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The Untold Adventures of Fap Longwood & Friends!
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<blockquote data-quote="mikeawmids" data-source="post: 8024413" data-attributes="member: 6776411"><p><u>The Adventures of Fap Longwood #39 (Tyranny of Dragons)</u></p><p></p><p>The wolf pack emerges from the tavern and squares off against the cult enforcers.</p><p></p><p><strong>“What are you Zhent scum doing in Parnast?”</strong> Captain Othelstan demands.</p><p></p><p><strong>“We are but simple tourists, here to take in the sights and absorb the local culture,”</strong> Hellen drawls, <strong>“We heard you had a lovely cloud castle and just had to see it for ourselves. Tell me, do you sell postcards?”</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>“No, but we do have a historic dungeon, where you will be spending the foreseeable future if you don’t scram this instant.” </strong>Captain O retorts, reaching for his flail.</p><p></p><p><strong>“Is it just me, or is that castle starting to move?” </strong>Dagar interjects.</p><p></p><p><strong>“Oh hell, they’re taking off!” </strong>Hellen cries, whipping out her rapier.</p><p></p><p><strong>“Hold them here until the castle is airborne!” </strong>Captain O commands.</p><p></p><p>The cult guards rush forward. Headstone weaves between their flashing blades and strikes at Captain O. The dragonsoul evades the attempted assassination (and the additional 8d6 sneak attack damage that would have accompanied it) and retaliates by cracking his flail across the side of Headstone’s skull. Urukk punches one guard in the throat, then again in the groin; down he goes, curled up in a sad little ball. Hellen flicks her wrist and pins another guard’s foot to the ground with one of her (many) daggers.</p><p></p><p><strong>“F*<strong>ing b**</strong>!” </strong>he curses her.</p><p></p><p><strong>“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” </strong>Hellen replies, feigning shock.</p><p></p><p>The injured guard opens his mouth to hurl more abuse her way, then explodes as Dagar targets him with <em>Eldritch/Agonising Blast</em>. A different guard drives his spear into the goblin’s side. Dagar waves his Tentacle Rod and three long, rubbery tentacles lash out to batter him. Two guards advance on Hellen, the first strikes her across the face with the butt of his spear. She snaps her fingers in <em>Hellish Rebuke</em> and her assailant spontaneously combusts. She drives her rapier through the second guard’s heart.</p><p></p><p>Urukk crits on his next attack and literally punches a hole through some poor bugger’s chest. Headstone waits for Urukk to engage Captain O, so he can get his sneak attack damage. The half-orc monk unleashes a flurry of blows; only one hits, but it is enough to distract the Dragonsoul. Headstone darts in, swinging his two hammers and breaking bones. Hellen viciously mocks the captain, while Dagar hits the Dragonsoul with two <em>Agonising Blasts</em>. Captain O is agonised.</p><p></p><p><strong>“You can’t win this fight,” </strong>Hellen taunts the captain, <strong>“Why not surrender and get it over with?”</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>“I don’t have to beat you,” </strong>the Dragonsoul replies, splitting a glob of bloody phlegm at the bard’s feet. He glances up at the escaping cloud castle, <strong>“All I have to do is delay you for a few moments longer.”</strong></p><p></p><p>But he doesn’t have a few moments. Headstone darts back into the fray and crits against the Dragonsoul for 40 dmg! That should have finished him off, but Captain O is kept standing by Tiamat’s <em>Blessing of Retribution</em>, granting him one last chance to avenge himself on the wolf pack. He squanders this opportunity with two sub-par attack rolls, then keels over, dead as a doorpost.</p><p></p><p><strong>“Know when you’re beat, buddy.”</strong> Dagar says, prodding the body with his boot.</p><p></p><p>As Captain O dies, Hellen steps forward and captures his shadow.</p><p></p><p><strong>“Neat trick.”</strong> Urukk grunts.</p><p></p><p>Skyreach Castle is growing ever smaller as it ascends into the heavens. The heroes have no idea how they are supposed to get aboard now that it is already in the air. Fortunately, by stealing the Dragonsoul’s shadow, Hellen has gained access to a few of his memories.</p><p></p><p><strong>“The cult stabled a pair of wyverns nearby,”</strong> she says, <strong>“If we can ride them, we can still catch up.”