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THE ECOLOGY OF THE DEATH KISS (unpublished Monster Hunters "Ecology" article)
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<blockquote data-quote="Richards" data-source="post: 4097850" data-attributes="member: 508"><p>"Battleblades!" cried Jasper, signaling the others for their war cry. The twin halflings and the dwarven battle-cleric yelled in unison with their party leader: "LET'S KILL IT!" Then they raced into battle, weapons drawn and screaming like idiots.</p><p></p><p>"I thought we had decided that ranged warfare was the way to go with these things," said Rhionda, confused, running after the others.</p><p></p><p>"I'm sure Jasper would insist that that last battle was a fluke," explained Buntleby. "'If it hadn't taken us by surprise I'm sure we would have cut it to ribbons in No Time At All!'" he said in an eerily authentic impersonation of Jasper's voice. "Besides, knowing Jasper, he's still miffed that he pretty much had to be rescued from that last monster and wants to make up for it by showing off his combat prowess against this one."</p><p></p><p>Buntleby and Rhionda caught up to the others just as the battle began. With a fearsome yell, Jasper swung his gleaming sword into the side of the erratically-hovering creature. He fully expected his sword to strike deep into the monster's mottled gray flank.</p><p></p><p>He didn't expect the death kiss to pop open like an overripe melon.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened. With a sound like a watermelon landing on the cobblestones after being dropped from the top of a four-story building, the monster literally exploded outward, covering the surprised Battleblades in a shower of blood and gore.<strong>[24]</strong> "What the--?" cried Jasper, momentarily astonished. Then he turned to his fellows and crowed, "Did you see that, men? One blow from my mighty--AAAGH! Get it off! Get it off!"</p><p></p><p>Jasper pulled at the rubbery beast, a scaled-down version of the creature he'd just slain, which had been released by the explosion and was now attaching a number of sharp-tipped tentacles to various points on Jasper's face and neck. A veritable swarm of the pint-sized creatures buzzed about, picking and choosing among the delicious Battleblades as to which would best fulfill their dietary requirements. One attached feeding tentacles to each of Frollick's hands, binding him up such that he couldn't swing his war axe at the offensive little creature. Frustrated, the battle-cleric bit down hard on the minikiss' spherical body and pulled it away from his hands, ripping off the tentacles and showering him in a spray of his own blood. Several others chose one or the other of the halflings as their targets; one unwisely chose both and was ripped in half when the twins ran in opposite directions.</p><p></p><p>"Spells?" asked Rhionda.</p><p></p><p>"Out," replied Buntleby.</p><p></p><p>"Dagger?" she asked.</p><p></p><p>"Dagger it is," he replied, drawing his blade from his belt.</p><p></p><p>The two of them leapt into the fray, blades flashing. Fortunately for them, while these little flying monstrosities darted around much more agilely than either of their larger versions, one good hit was usually all it took to take them out of the fight. Rhionda cut one in twain in midair, then sliced the tentacles out from another that was attached to one of the halflings. Buntleby, for his part, had less success with his dagger, for the darting creatures had a two-foot reach with their tentacles and could get to him easier than he could get to them. He finally tossed the dagger aside in disgust and took to grabbing the monsters in midair and pulling them to the ground, where Ozzie dispatched the things with his powerful teeth. When he ran out of flying monsters, he started plucking them off of his companions. Buntleby took quite a lot of hits that way, but at least he and Ozzie were taking them out, one by one.</p><p></p><p>Eventually, the two dozen or so monsters had been cut to ribbons, and the exhausted Battleblades lay on the blood-drenched stone floor of the cavern. They were each weakened from their ordeals, woozy from lack of blood, and none too eager to get up just at that minute.</p><p></p><p>"The mighty Battleblades triumph again," remarked Jasper.</p><p></p><p>"Yay, Battleblades," commented Buntleby dryly, staring at the cavern ceiling and trying not to think of everywhere he hurt.</p><p></p><p>"Ye didn't do too badly there, lad," said Frollick. "We'll make a warrior of ye yet, just ye wait an' see."</p><p></p><p>"Thanks, but no thanks. I'll stick to my wizardry and leave the swordplay to you guys."</p><p></p><p>"Yeah, good job there, Bumblebee," added one of the halflings, hoping to get a rise out of the young wizard.</p><p></p><p>"Shut up, Kip."</p><p></p><p>"It's SKIP! How hard can it be to keep the two of us straight? Look, it's perfectly simple: Skip, headband; Kip, no headband."</p><p></p><p>"Better yet," pointed out Rhionda, "It's Skip, tentacle scar over right eye; Kip, no scar. Your little headband head-games are over with, fellows."</p><p></p><p>"What?" sputtered Skip, digging into his pouch and pulling out a small hand mirror. He stared at his reflection in the torchlight with disbelief, then looked disconsolately over at his twin brother's unblemished forehead. "Awww...."</p><p></p><p>"In any case, you did well, Buntleby," said Jasper, rare praise indeed from the Battleblade's leader. "You performed Most Admirably, Most Admirably Indeed."</p><p></p><p>Surprised by the unexpected approval from one who normally considered wizards to be lower life forms, Buntleby was unsure of how to respond. "Well, uh, thanks," he said uncomfortably.