Hellefire's Side Judgments
Here I will put in my own judgments and critiques. Hopefully you will find them constructive. If nothing else, it will give you something to read while waiting for the *real* judgments.
**JUDGES - NO peaking until after the match in question has been judged and is complete! **
Competitors - No reading until you have posted your own story for any given match.
Judgements (will update these after official judgements are made):
Round 1 - Elimination Round: (match - *winner* (my pick))
FickleGM vs. phoamslinger - *phoamslinger* (phoamslinger)
Rune vs. Rodrigo Istalindir - *Rodrigo Istalindir* (Rodrigo Istalindir)
Piratecat vs. Deuce Traveler - *Piratecat* (Piratecat)
Wild Gazebo vs. SteelDraco - *SteelDraco* (SteelDraco)
maxfieldjadenfox vs. UselessTriviaMan - *UselessTriviaMan* (UselessTriviaMan)
Hellefire vs. Daeja - *Daeja* (Daeja)
Round 2 - Semi-Final Round: (match - *winner* (my pick))
phoamslinger vs. Piratecat vs. UselessTriviaMan - *Piratecat* (UselessTriviaMan)
Rodrigo Istalindir vs. SteelDraco vs. Daeja - *Rodrigo Istalindir* (Rodrigo Istalindir)
Round 1:
FickleGM vs. phoamslinger:
[sblock]**phoamslinger - Styx Freight, Inc.**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Excellent! I found the story witty and light, enjoyed the interaction of various pantheons and of that alternate world with our own. I very much enjoyed the concept. But... - 9/10
*Picture use* - The first picture was used well enough, as a lead in and meaningful. The second picture was used in wonderful fashion, as an integral part of the story - I generally don't like the use of day/dreaming as a format to link pictures to one story, but in this case it did not distract at all from the story so well done! The last two pictures however were..linked to the story but did not make any kind of impact at all. They seemed kind of thrown in at the end, which brings us to our last point... - 5/10
*All around* - The story began in great fashion, I was hooked by the characters and the action and the theme and then....it sort of dumped off the last couple pictures and ended. - 6/10
*Final Analysis* - Really great beginning, I had a lot of hopes. I almost feel like taking off another point because of the great let down after that, but I won't, because the creativity and flow began so well. Average would be 7.5, but these are weighted (grammar certainly does not count as high as other factors). Though the last pictures make sense in the story, they do not pop out. Good effort. Great creativity and style. As PC said, absurdly fast. 5 hours and 10 minutes. No points however for speed.
**SCORE: 7/10**
**FickleGM - The Heart of a Kiwi**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 9/10 ( I think 'What lied before us?' should be 'What lay before us?' I think...
)
*Creativity* - OK, so we have a sentient, special bird, which is a good idea, and its terrorized owner, and the mad colonel. Interesting twists, but...I didn't get it very well I think...6/10
*Picture use* - The teapot was used in a scene, though only in a peripheral fashion - and the background (the counter top) wasn't really used. The ruins were just used as a passing point, moving from point A to point C without pausing much. The bird pic was of course a focal point of the story and very well done. The man in the boat fit the ending, but again wasn't detailed a lot...4/10
*All around* - The story had interesting characters, but they didn't get developed much, and I ended up with a lot of questions in my head. What did it find? What else did he smell? They found it...again...why was it worth dying for this time? 'The sound, as always, was deafening.' Had he shot at them before? Shot them before?...4/10
*Final Analysis* - I liked the base ideas of the story that I understood, but two things really killed it for me - those ideas weren't played out very much, and there was much more that I just did not get. I was also a bit disappointed in the picture use, but then again my match hasn't come up yet.
**SCORE: 5/10**
My Pick: **phoamslinger** for great flow and a bit better picture use and development.
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Rune vs. Rodrigo Istalindir:
[sblock]**Rune - Transition**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Trippy story, which I really like - its great when I have to re-read something a couple times, and I like the integrated poem. It was a good...basis...for a story... 7/10
*Picture use* - Unfortunately, the sphere picture did not really enter into the story except peripherally. The man picture was integral and came back around in the end, which was good. The tree picture was used, and part of the story, but seemed a little forced. A very good job, I thought, integrating the fuzzy thing picture... - 5/10
*All around* - The story was a cool concept, unfortunately due to the length it was sparse in some parts and non-existent in others. It is hard to compare very short stories against short stories against novels against haikus. I would rate this as a very short story, which did not allow it to really be deep in any of the sections. - 5/10
*Final Analysis* - I really like the idea of the story, but it didn't seem to get much beyond the outline stage in my humble opinion. It gets bumped up a bit for good writing and creative ideas.
