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The Trouble at Mountain Pass (1st level adventure)
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<blockquote data-quote="Van der Hoorn" data-source="post: 4587429" data-attributes="member: 81059"><p>Great work! The adventure reads really well!</p><p>Some comments and suggestions:</p><p></p><p>- The PDF doesn't display well on my Mac (all kinds of question marks), but if I use Acrobat Professional it displays normally. Maybe it has something to do with the fonts; not sure.</p><p></p><p>- p.1: Key Locations -> Important NPCs: There is currently no komma after Artemis Lobo</p><p></p><p>- p.2: Give the goblin's camp sub-boss a name and separate entry; also make sure to put this name at the adventure. Now the information is a bit hidden in the text and naming bosses and sub-bosses makes the adventure more fun (I think).</p><p></p><p>- E1: It mentions the largest of the group, but there are actually two Warriors (which are practically the same). Either change the group so it has one larger goblin or don't mention one is larger at all (make it up to the DM to select which warrior speaks).</p><p></p><p>- I1: "... the head trader speak with the guard captain ..." -> "speak<s>"</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- I1: Artemis Lobo -> 3rd success -> "he won't offer more". This should probably be "she won't offer more".</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- E3: It mentions an unlooted corpse. Who is it? Human? Goblin? Do the rewards come from the corpse? Either mention something more about the corpse for niceness or remove the reference to the unlooted corpse. Another option could be an adventure hook that someone is missing. The people in town think the Goblins killed him, but instead the party finds out Kruthiks killed him.</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- I3: It says "5 Player Party: None". Does this mean the 5 player party doesn't get any XP? If so, this is absolutely not clear. Or should it have been the 4 player party? (Like the lines in the other encounters/interludes are as well). If so, also change "None" to "No change"; this is more clear.</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- E7/E8: Artemis Lobo is also present, but what are her stats? Can she fight or is it just a commoner? The first one would be quite nice, but I guess an additional enemy should be included.</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- E9: The party should get -2 on the checks (or do an additional check) if they were captured before (EAlt1): i.e. then the Goblins know them and thus aren't easily convinced, especially if they escaped.</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- E10 & E11: Split them up. There is no reason to combine them (the doors to the temple are closed anyway).</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- E12: "4 Player Party: None" -> "4 Player Party: No change"</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- E16: "1 Iron Defender" -> It mentions "Guard Person" applied to the panel. Shouldn't this be "Guard Object" instead?</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- I4: "4 Player Party: None" -> "4 Player Party: No change"</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>- E20: "Experience Points: 975xp or 1075xp" -> This is probably dependent on the presence of the 4 Goblin Cutters right? I suggest to mention this explicitly here, as for a 4 Player Party the Goblin Blackblade is removed, which also happens to be 100xp and thus may cause confusion.</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>Keep up the great work!</s></p><p><s></s></p><p><s>Cheers!</s></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Van der Hoorn, post: 4587429, member: 81059"] Great work! The adventure reads really well! Some comments and suggestions: - The PDF doesn't display well on my Mac (all kinds of question marks), but if I use Acrobat Professional it displays normally. Maybe it has something to do with the fonts; not sure. - p.1: Key Locations -> Important NPCs: There is currently no komma after Artemis Lobo - p.2: Give the goblin's camp sub-boss a name and separate entry; also make sure to put this name at the adventure. Now the information is a bit hidden in the text and naming bosses and sub-bosses makes the adventure more fun (I think). - E1: It mentions the largest of the group, but there are actually two Warriors (which are practically the same). Either change the group so it has one larger goblin or don't mention one is larger at all (make it up to the DM to select which warrior speaks). - I1: "... the head trader speak with the guard captain ..." -> "speak[s]" - I1: Artemis Lobo -> 3rd success -> "he won't offer more". This should probably be "she won't offer more". - E3: It mentions an unlooted corpse. Who is it? Human? Goblin? Do the rewards come from the corpse? Either mention something more about the corpse for niceness or remove the reference to the unlooted corpse. Another option could be an adventure hook that someone is missing. The people in town think the Goblins killed him, but instead the party finds out Kruthiks killed him. - I3: It says "5 Player Party: None". Does this mean the 5 player party doesn't get any XP? If so, this is absolutely not clear. Or should it have been the 4 player party? (Like the lines in the other encounters/interludes are as well). If so, also change "None" to "No change"; this is more clear. - E7/E8: Artemis Lobo is also present, but what are her stats? Can she fight or is it just a commoner? The first one would be quite nice, but I guess an additional enemy should be included. - E9: The party should get -2 on the checks (or do an additional check) if they were captured before (EAlt1): i.e. then the Goblins know them and thus aren't easily convinced, especially if they escaped. - E10 & E11: Split them up. There is no reason to combine them (the doors to the temple are closed anyway). - E12: "4 Player Party: None" -> "4 Player Party: No change" - E16: "1 Iron Defender" -> It mentions "Guard Person" applied to the panel. Shouldn't this be "Guard Object" instead? - I4: "4 Player Party: None" -> "4 Player Party: No change" - E20: "Experience Points: 975xp or 1075xp" -> This is probably dependent on the presence of the 4 Goblin Cutters right? I suggest to mention this explicitly here, as for a 4 Player Party the Goblin Blackblade is removed, which also happens to be 100xp and thus may cause confusion. Keep up the great work! Cheers![/s] [/QUOTE]
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The Trouble at Mountain Pass (1st level adventure)
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