Places to pour out your worries?

Well, I think I'm losing it slightly day by day and I feel the need to talk to somebody about my worries. However, I have reservations talking it out with my friends and family for now and talking to the local priest and both personal and phone counselling didn't work out.

Would any of you guys here know anywhere online (forum, IRC channel, etc) suitable for talking it out intelligently? Not sure where else to ask this about this, since this is the only place where I've been lurking in where the majority are sensible, sensitive and intellgent...

As long as it is Grandma friendly you can post about them here. Sometimes telling your problems to a bunch of geeky gamer strangers helps.

Crothian said:

As long as it is Grandma friendly you can post about them here. Sometimes telling your problems to a bunch of geeky gamer strangers helps.

Click to expand...

It did for me.

You could post here, but be prepared to get quite a variety of reactions, some of them not at all what you might be hoping to hear.

Of course of personal and phone counseling didn't work out for you, I wonder what more you might get from posting here. Still, if you think it might help, fire away.

If this keeps up, we should suggest changing the forum name for July to "The Doctor is in. 5 cents please"

You could always start a blog...

my expereince with looking for an ear to bend

In my experience- avoid places where people know you.

Don't cry on a friend's shoulder, go to your SO for that, avoid your parents, siblings, no one wants to hear it- "life is tough, get over it and move on; I don't care." Lesson learned through some trials of relationships.

Those are just my experinces, you might have better relationships.

Best of luck. Should you need some kind words I will do what I can. Sorry I have no good advise in this other then been a bit of a sinic

Thornir Alekeg,
Well, there's always a second opinion The phone counselling I got was more of an outlet for me to talk to, with the only notable feedback being that I should talk to my boss and family, which I don't plan to yet. Priest offered the "it's okay, God will provide, you'll be fine", which was ... acceptable, I guess? Maybe I'm just looking for more reassurance that what I'm going through is normal and I'm not half as useless as I think I am at the moment.

trancejeremy,
Tried a little, blogging isn't something that works for me...



Anyway, here's some details... will need to leave for work soon, and I won't be here till much later, so it'll take a while for me to respond...

Background:
I'm 27, going on 28 this year, and I just graduated last year after being stuck in university for 7 years due to my inability to pass a certain compulsory subject. I'm 3 years older than my peers with a lacklustre degree (not even a Pass with Merit) and no work experience nor notable skills to speak of. I also have accumulated a 35k+ student loan.

Recently, I've been taken into my friend's company to work as a Systems Developer (basically, a programmer) in March, and due to changing needs in the company, I've been made a Systems Engineer instead (basically a pc guy who fixes stuff both software and hardware.) My work hours vary, though I have been working recently from 9 to 7 without time for lunch breaks (occasionally, I grab a sandwich on the run, that's it.)

Initially, I felt extremely thankful for the opportunity, and it felt good to be working. I felt horribly inferior and useless and didn't think anyone would ever hire me. It was so bad that I never even completed a resume. My friend just offered me work based on a trial period of two months, then took me in. Work has helped build up confidence, especially after my switch to the role of Systems Engineer. Granted, I doubt that I am really qualified to call myself that still, but I'm okay with the work I do for now.


Situation:
Recently though, I seem to be feeling quite miserable recently to the point which I'm actively losing sleep. All the worries that I've put away last time since I started working seem to have returned.

I suppose my issues lie mainly with money and time... Money-wise, my friends in general are making and spending more money than me. I'm envious (and possibly more than a little annoyed) when I see that they spend much more than me on entertainment and personal belongings and yet complain about not being rich enough to afford certain other goodies when I have only a fraction of their budget and a huge loan to pay. Further more, considering the magnitude of the loan, I technically won't have any real savings for a while, which isn't something pleasant to consider.

There's also this thought of getting housing, since I'm constantly worried about not having a place of my own. This I usually manage to put aside, since I can't afford a house now anyway, and I'm not allowed to buy one unless I find a girlfriend and get married, or until I hit the age of 35.

With regards to time, while I try to accept myself as an individual, sometimes I keep comparing myself with my colleagues and friends and I feel I've really lost 3 years of my life doing nothing of worth. I understand it's time lost, and any more time spent moping about it is even more time wasted, but I can't seem to help looking back at this every now and then and getting all whiny about it. There's also the work-related aspect... this may be too premature a worry, since I've no real interest in jumping ship now and looking for another job, but I keep wondering whether my age will be an issue constantly, considering my limited experience. This may tie into the money bit, since I keep pondering whether it is wise (or even possible) to get a better paying job with my current abilities in order to pay off my loans quicker.

