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The Ecology of the Umpleby (unpublished Monster Hunters "Ecology" article)
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<blockquote data-quote="Richards" data-source="post: 8112843" data-attributes="member: 508"><p>Buntleby exited the tent and went around to the back side, where he caught up with Willowquisp leaving from the rear tent flap. “I'm sorry things went the way they did,” he commiserated with his elderly friend. “It would seem there aren't as many who find delving into the little-known facts of the odd creatures in the world around us as we might have been led to believe.”</p><p></p><p>“That's for sure,” agreed Willowquisp. “Still, there wasn't a whole lot more I was still going to mention before I finally had enough. Mostly the various magic items that can be made from umpleby hair.<strong>[14]</strong> And, in hindsight, I'm sure Dreelix would probably be happier if I didn't go broadcasting that to the world at large, in any case. And then I was going to mention a legend as to the possible origin of the umpleby, although that was mere supposition in any case.”</p><p></p><p>“Origin story? Really? I'd be interested in hearing it.”</p><p></p><p>“Well, again, there's no proof that this is anything more than mere folklore, but there's a tale of an ogre bodyguard serving a hag of some type: a green hag, perhaps, or maybe an annis – accounts vary. In any case, the ogre was caught by its mistress stealing food from her pantry; she was apparently unaware he'd also helped himself to some coins and gems from her personal treasure. She then cursed him to always be hungry and thirsty, with the curse accidentally branching out – perhaps due to the guilt felt by the offending ogre for its other actions of thievery – to cause him to hunger for coins and gems as well.”</p><p></p><p>“That doesn't explain all the hair,” pointed out Buntleby.</p><p></p><p>“Indeed, it does not – which is why most sages tend not to give it much credence,” Willowquisp admitted.</p><p></p><p>“Well, I was impressed by your speech, in any case. And in your forbearance – at least up until the end. You probably lasted longer than I would have, in any case.”</p><p></p><p>“Thank you, Buntleby. I enjoyed doing the research, even if the end result wasn't all that could have been desired.”</p><p></p><p>“That often seems to be the case,” lamented the bald wizard. “Just imagine if you had given this presentation to the Association, though: Dreelix would have us hunting down umplebies, armed with barbers' shears as if we were all sheep farmers!”</p><p></p><p>At that, Willowquisp finally gave a slight smile, proof that his evening's dour mood could be lightened after all. “You know, he probably would at that,” he agreed.</p><p></p><p>Buntleby looked back over at the front of the tent, where the audience was exiting through the flap where they had entered after paying their fee. He waited until it looked as if the flow of bodies had stopped. “I haven't seen the announcer or the bards leave yet, have you?” he asked Willowquisp.</p><p></p><p>“Hmm? No, I imagine they're still inside.”</p><p></p><p>“I think you're right. Wait here for me, Willowquisp – I'll be right back.”</p><p></p><p>The elderly sage put a hand upon his friend's shoulder. “What are you going to do?” he asked.</p><p></p><p>“I'd just like to have a quick word with them,” promised Buntleby.</p><p></p><p>“A word?”</p><p></p><p>“Just a word,” Buntleby agreed. “A single word, as a matter of fact, and then we can head on back home.” He smiled at his friend and turned back towards the rear exit of the tent, through which Willowquisp had departed in his angry huff. As he pulled back the flap and stepped inside, he said the words to a <em>polymorph</em> spell, pleased that he had one on hand for just such an occasion.</p><p></p><p>Walking into the darkened tent, the hair that Buntleby routinely shaved from his face and his bald scalp grew back – with a vengeance. It sprung out in all directions, and not just from his head, either; it practically exploded from his entire body, as his robes were absorbed into his skin and he added a couple of extra feet of height to his lanky frame. He had entered the tent as a bald, human wizard – but it was an umpleby that stepped into the radius of the magical illumination spilling out from the hovering sphere above the podium.</p><p></p><p>“I think that went about as well as we could have expected,” remarked Pandalfrume to the two bards.</p><p></p><p>“Well, it was cut short, but I agree – we did have a packed house,” added Scarnivale.</p><p></p><p>“Perhaps next time--” began Jaspernyck, but he cut off his sentence when he saw the lumbering, eight-foot giant mass of brownish hair ambling toward them, a look of burning hatred in its eyes.</p><p></p><p>“<em>DINGLEBERRIES?</em>” roared Buntleby, raising his arms up and making talons of his fingers as if ready to rip the two bards and the announcer to shreds with claws that – if they had looked closely enough – weren't even present on his umpleby form. But the trio didn't take the time to examine the angry umpleby's fingernails; instead, they bleated in terror and stumbled into themselves in an effort to rush through the dark tent and get to the presumed safety of the front exit.</p><p></p><p>“I say!” called Willowquisp from outside the tent. “Is everything okay in there?”</p><p></p><p>“Perfectly fine,” replied Buntleby with a slight smirk, strolling back out of the tent in his normal form. “Let's head on home.”</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>NOTES</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>14.</strong> Umpleby hair can be woven and braided to create an inexpensive <em>minor ring of energy resistance</em> that provides electricity resistance 10 at half the normal crafting cost. (This is one of the few instances where a magical ring is crafted of something much more flexible than the normal metal, ivory, or even wood that makes up most magical rings.) However, only the minor version of the ring can be crafted using umpleby hair; rings providing greater protection against electricitry require stronger building materials.