?”</p><p> </p><p style="text-align: center">*****</p> <p style="text-align: center"></p><p></p><p> As Lyanwhyte set up, Theren watched the hobgoblins. They seemed to be minding their own business until one “accidentally” stretched his leg as a human walked past. The human tripped, knocking into a table of hobgoblins, spilling their drinks. The first strands of Lyanwhyte’s ballad began to ring out.</p><p></p><p> “Watch where you’re walking jackass,” said the hobgoblin.</p><p> </p><p>“Who you calling a jackass?” asked the human.</p><p> </p><p>The first punch flew as Lyanwhyte began. “Ricky was a young boy; he had a heart of stone…”</p><p> </p><p>It was a full on bar brawl in mere moments. One of the hobgoblins stood, drew his sword, and pointed at Theren. The other pulled out a flail rushed Lyanwhyte on the stage.</p><p> </p><p>“Worked his FINGERS TO THE BOOOONE!” Lyanwhyte’s voice blew a hole in the floor in front of the would be attacker. The hobgoblin kept coming, leaping onto the stage and delivering Lyanwhyte a savage blow. Lyanwhyte grimaced but didn’t miss a note.</p><p> </p><p>The other hobgoblin charged Theren. Theren vaulted over the bar just in time for the hobgoblin’s slash to miss. Theren had his bow out in an instant and placed two shots right into the hobgoblin’s chest. The hobgoblin didn’t even notice.</p><p> </p><p>Lyanwhyte stumbled off the stage, barely dodging another hit from the flail. He backed up toward Theren hoping he could switch the hobgoblin’s attention to the ranger or at least gain some assistance from him. “Fought like a switchblade so no ONE could take him down!” Lyanwhyte sang as he struck a power chord, a bolt of lightning blasting from the guitar and shocking both hobgoblins. They barely noticed. This was not good.</p><p> </p><p>Outside, Theta walked through the city’s square. He had hours ago discovered the first place he had wanted to find, a place away from the other two, but had yet to find the second, some place interesting. He heard the unmistakable sounds of a bar fight from a tavern right off the square and hurried toward it, hoping to get in on the action. He crashed through the nearest door into the tavern to find himself in the kitchen with a couple startled cooks. Through the door to the main hall, Theren backed up into the kitchen, shooting through the open doorway. Theta drew his axe.</p><p> </p><p>Theren was relieved to see Theta as he charged past him. This would make things a lot easier. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of the cooks stealthily advancing on him wielding a frying pan. A quick shot from Theren’s bow pinned the cook’s sleeve to the wall and discouraged any more heroics. He turned back to the fight only to see the barkeep inches from him wielding a Morningstar the size of him. She glared at Theren. “You’re paying. For. My. Door.” Theren nodded emphatically and the barkeep returned to the bar.</p><p> </p><p>Theren returned to the fight to find Theta handily beating the crap out of his hobgoblin attacker. “Take him alive, Theta. I want some questions answered.” Theta obliged by bashing the hobgoblin’s skull through the wall and the hobgoblin went limp.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Lyanwhyte was barely dodging his assailant and was launching sonic blasts that could only be described as “in the general direction” of the hobgoblin. On the bright side though, he hadn’t missed a note. Theren put an arrow in the hobgoblin’s chest while Theta charged him and embedded his axe in the hobgoblin’s side.</p><p> </p><p>The remaining hobgoblin, now facing three against one, booked it, taking a parting blow from both Theta and Theren before fleeing out into the crowded street.</p><p> </p><p>As the last strains of Lyanwhyte’s song rang out, the group turned back to the trashed and mostly empty bar. There was a smattering of applause from the few employees cleaning up, but all the patrons had either left or fallen unconscious or dead.</p><p> </p><p>Except one.</p><p> </p><p>Theren recognized the goblin quietly sneaking away as the one who had tried to rob him earlier. “Grab him!” Theren said. At this the goblin tried to run but it was easily caught by Theta.</p><p> </p><p>“You, what’s your name?” Theren asked. The goblin stared in wide eyed bewilderment at them and started jabbering in Goblin. <strong>WHAT IS YOUR NAME</strong> Lyanwhyte repeated. The goblin pointed to himself and said, “Grok.”</p><p> </p><p>“Grok, do you know what this was about?” Theren asked. Lyanwhyte repeated it in Supernal, but Grok shook his head. Theren sighed. The only choice was the one unconscious hobgoblin then. Theren searched the body for clues, but came up with nothing more than a bag heavy with gold. Theren turned to the barkeep, who had gone back to polishing her glasses. He tossed her the bag.