The Acrimonious Adventurer Association


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A bard in Hell part 1

Haimish arrived back in Croy with much less fanfare this time, his now insipid colored hide hid the humanity beneath it well. Like a wet heavy blanket, Haimish found that no matter which way he shrugged or stood; its influence clung to him. The stench of decay and sweat oozed from his pores, the cologne of death calling her handmaiden home. Haimish winced at the bright sun, the bloated ball of light furrowed his blackening soul taunting his humanity with memories of daylight and summer rains.

Haimish lurched from the teleport circle and willed his moldering body down the white marble steps and onto the ironwood walkway that guided guests around the island. He picked a direction and headed off on its worn path, not knowing when his prey might sense him or if the artifact would finish its job; transform him completely and rid him of this useless conscious a vestige of humankind that kept his desire to tear into the throat of every being he passed along the trail in check for now.

Haimish withdrew the jar of Kalen’s grave dirt from within his backpack; he noted the level of dirt was about half the jar. Far less than when he had first visited the island, Haimish knew his remaining teleports would need to count as he did not want to be stranded in a place on this island with no way out. Haimish thought about trying to see if concentrating on his query would bring either himself to the hunted or the hunted to him but the awkward meeting in the middle of the path would bring unwanted eyes upon him. He needed to hide, this form disgusted him and his will to remain human took over and forced the new personality to the side of head subconscious.

An elven mage sauntered by Haimish’s decrepit form and the bard smelled blood as the elf passed by. Haimish found his mouth over salivating and he began to drool uncontrollably. He ears picked up on the fluttering beats of the elven heart; his hearing was picking up the elven’s heart’s chambers as blood rushed from side to side in the mage’s chest. His sight watched with delight as the elven’s throat veins pumped in time with the beating of his heart. Haimish reached out with his creative mind to envision what his attack upon the man’s throat would look like, feel like, and taste like. Yes, the taste warm and salty with a strong copper taste, as if licking the stew residue from the bottom of a new copper pot. Haimish found himself staring at the back of the man as he walked away, his jaw slack and saliva dripping off his graying desiccating chin. He quickly slammed his teeth shut and forced himself to turn away from the elf, looking back up the walkway, Haimish could feel the heaviness of a dozen stares as they watched the intriguing man amble on.

Haimish walked another hour under the oppressive sun, his body begged him to seek shelter, and his soul begged him to fly towards it. Haimish found himself back at the dinner spot where he handed over the blood rock only days ago. He sank into a chair and waved off a waitress. Staring out over the reflective water, Haimish reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper Menthos had given him in the dark of the White Dragon’s treasure cave. Haimish twisted and turned it in his fingers, letting his mind wonder his body took it to dark places that involved slowly killing the tiefling by gouging out an inch of skin a day and using those pieces to recreate a outward map of Menthos’ body right in front of the tiefling so he could watch himself slowly teleport. Haimish felt the skin on his face crinkle as he realized he was smiling. Shoving that though into the recesses of his mind, Haimish shook his head and slouched back into the chair again. This time however his contemplation was interrupted by the padding of leather boots coming up from behind him. Haimish could smell the creature intensely, a smell that gagged his soul but energized his body.

“What took you so long; I’ve been on the island for over an hour and had to walk all the way here before you could grace me with your presence.” Haimish asks

“When my associates told me you were back, I prepared myself to cripple you for eternity, when they told me what you had apparently come back as, I found that I could not contain my laughter for quite some time.” Kalen answered

“I missed you too, I want to make a deal with you; take this sphere off my hands and then let me go in peace.” Haimish offers

Haimish produces the dull light absorbing orb, much to the amazement of Kalen. The vampire stares in disbelief wondering if it really is what Haimish thinks it is.

“How did you come about ownership of that?” Kalen inquires

“A nice dragon gave it to me in exchange for ridding his lands of lederhosen wearing orcs with curly hair.” Haimish answers

“What makes you believe you have any bargaining power at all?” Kalen accuses folding his arms across his chest

Haimish stands up, shoving his chair out of the way, a week ago Kalen stood six inches over Haimish; now the distance had halved, “Because when this thing gets done with me, I’ll be more powerful than you’ll ever hope to be and my legions of the damned won’t be content to sit on a rock in the middle of an ocean whittling their tongues away while you pine for days gone by where a master of the night actually operated at night!” Haimish fired back

“Ha! I have more power than you know wannabe. The more you posture the funnier you get.” Kalen answers

Haimish pulls out his ace card and hopes it’s enough, “I know who you bow to, I know the pain that was wrought when you went home empty handed without the rock. I know what he’ll do to you when you don’t come back with the sphere.”