**SCORE: 6/10**
**Rodrigo Istilandir - The Hitchhiker**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Exceptional - Ideas which touch on concepts and go wild - 10/10
*Picture use* - Wonderful...mostly. Picture one (4)...fuzzy thing... entirely integral to the story. Picture 2 (2)...artisan... entirely integral to the story. Picture 3 (1)...tree... tied to the story. Picture 4 (3)...metal sphere... kind of part of the story. Went from exceptional to auxiliary. Still probably best use I have seen so far! ... - 7/10
*All around* - Such a great story! Integration of pictures and ideas and...really great story! ... 9/10
*Final Analysis* - This was one of the best stories I have seen in a while. The flow of it, they idea behind it, and where it went in the end. A couple of pictures may have been used more/better, but the whole idea of the story was grand.
**SCORE - 8.5/10**
My Pick: **Rodrigo Istilandir** for a story that held my attention, would not let go, and delivered emotional content to the end.
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Piratecat vs. Deuce Traveler:
[sblock]**Piratecat - Bullheaded**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Excellent job of creating a Greek Myth based realm, with diverse elements that interacted logically...8/10
*Picture use* - Wonderful picture use. The main characters came from the bull picture, which was also used some for scenery. The winged chick became an important side character. The horse cup was a central item, used for purpose and recurring. The final scene used the last picture, and took various elements into account. I would have liked to see pictures of the sailors and most especially the dragon, but the ones used were used well. - 8/10
*All around* - The story had an excellent flow. The characters were great and made sense and developed as the story went. I was intrigued through the entire story. The only negative comment I have is that it was a bit...loose. By that I mean it incorporated a variety of ideas and characters and scenes well, but I think they could have been a bit more..tight. - 7/10
*Final Analysis* - I enjoyed the flow of the story a lot. The rhythm of it, the characters, the humor. It was fairly light-heartened and fun and catchy. I wasn't completely blown out of the water, but I enjoyed myself!
**SCORE: 8/10**
**Deuce Traveler - Acts of Murder**
*Grammar, etc.* - great-ish - 8/10 (I think I saw 3 typos/grammatical errors)
*Creativity* - Great job with integration of military mindset and magical ruleset and the superstitious meeting of the two. The story itself I though was more creative than the picture use...8/10
*Picture use* - All of the pictures fit into the story. Something I really liked was that all of them except the scenery one came around twice in the story. What I didn't like was that they were all part of the story, but not a BIG part of the story. Key props, but I think I would have preferred to see pictures of the farm house and the goblins. Still moderate use for all of the pics, and nice that they were referred to more than once each...6/10
*All around* - The story flowed really well in most parts. It seemed a bit jerky in the part with catching up to the 100 spearmen, but besides that was a nice even flow. A bit predictable in parts, but nice to read - 7/10
*Final Analysis* - It was a well-written story. I enjoyed reading it and found the characters believable and fun, if a bit stereotyped. I really liked what you did with magic rules. I was a bit disappointed with picture use - even though you had moderate use of all of them, there seemed to be a lot of details that could have been used from each of them. Fun read though.
**SCORE: 7/10**
My Pick: **Piratecat** almost entirely for better picture use. I found both stories very good reads, almost identical in their...goodness.
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Wild Gazebo vs. SteelDraco:
[sblock]**Wild Gazebo - Summer Spark O Magic**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 9/10 (While the general tone allowed for technically incorrect grammar, there were a couple actual mistakes I believe).
