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The Ecology of the Kobold (unpublished AD&D 2E version)
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<blockquote data-quote="Richards" data-source="post: 2249417" data-attributes="member: 508"><p><strong>THE ECOLOGY OF THE KOBOLD</strong></p><p></p><p>Let's just get one thing straight up front: I AM NOT A WEIRDO. Things might have gotten a little out of control, but it wasn't my fault.</p><p></p><p><em>Oh, you're a weirdo, all right, Rallen!</em></p><p></p><p>Shut up, Jack!</p><p></p><p><em>Down on your hands and knees, wearing your skimpy little leather loincloth...</em></p><p></p><p>Shut up!</p><p></p><p><em>...barking like a dog...</em></p><p></p><p>Shut up! That never happened! Just shut up!</p><p></p><p><em>Fine, fine, it never happened. You tell it your way, then.</em></p><p></p><p>I will. You just keep your mouth shut over there. You too, Salustus - not a word. Okay?</p><p></p><p>Okay, then: my story.</p><p></p><p>There were five of us adventuring that day: Salustus, a priest of Lathander; Jack, the loud-mouthed bard; Maroc, a half-elven wizard-priest of Mystra; Humour the thief; and, of course, myself, Rallen Myris--</p><p></p><p><em>...the Love Slave of the Kobold Queen!</em></p><p></p><p>Shut up! I told you guys not to call me that! Just shut up already!</p><p></p><p><em>Sorry. Go on with your story.</em></p><p></p><p>No more interruptions!</p><p></p><p><em>None. Go ahead. I'm sorry.</em></p><p></p><p>All right. We were in the Haunted Halls of Eveningstar, tracking down a rumor of an evil artifact hidden there. I won't go into detail about everything we found there; let's just say that there's plenty in the Halls to keep an adventuring band busy, okay?</p><p></p><p>Bartender? A beer. Thanks.</p><p></p><p>So anyway. We're traveling down this corridor filled with statues. Suddenly, Humour lets out this little yelp and falls backwards. "I'm hit!" he cries, and sure enough he is, but it's just a tiny little dart that barely made it through his leather armor. That's enough for him, though; all of a sudden he doesn't wanna be up front any more.</p><p></p><p>So I push him aside and take the lead. The others, brave adventurers that they are, they stay behind to see if I make it okay. I go up ahead twenty, maybe thirty feet with no problem. So I turn around to tell them the way is safe, and as soon as I do, I get a dart in the butt.<strong>[1]</strong></p><p></p><p>As if that was some sort of signal, all of a sudden there's darts flying everywhere. I must have been hit at least three or four times, but like I said, they were only tiny little things that hardly stung at all. So I charge the area where the darts are coming from, lantern in one hand and longsword in the other. I'd like to say I led the charge, but I was the only one doing any charging - my "associates," as usual, held back.<strong>[A]</strong></p><p></p><p>So anyway, I make it to where the darts are coming from, and it's a solid wall. Well, not totally solid, 'cause by the light from my lantern I can see a couple of slits in the wall, and a couple sets of glowing, red eyes behind them.<strong>[2]</strong> I also hear the unmistakable twanging sound of crossbows as those little darts are shot at us through the peek-holes.</p><p></p><p>The nasty little buggers think they're nice and safe behind their narrow slits, shooting at us like fish in a barrel. So I do what I can: I take my sword and poke it into the nearest slit. I must've got somebody when I did that, 'cause there's this yelp of pain and my sword comes back out covered in bluish blood.<strong>[3]</strong></p><p></p><p>"Come on out here and fight!" I scream at the little monsters inside. Since I poked one with my sword they've apparently backed away, and the corridor is suddenly dart-free. My companions take this opportunity to scoot up close by me, now that it's safe.<strong>[ B ]</strong></p><p></p><p>Only it isn't safe for long. The lousy bums have got another slit further down the wall, and all of a sudden another batch of darts comes flying our way. Fat old Salustus, he stumbles off into a side room and collapses. Jack looks like a black-clad pincushion. As usual, it looks like it's up to me to get the job done.<strong>[C]</strong></p><p></p><p>I figure there's gotta be a way into that room, so I head back down the corridor and keep veering right, figuring I'll come across an entrance. Well, it took finding my way through two secret doors (one of which was trapped),<strong>[4]</strong> but I made it there all right.