Dave Turner
First Post
I've been thinking a bit about the conventional GenCon wisdom. If you
cruise EN World or RPG.net and check for "GenCon advice threads", they seem
to have it all wrong. All of the advice seems too safe: eat sensible meals,
wear sensible shoes, be sure to get some sleep, don't blow all your money on
the first day.
That's all
ed. What GenCon needs is a more balls-out, gonzo approach.
This is four days of high-octane gaming. My advice would be the exact
opposite. First, get as little sleep as possible. Those among us who truly
exemplify the balls-out ethos would score some crystal meth or cocaine for
their fuel. The less-dedicated will settle for near-continuous caffeine
ingestion. I would recommend some ephedra-based supplements if you can find
them. Join every game that you can find, especially those you would never
normally play. Drop into the LAN party for some 2am Counter-Strike or Halo
2. Demo all the minis games. Hell, get into the Vampire LARP if you're
slowing down and need to "game up". Those who garner the most respect at
GenCon are those who, in a delirous fog of sleep-deprivation, direct their
2nd level wizards into hand-to-hand combat with the ogre barbarian. You
will never game with these people again and you don't get to take these
characters back to your home game. The balls-out gamer leaves no survivors.
Good food is the last of your worries. Eat when you must and don't waste
time with it. The true GenCon warriors just carry PowerBars with them and
never leave the table. If you eat like, who cares? Four days of bad
eating is not going to kill you or seriously impact your diet. If you
normally eat sensibly, then this is a weekend of indulgence that your body
will absorb with little inconvenience. If you normally eat like, then
GenCon is hardly the time to turn over a new leaf. Buy the Jumbo pack of
Little Debbie's snack cakes and have at it. Balls-out is not for the
faint-hearted.
Blow all your money on the first day on your first trip through the Dealers'
Hall. Borrow money from friends with only a vague intention of repaying
them. Nothing will change on the second, third, or fourth days in the Hall.
Any of the "hot" games that you missed in your first-day spending orgy will
be available in a few weeks on the Internet. You won't have time to read
any books anyway. You'll be balls-out gaming and will be sleeping on the
plane back. Purge the urge to spend money in the first few hours and you
can game with a clear conscience. If you do have a spare moment to read one
of the books you've purchased, you can score maximum points by trying to use
it in a game at the Con. So go ahead and buy the new "Complete Dominator"
book from WotC. When you arrive at your next D&D 3.5 game, ask the DM if
you can run the new "Turkish Reverser" core class you just bought. It's in
a WotC book, so it's gotta be balanced, right? Balls-out, my friend.
Balls-out.
This is the vision that we should be aspiring to. There is only one piece
of advice worth salvaging from those threads: personal hygiene. Balls-out
gaming does not mean we don't shower and periodically change our clothes.
The balls-out approach is all about style and there's no style in carrying
around the stale sweat from having your ass handed to you in Starcraft by a
13 year old kid at 4am last night. So shower early and shower often. With
cold water. Hot water is for pussies who eat sensibly and sleep.
The uninitiated and the unwashed look fearfully upon the balls-out gamer.
They read the Balls-Out Manifesto and worry about boorishness and obnoxious
behavior. But the obnoxious boor at the gaming table isn't the balls-out
gamer. Balls-out gamers are sharks, not chimpanzees. They drift through
GenCon and take huge bites of every game that catches their eye. Open their
stomachs and you'll find a D&D 3.5 PHB along with a platoon of Space Marine
minis with chainswords and a blue/white weenie deck. The balls-out gamer is
elegant and sleek, constantly on the move because if he stops swimming, he
dies. He doesn't scare the tastiest and juiciest games away by drawing
attention to himself. He bides his time, strikes when it is least expected,
and savors the tasty underbelly of every game. The balls-out gamer plays
hard, but he doesn't play stupid.
A final word: there are some who will sigh wistfully and call balls-out gaming "a young man's pursuit". They will lament that their decrepit, mid-30s physiques and minds cannot withstand the grueling balls-out crucible. Balls-out gaming is without apologies. Pity those who wax nostalgic about glorious GenCons past where they once touched the hard-steel edge of balls-out gaming. There's no going back and victory points have a shelf-life of one day.
cruise EN World or RPG.net and check for "GenCon advice threads", they seem
to have it all wrong. All of the advice seems too safe: eat sensible meals,
wear sensible shoes, be sure to get some sleep, don't blow all your money on
the first day.