</strong></p><p></p><p>The wolves find the wyverns and fit their harnesses. Urukk and Dagar will ride the first beast and get it under control almost immediately. Hellen and Headstone mount the second, but it proves to be more stubborn than its mate. Hellen weaves Captain O’s shadow into a disguise and the truculent wyvern soon settles down. She can only maintain the illusion for one hour, so time is of the essence. The wolf pack takes to the sky in pursuit of Skyreach Castle.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mikeawmids, post: 8024413, member: 6776411"] [U]The Adventures of Fap Longwood #39 (Tyranny of Dragons)[/U] The wolf pack emerges from the tavern and squares off against the cult enforcers. [B]“What are you Zhent scum doing in Parnast?”[/B] Captain Othelstan demands. [B]“We are but simple tourists, here to take in the sights and absorb the local culture,”[/B] Hellen drawls, [B]“We heard you had a lovely cloud castle and just had to see it for ourselves. Tell me, do you sell postcards?” “No, but we do have a historic dungeon, where you will be spending the foreseeable future if you don’t scram this instant.” [/B]Captain O retorts, reaching for his flail. [B]“Is it just me, or is that castle starting to move?” [/B]Dagar interjects. [B]“Oh hell, they’re taking off!” [/B]Hellen cries, whipping out her rapier. [B]“Hold them here until the castle is airborne!” [/B]Captain O commands. The cult guards rush forward. Headstone weaves between their flashing blades and strikes at Captain O. The dragonsoul evades the attempted assassination (and the additional 8d6 sneak attack damage that would have accompanied it) and retaliates by cracking his flail across the side of Headstone’s skull. Urukk punches one guard in the throat, then again in the groin; down he goes, curled up in a sad little ball. Hellen flicks her wrist and pins another guard’s foot to the ground with one of her (many) daggers. [B]“F*[B]ing b**[/B]!” [/B]he curses her. [B]“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” [/B]Hellen replies, feigning shock. The injured guard opens his mouth to hurl more abuse her way, then explodes as Dagar targets him with [I]Eldritch/Agonising Blast[/I]. A different guard drives his spear into the goblin’s side. Dagar waves his Tentacle Rod and three long, rubbery tentacles lash out to batter him. Two guards advance on Hellen, the first strikes her across the face with the butt of his spear. She snaps her fingers in [I]Hellish Rebuke[/I] and her assailant spontaneously combusts. She drives her rapier through the second guard’s heart. Urukk crits on his next attack and literally punches a hole through some poor bugger’s chest. Headstone waits for Urukk to engage Captain O, so he can get his sneak attack damage. The half-orc monk unleashes a flurry of blows; only one hits, but it is enough to distract the Dragonsoul. Headstone darts in, swinging his two hammers and breaking bones. Hellen viciously mocks the captain, while Dagar hits the Dragonsoul with two [I]Agonising Blasts[/I]. Captain O is agonised. [B]“You can’t win this fight,” [/B]Hellen taunts the captain, [B]“Why not surrender and get it over with?” “I don’t have to beat you,” [/B]the Dragonsoul replies, splitting a glob of bloody phlegm at the bard’s feet. He glances up at the escaping cloud castle, [B]“All I have to do is delay you for a few moments longer.”[/B] But he doesn’t have a few moments. Headstone darts back into the fray and crits against the Dragonsoul for 40 dmg! That should have finished him off, but Captain O is kept standing by Tiamat’s [I]Blessing of Retribution[/I], granting him one last chance to avenge himself on the wolf pack. He squanders this opportunity with two sub-par attack rolls, then keels over, dead as a doorpost. [B]“Know when you’re beat, buddy.”[/B] Dagar says, prodding the body with his boot. As Captain O dies, Hellen steps forward and captures his shadow. [B]“Neat trick.”[/B] Urukk grunts. Skyreach Castle is growing ever smaller as it ascends into the heavens. The heroes have no idea how they are supposed to get aboard now that it is already in the air. Fortunately, by stealing the Dragonsoul’s shadow, Hellen has gained access to a few of his memories. [B]“The cult stabled a pair of wyverns nearby,”[/B] she says, [B]“If we can ride them, we can still catch up.”[/B] The wolves find the wyverns and fit their harnesses. Urukk and Dagar will ride the first beast and get it under control almost immediately. Hellen and Headstone mount the second, but it proves to be more stubborn than its mate. Hellen weaves Captain O’s shadow into a disguise and the truculent wyvern soon settles down. She can only maintain the illusion for one hour, so time is of the essence. The wolf pack takes to the sky in pursuit of Skyreach Castle. [/QUOTE]
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