Gregor's Judgement
ROUND I: Match 3
Deuce Traveler's 'Acts of Murder' vs. Piratecat's 'Bullheaded'
[sblock="My disclaimer:"] I am humbled by the talent arrayed before me and I appreciate the opportunity to provide any kind of critique on your work. Having competed in Ceramic DM a couple of times myself, I know that it takes courage to put your thoughts down on paper and then hand that over for public scrutiny. Please keep in mind that my review and judgement of your work comes completely from my personal perpsective and opinions. I am in no way a professional random-picture-driven-short-story reviewer. I also realize that in criticizing your stories I set myself up for your own counter judgement and criqique (e.g. how can I judge your use of grammar when I make mistakes myself?). Please take my judgement with a grain of salt and know that I respect the creativity, hard work and imagination of everyone in this competition. And now, onto the judgements.[/sblock]
Writing Style & Skill
Well … I suppose saying that you’re both really great writers won’t suffice, so let us nit-pick in order to fill this section
Deuce Traveller gives us a relatively well-written piece which is told primarily in the past tense and includes good characterization. It serves well as a read from someone’s journal. There were a few awkward sentences, but nothing too glaring. Additionally, I picked up on one or two stunted transitions. Of particular note, for me, was the immediate aftermath of Gallindor’s magical onslaught. I anticipated some instant shock and awe from the troops, considering that they were spooked merely by his presence (let alone summoning angels and raining fire!). Instead, the scene moves to the next chapter. Some fleshing out of the transition would have improved the flow.
Piratecat similarly dishes up a well-written story dominated by quality dialogue and strong characterization. The first change in scene feels a tiny bit wand-waved in that we are immediately snatched away at the mention of a dragon catching up to Ant and Asterion, for we do not meet the character until later and there are no signs of its presence or the damage it may have wrought when we see our main characters in the next scene. Some reference to that altercation would have tied those scenes together a bit more tightly (e.g. When Ant looks over at the sleeping Asterion, perhaps we see a scratch or something from the chase or fight that takes place off camera?).
I’m definitely scraping the bottom of the barrel to find things wrong with these pieces. They were both top notch in the writing department.
Use of the Photo Elements
Deuce Traveller, you used the pictures quite well and each was utilized as a central component of your tale. There was some overemphasis on restating the details in the images themselves (Gallindor’s tower), but you recovered very nicely by focusing on one of the statues in the first image and making it a dynamic piece on its own. I also liked that the waterfall and marsh was used a central set piece at a pivotal moment in your story.
Piratecat, I think you did a bang up job of using elements in the pictures to play key set and character roles in your story. I was particularly impressed by your choice to siphon your main characters out of our obviously wacky image of statues against a green wall. Additionally, the horse cup turns out to be a main plot element that is referenced multiple times long before you physically use it as an illustration in the tale. Lastly, I also appreciated how the waterfall image was spun around a bit and used as a jutting peak of rock leaking seawater – it hammered home the mythology that you played upon in the story (though more on that below).
Personal Enjoyment
Acts of Murder resonated with me instantly. Perhaps it is because it was our first traditional fantasy tale, because I appreciated the D&D concepts woven into fiction, or because I could see this as an entry in a retired commander’s memoirs. Regardless, I think you put something compelling together and I enjoyed the read. I particularly liked how it discusses interesting issues that we as players and GMs discuss on a regular basis (Wizards with 9th level spells can indeed rule kingdoms, but they could not balance the books, handle logistics, deal with diplomacy, etc.) and Gallindor himself as a character was masterful. Specifically I liked how you changed the way he behaved from someone perceived as a madman to a sagacious wizard once the burden of memorized spells was over. It was clever and something I think I would strive to copy when roleplaying a spell caster in the future. Lastly, I also enjoyed the ending discussion about the philosophy of magic. It was well written, interesting, believable and just generally very well done. In fact, it was the cherry on top for me in this piece.
Bullheaded was a really great story. The whole twist on mythology was fantastic and there were some genuine laughs made by this judge in his cubicle field whilst reading instead of working. The scene where Ant first converses with Jason from the window sill was particularly funny for me. The ongoing dialogue and repartee between Ant and Asterion is nothing short of genius. In fact, Ant and Asterion himself inspired a new NPC for my game (which I’ll stash in my brain for now): a drunken thieving minotaur and his mindful, wise and witty homunculus companion who tries to keep him out of trouble (hope you don’t mind if I poach that idea!). I also enjoyed some of the little details you wrote into this story: Poseidon’s poison/curse taking on aspects of the sea; the referencing of the sailors searching for Ant and Asterion in the conversation between Ant and Gull; the mention of Asterion’s horn still lodged in the dragon; etc. These details brought the tale to life and closed the loop on references you made earlier in the piece. There was a touch of sadness and forgiveness in this story that I didn’t see coming. It caught me by surprise in a story so filled with wit, but it was an excellent addition and I felt elated that Ant, Asterion and Gull all came together in the end for a common cause.
Final Verdict:
This was yet another case of two really great writers (which has been and will obviously continue to be the case for this Ceramic DM): one who spins a high fantasy story laced with philosophic questions and interesting thoughts on weaving D&D tropes into fiction; and, one who crafts a comedic yet poignant spin on classical mythology packed with strong dialogue and characterizations.
Yet another case of judge’s anxiety and internal debate!
In the end, I chose the writer who I thought edged the other out in picture use and in my own personal enjoyment.
Through nail bitten fingers, I type in my vote for Piratecat.
