ready for a new round of Ceramic DM?(judgements in, check in for finals...) - Page 13

  1. #121
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    I agree with points 1, 2 and 4 . My own grammar and spelling are worse than what most of you can come up with, so Ill let that slide.

    The most important thing is to get me to say: "woow, now thats a nifty idea"

    However you do that, is your problem (eh....challenge)

    So many games, so little time!


  • #122
    drawmack vs. taladas

    Much like the old woman the soup is bitter. The boys, Lemic and Asill still eat feverishly, scooping out the soup with crusty bread.

    “Slow down or you’ll choke” She says.

    “Yes, Grandmother.” The boys reply. And began to eat at a less frantic pace.

    She eyes them warily. The Boys never ate her food that fast.

    “Ow!” Lemic cries just as he bites his fingers. He shakes his hand and quickly begins to eat again.

    “Boys, what’s the hurry. What mischief are you planning?”

    “Nothing, we ah were just wanting to go to the lake and ah meet someone…” Says Lemic.

    “Meet who?”

    “Just someone we meet yesterday.”

    “Who did you meet? I will not have the children of my daughter associate with Axons! They murdered her and your father. They have worked to destroy our very way of life! And you will not go meet any Axon at the Lake!”

    She had Lemic up off the floor and was shaking him violently.

    “Ohma, it’s just a dog. We found a dog by the lake.”

    She throws him to the floor.

    “A dog!? A stupid dog! I…”

    She notices that both Lemic and his younger brother Asill are crying. The remains of the soup are spilled on the threadbare rug. She notices her hands are shaking.

    “Forgive me. You know how I fear that you will end up like the others in the village that accept the Axons and even treat them as friends. They are evil invaders and they must be stopped.”

    The old woman pauses and looks on her grandchildren.

    “Go to the lake and see your dog.” She smiles and pulls her boys close in a tight hug. “And remember that I love you.”

    “We love you, too.” The boys recite as tired rote. Still the old woman cries.

    She waives as the boys leave. When they finally go out of sight she quickly turns back into the hut. She grabs a large shallow bronze bowl and walks outside. She sets it on the ground and moves to the well. The woman draws out a bag of water and pours it into the bowl.

    “The spell is so simple but everyone was too afraid to use it. They said the cost was too high. That demons may be easy to summon but their help is always cursed.”

    The old woman kneels before the bowl.

    “But I will bear any cost to eliminate the Axons from my land. My grandchildren will not grow up in a land ruled by outsiders.”

    She starts chanting in an arcane language and then thrust her hands into the water and rises up. (Picture #1)

    The demon (Picture #3) eyes the old woman.

    “What do you want?”

    “I have summoned you here to destroy the Axon invaders in my homeland. Do this and I will pay any cost.”

    “As you wish.” The demon smiles a wicked smile.

    A loud crack of thunder from a cloudless sky and a lightning bolt of fiery red strikes on the outskirts of town. It starts a fire that soon rages out of control. (Picture # 4)

    “The fire will scour the Axons from your country. There will be no place that they will not be burned out.”

    The old woman smiles a terrible smile. “They will know what it is to suffer like my people have suffered.”

    The demon turns to her and says. “You’re so refreshing. The humans that usually summon me are horrified at the suffering I cause. You relish in it.”

    “They have taken everything from me and I will be avenged. The fire may scorch my land but it will also cleans it.” And my boys will be safe at the lake she thinks.

    “And now demon I will pay the price.”

    “You already have. Scry in the water old woman.”

    She drops to her knees and looks in the water. Picture #2

    “It’s my boys, walking in the dessert with some dog. What does this mean? What have you done with my boys!?”

    “Merely collected my price. Your grandchildren are to wander the desserts of Hell for eternity. This is the price too terrible to pay. This is the payment too dear to give. This is the debt your ancestors would not draw.”

    And then the Demon disappears.

    The old woman convulses and collapses. Gut wrenching cries come from her and she is oblivious to the flames as they come to consume her.

  • #123
    You always notice the mistakes after you post. Anywho there it is warts and all.

    I just wanted to say that participating is a real honor and I am always amazed by the calibur of stories in Ceramic DM.

    Good luck to all.

  • #124
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    I just mailed my result for the first two pairs to AlSiH2O!

    Where is the rest !!!!
    So many games, so little time!

  • #125
    Our stories are on about the same level - from what I can see. Yours does show a bit better editing even though mine went through two revisions.

    May the best ghoul win

  • #126
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    Gallant (Lvl 3)

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    Originally posted by Maldur
    I just mailed my result for the first two pairs to AlSiH2O!

    Where is the rest !!!!
    Just woke up... I'm working on them now and should have them in fairly soon, although I do have to get my son ready for daycare and take him there. I'll post again once I've finished.
    Ceramic DM I & II --

  • #127
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    Magsman (Lvl 14)

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    Originally posted by mirthcard

    Puts on judge's robes, grabs gavel...

    Actually, part of the rules for this contest is that you don't ever read your opponent's entry before submitting yours. 'Course it's the honor system 'round here, but...

    Also, I'll post just a few formatting rules reminders that have come up before (and can cost you the competition on really close entries):

    1. Always post your name vs. your opponent's name at the beginning of your entry.

    2. Always notate in the entry what descriptions go with what pictures.

    3. Grammatical and syntax errors will count against you, at least when I'm judging an entry. If you have the time, make sure you do a final edit before submitting.

    4. NEVER, I MEAN NEVER, EVER edit your entry after submitting it. Now that I've said that here, I want everyone to know that I will automatically disqualify any entry that has been edited post-posting (of course I'm only one of three judges, so you could possibly still win).

    Now the games can continue

    Ummm, with the exception of the no editing, none of those rules were posted earlier in the thread, you know, where the rules were specifically posted.

    EDIT: Actually I take it back, grammer and syntax aren't a rules, and that makes sense anyway, and noting where the pictures "occur" was mentioned as well.

    The formatting of who vs who is not mentioned at any point earlier in the thread, nor is the "no reading your opponents entry before yours is posted."
    Last edited by Joshua Dyal; Friday, 13th June, 2003 at 12:49 PM.

    "I realize that I am generalizing here, but, as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care." Dave Barry

  • #128
    after a few of these we have gotten used to people just knowing the rules, so we may have slipped up there.

    don't read you opponents before posting yours, don't edit, the other 2 don't mean as much to me.

    i make spelling errors and mistypes all the time, and i know who oyu were up against

    reading oyur opponents and editing are cheating, and taken seriously by me.

    everything else is just being human

  • #129
    Waiting - somewhat patiently to be told I will not be advancing to round II.

  • #130
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    Originally posted by Drawmack
    Waiting - somewhat patiently to be told I will not be advancing to round II.
    Join the club.

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