So, the DM Wants His Girlfriend to Play....

A

Atavar

First Post

• Sep 17, 2007

• #1

Hey there,

Well, I'm the DM, and while we've had numerous new players join our group over the years this is the first time that I, myself, have asked my group to let a new player join the group. The new player is also my girlfriend.

My group has a standard procedure for letting new players in the group. I won't bore you with all of the details, but they involve letting someone new play on a trial basis before the DM makes the final decision (after consulting with the players) on whether or not the new player can stay.

I intend to continue to follow that procedure, but there is obviously the potential for problems to arise because of my relationship with the new player. So, I thought I'd ask the collective wisdom of EN World for advice.

So, what advice would you offer me that can help make this a good experience for everyone in my group and help me to avoid common mistakes that others in my situation have made?

Sorry if this seems like kind of a newbie question, but while I am not a gaming newbie I am one when it comes to gaming with a significant other. So, I'll appreciate any helpful advice!

Thanks,

Atavar

 

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Mark Chance

Boingy! Boingy!

• Sep 17, 2007

• #2

My advice won't help a bit, but here it is: My gaming group is men only. I find this works just great for us. YMM obviously V.

 

el-remmen

Moderator Emeritus

• Sep 17, 2007

• #3

Some questions before I can answer:

Has your GF gamed before?
Does she know what she is in for?

Has she ever observed you and your group play?
Would she be the only woman in the group?

If she has gamed before, does she have a preferred playstyle? If so, how does that match with the group?
If not, have you considered getting her involved in some one-shots first?

 

dmccoy1693

Adventurer

• Sep 17, 2007

• #4

Well, if you feel that you and she spend your free time together in an activity that you both enjoy, I encourage it. Beyond that, the only thing I can say is, "Treat her like any other gamer in the group." If that means kill her character because she did something INCREDIBLY dumb, do it. Just have a way pre-planned out to bring her back though.

 

Treebore

First Post

• Sep 17, 2007

• #5

Just make darn sure she realizes, and you realize, that when she is at that table she is not your GF. She is just another player. Make darn sure you treat her the same as everyone else.

If she, or you, cannot do so then your going to have problems.

 

blargney the second

blargney the minute's son

• Sep 17, 2007

• #6

I DM for a group that includes my GF. Treat her like you do everybody else, and it ought to be fine.

 

dragonier

Community Supporter

• Sep 17, 2007

• #7

Wow, that takes me back! I was in your shoes once. I told my girlfriend that she was more than welcome to join us when I first explained RPGs to her. She had had only one experience with them in the past and it hadn't been a good one. She did eventually try it out and lo and behold, it stuck! Actually it stuck in more ways then one... I married her (8 years ago tomorrow!) and she is currently the gamemaster for our group, which happens to be an even split of men and women. To top it off, she is also now a published RPG editor! Needless to say I got lucky.

Anyway, like others have mentioned, I think a lot of it comes back to whether she is an experienced gamer or not and her level of interest in it. If she is a newcomer and is interested in just testing the waters, I would recommend either a one or two-shot adventure or maybe a short, throw-away campaign. Something comparatively light in plot, but pretty action filled might work. You could also really draw on the experience of the other players and have them help out in getting her accustomed to the ins and outs of the game.

If she is experienced and/or really interested in exploring the hobby with some tenacity, I vote for jumping right in.

Either way though, getting her involved as a full-fledged part of the team will of course make it far more likely to be a fun experience.

 

Dragon-Slayer

First Post

• Sep 17, 2007

• #8

How old are the people involved?

Back in my early twenties when the DM had a girlfriend that played with us it was sheer agony and never lasted very long, it was sort of like that ESP test in the first Ghostbusters movie, the rest of us tired of the constant electric jolts.

A couple of years after that I ran a V:tM game (in the age before angst) and had females in the group and it was smooth, we all had fun. Nowadays it doesn't matter much, a good player is a good player and there is no inclination to play favorites.

 

SiderisAnon

First Post

• Sep 17, 2007

• #9

When it comes to treating your girlfriend like any other player at the table, make sure you're not treating her worse to compensate. While I've seen DMs favor their significant other to the point of annoyance, I've been just as annoyed (or maybe more so) by a GM who decided that in order to make it look like he was being fair to everyone, he had to abuse and mess up his wife's character. She had more problems in that game, all in the name of "fair play".

In the past, most of my groups have been fine when significant others played. The only time its been a problem have been times where the significant other was only playing because they didn't want to be left out or because it was at their house, so they might as well. That tends to put a strain and a drain on the group.

Good luck!

 

Howndawg

Explorer

• Sep 17, 2007

• #10

Treebore said:

Just make darn sure she realizes, and you realize, that when she is at that table she is not your GF. She is just another player. Make darn sure you treat her the same as everyone else.

If she, or you, cannot do so then your going to have problems.

Click to expand...

Amen! I once played in a group where the DM let his GF cheat like crazy, yet cracked down on the rest of us for doing little things that most DM's would totally ignore. I left that group for the local Champions group.

Howndawg