Also, unlike my other friends, I live alone, so I need to do most of my own upkeep (bill paying, laundry, ironing, etc.) This cuts in significantly into my time and energy over the weekend, and I've lost a lot more enthusiasm for the fun things in life that my friends still have the energy to engage in (gaming, outings, etc.) Doesn't help that my work is going towards the point where I may actually have to work on weekends if needed with no extra remunerations...

The sum of all this is slowly but surely driving me up the wall. However, I keep feeling that my concerns are really petty, which may be why I'm not as willing to take it up with friends and family. Maybe I really am just seeking reassurance that I'm not screwing up and I'm not a useless individual. I know that there are people in the world who are worse off than me and that I should be thankful to be where I am at the moment, but well, maybe I'm really insecure inside and can never be assured of myself for long...

Harmon said:

In my experience- avoid places where people know you.

Don't cry on a friend's shoulder, go to your SO for that, avoid your parents, siblings, no one wants to hear it- "life is tough, get over it and move on; I don't care." Lesson learned through some trials of relationships.

Those are just my experinces, you might have better relationships.

Best of luck. Should you need some kind words I will do what I can. Sorry I have no good advise in this other then been a bit of a sinic

Click to expand...

Very good advice. I'd also avoid people you sort-of know.

I leaned on a couple of people during the initial days of my divorce, and very shortly lost them as friends. Same kind of remarks Harmon quotes above.

OTOH, some people you know might suprise you with their compassion and willingness to listen and help. Sometimes it might even be people you'd never have thought of as being "that way" (People who claim to "know" me often severely misjudge me on that score. I'm the one guy they could probably talk about ANYTHING with.)

As far as what you write so far:

Envy is normal, but... It's self-torture and self-punishment. All your life you're going to run up against people who have more money than you, a more beautiful spouse, more free time, a more fun job, a bigger X. Ok, so??? Wasting all your time and energy worrying about it or being jealous of them won't get you a bigger X. It will cost you your health, your relationships, your life. Let it go.

You can't change the past. Yeah, it took you longer than normal to get out of school. But you know what? YOU DID IT!!! It's over, it's done. Congratulations. No matter how hard it was and how long it took, you did it. You are a success.

You know, the job may be tough, the hours long and your debt high. Congratulations, you've discovered Real Life. Disappointing, no? The real secret of adult life is that a majority of people hate their jobs and don't make enough money to live the way that they want to live.

Hey, my debt is climbing through the ceiling as my 45-hour a week job doesn't cover my bills. Take a look around you at all the people with really nasty credit debt. Heck, I've known a lot of people with cool cars, boats and all the toys, who went clubbing every night....and were secretly spending themselves into oblivion.

Not everything that glitters is Gold.

What you're feeling is STRESS. It's from worry, envy, feeling like you don't have enough, like everyone else is better off than you. It's natural. It's also false.

Stop worrying about the external lies. The false appearances, What The Other Guy Has.

Start by taking stock of What You Have. And I don't mean Personal Possessions. I mean everything, including your health, your friends, your family, what makes you happy. May sound pie-in-the-sky or pollyanna, but at one point, it really helped me to figure out that things weren't really as bad as all this external crap was leading me to believe.

All that is gold does not glitter
XXX Not all who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
XXX Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

I have always thought of myself as a "late bloomer"

I started college at 19
I graduated (with a Fine Arts Degree) at 24
I moved out of my parents house at 26
I worked at a number of dead-end retail jobs till I was 30
Got married at 32
Now I'm 37, and I still don't own a house, but at least I have a job I am happy with (most of the time).
At this rate I won't be able to "retire" till I'm in my 90's.
On the other hand I am not looking to "Die with the most toys"

So my advice is to hang in there, anything you learned from was not a waste.

Dude. You are just experiencing life. Thats all.
I wish I only had three years of "wasted " life. My mom died when I was 16 and I dropped out of high school and kind of lost interest in most things. I moved in with my dad at age 17 to take care of him (bad health issues) and worked crappy jobs for years. I didn't even START college until I was 30 and I just graduated last year at age 35, with 50,000 of debt.I am now 36 and just beginning my career. I do have a wife but we are not in a position to get a house yet. In my area the average home sells for 400,000 +.

But you know what? I don't really consider all that time "wasted". I made a lot of good friends, had a hell of a good time just living and made some memories that will last forever. Yeah I could beat myself up for not finishing high school, going straight to college, and starting my career earlier but what's the point. Had I done that I might be earning more money now (no guarantee) but I might not have met my wife or some of the friends I have now. Happiness is about more than just what you earn. Chances are that your peers are overextending thier spending on crap, so don't be too quick to envy them. If you are lonely then make the time to get out and meet someone. A bigger paycheck won't fill that hole (trust me on that one). Concentrate on whats going right- you are under 30, finished school, and are working in your field and it seems like you are getting a lot of valuable work experience. First jobs are about learning and growing so remember that when work sucks.