That's all
ed. What GenCon needs is a more balls-out, gonzo approach.This is four days of high-octane gaming. My advice would be the exact
opposite. First, get as little sleep as possible. Those among us who truly
exemplify the balls-out ethos would score some crystal meth or cocaine for
their fuel. The less-dedicated will settle for near-continuous caffeine
ingestion. I would recommend some ephedra-based supplements if you can find
them. Join every game that you can find, especially those you would never
normally play. Drop into the LAN party for some 2am Counter-Strike or Halo
2. Demo all the minis games. Hell, get into the Vampire LARP if you're
slowing down and need to "game up". Those who garner the most respect at
GenCon are those who, in a delirous fog of sleep-deprivation, direct their
2nd level wizards into hand-to-hand combat with the ogre barbarian. You
will never game with these people again and you don't get to take these
characters back to your home game. The balls-out gamer leaves no survivors.
Good food is the last of your worries. Eat when you must and don't waste
time with it. The true GenCon warriors just carry PowerBars with them and
never leave the table. If you eat like
, who cares? Four days of badeating is not going to kill you or seriously impact your diet. If you
normally eat sensibly, then this is a weekend of indulgence that your body
will absorb with little inconvenience. If you normally eat like
, thenGenCon is hardly the time to turn over a new leaf. Buy the Jumbo pack of
Little Debbie's snack cakes and have at it. Balls-out is not for the
faint-hearted.
Blow all your money on the first day on your first trip through the Dealers'
Hall. Borrow money from friends with only a vague intention of repaying
them. Nothing will change on the second, third, or fourth days in the Hall.
Any of the "hot" games that you missed in your first-day spending orgy will
be available in a few weeks on the Internet. You won't have time to read
any books anyway. You'll be balls-out gaming and will be sleeping on the
plane back. Purge the urge to spend money in the first few hours and you
can game with a clear conscience. If you do have a spare moment to read one
of the books you've purchased, you can score maximum points by trying to use
it in a game at the Con. So go ahead and buy the new "Complete Dominator"
book from WotC. When you arrive at your next D&D 3.5 game, ask the DM if
you can run the new "Turkish Reverser" core class you just bought. It's in
a WotC book, so it's gotta be balanced, right? Balls-out, my friend.
Balls-out.
This is the vision that we should be aspiring to. There is only one piece
of advice worth salvaging from those threads: personal hygiene. Balls-out
gaming does not mean we don't shower and periodically change our clothes.
The balls-out approach is all about style and there's no style in carrying
around the stale sweat from having your ass handed to you in Starcraft by a
13 year old kid at 4am last night. So shower early and shower often. With
cold water. Hot water is for pussies who eat sensibly and sleep.
The uninitiated and the unwashed look fearfully upon the balls-out gamer.
They read the Balls-Out Manifesto and worry about boorishness and obnoxious
behavior. But the obnoxious boor at the gaming table isn't the balls-out
gamer. Balls-out gamers are sharks, not chimpanzees. They drift through
GenCon and take huge bites of every game that catches their eye. Open their
stomachs and you'll find a D&D 3.5 PHB along with a platoon of Space Marine
minis with chainswords and a blue/white weenie deck. The balls-out gamer is
elegant and sleek, constantly on the move because if he stops swimming, he
dies. He doesn't scare the tastiest and juiciest games away by drawing
attention to himself. He bides his time, strikes when it is least expected,
and savors the tasty underbelly of every game. The balls-out gamer plays
hard, but he doesn't play stupid.
A final word: there are some who will sigh wistfully and call balls-out gaming "a young man's pursuit". They will lament that their decrepit, mid-30s physiques and minds cannot withstand the grueling balls-out crucible. Balls-out gaming is without apologies. Pity those who wax nostalgic about glorious GenCons past where they once touched the hard-steel edge of balls-out gaming. There's no going back and victory points have a shelf-life of one day.
