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THE ECOLOGY OF THE GULGUTHYDRA (unpublished 3.0 Monster Hunters "Ecology" article)
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<blockquote data-quote="Richards" data-source="post: 3080365" data-attributes="member: 508"><p><strong>THE ECOLOGY OF THE GULGUTHYDRA</strong></p><p></p><p>Buntleby and Willowquisp were commenting upon the excellent vintage of the evening's wine when Dreelix banged his gavel three times upon the surface of the table in front of him. "This meeting of the Monster Hunters Association is hereby opened," he intoned.</p><p></p><p>The Association members settled themselves down and gave their illustrious leader their undivided attention. Only after he was certain that such was the case did Dreelix continue.</p><p></p><p>"Tonight we have a fairly light agenda," he began. "Old Gumphrey has an appeal for some more alchemical equipment from the general funds, and then he and Zantoullios will update us on the status of the magical items being created from the pyrohydra we killed not long ago." Dreelix glanced over at the elderly alchemist, who was already dozing off in his chair. He opened his mouth to berate Old Gumphrey for his inattention, then relented and pressed on with the juicy bit of gossip he couldn't wait to get out. "But before we get to any of that, allow me to describe the look on that pompous windbag Quinquillian's face when Grindle and I showed up at his manor-house with the head of that purple worm we slew! It was PRICELESS! We dumped the whole bloody mess out of the <em>portable hole</em> and onto his front lawn! For probably the first time in his miserable life, the loud-mouthed idiot was speechless! SPEECHLESS! I thought he was going to die of apoplexy right there in front of us! That'll teach him to belittle the capabilities of our fine organiza--"</p><p></p><p>Dreelix's fond reminiscences were suddenly interrupted as the door to the meeting hall burst open. In dashed a slender young woman, tears streaming down the sides of her angelic face. "Please," she cried out to those assembled, "You must help me!"</p><p></p><p>"AAAAAGH!" screamed Dreelix as he dove under the head table and hid beneath the tablecloth. "Keep her away from me!"</p><p></p><p>"It's Azurielle!" said Buntleby, leaping to his feet.</p><p></p><p>"I know perfectly well who it is," grumbled Dreelix from beneath the table. Then, to the intruding nymph, he called out, "I don't know what you're on about this time, but we didn't do it! We haven't even been anywhere near your stupid grove, or messed with your stupid pet pseudodragon!"</p><p></p><p>"I know that," replied Azurielle, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm here to beg for your assistance; my grove is under attack!"</p><p></p><p>Dreelix peeked cautiously up over the top of the table, intrigued at the notion of the irritating forest nymph who had twice now thwarted his meticulous plans reduced to the role of a helpless supplicant, pleading for his aid. Now <em>that</em> was more like it!</p><p></p><p>"What's wrong?" asked Buntleby, coming to the nymph's side. "Who's attacking your grove?"</p><p></p><p>"A hideous, six-headed beast!" replied Azurielle. "It's rapidly eating its way through the forest, and threatens to devour all with its ravenous appetite!"<strong>[1]</strong></p><p></p><p>"'Six-headed beast?' A hydra?" guessed Rhionda. Azurielle nodded in affirmation.<strong>[2]</strong></p><p></p><p>"What about Moonsilver?" asked Buntleby. "Isn't he there to protect you?"</p><p></p><p>"No longer," cried Azurielle, and now the tears flowed once more. "He was slain even as he fought to--protect--" The nymph broke off into sobs, unable to finish, and buried her head against Buntleby's shoulder.</p><p></p><p>"Who's Moonsilver?" asked Zantoullios, confused.</p><p></p><p>"The unicorn that guards - well, guarded - Azurielle's forest," replied Buntleby softly, as he stroked the sobbing nymph's hair in comfort.</p><p></p><p>"Unicorn?" repeated Dreelix, eyebrows raised in surprise. He got to his feet and skirted around the head table, all fears of his former two-time nemesis immediately forgotten in the face of the prospect of getting his hands on a genuine unicorn horn. "A dead unicorn? Nearby? Really?"</p><p></p><p>"Have a little heart, Dreelix!" Buntleby scolded. "Moonsilver was a close friend of hers, and a valuable ally!" Azurielle gave another wracking sob, soaking the front of Buntleby's robes even further with her tears.</p><p></p><p>"You're absolutely right; forgive me," said Dreelix, moving over to stand beside Buntleby and the sobbing nymph. He put an awkward hand on Azurielle's shoulder and gave it a little pat. "This must be very difficult for you. Just let it all out, that's a good girl." Lady Ablasta scowled her best scowl at Dreelix's uncharacteristic compassion, especially toward someone she considered to be nothing more than a shameless little hussy. Then she noticed him slipping an empty potion vial from a pocket with his free hand and holding it up to Azurielle's cheek, out of Buntleby's field of vision. Leave it to their crafty leader to take advantage of free-flowing nymph's tears!</p><p></p><p>"What kind of hydra was it?" asked Rhionda. "Did it breath out fire? Or maybe frost?"