Was: Eberron - Passage (one week only)!

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So is that title the name of the Campaign? Adventure? or how often you are posting for this story?

I haven't done more than read Dragon articles, but from what I have read, your short story here captures some of the Eberron flavor. I'd read this, if the story/campaign story hour/whatever continues.

GW

Graywolf-ELM said:

So is that title the name of the Campaign? Adventure? or how often you are posting for this story?

I haven't done more than read Dragon articles, but from what I have read, your short story here captures some of the Eberron flavor. I'd read this, if the story/campaign story hour/whatever continues.

GW

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This is his submission for the Eberron novel search.

I'll post my thoughts later RW.

As spoke the Pants, this is my writing sample for the Eberron novel search. I have since revised a few bits here and there, but that's the majority for ya. I'm glad you like it. Hopefully you will be able to read more of it in a few months.

I like it... but I feel like it needs a little more "zip." I'm not sure what that means, though...

I already mailed this off, so I'm bumping it one last time before I take this post down tomorrow night.

RangerWickett said:

I already mailed this off, so I'm bumping it one last time before I take this post down tomorrow night.

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RangerWickett,

Looks like I'm coming in late on this one. Here are my quick comments:

I _really_ like the main character and the opening scene. He's got that roguish charm (ala Man with no Name) that definitely makes him a perfect protagonist. The scene itself is reminiscent of the scene between Tuco and his brother in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. A lot of undercurrent. Very nice. I really like the last scene, as well. The warforged has a certain wry futility that is attractive. I have had a hard time getting my head around that race, and I think you helped me with this character portrait. Overall, the narrative is pretty tight and well constructed. The action flows nicely, as well.

I think you're walking a fine line between a darker than average D&D fantasy book and outright brutality with Labeth's scene. I can say that I was rather unsympathetic to her plight after her actions. The capper, "It took several strikes before the man stopped moving" cinched it for me. I'm really hoping she dies in a most painful manner. This may not be a feeling you want to evoke for one of your main characters. Overall, I found a handful of grammatical errors and a few instances of phrases used by the characters that might not evoke the setting as deeply as you like ("god damned" and "hell" were two that stood out).

Overall, I really like this piece. It's got the pulp feel, the anti-hero theme and is firmly rooted in the genre and WotC's campaign world. Thanks for a great story!

On a side note, I finally finished mine last night...or I should say at 6a this morning. One more edit and I'm going to overnight it to WotC. That single page synopsis was HARD!

Did you get the deal? If so, what will the name of the book be, if you know.

GW

Oh, no. I did not get the deal. I got a form letter response, like 280 other people. *grin* I just hope the guy who did get it (his name escapes me now, but you can find it with a little searching) lives up to a high standard.