Stunned silence and fear washed over the vampire’s face, Kalen reeled in the level of understanding Haimish seemed to pull out of his arse, Kalen thought over Haimish’s words, seeking some form of redemption. He would not be beholden to Haimish any further. The bard’s taunting call and memory needed to be dealt with permanently. However the sphere could not be used again until it had finished with Haimish. There had to be another way, and Kalen would need to keep Haimish preoccupied until then.

“Not here, I will not discuss terms with you out in the open. Follow me.” Kalen says and walks off towards the coast to the east.

“Huh uh, I don’t trust you. There’s no way I’m going anywhere with you that doesn’t include the descriptors public and busy.” Haimish retorts

“Well, you’re going to have to trust me there’s not really an option for you.” As Kalen completed his sentence, Haimish’s body jerkily waded towards the vampire.

“What?” Haimish says trying to will his feet to a stop

“You forget your place child of the night, for I was elder before they called it that, and you are merely a pawn, for my master.” Kalen answered

“It is you who are the pawn; I have no free will to choose my path. Apparently you fear my potential so much that you will destroy me when I offer you the gift freely. Your master must be pleased with the hands off control he has over your thoughts.” Haimish responds

Kalen smirks, “You still try to bore a hole in a vacuum looking for water.”

“Earth without water becomes dust for the wind to use to sculpt the defiant to nothing.” Haimish replies

Kalen ponders the thought for a moment temporarily releasing Haimish from his control. The bard stumbles backwards and falls over as he violently regained control over his legs and threw them in reverse as quick as he could. Haimish could only hope Menthos was right and this was the way to Kalen’s buried reasoning.

“Remember why you sought to harness the sunlight? Was it because Ina-Herit needed you during the day or was it because you needed the day?” Haimish spoke

Kalen’s eyes went reflective and Haimish couldn’t discern whether it was the comment itself or whether it Haimish confirming to Kalen that indeed he knew who Kalen got his marching orders from and exposing that relationship would likely not win him any friends amongst the populace of Croy.

Kalen looked back at Haimish; the bard had felt that look before, only this time it held no power, Haimish could not say whether that meant Kalen put nothing behind it or whether Haimish’s transformation had progressed to the point of where it no longer held sway over Haimish.

“Follow me.” Kalen said
Haimish threw a party in his head at those words as the two men walked south along the coast, parallel to a reddening sun.


Dalhgren floated down towards the fallen Adokul and set Aust down alongside the downed mage. Adokul looks up at the floating Dahlgren.

“How is it you’re still flying?” Adokul asks

“My ability comes from a different source than yours; it does not need the same inherent base.” Dalhgren responds

“Silly human, the underdark is for drow. Once again the surface dwellers try to invade below only to end up all wet face down in a ditch wondering why life isn’t fair, when you really should be asking why the torch bearer doesn’t get fed up with your stupidity and turn your bowels into a crock pot of dinner surprise. Now you think about that when the drow are getting their feet licked clean by your grandchildren.” Aust offers

“You have a great deal of anger dark one, maybe one day you will learn to stop internalizing it and start using it to get from whiney to mighty.” Adokul responds

The mage gets up and wipes the excess water from the front of his robes, “Dalhgren, could you be so kind as to alight me to the crystal’s surface?” the mage asks

Dahlgren concedes and as the mage moves to take hold of Dalhgren’s hand, Aust trips the mage causing him to fall backwards into the stream this time, “loser.”

“That was uncalled for.” Adokul says

“Yes is was, I do not believe you requested it, however it was on the menu and I felt compelled to give you the full meal.” Aust answers

“I’ll take Doopa; you can carry Kourk down the side.” Eeyore offers

“Fine, but when you fall, make sure Doopa loses his weapon first. Otherwise he’s likely to make a pillow out of you before you even reach halfway to the group.” Menthos comments

Eeyore dismisses the tiefling with a hand gesture and wraps the ogre’s arms around his neck and begins to spider climb down the top of the crystal.