</p><p></p><p>But Jasper couldn't leave it at that. His own personal views on the relative differences between those who mastered the sword and those who mastered the arcane arts compelled him to add a final qualifier:</p><p></p><p>"...for a spell-monkey."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Richards, post: 4097850, member: 508"] "Battleblades!" cried Jasper, signaling the others for their war cry. The twin halflings and the dwarven battle-cleric yelled in unison with their party leader: "LET'S KILL IT!" Then they raced into battle, weapons drawn and screaming like idiots. "I thought we had decided that ranged warfare was the way to go with these things," said Rhionda, confused, running after the others. "I'm sure Jasper would insist that that last battle was a fluke," explained Buntleby. "'If it hadn't taken us by surprise I'm sure we would have cut it to ribbons in No Time At All!'" he said in an eerily authentic impersonation of Jasper's voice. "Besides, knowing Jasper, he's still miffed that he pretty much had to be rescued from that last monster and wants to make up for it by showing off his combat prowess against this one." Buntleby and Rhionda caught up to the others just as the battle began. With a fearsome yell, Jasper swung his gleaming sword into the side of the erratically-hovering creature. He fully expected his sword to strike deep into the monster's mottled gray flank. He didn't expect the death kiss to pop open like an overripe melon. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened. With a sound like a watermelon landing on the cobblestones after being dropped from the top of a four-story building, the monster literally exploded outward, covering the surprised Battleblades in a shower of blood and gore.[b][24][/b] "What the--?" cried Jasper, momentarily astonished. Then he turned to his fellows and crowed, "Did you see that, men? One blow from my mighty--AAAGH! Get it off! Get it off!" Jasper pulled at the rubbery beast, a scaled-down version of the creature he'd just slain, which had been released by the explosion and was now attaching a number of sharp-tipped tentacles to various points on Jasper's face and neck. A veritable swarm of the pint-sized creatures buzzed about, picking and choosing among the delicious Battleblades as to which would best fulfill their dietary requirements. One attached feeding tentacles to each of Frollick's hands, binding him up such that he couldn't swing his war axe at the offensive little creature. Frustrated, the battle-cleric bit down hard on the minikiss' spherical body and pulled it away from his hands, ripping off the tentacles and showering him in a spray of his own blood. Several others chose one or the other of the halflings as their targets; one unwisely chose both and was ripped in half when the twins ran in opposite directions. "Spells?" asked Rhionda. "Out," replied Buntleby. "Dagger?" she asked. "Dagger it is," he replied, drawing his blade from his belt. The two of them leapt into the fray, blades flashing. Fortunately for them, while these little flying monstrosities darted around much more agilely than either of their larger versions, one good hit was usually all it took to take them out of the fight. Rhionda cut one in twain in midair, then sliced the tentacles out from another that was attached to one of the halflings. Buntleby, for his part, had less success with his dagger, for the darting creatures had a two-foot reach with their tentacles and could get to him easier than he could get to them. He finally tossed the dagger aside in disgust and took to grabbing the monsters in midair and pulling them to the ground, where Ozzie dispatched the things with his powerful teeth. When he ran out of flying monsters, he started plucking them off of his companions. Buntleby took quite a lot of hits that way, but at least he and Ozzie were taking them out, one by one. Eventually, the two dozen or so monsters had been cut to ribbons, and the exhausted Battleblades lay on the blood-drenched stone floor of the cavern. They were each weakened from their ordeals, woozy from lack of blood, and none too eager to get up just at that minute. "The mighty Battleblades triumph again," remarked Jasper. "Yay, Battleblades," commented Buntleby dryly, staring at the cavern ceiling and trying not to think of everywhere he hurt. "Ye didn't do too badly there, lad," said Frollick. "We'll make a warrior of ye yet, just ye wait an' see." "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll stick to my wizardry and leave the swordplay to you guys." "Yeah, good job there, Bumblebee," added one of the halflings, hoping to get a rise out of the young wizard. "Shut up, Kip." "It's SKIP! How hard can it be to keep the two of us straight? Look, it's perfectly simple: Skip, headband; Kip, no headband." "Better yet," pointed out Rhionda, "It's Skip, tentacle scar over right eye; Kip, no scar. Your little headband head-games are over with, fellows." "What?" sputtered Skip, digging into his pouch and pulling out a small hand mirror. He stared at his reflection in the torchlight with disbelief, then looked disconsolately over at his twin brother's unblemished forehead. "Awww...." "In any case, you did well, Buntleby," said Jasper, rare praise indeed from the Battleblade's leader. "You performed Most Admirably, Most Admirably Indeed." Surprised by the unexpected approval from one who normally considered wizards to be lower life forms, Buntleby was unsure of how to respond. "Well, uh, thanks," he said uncomfortably. But Jasper couldn't leave it at that. His own personal views on the relative differences between those who mastered the sword and those who mastered the arcane arts compelled him to add a final qualifier: "...for a spell-monkey." [/QUOTE]
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