<strong>[D]</strong></p><p></p><p>So there I am, my goal right in front of me: a wooden door, behind which I can hear the snickers and chuckles of the little pests. I can't wait to see their faces as I smash my way into their little hideout. It's gonna be great!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Richards, post: 2249417, member: 508"] [B]THE ECOLOGY OF THE KOBOLD[/B] Let's just get one thing straight up front: I AM NOT A WEIRDO. Things might have gotten a little out of control, but it wasn't my fault. [I]Oh, you're a weirdo, all right, Rallen![/I] Shut up, Jack! [I]Down on your hands and knees, wearing your skimpy little leather loincloth...[/I] Shut up! [I]...barking like a dog...[/I] Shut up! That never happened! Just shut up! [I]Fine, fine, it never happened. You tell it your way, then.[/I] I will. You just keep your mouth shut over there. You too, Salustus - not a word. Okay? Okay, then: my story. There were five of us adventuring that day: Salustus, a priest of Lathander; Jack, the loud-mouthed bard; Maroc, a half-elven wizard-priest of Mystra; Humour the thief; and, of course, myself, Rallen Myris-- [I]...the Love Slave of the Kobold Queen![/I] Shut up! I told you guys not to call me that! Just shut up already! [I]Sorry. Go on with your story.[/I] No more interruptions! [I]None. Go ahead. I'm sorry.[/I] All right. We were in the Haunted Halls of Eveningstar, tracking down a rumor of an evil artifact hidden there. I won't go into detail about everything we found there; let's just say that there's plenty in the Halls to keep an adventuring band busy, okay? Bartender? A beer. Thanks. So anyway. We're traveling down this corridor filled with statues. Suddenly, Humour lets out this little yelp and falls backwards. "I'm hit!" he cries, and sure enough he is, but it's just a tiny little dart that barely made it through his leather armor. That's enough for him, though; all of a sudden he doesn't wanna be up front any more. So I push him aside and take the lead. The others, brave adventurers that they are, they stay behind to see if I make it okay. I go up ahead twenty, maybe thirty feet with no problem. So I turn around to tell them the way is safe, and as soon as I do, I get a dart in the butt.[B][1][/B] As if that was some sort of signal, all of a sudden there's darts flying everywhere. I must have been hit at least three or four times, but like I said, they were only tiny little things that hardly stung at all. So I charge the area where the darts are coming from, lantern in one hand and longsword in the other. I'd like to say I led the charge, but I was the only one doing any charging - my "associates," as usual, held back.[B][A][/B] So anyway, I make it to where the darts are coming from, and it's a solid wall. Well, not totally solid, 'cause by the light from my lantern I can see a couple of slits in the wall, and a couple sets of glowing, red eyes behind them.[B][2][/B] I also hear the unmistakable twanging sound of crossbows as those little darts are shot at us through the peek-holes. The nasty little buggers think they're nice and safe behind their narrow slits, shooting at us like fish in a barrel. So I do what I can: I take my sword and poke it into the nearest slit. I must've got somebody when I did that, 'cause there's this yelp of pain and my sword comes back out covered in bluish blood.[B][3][/B] "Come on out here and fight!" I scream at the little monsters inside. Since I poked one with my sword they've apparently backed away, and the corridor is suddenly dart-free. My companions take this opportunity to scoot up close by me, now that it's safe.[B][ B ][/B] Only it isn't safe for long. The lousy bums have got another slit further down the wall, and all of a sudden another batch of darts comes flying our way. Fat old Salustus, he stumbles off into a side room and collapses. Jack looks like a black-clad pincushion. As usual, it looks like it's up to me to get the job done.[B][C][/B] I figure there's gotta be a way into that room, so I head back down the corridor and keep veering right, figuring I'll come across an entrance. Well, it took finding my way through two secret doors (one of which was trapped),[B][4][/B] but I made it there all right.[B][D][/B] So there I am, my goal right in front of me: a wooden door, behind which I can hear the snickers and chuckles of the little pests. I can't wait to see their faces as I smash my way into their little hideout. It's gonna be great! [/QUOTE]
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