“Well, you ready?” Menthos asks

“You won’t drop me to save a perceived threat to your hairdo again will you?” Kourk asks

“Please you’re the only one that could heal me if I were to fall.” Menthos answers

Kourk readies himself and climbs aboard Menthos’ back as the warlock begins to descend the crystal as well. After about ten feet Kourk adjusts his grip and moves to grasping Menthos’ neck with his hands.

“Ack! You’re choking me!” Menthos gasps

“You’re going to fast, you’re going to slip and fall! Dwarves weren’t made to descend this way it’s undignified.” Kourk replies

“We are going to fall if you don’t let go!” Menthos gasps

“I can’t this is the best grip I can find.” Kourk replies

“Is that what your kind are calling it these days? Choking the tiefling? If you can’t wait until we’re both on solid ground to find your happy place then we’re both going to die.” Menthos wheezes.
 
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A bard in hell 2

Kalen led Haimish to a cave entrance on the western coast of Croy, Haimish deduced this allowed Kalen’s “children” to exit the cave at the earliest possible moment when the sun set. The walls of the cave were dry and the air was stale as if it too had died and been brought back against its will. The ceiling was even more disconcerting with its long scars gouged into the very stone by creatures coming and going with fear and excitement, like the back of a lover they showed the passage of things best left unknown.

All through the winding passages Kalen led the bard through a forced silence of understanding; a macabre procession to the hangman’s noose, Haimish couldn’t help but feel as though he was being brought to his demise. Resolution to the journey came in the form of a hallway, whose opposite side from where Haimish entered was lined with cages, the kennel was devoid of life but not unoccupied. Haimish couldn’t help but gaze upon the wretched creatures that railed against their metal prisons, conflicted by the emotions welling up within him, Haimish felt both disgusted and fascinated.

“Even a man without fear needs loyal guardians of his possessions.” Kalen’s voice shook Haimish from his staring.

“What are they?” Haimish asked hoping for a response that would allow his conscious to accept this treatment.

“Odds and ends, that and that. A kobold here, a human there. A dog here, a pseudodragon there. That one’s blood was worth the chase, can you imagine it Haimish? You’re running through the glades of an ancient elven forest, no sound except for the beating of a draconic heart, the strong smell of fear tearing through its veins like a goblin mob sensing weakness in their leader. Even the less ancient treant’s revulsion at your presence is nothing they can do anything about. Even though you can’t see your query, you can taste it on your tongue and you know that no matter how fast it flees, no matter how many hiding places it finds you will never tire of the chase you will find what it is you’re searching for.” Kalen relates

“I’m sure the dragon regrets its decisions that led to being in a place you frequented.” Haimish replied

“The chase is greatest when they tire themselves out running from death, they always stop and look around assuring themselves they run far enough and fast enough to escape your grasp, hope begins to replenish their energy stores again and then you appear from behind a burnt out corpse of a tree, fitting that from a place of death you emerge to grant them the one thing they never want while you’re giving it to them. Ironic that they have no problems with your gift once you’ve finished unwrapping it for them.” Kalen continues

“You’re a twisted man.” Haimish states

“The best part is when they re-gift, for that is the ultimate show of respect.” Kalen’s voice came from behind Haimish even though the vampire stood in front of him.

Kalen’s face contorted into a strained mocking smile, confused Haimish turned to look behind him to see Kalen standing behind him as well. Whipping his head back around himself he finds Kalen standing there as well.

“Nice trick.” Haimish says

“What? Did you think I would watch the Blood Ice recede from my possession willfully? I fear you have grossly underestimated my cravings.” The Kalen behind him answers

It was with those words that Haimish understood the trap he had walked into as the Kalen that led him down into this kennel transformed before his eyes into the rakshasa that he had sold the bleeding rock to.

“So what happens now? You watch me become one of your cronies and then you get the sphere anyway when it’s done with me?” Haimish sighs at his failure

“Hardly, neither one of us posses the power to take the artifact from yours hands at this point. However I will still grant you your wish and send you to someone who is.” Kalen replies

Kalen’s words elicited a smirk from the rakshasa, Haimish looked back to see the tiger man opening an empty kennel and motioning for Haimish to enter.