</p><p> </p><p>“That should pay for the door. We’ll also be needing a room for the night and…” he looked at the unconscious hobgoblin, “some privacy.”</p><p> </p><p>The barkeep weighed the bag in her hand and nodded. “You’d better not get blood everywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>Theta lifted up the cowering Grok by the head until he was at eye level. He looked into the goblins eyes. “You. Are. Mine.” Grok hastily nodded. Lyanwhyte moved in next to Theta and pointed to Grok’s chest. He leaned in, looked Grok in the eye, and said <strong>OTHER CABBAGEHEAD</strong>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Karrde723, post: 5254577, member: 35837"] [b]The Adventures of the Gophers of Zarash'ak: Entry 2[/b] [CENTER][LEFT]AUTHOR'S NOTE: Damn this took a long time to write. This isn't as easy as I'd thought it'd be. [/LEFT] EPISODE II.5: THE FILLER EPISODE In which our heroes wait for the plot to continue. [/CENTER] The caravan reached Urthhold without further incident. “The ship won’t reach port ‘til tomorrow morning,” Azeron told them in the port office when they reached the dock. “So piss off ‘til then.” Theren and Theta nodded and turned to go. Lyanwhyte, however… “Of course, but about young Cabbagehead…” Azeron signaled to the ogre, who picked up Lyanwhyte and tossed him out the window. Lyanwhyte landed hard on his face. Slowly, he stood and brushed himself off. “I shall make note of this,” he muttered to himself. Theren and Theta left and split up. Theren was looking forward to the time alone. Mainly because it was time away from Lyanwhyte. He walked the busy streets looking for the best bar in town, which considering Urthhold was little more than a glorified shantytown, was a little like trying to find the softest part of a manure heap. While searching, he had the distinct feeling he was being followed. He discreetly looked around and found, much to his dismay, Lyanwhyte was poorly attempting to tail him. Theren ignored him, hoping the bard would keep his distance. But he also noticed two hobgoblins seemed to be unusually interested in him, though they were much more discreet about it than Lyanwhyte. Theren found a not entirely run down tavern called the Tarnished Monkey and entered. Inside was what would be a typical dive bar in any other city, but in Urthhold was probably a first class establishment. The patrons were mostly goblins and hobgoblins with a smattering of humans. Behind the bar was a massive female bugbear, polishing a chipped glass with a dirty rag. Theren sat at the bar and noticed both Lyanwhyte and the two tailing hobgoblins enter the bar. The hobgoblins quietly took a seat at a table, while Lyanwhyte walked right up to Theren. “Fancy meeting you here,” Lyanwhyte said. Theren grimaced in response. The bartender stepped up to them. “Whatd’ya want?” “A flagon of your finest, barkeep,” said Lyanwhyte. “What’s good to eat?” asked Theren. “We got some good elf meat in yesterday.” “Anything that doesn’t think?” “I just said we got elf meat,” the bartender said with a toothy grin. “Just a glass of the cheap stuff.” The bartender poured two mugs of the same beer and set them down in front of Theren and Lyanwhyte. “My good lady, I am the Lord General Lyanwhyte, a humble minstrel, and I was hoping I could entertain your patrons with a small medley.” “We usually don’t get music from your…” the bartender looked over Lyanwhyte’s ridiculous outfit, “type.” “Then you are in for a treat.” Theren grabbed a tiny hand as it wrapped around his money pouch. A small goblin looked up at him in surprise and fright. Theren leaned down close to the goblin. [I]I suggest you find an easier mark[/I] he hissed in Giant. Lyanwhyte loomed up next to the goblin, his height and bizarre appearance somehow adding to his menace. [B]YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO HIM[/B] Lyanwhyte boomed in his best devilish sounding Supernal. Theren released the goblin’s hand and he ran off to a far off corner of the bar. Lyanwhyte turned back to the bartender, all smiles. “Now shall I play a ballad or would you prefer something… lighter?” [CENTER]***** [/CENTER] As Lyanwhyte set up, Theren watched the hobgoblins. They seemed to be minding their own business until one “accidentally” stretched his leg as a human walked past. The human tripped, knocking into a table of hobgoblins, spilling their drinks. The first strands of Lyanwhyte’s ballad began to ring out. “Watch where you’re walking jackass,” said the hobgoblin. “Who