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(Totally-OT) I really need some advice... bad!
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<blockquote data-quote="Chun-tzu" data-source="post: 83100" data-attributes="member: 1441"><p>Early 20's tends to be a crazy time in many people's lives with regard to relationships.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is part of your problem. To me, this sounds like infatuation. Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing, and I've been infatuated with many girls myself. The thing is, you're probably not seeing her clearly for who she is. What you're seeing is <strong>what you want her to be</strong>. And that is a very important distinction because you have no way of knowing whether or not she would ever choose to be that person.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course she's occasionally frustrated with him. That's the nature of relationships. They all have their ups and downs. But are you seeing a real problem in their relationship, or are you seeing what you <strong>want</strong> to see?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's great. But don't confuse closeness with love (and it's easy to confuse the two!). Closeness stirs up some powerful feelings at times, especially for men, I think, because we are not really taught to share our deepest feelings. But no matter how great a guy you might be, Ann still might not see you as the type of guy she is looking for. Try to accept the relationship for what it is, because when you try changing it into something else, you will often lose that special relationship. A relationship can only change if BOTH people want it to.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>One way or another, your feelings will change. In my experience, being rejected by a girl does a lot to change my feelings for her. And that's not just a defensive reaction. It's because I wasn't seeing her for who she is, and the girl who I saw her as couldn't and wouldn't have rejected me. Sometimes you're able to still salvage a friendship from that, but even if that's the case, it will be forever tainted. There are some lines that, once you cross, you can never go back. That doesn't mean you shouldn't cross them. It just means that you should consider the consequences carefullly, make the best decision you can, and then live with what happens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Chun-tzu, post: 83100, member: 1441"] Early 20's tends to be a crazy time in many people's lives with regard to relationships. This is part of your problem. To me, this sounds like infatuation. Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing, and I've been infatuated with many girls myself. The thing is, you're probably not seeing her clearly for who she is. What you're seeing is [B]what you want her to be[/B]. And that is a very important distinction because you have no way of knowing whether or not she would ever choose to be that person. Of course she's occasionally frustrated with him. That's the nature of relationships. They all have their ups and downs. But are you seeing a real problem in their relationship, or are you seeing what you [B]want[/B] to see? That's great. But don't confuse closeness with love (and it's easy to confuse the two!). Closeness stirs up some powerful feelings at times, especially for men, I think, because we are not really taught to share our deepest feelings. But no matter how great a guy you might be, Ann still might not see you as the type of guy she is looking for. Try to accept the relationship for what it is, because when you try changing it into something else, you will often lose that special relationship. A relationship can only change if BOTH people want it to. One way or another, your feelings will change. In my experience, being rejected by a girl does a lot to change my feelings for her. And that's not just a defensive reaction. It's because I wasn't seeing her for who she is, and the girl who I saw her as couldn't and wouldn't have rejected me. Sometimes you're able to still salvage a friendship from that, but even if that's the case, it will be forever tainted. There are some lines that, once you cross, you can never go back. That doesn't mean you shouldn't cross them. It just means that you should consider the consequences carefullly, make the best decision you can, and then live with what happens. [/QUOTE]
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