</p><p></p><p>"It's the smelly kind,"<strong>[3]</strong> replied Azurielle, opening her eyes and lifting her head from Buntleby's shoulder to respond. Dreelix hurriedly slipped the vial back into his robe before he was noticed, mentally estimating how many <em>potions of love</em> could be distilled with the nymph's tears he had surreptitiously harvested.</p><p></p><p>"The smelly kind?" repeated Rhionda in consternation. She looked to Willowquisp the Zoophile, the Monster Hunters' resident expert on unusual creatures. He also had a puzzled expression on his face, and scratched his chin in thought.</p><p></p><p>"Yes, smelly!" the nymph confirmed. "The thing has a stench like you wouldn't believe! And it's covered in vile, dripping slime, like a slug!"<strong>[4]</strong> She shuddered in revulsion just at the thought of it.</p><p></p><p>"Most strange," said Willowquisp, frowning. "I've never heard of a hydra with such unusual characteristics. The four standard types of hydra are all carnivores, and to the best of my knowledge they don't exude slime or give off any offensive odors. But then, perhaps it's a hybrid, or a rare mutation!" He brightened visibly at the prospect. "I think we should definitely study the creature!"</p><p></p><p>"Study it all you want, but only after you've killed it!" replied Azurielle. "My grove is in immediate danger from the beast; the longer you delay, the more damage it will do!"</p><p></p><p>"By all means, let's go after the monster!" agreed Dreelix, thinking back over how valuable the pyrohydra's corpse had been, from a magical item creation standpoint. He wasn't about to pass up the opportunity for another quick cash cow! "Rest assured, Azurielle: The Monster Hunters are on the case! Quickly, all, to the <em>carpet of flying</em>!" Dreelix dashed eagerly out of the Monster Hunters' meeting hall, Zantoullios and Grindle fast on his heels. Lady Ablasta sniffed in irritation at the comely nymph and followed the others at a more dignified pace. That left Buntleby, Willowquisp, Rhionda, and Azurielle to bring up the rear. Willowquisp looked fretfully back at Old Gumphrey, snoring obliviously in his chair, head propped on one arm.</p><p></p><p>"Let him sleep," said Buntleby. "We'll catch up with him once we've killed the hydra." He closed the door quietly behind him as they left the hall.</p><p></p><p>The sudden silence startled Old Gumphrey awake as the background conversation hadn't - he had long ago learned to tune out Dreelix's bleatings. "Huh?" he asked, puzzled, looking around at the empty meeting hall with bleary eyes. Then, in sudden inspiration, he stood, cleared his throat, and announced to the room at large, "The next order of business: I propose Old Gumphrey finishes off the wine left in everyone's goblet. All in favor?" He raised his hand. "All opposed?" Looking around the room and seeing no opposition, he announced: "Motion carried!" </p><p></p><p>Then, cackling in glee at his own good fortune, he approached the nearest goblet and downed its contents before moving on to the next in turn.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Richards, post: 3080365, member: 508"] [b]THE ECOLOGY OF THE GULGUTHYDRA[/b] Buntleby and Willowquisp were commenting upon the excellent vintage of the evening's wine when Dreelix banged his gavel three times upon the surface of the table in front of him. "This meeting of the Monster Hunters Association is hereby opened," he intoned. The Association members settled themselves down and gave their illustrious leader their undivided attention. Only after he was certain that such was the case did Dreelix continue. "Tonight we have a fairly light agenda," he began. "Old Gumphrey has an appeal for some more alchemical equipment from the general funds, and then he and Zantoullios will update us on the status of the magical items being created from the pyrohydra we killed not long ago." Dreelix glanced over at the elderly alchemist, who was already dozing off in his chair. He opened his mouth to berate Old Gumphrey for his inattention, then relented and pressed on with the juicy bit of gossip he couldn't wait to get out. "But before we get to any of that, allow me to describe the look on that pompous windbag Quinquillian's face when Grindle and I showed up at his manor-house with the head of that purple worm we slew! It was PRICELESS! We dumped the whole bloody mess out of the [i]portable hole[/i] and onto his front lawn! For probably the first time in his miserable life, the loud-mouthed idiot was speechless! SPEECHLESS! I thought he was going to die of apoplexy right there in front of us! That'll teach him to belittle the capabilities of our fine organiza--" Dreelix's fond reminiscences were suddenly interrupted as the door to the meeting hall burst open. In dashed a slender young woman, tears streaming down the sides of her angelic face. "Please," she cried out to those assembled, "You must help me!" "AAAAAGH!" screamed Dreelix as he dove under the head table and hid beneath the tablecloth. "Keep her away from me!" "It's Azurielle!" said Buntleby, leaping to his feet. "I know perfectly well who it is," grumbled Dreelix from beneath the table. Then, to the intruding nymph, he called out, "I don't know what you're on about this time, but we didn't do it! We haven't even been anywhere near your stupid grove, or messed with your stupid pet pseudodragon!" "I know that," replied Azurielle, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm here to beg for your assistance; my grove is under attack!" Dreelix peeked cautiously up over the top of the table, intrigued at the notion of the irritating forest nymph who had twice now thwarted his meticulous plans reduced to the role of a helpless supplicant, pleading for his aid. Now [i]that[/i] was more like it! "What's wrong?" asked Buntleby, coming to the nymph's side. "Who's attacking your grove?" "A hideous, six-headed beast!" replied Azurielle. "It's rapidly eating its way through the forest, and threatens to devour all with its ravenous appetite!"