*Creativity* - Great mix of different aspects - old timer and magic and fairies and structured society. There were a couple places where their cohabitation seemed a little strained, but only a little. Very nice! - 9/10
* Picture Use* - The house was the beginning location and a main plot device. The chess piece drove the story a bit, though the floating in blackness part seemed like it was forced to exactly match the picture. The ant as a fairy was a wonderful tough. The underwater-ish aspect of the under-house world was a way to use the underwater picture without actually being in the water, and I think fairly well done....7/10
*All around* - Mostly great flow, though there was a part in the middle where the first person voice seemed like it was suddenly more...eloquent. Lost some of the drawl and used a lot more grammar and vocabulary. The general tone and the transition to the fairy under-house world was great. I really liked that the fairies had a structured society when compared to the human old-timer. Very fun read! - 7/10
*Final Analysis* - I think you did a great job putting a lot of disparate ideas together into one, and I really enjoyed the different slants and ways in which the elements contrasted. Really great ideas! Unfortunately there were some points that the suspended disbelief was strained.
**SCORE: 8/10**
**SteelDraco - No Title**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 9/10 (Tim instead of Time, and not sure what You're never 40 means).
*Creativity* - The mystical world of alchemy mixed with mental projection - exciting stuff! And mixed with the supernatural was the normalcy of a cleaning woman. The fountain of youth, stolen from people through the mouth of ants...excellent! - 9/10
* Picture Use* - The ants were vitally important throughout the story, excellent job there. The house was the setting and well described at one place. It's hard to say it was not well used because it was the location for most of the story. Maybe it was the least-good used one. The chess piece as the game mixed with the queen ant was inspirational! The heads of the victims at the bottom of the sea was also great...8/10
*All around* - Gripping to read. Character development and story progression and plot thickening. Very well written story with a logical ending. Not gripping surprise, but great ideas and did not see most of it coming (though some was a bit obvious). Wonderful job! - 8/10
*Final Analysis* - I thoroughly enjoyed the reading of the story. I felt close to the characters, The end line 'he'd never have the strength to die' was profound. A couple bits seemed jumpy, but that's only a minor criticism. Great job!
**SCORE: 8.5/10**
My Pick: **SteelDraco** by a nose, for slightly better picture use and because the flow of the story was a bit more even.
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maxfieldjadenfox vs. UselessTriviaMan:
[sblock]**maxfieldjadenfoxetc - Let Sleeping Gods Lie**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Great job of integrating supernatural things into (modern) life. Well, modern-ish. I really like how you added a layer on top of the usual to make it supernatural, as opposed to them being separate things - 8/10
* Picture Use* - Great job! The future-telling device was key to the beginning of the story. The horned girl as the daughter of a horned god worked great, and of course she was integral to the story. The temple to the god came as a central scene and recurred in the end. Lala was of course central to the story, and being frozen and forced to watch made sense to the story some, but it wasn't a strong use of the image, I thought. - 7/10
*All around* - Story grabbed me and held my attention throughout. I do not know that part of the world or that mythos enough to know how much was based on fact and how much was exaggerated or simply made up. But it was believable and done well if either was the case. Great read! - 8/10
*Final Analysis* - I enjoyed reading the story and was curious about and caring of what happened to the characters. There were twists I did not see coming, which I always delight in, and I would have liked to read more if it was a novel. I really liked how the ending set a major change.
**SCORE: 8/10**
**UselessTriviaMan - The Caretaker's Gift**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - The mixture of the market with the temple district was intriguing and exciting and fun and scary. Nicely done! I liked the metaphysical/spiritual mixture of the priests and powers. - 8/10
* Picture Use* - The Suraiym turned out to be one of the central figures - great job taking a less detailed photo and giving it a lot of life. The hunstman's hall was of course a scene for much of the tale, and well done. The horned priestess ended up being the main antagonist and that was also very well done. The gnomish device was also vital to the plot, and good job with that explanation for it! The only real problem I have with picture use was that there was none of either the narrator (ok if you consider the story through his own eyes) or of Digger - I certainly wanted to see one of him! - 7/10
*All around* - The contrast of the marketplace with the temple district was well written (though I wondered why they didn't visit every day if they could get free food!). I liked Digger a lot, he was very well fleshed out. I was a bit disappointed at the end that he was killed off rather quickly. I see how it fits into the story, and it was obvious from the outset he was going to die. But just that second of being the big guy before being killed was a bit tragic. Maybe that makes it better. I saw that his digging was his connection to his friend, but kind of thought he should/would do his own thing. In any case, I connected with the characters and greatly enjoyed reading it! - 8/10
*Final Analysis* - The story was written in a way that left me feel for a bit what it is like to be an urchin. It was told from an urchin's personal point of view, and that was done well. The characters were well developed, and the flow was good. I would be interested in gaming in that world and knowing those characters!