</p><p></p><p>In addition, a strand of woven umpleby hair is often used as the core of a <em>rod of metal and mineral detection</em>, given the umpleby's inherent ability to detect coins and gems.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Richards, post: 8112843, member: 508"] Buntleby exited the tent and went around to the back side, where he caught up with Willowquisp leaving from the rear tent flap. “I'm sorry things went the way they did,” he commiserated with his elderly friend. “It would seem there aren't as many who find delving into the little-known facts of the odd creatures in the world around us as we might have been led to believe.” “That's for sure,” agreed Willowquisp. “Still, there wasn't a whole lot more I was still going to mention before I finally had enough. Mostly the various magic items that can be made from umpleby hair.[b][14][/b] And, in hindsight, I'm sure Dreelix would probably be happier if I didn't go broadcasting that to the world at large, in any case. And then I was going to mention a legend as to the possible origin of the umpleby, although that was mere supposition in any case.” “Origin story? Really? I'd be interested in hearing it.” “Well, again, there's no proof that this is anything more than mere folklore, but there's a tale of an ogre bodyguard serving a hag of some type: a green hag, perhaps, or maybe an annis – accounts vary. In any case, the ogre was caught by its mistress stealing food from her pantry; she was apparently unaware he'd also helped himself to some coins and gems from her personal treasure. She then cursed him to always be hungry and thirsty, with the curse accidentally branching out – perhaps due to the guilt felt by the offending ogre for its other actions of thievery – to cause him to hunger for coins and gems as well.” “That doesn't explain all the hair,” pointed out Buntleby. “Indeed, it does not – which is why most sages tend not to give it much credence,” Willowquisp admitted. “Well, I was impressed by your speech, in any case. And in your forbearance – at least up until the end. You probably lasted longer than I would have, in any case.” “Thank you, Buntleby. I enjoyed doing the research, even if the end result wasn't all that could have been desired.” “That often seems to be the case,” lamented the bald wizard. “Just imagine if you had given this presentation to the Association, though: Dreelix would have us hunting down umplebies, armed with barbers' shears as if we were all sheep farmers!” At that, Willowquisp finally gave a slight smile, proof that his evening's dour mood could be lightened after all. “You know, he probably would at that,” he agreed. Buntleby looked back over at the front of the tent, where the audience was exiting through the flap where they had entered after paying their fee. He waited until it looked as if the flow of bodies had stopped. “I haven't seen the announcer or the bards leave yet, have you?” he asked Willowquisp. “Hmm? No, I imagine they're still inside.” “I think you're right. Wait here for me, Willowquisp – I'll be right back.” The elderly sage put a hand upon his friend's shoulder. “What are you going to do?” he asked. “I'd just like to have a quick word with them,” promised Buntleby. “A word?” “Just a word,” Buntleby agreed. “A single word, as a matter of fact, and then we can head on back home.” He smiled at his friend and turned back towards the rear exit of the tent, through which Willowquisp had departed in his angry huff. As he pulled back the flap and stepped inside, he said the words to a [i]polymorph[/i] spell, pleased that he had one on hand for just such an occasion. Walking into the darkened tent, the hair that Buntleby routinely shaved from his face and his bald scalp grew back – with a vengeance. It sprung out in all directions, and not just from his head, either; it practically exploded from his entire body, as his robes were absorbed into his skin and he added a couple of extra feet of height to his lanky frame. He had entered the tent as a bald, human wizard – but it was an umpleby that stepped into the radius of the magical illumination spilling out from the hovering sphere above the podium. “I think that went about as well as we could have expected,” remarked Pandalfrume to the two bards. “Well, it was cut short, but I agree – we did have a packed house,” added Scarnivale. “Perhaps next time--” began Jaspernyck, but he cut off his sentence when he saw the lumbering, eight-foot giant mass of brownish hair ambling toward them, a look of burning hatred in its eyes. “[i]DINGLEBERRIES?[/i]” roared Buntleby, raising his arms up and making talons of his fingers as if ready to rip the two bards and the announcer to shreds with claws that – if they had looked closely enough – weren't even present on his umpleby form. But the trio didn't take the time to examine the angry umpleby's fingernails; instead, they bleated in terror and stumbled into themselves in an effort to rush through the dark tent and get to the presumed safety of the front exit. “I say!” called Willowquisp from outside the tent. “Is everything okay in there?” “Perfectly fine,” replied Buntleby with a slight smirk, strolling back out of the tent in his normal form. “Let's head on home.” [b]NOTES 14.[/b] Umpleby hair can be woven and braided to create an inexpensive [i]minor ring of energy resistance[/i] that provides electricity resistance 10 at half the normal crafting cost. (This is one of the few instances where a magical ring is crafted of something much more flexible than the normal metal, ivory, or even wood that makes up most magical rings.) However, only the minor version of the ring can be crafted using umpleby hair; rings providing greater protection against electricitry require stronger building materials. In addition, a strand of woven umpleby hair is often used as the core of a [i]rod of metal and mineral detection[/i], given the umpleby's inherent ability to detect coins and gems. [/QUOTE]
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The Ecology of the Umpleby (unpublished Monster Hunters "Ecology" article)
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