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The Ecology of the Umpleby (unpublished Monster Hunters "Ecology" article)
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<blockquote data-quote="Richards" data-source="post: 8112838" data-attributes="member: 508"><p>Buoyed up by the reassurance, Willowquisp squared his shoulders and pressed on with his briefing. “An umpleby lives a simple existence for most of its life, wandering about in temperate forests. On the rare occasion when they are spotted they show no fear of strangers, make no attempts to hide or flee, and likewise make no attempts to drive off invaders to their territory. Instead, they tend to stand there rather stupidly, gazing at the intruders as if mildly curious as to what might happen next.</p><p></p><p>“Umplebies are insatiably hungry and while they generally subsist upon a diet of berries, fruit, and nuts they will eat just about anything offered to them.<strong>[4]</strong> It has been shown that giving an umpleby something to eat is seen by the beasts as an immediate sign of loyal friendship, and umplebies have been known to blindly follow along in the wake of anyone who feeds them. Their digestive systems are quite efficient, allowing their bodies to process a great deal of what is ingested, resulting in very little bodily wastes in comparison to their overall great size. In fact, umpleby droppings can often be mistaken for those of rabbits.”</p><p></p><p>Willowquisp was about to say more on the subject but Scarnivale interrupted with a short burst of music, picking up the same tune he'd started minutes earlier.</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 40px"> “Once an ump thinks he's your friend</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> He'll stick with you until the end.</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> Hard as it may be to believe,</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> He's just too dumb to want to leave!”</p><p></p><p>But Jaspernyck had focused on the latter part of Willowquisp's recent statements and received loud guffaws and applause when he came out with the following:</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 40px"> “When it comes to an umpleby</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> Guess how big his dump'll be?</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> Not all that big – while it sure varies</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> It's mostly made of dingleberries!”</p><p></p><p>Willowquisp seethed quietly at the interruption for a moment, then burst out in indignation, “That's not at all what I said! Now you're just making things up to try to be funny!” But the audience thought the elderly sage's outburst was humorous in and of itself; some were even convinced this was all part of the show.</p><p></p><p>“Please, by all means, continue,” prompted Pantalfrume, eager to keep Willowquisp providing grist for the verbal jousting mill. This idea of his, getting some stuffy academic type to blather on about some stupid topic nobody really cared about was paying all kinds of dividends by pairing the boring old lecture with the Battle of the Bards. He was mentally calculating the evening's take; given it looked as if they were playing to a packed house, they'd be coming out with quite a small fortune!</p><p></p><p>With a conscious effort to restore his wounded dignity, Willowquisp began his lecture once again, shuffling his papers to skip over the rest of the discussion about umpleby digestive capabilities, not wanting to hear any more “dingleberry” lyrics by these two capering idiots.</p><p></p><p>“Of course, by no means is an umpleby completely defenseless. When provoked, although it tends not to use weapons the creature is as capable of biting or punching as well as any humanoid being, but it more often relies upon zapping its foes with an electrostatic charge generated by the constant motion of its hair. An umpleby seems capable of storing a fixed amount of electrical energy in its body each day and can send out a bolt of all or some of its electical reserves, depending upon the situation. In either case, the zap of electricity is released upon contact; they have no means of transmitting their electrical attacks over any distance.<strong>[5]</strong> And, as might be expected, an umpleby is completely immune to any electrical attacks that might be made upon it.”</p><p></p><p>That gave Jaspernyck the inputs he had been waiting for; strumming the ongoing tune on his lyre, he sang:</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 40px"> “Now they might seem like simple chumps,</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> But they can be quite fierce, these umps.</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> They're known to bite; what's worse for me</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> Is they make electricity.</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> Now it should come as no surprise,</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> With all that hair on shanks and thighs</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> That simply walking down the lane</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> Stores enough juice to fry your brain.”</p><p></p><p>Not to be outdone, Scarnivale added:</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 40px"> “On the plus side (it isn't much)</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> But umps can only zap by touch.</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> So if zapped you'd rather not be,</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> Don't go touchin' no umpleby!”</p><p></p><p>The crowd clapped furiously at the quick-wittedness of the bards' responses; Willowquisp merely sighed in frustration that his presentation was being used in such a crass fashion. Seeing the two bards had come to a temporary halt, he pressed on.