**SCORE: 8/10**
My Pick: **UselessTriviaMan**, but only because I felt more immersed in that world - I have much more knowledge of and experience with generic medieval worlds than the mid-eastern part of my own! To be honest, this was a dead tie as far as I was concerned regarding creativity, picture use and story telling. I just - connected more with the fantasy one (though I liked max's ending sentence more).
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Hellefire vs. Daeja:
[sblock]**Hellefire - MMI-7**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - It is generally very hard for me to rate my own creativity. I really enjoyed having pictures which allowed the creation of part of a module/actual adventure. I think the part of the adventure shown has some creative elements. And I think it was great to write an actual adventure for a DM contest ... 8/10
*Picture use* - I think I used the pictures fairly well. The tree was an integral character, the sharkgulls the main fight encounter, the beach one of the primary (and the end scene) and the foot the best piece of loot. Maybe not exceptionally well, but fairly well, for all of them...7/10
*All around* - Writing a portion of a module was fun, and I think a fun idea. The bit that was there I think included a fair number of elements (encounters, OD&D stat blocks, fluff, random table). I think it may have been a good idea to expand it a bit more (though I had already reached over 2000 words)...7/10
*Final Analysis* - It was a cool idea and fun, and integrated the pictures well. It was a bit short and fun but not epic. And how the Helle do you judge an actual adventure against a story? The judges may Love or Hate the idea. We'll see!
**SCORE: 7.5/10**
**Daeja - The Shift**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Excellent! Fully believable and interesting rules of magic and character and societal interaction. Though nothing that made me catch my breath, everything went together smoothly and flowed well...8/10
*Picture use* - Excellent picture use! The sharkgull was one of the main character, the tree was the other. The foot was a main prop used repeatedly. The rock/egg was a major catalyst. All important images and used throughout the story. Beyond a tiny more development with the rock/egg and the tree, that was truly great picture use...9/10
*All around* - The story was written extremely well. Nothing shocking or very deep, but great flow, light and funny, and did touch on some deeper points (Shanna staying to try to save Felix to save both him and villagers). A great read!...8/10
*Final Analysis* - I really enjoyed the story! It was fun to read and kept me interested the entire way through. The humor was great and the action was pivoting. I expect more great stories from Daeja!
**SCORE: 8.5/10**
My pick: It's hard for me to vote against myself, and it is hard to compare such different styles. However, the points are what they are. While Daeja's story itself is just great, not exceptional, that combined with picture use, etc, etc means I put *her* ahead by a smidgen. But it could still go either way (I'm going to keep telling myself that!). **Daeja** by a nose.
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Round 2:
phoamslinger vs. Piratecat vs. UselessTriviaMan:
[sblock]**phoamslinger - The Favor**
*Grammar, etc.* - great-ish - Looked like a typo and an error (Asperon/Asteron) - 9/10
*Creativity* - It was very fun inter-mixing an adventure game with gamers and metagaming. I liked that a lot! The ideas would make for a good adventure, though are not fleshed out much. Not a lot of wow factor past the initial idea, though some of the humor was pretty good. ... 7/10
*Picture use* - Mixed picture use. The candelabra was used in an exquisite and elegant fashion and was directly tied to the story. The desert as one of (and the first) terrain type was adequately used but not great. The seal was made a somewhat important repeating character who turned into a hat - fairly good use. The head was the main person they were seeking and a decent use, though not overly engaging....7/10
*All around* - I really liked the idea behind the story and think you did that really well - with the god/dm ball and its actions. I think that was a great plot device. The story flowed a bit fast from one scene to another, with side mentions of killing but nothing much, and there was no danger to the characters in any form. I would like to see the story expanded and fleshed out....7/10
*Final Analysis* - Great background idea and good writing, nice imagery. I liked the story in general and was hooked to it. Unfortunately, it did kind of flow into a monotonous pattern near the second half. Also, I was a bit upset by your addition of 'notes'. Add these later, in another post perhaps, but putting them in the same post, even with a disclaimer, rather invites the judges to read them and lumps it together with the story into your 'entry'. And the idea isn't to explain your thoughts on the images or process outside the story, but to let the story do that. Not that I would disqualify you for it, but I will drop your score some in my personal scoring system for it.