[b][1][/b] "'Six-headed beast?' A hydra?" guessed Rhionda. Azurielle nodded in affirmation.[b][2][/b] "What about Moonsilver?" asked Buntleby. "Isn't he there to protect you?" "No longer," cried Azurielle, and now the tears flowed once more. "He was slain even as he fought to--protect--" The nymph broke off into sobs, unable to finish, and buried her head against Buntleby's shoulder. "Who's Moonsilver?" asked Zantoullios, confused. "The unicorn that guards - well, guarded - Azurielle's forest," replied Buntleby softly, as he stroked the sobbing nymph's hair in comfort. "Unicorn?" repeated Dreelix, eyebrows raised in surprise. He got to his feet and skirted around the head table, all fears of his former two-time nemesis immediately forgotten in the face of the prospect of getting his hands on a genuine unicorn horn. "A dead unicorn? Nearby? Really?" "Have a little heart, Dreelix!" Buntleby scolded. "Moonsilver was a close friend of hers, and a valuable ally!" Azurielle gave another wracking sob, soaking the front of Buntleby's robes even further with her tears. "You're absolutely right; forgive me," said Dreelix, moving over to stand beside Buntleby and the sobbing nymph. He put an awkward hand on Azurielle's shoulder and gave it a little pat. "This must be very difficult for you. Just let it all out, that's a good girl." Lady Ablasta scowled her best scowl at Dreelix's uncharacteristic compassion, especially toward someone she considered to be nothing more than a shameless little hussy. Then she noticed him slipping an empty potion vial from a pocket with his free hand and holding it up to Azurielle's cheek, out of Buntleby's field of vision. Leave it to their crafty leader to take advantage of free-flowing nymph's tears! "What kind of hydra was it?" asked Rhionda. "Did it breath out fire? Or maybe frost?" "It's the smelly kind,"[b][3][/b] replied Azurielle, opening her eyes and lifting her head from Buntleby's shoulder to respond. Dreelix hurriedly slipped the vial back into his robe before he was noticed, mentally estimating how many [i]potions of love[/i] could be distilled with the nymph's tears he had surreptitiously harvested. "The smelly kind?" repeated Rhionda in consternation. She looked to Willowquisp the Zoophile, the Monster Hunters' resident expert on unusual creatures. He also had a puzzled expression on his face, and scratched his chin in thought. "Yes, smelly!" the nymph confirmed. "The thing has a stench like you wouldn't believe! And it's covered in vile, dripping slime, like a slug!"[b][4][/b] She shuddered in revulsion just at the thought of it. "Most strange," said Willowquisp, frowning. "I've never heard of a hydra with such unusual characteristics. The four standard types of hydra are all carnivores, and to the best of my knowledge they don't exude slime or give off any offensive odors. But then, perhaps it's a hybrid, or a rare mutation!" He brightened visibly at the prospect. "I think we should definitely study the creature!" "Study it all you want, but only after you've killed it!" replied Azurielle. "My grove is in immediate danger from the beast; the longer you delay, the more damage it will do!" "By all means, let's go after the monster!" agreed Dreelix, thinking back over how valuable the pyrohydra's corpse had been, from a magical item creation standpoint. He wasn't about to pass up the opportunity for another quick cash cow! "Rest assured, Azurielle: The Monster Hunters are on the case! Quickly, all, to the [i]carpet of flying[/i]!" Dreelix dashed eagerly out of the Monster Hunters' meeting hall, Zantoullios and Grindle fast on his heels. Lady Ablasta sniffed in irritation at the comely nymph and followed the others at a more dignified pace. That left Buntleby, Willowquisp, Rhionda, and Azurielle to bring up the rear. Willowquisp looked fretfully back at Old Gumphrey, snoring obliviously in his chair, head propped on one arm. "Let him sleep," said Buntleby. "We'll catch up with him once we've killed the hydra." He closed the door quietly behind him as they left the hall. The sudden silence startled Old Gumphrey awake as the background conversation hadn't - he had long ago learned to tune out Dreelix's bleatings. "Huh?" he asked, puzzled, looking around at the empty meeting hall with bleary eyes. Then, in sudden inspiration, he stood, cleared his throat, and announced to the room at large, "The next order of business: I propose Old Gumphrey finishes off the wine left in everyone's goblet. All in favor?" He raised his hand. "All opposed?" Looking around the room and seeing no opposition, he announced: "Motion carried!" Then, cackling in glee at his own good fortune, he approached the nearest goblet and downed its contents before moving on to the next in turn. [/QUOTE]
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THE ECOLOGY OF THE GULGUTHYDRA (unpublished 3.0 Monster Hunters "Ecology" article)
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