</p><p></p><p>“Upon depleting all of its electrical reserves, the umpleby has a unique response: it immediately falls fast asleep. This naturally puts it at quite a disadvantage, so most umplebies tend to leave at least a small amount of electrical energy set aside to prevent their bodies from shutting down in such a way, choosing to go 'all out,' as it were, only in the most dire circumstances, when fighting for their very lives. In any case, as the umpleby sleeps it recharges its electrical reserves.” Willowquisp then stopped talking, having learned by now that if he continued he was likely to be interrupted in any case. Sure enough, Scarnivale continued his musical discourse with the following:</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 40px"> “Now umps only hold so much charge</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> And while the quantity seems large,</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> When it's all gone, without a peep,</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> The ump curls up and goes to sleep.</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> And once the ump sleeps long enough</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> He recharges his zapper stuff.”</p><p></p><p>Sensing no further interruptions for the moment, Willowquisp continued. “Umplebies are thought to have only a very low level of intellect but they are quite capable of speech, although they seldom choose to speak aloud and when they do speak they do so only in a halting fashion. Despite being the size of an ogre, umplebies have only been heard speaking our own common tongue, never the languages of giants. It is believed they are reluctant to engage with giants – they have yet to be seen trafficking with giants of any type in the field – perhaps fearing they will be robbed of the various treasures they like to amass.</p><p></p><p>“This leads to another interesting fact about umplebies: they have an intrinsic ability to find treasure, even through barriers of solid rock. Umplebies have been observed detecting large amounts of precious metals and gems at a range of up to 100 feet away.<strong>[6]</strong> It is for this reason that many adventuring bands go out of their way to generate a friendship with an umpleby, but it should be noted the umpleby – despite its low intellect – is well aware of the intrinsic values of the items it unearths and expects to be granted a fair portion of such treasures<strong>[7]</strong>; those who are cheated of their rightful shares generally depart from their new-found 'friends' immediately thereafter.”</p><p></p><p>Willowquisp paused to see if either of the bards would be able to do anything with the information he'd just dropped, but apparently neither was able to come up with any ditties about the umpleby's inherent treasure-finding abilties. He was about to press on when the strummed strings of Scarnivale's lute indicated the red-clad bard had come up with a line or two after all. He sang:</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 40px"> “Now here's something that won't get old:</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> An umpleby can sniff out gold!</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> And gems as well, so in the end</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> I think I'd like one as a friend!”</p><p></p><p>Before starting again, Willowquisp looked over at Jaspernyck to see if he had anything in the hopper he'd start singing as soon as the sage started speaking. But the lyrist shook his head slightly, indicating for Willowquisp to continue on. With a sigh, he did so.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>NOTES</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>4.</strong> This is not limited to normal foodstuffs, either. Once an umpleby has accepted someone as a friend, he generally eats or drinks anything offered to him by his new buddy, whether it was intended as food or not. Paper or parchment maps and scrolls, leather scroll cases, and even socks and boots have been devoured by umplebies in the mistaken belief that their friend, who once gave them food, was merely doing so yet again. Fortunately, umplebies enjoy a quite robust digestive system and seldom experience gastrointestinal distress from imbibing things not normally deemed edible.</p><p></p><p>In fact, an umpleby currently without any other means of transporting its own treasure often swallows the coins and gems making up its personal hoard, confident the items will be unharmed by the trip through its digestive system once they come back out the other end, for their gastrointestinal systems are not geared towards digesting metals or gemstones.</p><p></p><p><strong>5.</strong> Each day, an umpleby stores a maximum of 50 points of electricity in its body. It can choose to discharge this all at once or in smaller bursts by making a melee touch attack. A “standard” burst deals 1d8+8 points of electrical damage, but the umpleby can choose to do less damage or more as the situation warrants. It cannot parcel out each individual point of damage, sending out a blast of a slightly variable range; a good rule of thumb is to allow it to deal 1dX+X or 2dX+2X points of damage.</p><p></p><p>The exception to this rule is the umpleby can choose to deal exactly one point of electrical damage if it so chooses – and in fact usually chooses to do so the first thing each morning, sending a minimal blast of electricity all over its own body. This is generally enough to rid it of any unwanted fleas, ticks, or other vermin it might have accumulated over the night.</p><p></p><p>Umplebies recharge their electrical reserves by sleeping, at the following rates:</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 40px"> 1-4 hours: 25 points</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> >4-8 hours: 37 points</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px"> 8+ hours: 50 points</p><p></p><p>Without any outside stimuli to awaken it, an umpleby can sleep up to 12 hours at a time. They tend to get cranky if they go more than a few days with under 10 hours of sleep per night.</p><p></p><p><strong>6.</strong> Umplebies can only detect large quantities of gems or precious metals, around the equivalent of more than 1,000 coins or 50 individual gemstones. They're no better at finding a single gemstone dropped in the grass than anyone else.</p><p></p><p><strong>7.