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Winter IrondDM (Winner)!
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<blockquote data-quote="incognito" data-source="post: 689321" data-attributes="member: 7008"><p><strong>Final Round</strong></p><p></p><p><strong>Quickbeam vs. Seasong</strong></p><p></p><p>Tough, this one was, so tough. Both Quickbeam and Seasong DID come up with the goods this time. Each entry had it’s own strengths, and where they were strong, they were really strong. So the question came to I posed to myself was: who should be the winner, the person with the out-and out best submission for a short adventure, or the persona with the best adventure who stayed closest within the guidelines of the letter and the spirit of the IronDM.</p><p></p><p>I chose the latter, can you guess who it is?</p><p></p><p>First, let’s get down to ingredients. I loved Quickbeam’s entry for his metaphorical use of the <em>Lernaean Hydra</em> - Hydrea are not poisonous, and “Lernaean” grow back TWO heads, not one, but still it was excellent. I also liked Quickbeam’s <em>Brass rings</em> – he did not take EITHER bits of bait (a finger ring, or pursing a worthwhile object) – good originality, while still satisfying the ingredient AND incorporating it fully into the story. Seasong’s is pretty excellent too – this one was all about personal preference. Quickbeam’s monk is more ‘believably’ <em>frenzied</em> - though seasong frenzy is imaginative, Quickbeam’s frenzy is inherent. However, EVERYONE in seasongs adventure has a hidden agenda. I love that! Quickbeam’s is fine, don’t get be wrong, but seasong’s agendas are believable, everywhere, and well incorporated. Neither poster’s <em>single combat</em> pulled at my heart strings. Seasong’s was kinda plot devicy, can you have an “honarable, or agreed upon combat between two persons” with an INT 2 beast? Yeah, technically, I guess. And Quickbeans isn’t even that, it’s more like a “one-on-one” ambush. <em>Cycle of life</em> was simply done better by seasong – which I’ll talk about in setting…</p><p></p><p>So, let’s talk setting. I have to say again: I loved Quickbeam’s his hydra clan, and small fishing town, and opium drug smuggling, fit better in my mind that Seasong’s magical zoo. Magical zoo: good, Clan of the Hydrae controlling drug trade: great. It wasn’t that seasong’s could have been done, it’s just that it fits into fewer campaigns, due to it’s “high magic nature”</p><p></p><p>Backstory/plot development: Here is where Quickbeam starts to fall down. I warned people that running long was a risk, and Quickbeam adds SO MANY plot hooks and NPCs he lost my interest. The sheriff, and the opium smuggler: great! The Fiend Folio “Berbalang” is completely extraneous, adds nothing, and confuses the issue, all to use the ingredient “cycle of life” – not as impressed with this one. Also, the trite little kid witnessing the whole things, and the Clerics of Cuthbert getting involved, as yet another loop, and whorl in this submission, which I felt needed some major belt tightening. Seasong’s has the one issue of the adventure being all backstory, and less in the way of actual adventure, unless we include those ‘oh so handy’ plot spin offs/hooks. To stae it specifically, it’s a much better adventure, if the PCs either know the Monk, or the ranger, or were the ones who had killed the Hydea’s parents. I would give serious consideration to thinking about what needs to be spin, and what needs to be core adventure. I also thing seasong omitted something in the spinoffs/hooks. The party is there for reasons there, own, but the owners of the zoo have hired a team of adventurers, per the standard hooks, to defend themselves. Unfortunately, <u>that</u> group of adventurers are…what was it?... ”incompetent louts who couldn't protect a pickle jar”</p><p></p><p>Metagame considerations: Both posters picked the same range of level. With seasong's, it does not much matter. All the hooks are hidden enough that a commune (yes or no), or a divination is not going to spoil the fun too much. Spells like teleport are not going to hinder the pacing , because all the action is local, and a ranger can “hide” from scrying – and the PCs are meant to find him – it’s almost a ‘conclusion.’. Seasong should note that a L11 monk is CR11, not CR 9, but given the combat setup, this should not be too much of a stretch for many parties. Quickbeam’s set up is a little more sensitive to divinations, which is why he threw in the “Berbalang” in the first place – but by golly, I disliked that red herring. Toooo contrived. He needs to take steps to more closely ward his coven of monks from higher level PCs. None of Quickbeams level stuff was included in the body, so he is fine in this respect.</p><p></p><p>Length: Words Quickbeam 2,600ish Seasong 2,000ish. Big advantage to seasong, since, as I stated that the plot/development ran long, Quickbeam did not have to get everything extra, extra, extra, convoluted. He could’ve turned the entire Monks backgrounds into “Once there was an order of monks, led by an elf, that was symbolically linked to the hydra” and saved ~100 words! </p><p></p><p>Playability: both scenario’s are playable and have enough hooks, and areas of interest what a wide variety of characters could enjoy them. Great job to both. No edge.</p><p></p><p>Originality: While Quickbeam’s was more imaginative, in my mind –this one line worries me: “This story was inspired by The Five Deadly Venoms” especially when we have had one issue with borrowing from an author. I have not read the book, but I can almost guarantee seasong’s is 100% seasong. And this is really important to me as IronDM judge.</p><p></p><p>So, If you can’t guess by now – I’ll lay it out. Qucikbeam’s adventure, out of the confines of IronDM, is the better adventure. His setting is excellent, and you can tighten up his NPCs or edit them out without too much of a loss. I find his NPCs to be more believable in their aspirations as well. But within the confines of IronDM, it’s simply too long, with some possible problems of originality, possible meta-game holes, and he misses on one ingredient (<em>cycle of life</em>) because that berblang is such a red herring. </p><p></p><p>Winner of Winter IronDM </p><p><span style="color: seagreen"><strong>SEASONG</strong></span></p><p></p><p>gentlemen, please post exposition.