ROUND I: Match 3
Deuce Traveler's 'Acts of Murder' vs. Piratecat's 'Bullheaded'
[sblock="My disclaimer:"] I am humbled by the talent arrayed before me and I appreciate the opportunity to provide any kind of critique on your work. Having competed in Ceramic DM a couple of times myself, I know that it takes courage to put your thoughts down on paper and then hand that over for public scrutiny. Please keep in mind that my review and judgement of your work comes completely from my personal perpsective and opinions. I am in no way a professional random-picture-driven-short-story reviewer. I also realize that in criticizing your stories I set myself up for your own counter judgement and criqique (e.g. how can I judge your use of grammar when I make mistakes myself?). Please take my judgement with a grain of salt and know that I respect the creativity, hard work and imagination of everyone in this competition. And now, onto the judgements.[/sblock]
Writing Style & Skill
Well … I suppose saying that you’re both really great writers won’t suffice, so let us nit-pick in order to fill this section
Deuce Traveller gives us a relatively well-written piece which is told primarily in the past tense and includes good characterization. It serves well as a read from someone’s journal. There were a few awkward sentences, but nothing too glaring. Additionally, I picked up on one or two stunted transitions. Of particular note, for me, was the immediate aftermath of Gallindor’s magical onslaught. I anticipated some instant shock and awe from the troops, considering that they were spooked merely by his presence (let alone summoning angels and raining fire!). Instead, the scene moves to the next chapter. Some fleshing out of the transition would have improved the flow.
Piratecat similarly dishes up a well-written story dominated by quality dialogue and strong characterization. The first change in scene feels a tiny bit wand-waved in that we are immediately snatched away at the mention of a dragon catching up to Ant and Asterion, for we do not meet the character until later and there are no signs of its presence or the damage it may have wrought when we see our main characters in the next scene. Some reference to that altercation would have tied those scenes together a bit more tightly (e.g. When Ant looks over at the sleeping Asterion, perhaps we see a scratch or something from the chase or fight that takes place off camera?).
I’m definitely scraping the bottom of the barrel to find things wrong with these pieces. They were both top notch in the writing department.
Use of the Photo Elements
Deuce Traveller, you used the pictures quite well and each was utilized as a central component of your tale. There was some overemphasis on restating the details in the images themselves (Gallindor’s tower), but you recovered very nicely by focusing on one of the statues in the first image and making it a dynamic piece on its own. I also liked that the waterfall and marsh was used a central set piece at a pivotal moment in your story.
Piratecat, I think you did a bang up job of using elements in the pictures to play key set and character roles in your story. I was particularly impressed by your choice to siphon your main characters out of our obviously wacky image of statues against a green wall. Additionally, the horse cup turns out to be a main plot element that is referenced multiple times long before you physically use it as an illustration in the tale. Lastly, I also appreciated how the waterfall image was spun around a bit and used as a jutting peak of rock leaking seawater – it hammered home the mythology that you played upon in the story (though more on that below).
Personal Enjoyment
Acts of Murder resonated with me instantly. Perhaps it is because it was our first traditional fantasy tale, because I appreciated the D&D concepts woven into fiction, or because I could see this as an entry in a retired commander’s memoirs. Regardless, I think you put something compelling together and I enjoyed the read. I particularly liked how it discusses interesting issues that we as players and GMs discuss on a regular basis (Wizards with 9th level spells can indeed rule kingdoms, but they could not balance the books, handle logistics, deal with diplomacy, etc.) and Gallindor himself as a character was masterful. Specifically I liked how you changed the way he behaved from someone perceived as a madman to a sagacious wizard once the burden of memorized spells was over. It was clever and something I think I would strive to copy when roleplaying a spell caster in the future. Lastly, I also enjoyed the ending discussion about the philosophy of magic. It was well written, interesting, believable and just generally very well done. In fact, it was the cherry on top for me in this piece.
Bullheaded was a really great story. The whole twist on mythology was fantastic and there were some genuine laughs made by this judge in his cubicle field whilst reading instead of working. The scene where Ant first converses with Jason from the window sill was particularly funny for me. The ongoing dialogue and repartee between Ant and Asterion is nothing short of genius. In fact, Ant and Asterion himself inspired a new NPC for my game (which I’ll stash in my brain for now): a drunken thieving minotaur and his mindful, wise and witty homunculus companion who tries to keep him out of trouble (hope you don’t mind if I poach that idea!). I also enjoyed some of the little details you wrote into this story: Poseidon’s poison/curse taking on aspects of the sea; the referencing of the sailors searching for Ant and Asterion in the conversation between Ant and Gull; the mention of Asterion’s horn still lodged in the dragon; etc. These details brought the tale to life and closed the loop on references you made earlier in the piece. There was a touch of sadness and forgiveness in this story that I didn’t see coming. It caught me by surprise in a story so filled with wit, but it was an excellent addition and I felt elated that Ant, Asterion and Gull all came together in the end for a common cause.
Final Verdict:
This was yet another case of two really great writers (which has been and will obviously continue to be the case for this Ceramic DM): one who spins a high fantasy story laced with philosophic questions and interesting thoughts on weaving D&D tropes into fiction; and, one who crafts a comedic yet poignant spin on classical mythology packed with strong dialogue and characterizations.
Yet another case of judge’s anxiety and internal debate!
In the end, I chose the writer who I thought edged the other out in picture use and in my own personal enjoyment.
Through nail bitten fingers, I type in my vote for Piratecat.
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