</strong> Umplebies store their personal treasures in their own private lairs: generally a cave or hole dug into the earth or in the side of a hill. The location of these lairs are the umplebies' greatest secrets, shared with no one, not even their mates. (When a pair of umplebies get together to produce a child, they stay together in a communal lair quite separate from either of their own personal lairs.) An umpleby will never willingly give up the location of its own personal lair, even if threatened with death, unless enchantment magic (such as the <em>charm monster</em> spell) is put to use.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Richards, post: 8112838, member: 508"] Buoyed up by the reassurance, Willowquisp squared his shoulders and pressed on with his briefing. “An umpleby lives a simple existence for most of its life, wandering about in temperate forests. On the rare occasion when they are spotted they show no fear of strangers, make no attempts to hide or flee, and likewise make no attempts to drive off invaders to their territory. Instead, they tend to stand there rather stupidly, gazing at the intruders as if mildly curious as to what might happen next. “Umplebies are insatiably hungry and while they generally subsist upon a diet of berries, fruit, and nuts they will eat just about anything offered to them.[B][4][/B] It has been shown that giving an umpleby something to eat is seen by the beasts as an immediate sign of loyal friendship, and umplebies have been known to blindly follow along in the wake of anyone who feeds them. Their digestive systems are quite efficient, allowing their bodies to process a great deal of what is ingested, resulting in very little bodily wastes in comparison to their overall great size. In fact, umpleby droppings can often be mistaken for those of rabbits.” Willowquisp was about to say more on the subject but Scarnivale interrupted with a short burst of music, picking up the same tune he'd started minutes earlier. [INDENT=2] “Once an ump thinks he's your friend[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] He'll stick with you until the end.[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] Hard as it may be to believe,[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] He's just too dumb to want to leave!”[/INDENT] But Jaspernyck had focused on the latter part of Willowquisp's recent statements and received loud guffaws and applause when he came out with the following: [INDENT=2] “When it comes to an umpleby[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] Guess how big his dump'll be?[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] Not all that big – while it sure varies[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] It's mostly made of dingleberries!”[/INDENT] Willowquisp seethed quietly at the interruption for a moment, then burst out in indignation, “That's not at all what I said! Now you're just making things up to try to be funny!” But the audience thought the elderly sage's outburst was humorous in and of itself; some were even convinced this was all part of the show. “Please, by all means, continue,” prompted Pantalfrume, eager to keep Willowquisp providing grist for the verbal jousting mill. This idea of his, getting some stuffy academic type to blather on about some stupid topic nobody really cared about was paying all kinds of dividends by pairing the boring old lecture with the Battle of the Bards. He was mentally calculating the evening's take; given it looked as if they were playing to a packed house, they'd be coming out with quite a small fortune! With a conscious effort to restore his wounded dignity, Willowquisp began his lecture once again, shuffling his papers to skip over the rest of the discussion about umpleby digestive capabilities, not wanting to hear any more “dingleberry” lyrics by these two capering idiots. “Of course, by no means is an umpleby completely defenseless. When provoked, although it tends not to use weapons the creature is as capable of biting or punching as well as any humanoid being, but it more often relies upon zapping its foes with an electrostatic charge generated by the constant motion of its hair. An umpleby seems capable of storing a fixed amount of electrical energy in its body each day and can send out a bolt of all or some of its electical reserves, depending upon the situation. In either case, the zap of electricity is released upon contact; they have no means of transmitting their electrical attacks over any distance.[B][5][/B] And, as might be expected, an umpleby is completely immune to any electrical attacks that might be made upon it.” That gave Jaspernyck the inputs he had been waiting for; strumming the ongoing tune on his lyre, he sang: [INDENT=2] “Now they might seem like simple chumps,[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] But they can be quite fierce, these umps.[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] They're known to bite; what's worse for me[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] Is they make electricity.[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] Now it should come as no surprise,[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] With all that hair on shanks and thighs[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] That simply walking down the lane[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] Stores enough juice to fry your brain.”[/INDENT] Not to be outdone, Scarnivale added: [INDENT=2] “On the plus side (it isn't much)[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] But umps can only zap by touch.[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] So if zapped you'd rather not be,[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] Don't go touchin' no umpleby!”