“Oh no, you’re not locking me up like some dog waiting for his beating, I’ll go down killing you if I have to.” Haimish objects

“No you won’t, you’ll never get rid of that thing if you do and any chance you had at humanity will wash away with the spilt blood. No, you’re going to be a good little boy and do exactly as you’re told.” Kalen responds

Haimish stood defiantly against the wishes of the elder vampire, seconds turned to minutes, which turned to hours. The three of them at a standstill, into the four hour of waiting Haimish realized his stubbornness was going to get Kalen what he wanted anyway as the vampire would merely wait here until the sphere transformed him and then win by default. Haimish also knew there was no way he could defeat the duo in a fight, five hours after following the fake Kalen into this tunnel Haimish comprehended he had been checkmated once he entered the kennel. Resigned to his fate, Haimish took a deep breath and entered the offered cage. The rakshasa quickly closed and locked the cage behind the bard. Haimish found he didn’t mind the cage that much and the animals surrounding him left him alone for the most part.

“Excellent, now in a couple of hours I will be bringing Teaphestuant here to view my price catch. When he is properly distracted you will strike him down, you’ll only have one shot. Complete this assignment and I will assure you that the sphere will be removed.” Kalen offers

“Who is this Teaphestuant?” Haimish inquires

“He is the master of the School of Ancient Knowledge and has access to thousands of secrets you couldn’t even fathom.” Kalen explains

“Good god, you’re going to supplant him as master of the school! Don’t you think he’d have protections or contingencies in place?” Haimish exclaims

“I have spent fifteen hundred years earning his trust, from the menial to the grandiose I’ve let him realize how much I respect him and how much of nothing I would be without his guidance. I’ve squelched countless assassination attempts, discreetly buried unintended heirs, and financed millions of my own gold into worthless tracks of land to satisfy his idiosyncrasies. Today however he will see just how much I’ve learned.” Kalen relates

“How do you expect me to kill him hunched over in this cell without the use of a weapon?” Haimish asks

“Your hands are now weapons and with the power the sphere can grant you, it’ll only take one well placed strike to end his life. I’ve already eliminated his clones, his contingency will lead him to only one remaining body and I’ve already specially prepared it for his arrival.” Kalen explains

Haimish spent the next two hours after his captors left opening his mind to the sphere. The blackest orb showed him countless ways to terminate a humanoid, where and just how deep to strike; the sphere brought him into a quasi-reality where Haimish could feel the warm blood run down his arm. Retracting his hand from the back of a man, Haimish found his fingernails hardened and lengthened into talons, their hard pointed shapes dripping with blood and tissue. Haimish rubbed the dark liquid over his fingertips, smelled the highly metallic substance, and finally placed it in his mouth. The last act shifted his senses back to the here and now as he heard voices approaching. Kalen was returning with the high mage and soon Haimish would have to perform his dance of death.

“Well, well looks like you’ve already had dinner.” The mage spoke looking down at something in front of Haimish

Glancing down Haimish spied the glistening off his fingers first, and then the smell of blood reached his nose, followed by the taste of iron in his mouth. Then the body came into focus, small like that of a child’s, horror of his deed filled his mind, he tried to retch but his body clung to the small blood sampling like a treasured memory. Haimish feared the worst as his shaking hands reached out to lift the hair from the face of the kill, as the blood soaked facial hair was revealed Haimish dropped his investigation. He’d killed a gnome; at least it wasn’t a child after all.

“Is that the sphere? Seems pathetic in his hands. How long before it finishes transforming him?” The mage asks

“I do not know, I can’t get close to the orb without it trying to absorb my essence, it requires the inspection of a live being before its secrets will be revealed. Hence my request to have you come at this late hour.” Kalen enlightens

“Yes, well let’s get started. I’ll need my scroll table and a better work space than this tunnel.” The mage demands

“Certainly, would you like a space on Croy or should we ship him back to the school?” Kalen inquires

As the vampire walked past Teaphestuant he makes a point to stop for the mage’s eye contact for the reply. The mage ponders Kalen’s question as Haimish slowly reaches through the cage’s bars. The bard manages to get his right forearm out from between the bars. Kalen’s form shimmers in the light as the vampire shoves the mage backwards into Haimish’s cage.

