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X-PATH: Stick Your Citadel Where the Sun Don't Shine (Complete 5 Aug 2004)
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<blockquote data-quote="Capellan" data-source="post: 1570976" data-attributes="member: 6294"><p><strong>6: Enter the Ninja</strong></p><p>The supplies, when they arrived, were accompanied by a skinny white teenager in a faded <em>Wolverine</em> t-shirt.</p><p></p><p>"Yo. Wassup?" he made 'gangsta' signs with both hands, "Simon da Super Ninja is in da house."</p><p></p><p>There was a moment of goggle-eyed silence as the four unwashed, blood-spattered members of the group took in this acne'd, backwards-cap-wearing, baggy pantsed apparition.</p><p></p><p>Floyd slowly stood, his coif making him nearly a foot taller than the newcomer,</p><p></p><p>"Son, what all in the hell are you supposed to be?"</p><p></p><p>The boy sighed,</p><p></p><p>"I'm <em>Simon the Super-Ninja</em>. I'm part of your team."</p><p></p><p>"It's funny." Smith tapped his fingers on the barrel of his sawn-off, "I don't remember seeing you when we were sending all those scaly critters to the Lord."</p><p></p><p>"I had bronchitis."</p><p></p><p>"Uh huh."</p><p></p><p>"Look, I'm here now, and I'm ready to kick some. When do we start?"</p><p></p><p>"You all can start whenever you like." Floyd looked up from perusing the contents of the manila envelope that had come with their latest order of high incendiary goodness, "Ah'm goin' home for a while."</p><p></p><p>"What?" Beverly was outraged, "How come you get to go home and they won't let me leave?"</p><p></p><p>"Religious observances." Floyd waved a rhinestone-studded memorandum under her nose, "It's the Feast of the King. I'll be back in five days, y'all." He turned to the floating WCX camera and gave it a thumbs up, "Viva Las Vegas, baby."</p><p></p><p>There was a crackle of silver energy, and Floyd was gone.</p><p></p><p>* * *</p><p></p><p>"Okay, let's check this last alcove." Smith indicated the middle statue on the south wall, "And let's hope there are no distractions this time."</p><p></p><p>"I'll do it." Simon volunteered, "Ninja are trained to notice the smallest details." He slid past the statue and began to inspect the wall. "Yo, there's a secret door here."</p><p></p><p>The door opened onto a stone corridor, thick with dust and cobwebs.</p><p></p><p>"Homes, that's gonna play hell with da Sy-man's allergies."</p><p></p><p>"You'll get over it." Smith pushed past the younger man, "There's something written on the wall, here." He brushed the dust away, "It's some of that scribble they call writing, round here. Anyone picked up the lingo, yet?"</p><p></p><p>Fabio inspected it, lips moving silently as he pieced together the words.</p><p></p><p>"It says something about a priest, buried alive for breaking the law."</p><p></p><p>Smith shrugged,</p><p></p><p>"It's not like he'd be a <em>real</em> priest, anyway. Let's follow it."</p><p></p><p>They followed the corridor, which looped through a short arc before coming to an end at a stone door - </p><p></p><p>"No traps, homes."</p><p></p><p>- which opened into a room on the other side of the spiked pit. This was dimly lit by a flickering green torch, which cast strange shadows across the large stone sarcophagus in the centre of the room.</p><p></p><p>"I can sense something in it." Smith narrowed his eyes, "And it's not a follower of the true faith."</p><p></p><p>"Imagine that." Beverly rolled her eyes and adjusted her bra, "I've watched this show on TV enough to know what happens next. We open that thing and whatever's inside jumps out and tries to kill us, right?"</p><p></p><p>"Pretty much." Smith nodded, "Anyone got any complaints about going with that plan?"</p><p></p><p>Fabio does.</p><p></p><p>"The lighting here is really bad."</p><p></p><p>* * *</p><p></p><p>Slowly, Fabio and Simon forced open each of the six metal clasps that were holding the lid of the sarcophagus shut.</p><p></p><p>"Push the lid aside and step back fast." Smith warned. "Or I'll have to give you your last rites." He patted his shotgun tenderly.</p><p></p><p>Simon stepped back immediately,</p><p></p><p>"You can take it from here, Fabio." He drew a pair of pistols and dropped into a pose, "I'll put a cap in it when it comes out."</p><p></p><p>Fabio shrugged and bent to the task, muscles straining as he pushed against the massive stone lid.</p><p></p><p>"Mmmmm, in this light he kinda looks like Lou Ferrigno." Beverly sounded impressed. Fabio visibly preened as he gave the lid one last shove, pushing it away and onto the floor.</p><p></p><p>Right on cue, the monster burst out.