Nail
First Post
Great!Sniktch said:
Ditto. I always appreciate feedback
Sniktch: The beginning of the story is well done. The thundering footsteps, the hopeless defence by the father,...and the quest for vengence.
The middle part, including the dream-like death march from fertility to desolation back to fertility is good too...but I was hoping for more from the old man. (Don't questing people always run into wise old men? ) The story must be short, so there's not tons of room...but there should be some sort of connection made here, some sort of resonance between the young-grieved man and the old-world-weary man. A shared experience? Just the giant's general (magical) destruction of the old man's lands is not enough.
The young man must do what the old man cannot.
The end was a decent wrap-up, but again seemed a bit rushed. I hope I don't offend you when I say that the end with the slaves seems completely un-fullfilling. Such an ending might be great for a D&D adventure...but for a story like this it serves no purpose. ...Just kinda cheapens the blow an ending should have.
Mean and cruel, ain't I?
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Speaker: My biggest problem with this story was....well, I'm almost ashamed to write it. ......Boy, did I hate the name of the protagonist's master! "Pual????!!!!" Arrrrrgggg! I can't say it. How do you say it? I'm going nuts over here.....
The story is very tight, and the action moves well from point to point. I was left a bit mystified by some of the trivia, though: why are "other teams" climbing up the spire, in the beginning? Did I just read that wrong? And why is the outsider hiding up there?
There were some great "scene setting" writing here. The way the oracle just. Stopped. The nervious mannerisms of the protagonist's master:
The mood is set, the action is clear. And the ending is. Good. A circle with a revealed "ending as a beginning" always works for me.Pual nods. Paces. Then he plants his feet and heaves a big sigh. Not a good sign. Pual never sighs.
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I'm not a judge, so my opinion ain't worth a hill o' beans, but I'd say the round should go to Speaker.
Both of you did very. Well.