[/INDENT] The crowd clapped furiously at the quick-wittedness of the bards' responses; Willowquisp merely sighed in frustration that his presentation was being used in such a crass fashion. Seeing the two bards had come to a temporary halt, he pressed on. “Upon depleting all of its electrical reserves, the umpleby has a unique response: it immediately falls fast asleep. This naturally puts it at quite a disadvantage, so most umplebies tend to leave at least a small amount of electrical energy set aside to prevent their bodies from shutting down in such a way, choosing to go 'all out,' as it were, only in the most dire circumstances, when fighting for their very lives. In any case, as the umpleby sleeps it recharges its electrical reserves.” Willowquisp then stopped talking, having learned by now that if he continued he was likely to be interrupted in any case. Sure enough, Scarnivale continued his musical discourse with the following: [INDENT=2] “Now umps only hold so much charge[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] And while the quantity seems large,[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] When it's all gone, without a peep,[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] The ump curls up and goes to sleep.[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] And once the ump sleeps long enough[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] He recharges his zapper stuff.”[/INDENT] Sensing no further interruptions for the moment, Willowquisp continued. “Umplebies are thought to have only a very low level of intellect but they are quite capable of speech, although they seldom choose to speak aloud and when they do speak they do so only in a halting fashion. Despite being the size of an ogre, umplebies have only been heard speaking our own common tongue, never the languages of giants. It is believed they are reluctant to engage with giants – they have yet to be seen trafficking with giants of any type in the field – perhaps fearing they will be robbed of the various treasures they like to amass. “This leads to another interesting fact about umplebies: they have an intrinsic ability to find treasure, even through barriers of solid rock. Umplebies have been observed detecting large amounts of precious metals and gems at a range of up to 100 feet away.[B][6][/B] It is for this reason that many adventuring bands go out of their way to generate a friendship with an umpleby, but it should be noted the umpleby – despite its low intellect – is well aware of the intrinsic values of the items it unearths and expects to be granted a fair portion of such treasures[B][7][/B]; those who are cheated of their rightful shares generally depart from their new-found 'friends' immediately thereafter.” Willowquisp paused to see if either of the bards would be able to do anything with the information he'd just dropped, but apparently neither was able to come up with any ditties about the umpleby's inherent treasure-finding abilties. He was about to press on when the strummed strings of Scarnivale's lute indicated the red-clad bard had come up with a line or two after all. He sang: [INDENT=2] “Now here's something that won't get old:[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] An umpleby can sniff out gold![/INDENT] [INDENT=2] And gems as well, so in the end[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] I think I'd like one as a friend!”[/INDENT] Before starting again, Willowquisp looked over at Jaspernyck to see if he had anything in the hopper he'd start singing as soon as the sage started speaking. But the lyrist shook his head slightly, indicating for Willowquisp to continue on. With a sigh, he did so. [B]NOTES 4.[/B] This is not limited to normal foodstuffs, either. Once an umpleby has accepted someone as a friend, he generally eats or drinks anything offered to him by his new buddy, whether it was intended as food or not. Paper or parchment maps and scrolls, leather scroll cases, and even socks and boots have been devoured by umplebies in the mistaken belief that their friend, who once gave them food, was merely doing so yet again. Fortunately, umplebies enjoy a quite robust digestive system and seldom experience gastrointestinal distress from imbibing things not normally deemed edible. In fact, an umpleby currently without any other means of transporting its own treasure often swallows the coins and gems making up its personal hoard, confident the items will be unharmed by the trip through its digestive system once they come back out the other end, for their gastrointestinal systems are not geared towards digesting metals or gemstones. [B]5.[/B] Each day, an umpleby stores a maximum of 50 points of electricity in its body. It can choose to discharge this all at once or in smaller bursts by making a melee touch attack. A “standard” burst deals 1d8+8 points of electrical damage, but the umpleby can choose to do less damage or more as the situation warrants. It cannot parcel out each individual point of damage, sending out a blast of a slightly variable range; a good rule of thumb is to allow it to deal 1dX+X or 2dX+2X points of damage. The exception to this rule is the umpleby can choose to deal exactly one point of electrical damage if it so chooses – and in fact usually chooses to do so the first thing each morning, sending a minimal blast of electricity all over its own body. This is generally enough to rid it of any unwanted fleas, ticks, or other vermin it might have accumulated over the night. Umplebies recharge their electrical reserves by sleeping, at the following rates: [INDENT=2] 1-4 hours: 25 points[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] >4-8 hours: 37 points[/INDENT] [INDENT=2] 8+ hours: 50 points[/INDENT] Without any outside stimuli to awaken it, an umpleby can sleep up to 12 hours at a time. They tend to get cranky if they go more than a few days with under 10 hours of sleep per night. [B]6.[/B] Umplebies can only detect large quantities of gems or precious metals, around the equivalent of more than 1,000 coins or 50 individual gemstones. They're no better at finding a single gemstone dropped in the grass than anyone else. [B]7.[/B] Umplebies store their personal treasures in their own private lairs: generally a cave or hole dug into the earth or in the side of a hill. The location of these lairs are the umplebies' greatest secrets, shared with no one, not even their mates. (When a pair of umplebies get together to produce a child, they stay together in a communal lair quite separate from either of their own personal lairs.) An umpleby will never willingly give up the location of its own personal lair, even if threatened with death, unless enchantment magic (such as the [I]charm monster[/I] spell) is put to use. [/QUOTE]
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