</p><p></p><p>* * *</p><p></p><p>"<span style="color: YellowGreen">The boy's got stones.</span>" The old man sounded appreciative, "<span style="color: YellowGreen">Steppin' in and givin' that critter a shot at him so he could land a hit of his own. What was his name, again?</span>"</p><p></p><p>"Joseph Isaiah Smith, sir." Jacobsen flicked through some papers, "From Salt Lake City."</p><p></p><p>Patton, attention on the giant image on the wall, grunted sourly.</p><p></p><p>"<span style="color: YellowGreen">Mormon?</span>"</p><p></p><p>"Yes sir."</p><p></p><p>"<span style="color: YellowGreen">Better that than a godless commie, I guess.</span>" Patton gave a yellow-toothed snarl of appreciation as Smith reeled backwards, blood spurting from torn flesh on his arms and chest. "<span style="color: YellowGreen">Tough son-of-a-bitch, ain't he?</span>"</p><p></p><p>Fabio suddenly filled the camera's vision, leaping forward dramatically and slashing at the creature with his sword. The beast's green, lightly scaled skin did little to stop the blow, and black ichor sprayed across the floor. The flow rapidly ceased, however, as the edges of the wound immediately started to knit shut.</p><p></p><p>The creature - a long-limbed humanoid with a rubbery look to its flesh - snarled and backhanded Fabio with one of its claws. The man spun away from the blow almost as dramatically as he had leapt in.</p><p></p><p>When he finally moved out of the shot, the beast was down, stabbed through the eye by Simon.</p><p></p><p>"<span style="color: YellowGreen">Damn show-pony.</span>" Patton snapped, "<span style="color: YellowGreen">Jacobsen, get another camera down there so I can watch things without the pretty boy getting in the way.</span>"</p><p></p><p>* * *</p><p></p><p>Smith pulled the pin on the Willy Pete and dropped it on the creature's rapidly healing body. White fire ignited the flesh, searing the corpse to a burnt out husk in a matter of seconds.</p><p></p><p>"Burn in hell, demon." He muttered, before glancing at the others. Beverly was already leaning into the sarcophagus to check for treasure. A happily married man, the Mormon averted his eyes from the nigh-obscene display. Neither Fabio nor Simon had any such compunctions.</p><p></p><p>"Did you see the way I took that sucker down, yo?" Simon waved his hand in front of his face, "Bi-yatch didn't even see me coming."</p><p></p><p>"I can't believe it was a 'Bi-yatch'," Fabio looked confused, "I have not heard of such things."</p><p></p><p>"He was cursing." Smith slapped the 'Super Ninja' over the back of the head, "Mind your mouth in front of the lady, young man."</p><p></p><p>"That ain't no lady, that's a ho -" Simon spotted Smith's hand rise, "A homie. You're all my homies. We did the bizniss, yo."</p><p></p><p>Smith rubbed his forehead. It seemed the Good Lord was sending him a migraine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Capellan, post: 1570976, member: 6294"] [b]6: Enter the Ninja[/b] The supplies, when they arrived, were accompanied by a skinny white teenager in a faded [i]Wolverine[/i] t-shirt. "Yo. Wassup?" he made 'gangsta' signs with both hands, "Simon da Super Ninja is in da house." There was a moment of goggle-eyed silence as the four unwashed, blood-spattered members of the group took in this acne'd, backwards-cap-wearing, baggy pantsed apparition. Floyd slowly stood, his coif making him nearly a foot taller than the newcomer, "Son, what all in the hell are you supposed to be?" The boy sighed, "I'm [i]Simon the Super-Ninja[/i]. I'm part of your team." "It's funny." Smith tapped his fingers on the barrel of his sawn-off, "I don't remember seeing you when we were sending all those scaly critters to the Lord." "I had bronchitis." "Uh huh." "Look, I'm here now, and I'm ready to kick some. When do we start?" "You all can start whenever you like." Floyd looked up from perusing the contents of the manila envelope that had come with their latest order of high incendiary goodness, "Ah'm goin' home for a while." "What?" Beverly was outraged, "How come you get to go home and they won't let me leave?" "Religious observances." Floyd waved a rhinestone-studded memorandum under her nose, "It's the Feast of the King. I'll be back in five days, y'all." He turned to the floating WCX camera and gave it a thumbs up, "Viva Las Vegas, baby." There was a crackle of silver energy, and Floyd was gone. * * * "Okay, let's check this last alcove." Smith indicated the middle statue on the south wall, "And let's hope there are no distractions this time." "I'll do it." Simon volunteered, "Ninja are trained to notice the smallest details." He slid past the statue and began to inspect the wall. "Yo, there's