“What deviltry is this! Kalen how dare you touch me!” The mage accuses

Kalen’s form shifts to the rakshasa as Haimish’s hand grasps the mages flowing robe and holds it fast. Teaphestuant with a word activates a dozen protective measures, ioun stones fly above his head, magical auras erupt around his body, a magical staff appears in his hands and in one fell swipe the mage knocks Haimish’s hand from his robe. The rakshasa slices two curved daggers at the mage, but the magical protections of the mage hold strong. A new plan begins to form in Haimish’s head one where the mage wins and releases him from the artifact’s grip.

“What have you done with Kalen?” The mage insinuates

Haimish found the mage’s still present faith in Kalen silly considering the trap he walked into. Magical energies whirled around the mage and shredded the rakshasa, blood and bone splattered across the room, driving the cages animals into a frenzy. The smell of the rakshasa’s death reached Haimish’s nose and once again Haimish felt a supernatural force overtake him as the mage stood above the wreckage of the rakshasa’s body. The sphere showed him mentally how to breach the mage’s defenses. The mage turned to fix his eyes upon Haimish as the bard swung with his right fist encasing the sphere within it. The artifact meets the first of the mage’s defenses and disintegrates as if it never should have bothered. One after one the sphere erased the mage’s protections until Haimish’s arc brought the sphere against Teaphestuant’s body and the mage erupted in a collection of black maggots and fell to the floor where they wiggled and writhed. Some into the maw of caged animals, others into the cooling body of the dead rakshasa, still others squirmed their way across the floor.

Haimish’s arm hurt and he found that it was locked in the outstretched position. The black sphere has transformed his hand into a rotting appendage of death, gangrenous and fetid his fingers refused to move from the sphere’s grasp. Kalen showed up moments later to admire the carnage, if he was saddened by the loss of the rakshasa, he did not show it outwardly. The vampire made his way to Haimish’s cell, crushing several maggots under his boot as he walked.

“Excellent work Haimish, I shall uphold my end of the bargain.” Kalen stated and opened up a red colored gate in the middle of the tunnel. The vampire then hefted Haimish’s cage off its resting place and tossed it through the ravenous gate.

Haimish hurtled through spaced and crashed against the red black surface of a plain of basalt. An enormous mountain of bones eclipsed nearly the entire horizon to the right. If Haimish had any delusions of where he was, they were lost once he saw the wraith brigade on the backs of skeletal horses leaving the mountain of bone and making their way to Haimish’s position.
 



The Dark Crystal?

Haimish turned from the undead cavalry and peered across a broken landscape dotted with festering pools of rot. Huge cysts erupting with decaying botflies cratered around several paths that all led to the same bone tower structure. Scanning the horizon in every direction Haimish realized that the tower was the center of this plane and regardless of which direction he chose, all paths led to the same fate.

Despondent, Haimish sat and waited for the wraiths and their skeletal horses to reach his location. The bard watched the shifting faces of the creatures beneath their cowls, like a mirror in a dark room smearing the light from a flint strike. The tormented faces of the damned stared unblinkingly through decades of torture to revel in their new “bodies”. The lead horse pulled up alongside Haimish and threw up its indistinct hand to motion the others to stop as well.

“My lord welcomes you into his care, I am to escort you to his presence where your transformation will be completed and you will join our ranks.” The wraith leader issues while extended his wispy hand to the bard.

Haimish reached out for the help up, but stopped as he saw his own hand come into view, purple and swollen with negative energy, the memory of pink flesh seemed far off as if in a dream from long ago. Accepting help from the wraith seemed natural and felt like the right thing to do. His body moved up with his hand towards the wraith’s and just before they met the bard’s mouth uttered a single word.

In an instant Haimish was teleported some one hundred yards behind the undead retinue towards the bone tower. The undead leader reached out with its consciousness and located the live flesh of Haimish within seconds. The bard hefted himself up and the new weight on the ground called forth the spiny maggot-like botflies from their holes in the ground to investigate the new meal.

Haimish dimensioned doored several more times until he reached the base of the bone tower. The cavalry still hot on his tail, the bard casts fly and shot up the side of the mountain looking for a way into the edifice. The bones of dozens of equine skeletons rattled in the decaying wind as they approached their prey with unearthly speed. Haimish realized by going up and not out from the tower he was helping the wraiths catch up to him. Ceasing his ascent, Haimish dropped onto the loose bones on the exterior of the tower. Hoping to find an entrance or least a nook within which to hide, not so much from the wraiths themselves, but from the feelings that he wanted and needed to be with the wraiths, his mind not yet ready to accept what his body had already done so.