**SCORE: 5.5/10**
**Piratecat - Repo the Seal**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Great use of what was there - good imagery and characterization. I think it was a great idea, and the story flowed very well, and I really liked the interactions. Not a lot of wow's past writing style and general idea though. 7/10
*Picture use* - Mostly great picture use - The seal was of course the focal point for a lot of the story and used in various ways. The candelabra fit well and made sense, though if reading the story first I would want a picture focused more on the girl and less on the candles. The head was a main object in the story and used in a few places from a few angles, but for some reason I had trouble seeing it as Indian (except the plant headdress part). The desert scene was a main scene in the story, for the beginning and the end, though it didn't drive the story itself much. Again, reading it first, I think I would have preferred to see a picture of the mansion or their office...7/10
*All around* - Great idea behind the story and fun genre and, as always, excellent writing. I cannot say anything negative about the concept or pace or writing or characters. I found it interesting throughout. But - I just found it interesting, not - engrossing or titillating...8/10
*Final Analysis* - Good story, fun to read, loved the characters. Great picture use with the seal and good picture use otherwise, though the pictures were parts of the story but not sure they were main parts. Awesome writing style as always. I liked it a lot, but it didn't get my heart pounding or my head racing.
**SCORE: 8/10**
**UselessTriviaMan - Royal Pains**
*Grammar, etc.* - 'and almost all were all in various action poses' - I think there's one too many alls in there, and there was some thing else I noticed but don't remember - 9/10
*Creativity* - Awesome - The story went in not only a few different directions, almost all of them surprised me and I find that doesn't happen a lot, especially when I have seen the pictures before reading the story. There was only one overlying genre which didn't allow for extreme creativity, but still a really great job - 9/10
*Picture use* - Really great job! Seal - As a familiar, central character (though I would have liked to see a clearer picture of Vashka), desert - central location (wish it had white flowers in there), stone head - central character and theme, awesome job here, candelabra - good job here, not as moving as the others - 8/10
*All around* - Great writing style, nice mixture of drama, comedy and fantasy and great flow. I really enjoyed the story and was gripped throughout. Not only was it funny, it was also surprising - and again, after seeing pictures first, it's hard not to see things coming from a mile away. My only issues are some pressing questions - like why was the princess getting married if she didn't already have the flowers? Or if the flowers were on the statue why didn't they work? The end was a bit...jerky. Story rocked though! - 9/10
*Final Analysis* - I really enjoyed this story. It flowed well, had several sections and went from one revelation to another and didn't stop. Great use on pictures. Extremely fun. Good jokes. The drama at the end was good but a bit jumpy-ish.
**SCORE: 8.5/10**
My pick: The flow, picture use, pace and creativity of UselessTriviaMan in this case surpassed even Piratecat's entry - which was very good. Without the penalty I gave to phoamslinger, he would have been right up there too with a great story of an actual game adventure, complete with the quirky floating DM (a plot device I really like). It was actually a lot closer than the points say, but I am still going with **UselessTriviaMan**
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Rodrigo Istalindir vs. SteelDraco vs. Daeja:
[sblock]**Rodrigo Istalindir - Revenge is a Dish Best Served Sticky**
*Grammar, etc.* - Spelling was fine, but I found 5 or 6 grammatical errors, which were a bit annoying because they pulled me out of enjoying the story - 7/10
*Creativity* - While I generally take points away in this category for riding on the coat tails of someone elses story, this extreme other take and continuation on Willy Wonka was done in an excellent manner - both following the naming conventions and ideas but going completely in a different direction on the idea. Also, great songs! - 9/10
*Picture use* - The homes of the Oompa Loompas was a central location and made perfect sense with the story, the knids were centralish characters and fit their role perfectly - really great use with that, the skeleton as Willy Wonka without skin (and leaning against treasure) as the main villain and the ruby heart, also great use and very important. Wonderful job! - 9/10
*All around* - The beginning was moderately interesting, building up the the revelation of who and what we were talking about. After that moment there were several points which became funny because of it, leading up to the end which made me lol at work. I can find little to fault in this telling except maybe it would have been nice to see some new candies from Charlie used in addition to the classics. - 9/10
*Final Analysis* - This story was great - very funny, creative, and though only moderately gripping at the beginning it built up and up. Besides trying to get me fired, the only glaring negative was the multiple grammatical errors which bug me as a reader. Enough that I am tempted to round down some, but...the ending still has me laughing so I am going to round up instead. Great job!