you calling a jackass?” asked the human. The first punch flew as Lyanwhyte began. “Ricky was a young boy; he had a heart of stone…” It was a full on bar brawl in mere moments. One of the hobgoblins stood, drew his sword, and pointed at Theren. The other pulled out a flail rushed Lyanwhyte on the stage. “Worked his FINGERS TO THE BOOOONE!” Lyanwhyte’s voice blew a hole in the floor in front of the would be attacker. The hobgoblin kept coming, leaping onto the stage and delivering Lyanwhyte a savage blow. Lyanwhyte grimaced but didn’t miss a note. The other hobgoblin charged Theren. Theren vaulted over the bar just in time for the hobgoblin’s slash to miss. Theren had his bow out in an instant and placed two shots right into the hobgoblin’s chest. The hobgoblin didn’t even notice. Lyanwhyte stumbled off the stage, barely dodging another hit from the flail. He backed up toward Theren hoping he could switch the hobgoblin’s attention to the ranger or at least gain some assistance from him. “Fought like a switchblade so no ONE could take him down!” Lyanwhyte sang as he struck a power chord, a bolt of lightning blasting from the guitar and shocking both hobgoblins. They barely noticed. This was not good. Outside, Theta walked through the city’s square. He had hours ago discovered the first place he had wanted to find, a place away from the other two, but had yet to find the second, some place interesting. He heard the unmistakable sounds of a bar fight from a tavern right off the square and hurried toward it, hoping to get in on the action. He crashed through the nearest door into the tavern to find himself in the kitchen with a couple startled cooks. Through the door to the main hall, Theren backed up into the kitchen, shooting through the open doorway. Theta drew his axe. Theren was relieved to see Theta as he charged past him. This would make things a lot easier. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of the cooks stealthily advancing on him wielding a frying pan. A quick shot from Theren’s bow pinned the cook’s sleeve to the wall and discouraged any more heroics. He turned back to the fight only to see the barkeep inches from him wielding a Morningstar the size of him. She glared at Theren. “You’re paying. For. My. Door.” Theren nodded emphatically and the barkeep returned to the bar. Theren returned to the fight to find Theta handily beating the crap out of his hobgoblin attacker. “Take him alive, Theta. I want some questions answered.” Theta obliged by bashing the hobgoblin’s skull through the wall and the hobgoblin went limp. Meanwhile, Lyanwhyte was barely dodging his assailant and was launching sonic blasts that could only be described as “in the general direction” of the hobgoblin. On the bright side though, he hadn’t missed a note. Theren put an arrow in the hobgoblin’s chest while Theta charged him and embedded his axe in the hobgoblin’s side. The remaining hobgoblin, now facing three against one, booked it, taking a parting blow from both Theta and Theren before fleeing out into the crowded street. As the last strains of Lyanwhyte’s song rang out, the group turned back to the trashed and mostly empty bar. There was a smattering of applause from the few employees cleaning up, but all the patrons had either left or fallen unconscious or dead. Except one. Theren recognized the goblin quietly sneaking away as the one who had tried to rob him earlier. “Grab him!” Theren said. At this the goblin tried to run but it was easily caught by Theta. “You, what’s your name?” Theren asked. The goblin stared in wide eyed bewilderment at them and started jabbering in Goblin. [B]WHAT IS YOUR NAME[/B] Lyanwhyte repeated. The goblin pointed to himself and said, “Grok.” “Grok, do you know what this was about?” Theren asked. Lyanwhyte repeated it in Supernal, but Grok shook his head. Theren sighed. The only choice was the one unconscious hobgoblin then. Theren searched the body for clues, but came up with nothing more than a bag heavy with gold. Theren turned to the barkeep, who had gone back to polishing her glasses. He tossed her the bag. “That should pay for the door. We’ll also be needing a room for the night and…” he looked at the unconscious hobgoblin, “some privacy.” The barkeep weighed the bag in her hand and nodded. “You’d better not get blood everywhere.” Theta lifted up the cowering Grok by the head until he was at eye level. He looked into the goblins eyes. “You. Are. Mine.” Grok hastily nodded. Lyanwhyte moved in next to Theta and pointed to Grok’s chest. He leaned in, looked Grok in the eye, and said [B]OTHER CABBAGEHEAD[/B]. [/QUOTE]
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