RangerWickett said:
I already mailed this off, so I'm bumping it one last time before I take this post down tomorrow night.
RangerWickett,
Looks like I'm coming in late on this one. Here are my quick comments:
I _really_ like the main character and the opening scene. He's got that roguish charm (ala Man with no Name) that definitely makes him a perfect protagonist. The scene itself is reminiscent of the scene between Tuco and his brother in
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. A lot of undercurrent. Very nice. I really like the last scene, as well. The warforged has a certain wry futility that is attractive. I have had a hard time getting my head around that race, and I think you helped me with this character portrait. Overall, the narrative is pretty tight and well constructed. The action flows nicely, as well.
I think you're walking a fine line between a darker than average D&D fantasy book and outright brutality with Labeth's scene. I can say that I was rather unsympathetic to her plight after her actions. The capper, "It took several strikes before the man stopped moving" cinched it for me. I'm really hoping she dies in a most painful manner. This may not be a feeling you want to evoke for one of your main characters. Overall, I found a handful of grammatical errors and a few instances of phrases used by the characters that might not evoke the setting as deeply as you like ("god damned" and "hell" were two that stood out).
Overall, I really like this piece. It's got the pulp feel, the anti-hero theme and is firmly rooted in the genre and WotC's campaign world. Thanks for a great story!
On a side note, I finally finished mine last night...or I should say at 6a this morning. One more edit and I'm going to overnight it to WotC. That single page synopsis was HARD!