D&D vs. Real Life

[francisca]

This thread: http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=141219 jogged my memory, and I thought I'd pull some thread necromancy and raise this one again. Enjoy!

EDIT 2: Time for some necromancy again. It's great to see how many of the posters in this old thread are still around.

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In D&D, I can sleep in my armor all night, on the ground, and awaken the next day ready to face mortal peril.

In real life, I can't sleep because my wife hogs the blankie, and I barley make it to work on time, where I can't function for a few hours.



In D&D, I can subsist for months on nothing but crumbly hardtack and jerky more shriveld than the Hand of Vecna.

In real life, I complain when the guy at the fast food place only gives me 2 packets of ketchup for my large fries.



In D&D, I can conquer vast stretches of territory and lay waste to whole nations.

In real life, I can't keep my grass mowed.



In D&D, I can slay Dragons, Trolls, and hordes of infernal abominations.

In real life, I can't keep my neighbor's dog from crapping in my yard.


Please add your D&D/Real Life contrasts.

 

[EricNoah]

In D&D, "diplomacy" is achieved with a die roll.

In real life, diplomacy is achieved by successfully interacting with another human being.


In D&D, I laugh at the thought of a giant centipede.

In real life, I cringe at the sight of a normal-sized centipede.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

In D&D I'm a muscle bound, blade-swinging warlord with hordes at my command.

In real life, I'm a fat data entry operator with a bad back.

 

[diaglo]

in D&D i'm an Epic Commoner

in Real life i'm a lab rat.

 

[reveal]

In D&D: I am a DM. I control the fate of not only the players characters, but of the whole world. My slightest whim can cause oceans to boil, the skies to rain blood, people to die, gods to come back to life, gods to die, players to suffer my wrath, WHATEVER THE HECK I FRIGGIN' FEEL LIKE!!

In Real Life: "You want fries with that?"

 

[Dark Jezter]

In real life, androgynous, girly-looking pretty boys sing syrupy love songs and adorn the front pages of magazines like Tiger Beat.

In D&D, androgynous, girly-looking pretty boys live in the woodlands, dance under the moonlight, and practice archery.

 

[Zappo]

In D&D, I'm a wizard: reality is malleable clay under my hands, my knowledge allows me to make my will manifest into the world, and with enough time and drive I can make the impossible come true.

In real life, I'm a computer scientist: broadly the same, provided that you consider reality/world/true what's on a screen.

 

[Walter_J]

In D&D I get to battle all sorts of nasty monsters and even if I loose, at least I fought the good fight.

In real life, I argue with the dog to get my pillow back and I don't always win.

In D&D, I get to explore dungeons, ruins and vast tracks of wilderness, complete with evil fiends, deadly traps, and lost treasure.

In real life, most days, an uneventful trip to the grocery store is a big adventure.

 

[francisca]

In D&D, when I encounter a Troll, I dig out the flasks of acid and oil, and fry it to a crisp.

In real life, I click on the "add to your ignore list" link.

 

[EricNoah]

In real life, I click on the "add to your ignore list" link.

Ooh, burn!!!