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="incognito, post: 689321, member: 7008"] [b]Final Round[/b] [b]Quickbeam vs. Seasong[/b] Tough, this one was, so tough. Both Quickbeam and Seasong DID come up with the goods this time. Each entry had it’s own strengths, and where they were strong, they were really strong. So the question came to I posed to myself was: who should be the winner, the person with the out-and out best submission for a short adventure, or the persona with the best adventure who stayed closest within the guidelines of the letter and the spirit of the IronDM. I chose the latter, can you guess who it is? First, let’s get down to ingredients. I loved Quickbeam’s entry for his metaphorical use of the [i]Lernaean Hydra[/i] - Hydrea are not poisonous, and “Lernaean” grow back TWO heads, not one, but still it was excellent. I also liked Quickbeam’s [i]Brass rings[/i] – he did not take EITHER bits of bait (a finger ring, or pursing a worthwhile object) – good originality, while still satisfying the ingredient AND incorporating it fully into the story. Seasong’s is pretty excellent too – this one was all about personal preference. Quickbeam’s monk is more ‘believably’ [i]frenzied[/i] - though seasong frenzy is imaginative, Quickbeam’s frenzy is inherent. However, EVERYONE in seasongs adventure has a hidden agenda. I love that! Quickbeam’s is fine, don’t get be wrong, but seasong’s agendas are believable, everywhere, and well incorporated. Neither poster’s [i]single combat[/i] pulled at my heart strings. Seasong’s was kinda plot devicy, can you have an “honarable, or agreed upon combat between two persons” with an INT 2 beast? Yeah, technically, I guess. And Quickbeans isn’t even that, it’s more like a “one-on-one” ambush. [i]Cycle of life[/i] was simply done better by seasong – which I’ll talk about in setting… So, let’s talk setting. I have to say again: I loved Quickbeam’s his hydra clan, and small fishing town, and opium drug smuggling, fit better in my mind that Seasong’s magical zoo. Magical zoo: good, Clan of the Hydrae controlling drug trade: great. It wasn’t that seasong’s could have been done, it’s just that it fits into fewer campaigns, due to it’s “high magic nature” Backstory/plot development: Here is where Quickbeam starts to fall down. I warned people that running long was a risk, and Quickbeam adds SO MANY plot hooks and NPCs he lost my interest. The sheriff, and the opium smuggler: great! The Fiend Folio “Berbalang” is completely extraneous, adds nothing, and confuses the issue, all to use the ingredient “cycle of life” – not as impressed with this one. Also, the trite little kid witnessing the whole things, and the Clerics of Cuthbert getting involved, as yet another loop, and whorl in this submission, which I felt needed some major belt tightening. Seasong’s has the one issue of the adventure being all backstory, and less in the way of actual adventure, unless we include those ‘oh so handy’ plot spin offs/hooks. To stae it specifically, it’s a much better adventure, if the PCs either know the Monk, or the ranger, or were the ones who had killed the Hydea’s parents. I would give serious consideration to thinking about what needs to be spin, and what needs to be core adventure. I also thing seasong omitted something in the spinoffs/hooks. The party is there for reasons there, own, but the owners of the zoo have hired a team of adventurers, per the standard hooks, to defend themselves. Unfortunately, [u]that[/u] group of adventurers are…what was it?... ”incompetent louts who couldn't protect a pickle jar” Metagame considerations: Both posters picked the same range of level. With seasong's, it does not much matter. All the hooks are hidden enough that a commune (yes or no), or a divination is not going to spoil the fun too much. Spells like teleport are not going to hinder the pacing , because all the action is local, and a ranger can “hide” from scrying – and the PCs are meant to find him – it’s almost a ‘conclusion.’. Seasong should note that a L11 monk is CR11, not CR 9, but given the combat setup, this should not be too much of a stretch for many parties. Quickbeam’s set up is a little more sensitive to divinations, which is why he threw in the “Berbalang” in the first place – but by golly, I disliked that red herring. Toooo contrived. He needs to take steps to more closely ward his coven of monks from higher level PCs. None of Quickbeams level stuff was included in the body, so he is fine in this respect. Length: Words Quickbeam 2,600ish Seasong 2,000ish. Big advantage to seasong, since, as I stated that the plot/development ran long, Quickbeam did not have to get everything extra, extra, extra, convoluted. He could’ve turned the entire Monks backgrounds into “Once there was an order of monks, led by an elf, that was symbolically linked to the hydra” and saved ~100 words! Playability: both scenario’s are playable and have enough hooks, and areas of interest what a wide variety of characters could enjoy them. Great job to both. No edge. Originality: While Quickbeam’s was more imaginative, in my mind –this one line worries me: “This story was inspired by The Five Deadly Venoms” especially when we have had one issue with borrowing from an author. I have not read the book, but I can almost guarantee seasong’s is 100% seasong. And this is really important to me as IronDM judge. So, If you can’t guess by now – I’ll lay it out. Qucikbeam’s adventure, out of the confines of IronDM, is the better adventure. His setting is excellent, and you can tighten up his NPCs or edit them out without too much of a loss. I find his NPCs to be more believable in their aspirations as well. But within the confines of IronDM, it’s simply too long, with some possible problems of originality, possible meta-game holes, and he misses on one ingredient ([i]cycle of life[/i]) because that berblang is such a red herring. Winner of Winter IronDM [COLOR=seagreen][b]SEASONG[/b][/COLOR] gentlemen, please post exposition. [/QUOTE]
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