Haimish’s blackened hands began digging into the bones, several of which were splintered and shattered, others had been there so long they welcomed the chance to break when his hands grasped them. Sickly yellow pus oozed from cuts and punctures along Haimish’s arms, still he dug. The horses were getting faster now and the dark red of the sky seemed to hover over his body now as he worked feverishly to create a hole that continuously refilled itself.

“Fortunately for you, I have all the time I need to wait you out as your will dissolves away to be eaten by my master. Your body no longer calls your mind master, and soon you’re your resolve will lock away your mind in an eternal cell from within. You too shall enjoy the visuals I will show you.” The wraith states

Haimish spat at the creature as the bones beneath him started to shift and let his body sink into the pile. Haimish had already discarded all of his fear and swore that whatever fate was waiting on the other side of these bones, that Menthos would make this sacrifice worthwhile. The black sphere released itself from Haimish’s grasp and rolled down the bone mountain only to be gobbled up by a large skull and pulled with the bones. Haimish looked back out at the wraiths to stare indignantly at them, however the looked of horror on their faces brought fear back into the heart of the bard.

********************************************************

“Wow.” Eeyore exclaims rapping on the interior walls of the crystal shard.

“Whatever made this has power beyond anything the beholder is going to throw at it.” Dahlgren says.

A soaked Adokul wrings out his robes after being saved from drowning by Dahlgren, the floor party met the ceiling group where the water drained off the underside of the crystal and they found a way in there.

“I would like to meet the dwarf that carved this from a single rock!” Kourk exclaims

“What makes you think this dwarven made and not drow made?” Aust asks

“It was mined, and not bought.” Kourk retorts

“Just because you find the practice of a labor fee necessary does not mean I do. My people quit fancy your degenerate race’s work on the stone with live in. Without your work one of us would have to build our own lavatories. So for that I thank you.” Aust responds

“I am happy to be of assistance to you, it feels good to know that our craftsmanship is recognized even in places far removed from regular dwarven foot traffic.” Kourk says proudly

“Doopa, think man with weird beard should build ogre lava story too.” Doopa remarks

“Hey Adokul, get up here and find me my money. I don’t want to be hanging around here any longer than I need to, this places has odd energies about it.” Dahlgren demands

Adokul nods and steps out in front of the party. The room they are in appears to be the trash dump as the floor is scored from a ramp to the north all the way to the hole in the floor. Several small debris items litter the floor including dried blood.

“Well, whatever lives here must be intelligent as it gets rid of its trash.” Menthos comments

“Doopa not throw out trash and Doopa is smart. So this not be Doopa brother, Doopa brother never throw out trash.” The barbarian enlightens the group

“Yes, I think you’re very right in that theory.” Adokul says to Menthos

The party trudges up the slippery ramp and enters a small room with crystalline “windows” where the crystal is thin enough to give a distorted view of the outside cavern.

“Doopa, pound on this spot here for a moment and see if you can crack or break it.” Dahlgren asks

“Pfft. I already told you this is dwarven crafted, that window wouldn’t break if Gruumsh himself came down and looked at it.” Kourk replies

Doopa takes a couple of swings at the crystal but doesn’t manage to do any damage to it. The party moves on and through an archway and into a large hall with several side exits.

“Well, which way?” Dahlgren asks

“I think we should cross to the other side and continue to head up towards the center of the structure.” Adokul suggests

After crossing the first twenty feet and peering into the side exits, the party notices that the exits are dark, much darker than what they’ve seen from the rest of the crystal thus far. Dahlgren and Aust head over to check out the left room and after rummaging in there for several minutes they exit.

“Anything good in there?” Adokul asks

“We’re in deep. Mind flayers.” Dahlgren answers

“What?” Kourk replies

“These.” Dahlgren says and places the severed chin of a dead mind flayer over his own, rocking his head from side to side to give the tentacles motion.

“Fabulous.” Menthos states

“All I need now is a good purple skull cap and my disguise will be complete, I’ll look the part, and Adokul you can suck the joy right out of the room. It’ll be a smash hit.” Dahlgren responds
 

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