a secret door here." The door opened onto a stone corridor, thick with dust and cobwebs. "Homes, that's gonna play hell with da Sy-man's allergies." "You'll get over it." Smith pushed past the younger man, "There's something written on the wall, here." He brushed the dust away, "It's some of that scribble they call writing, round here. Anyone picked up the lingo, yet?" Fabio inspected it, lips moving silently as he pieced together the words. "It says something about a priest, buried alive for breaking the law." Smith shrugged, "It's not like he'd be a [i]real[/i] priest, anyway. Let's follow it." They followed the corridor, which looped through a short arc before coming to an end at a stone door - "No traps, homes." - which opened into a room on the other side of the spiked pit. This was dimly lit by a flickering green torch, which cast strange shadows across the large stone sarcophagus in the centre of the room. "I can sense something in it." Smith narrowed his eyes, "And it's not a follower of the true faith." "Imagine that." Beverly rolled her eyes and adjusted her bra, "I've watched this show on TV enough to know what happens next. We open that thing and whatever's inside jumps out and tries to kill us, right?" "Pretty much." Smith nodded, "Anyone got any complaints about going with that plan?" Fabio does. "The lighting here is really bad." * * * Slowly, Fabio and Simon forced open each of the six metal clasps that were holding the lid of the sarcophagus shut. "Push the lid aside and step back fast." Smith warned. "Or I'll have to give you your last rites." He patted his shotgun tenderly. Simon stepped back immediately, "You can take it from here, Fabio." He drew a pair of pistols and dropped into a pose, "I'll put a cap in it when it comes out." Fabio shrugged and bent to the task, muscles straining as he pushed against the massive stone lid. "Mmmmm, in this light he kinda looks like Lou Ferrigno." Beverly sounded impressed. Fabio visibly preened as he gave the lid one last shove, pushing it away and onto the floor. Right on cue, the monster burst out. * * * "[COLOR=YellowGreen]The boy's got stones.[/COLOR]" The old man sounded appreciative, "[COLOR=YellowGreen]Steppin' in and givin' that critter a shot at him so he could land a hit of his own. What was his name, again?[/COLOR]" "Joseph Isaiah Smith, sir." Jacobsen flicked through some papers, "From Salt Lake City." Patton, attention on the giant image on the wall, grunted sourly. "[COLOR=YellowGreen]Mormon?[/COLOR]" "Yes sir." "[COLOR=YellowGreen]Better that than a godless commie, I guess.[/COLOR]" Patton gave a yellow-toothed snarl of appreciation as Smith reeled backwards, blood spurting from torn flesh on his arms and chest. "[COLOR=YellowGreen]Tough son-of-a-bitch, ain't he?[/COLOR]" Fabio suddenly filled the camera's vision, leaping forward dramatically and slashing at the creature with his sword. The beast's green, lightly scaled skin did little to stop the blow, and black ichor sprayed across the floor. The flow rapidly ceased, however, as the edges of the wound immediately started to knit shut. The creature - a long-limbed humanoid with a rubbery look to its flesh - snarled and backhanded Fabio with one of its claws. The man spun away from the blow almost as dramatically as he had leapt in. When he finally moved out of the shot, the beast was down, stabbed through the eye by Simon. "[COLOR=YellowGreen]Damn show-pony.[/COLOR]" Patton snapped, "[COLOR=YellowGreen]Jacobsen, get another camera down there so I can watch things without the pretty boy getting in the way.[/COLOR]" * * * Smith pulled the pin on the Willy Pete and dropped it on the creature's rapidly healing body. White fire ignited the flesh, searing the corpse to a burnt out husk in a matter of seconds. "Burn in hell, demon." He muttered, before glancing at the others. Beverly was already leaning into the sarcophagus to check for treasure. A happily married man, the Mormon averted his eyes from the nigh-obscene display. Neither Fabio nor Simon had any such compunctions. "Did you see the way I took that sucker down, yo?" Simon waved his hand in front of his face, "Bi-yatch didn't even see me coming." "I can't believe it was a 'Bi-yatch'," Fabio looked confused, "I have not heard of such things." "He was cursing." Smith slapped the 'Super Ninja' over the back of the head, "Mind your mouth in front of the lady, young man." "That ain't no lady, that's a ho -" Simon spotted Smith's hand rise, "A homie. You're all my homies. We did the bizniss, yo." Smith rubbed his forehead. It seemed the Good Lord was sending him a migraine. [/QUOTE]
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