**SCORE: 9/10**
**SteelDraco - Shards Out of Bond**
*Grammar, etc.* - I only found one mistake - '...and he was miserable enough in the hot jungle in the jungle that Jokjok started...' - 9/10
*Creativity* - Great mix of fantasy and higher tech (bags of holding and elves and dwarves and skimmers and guns oh my). I couldn't tell if it was a published world, but it seemed a bit of DnD and a bit of ShadowRun and maybe a bit of others, or maybe it was purely made up. I would play in that world! - 9/10
*Picture use* - The balls as soul bound rocks was good - a funky picture to start with, the crystal as raw crystal and part of driving the story was good, the 'hive' thing was used as a location and would have been central to the story from that point to the climax I am guessing, and the Skeleton guy was probably the lich, but wasn't actually used. The pictures used were...ok. They were used in the story and the story was great, but they were merely points in the story, there were many other images I would have liked to see if I read the story first. Also, going to have to gize no points for the last picture which wasn't used. - 4.5/10
*All around* - The story flowed great - had an adventuring group and a mission and a mystery. As far as story-writing itself, outstanding job! Unfortunately was not able to finish the story and that left lots of gaps. I imagine if it had been finished it would have gotten a great score, if it continued as it started (about an 8 or 8.5, maybe even 9). Scoring it as a bit more than half of the story - 5/10
*Final Analysis* - I really enjoyed this story! I could see it as a short story in a sci-fi/fantasy magazine or as a chapter in a novel. I dig these kinds of adventures and these kinds of games, and the story was written in an excellent manner. I wish it could have been finished!
**SCORE: 6.5/10**
**Daeja - No Title**
*Grammar, etc.* - I only found one mistake, though it bumped me out of the story for a second - 9/10
*Creativity* - Excellent story and nice mixture of adventure, horror and romance, sometimes hard to wrap up together. Nothing jumped out and surprised me much though. - 8/10
*Picture use* - Jack the Skeleton was one of the main characters, and all elements of the picture were used. The Crypt was the primary location and you used all aspects of that photo well. The clay balls as part of the magic spell - brilliantly done. The blood crystal was mentioned earlier and ended up a major device at the end, was a bit too obvious for my taste with the description enar the beginning. Some authors use pictures literally and some figuratively. You use them literally, and while normally I find trying to get all aspects of pictures into the story seems like shoehorning, you do a really great job of it - 9/10
*All around* - The story flowed well. The mixture of adventure and romance among undead issues was great. I think you did mostly a great job of building up the romantic part. The main question I have about that is why Jack seemed to be ignoring her so much in the beginning (she had to coerce him to come) then coming back to his feelings later. That may be because of his mental state and ego and slowly remembering, etc, etc, but it seemed a bit clunky. All around though, great story! - 8/10
*Final Analysis* - The pace and multiple elements of this story made it interesting and a bit emotional. Nice banter and wit. I think you did a great job and worked with this set of pictures wonderfully. I would have liked to feel more emotion of some kind - excitement or fear or Love. Good combination of all 3, just not intensely on any. Great read though!
**SCORE: 8/10**
My pick: **Rodrigo Istalindir** for his witty and hilarious rendition of later adventures of Willy Wonka. Daeja is a great author and writes a great story and intermixes genres in a great fashion, and I hope writes in many more of these! SteelDraco has a gripping writing style that exactly meshes with my sense of fantastic adventure, and I am very sorry that the story was not finished.
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Here I will put in my own judgments and critiques. Hopefully you will find them constructive. If nothing else, it will give you something to read while waiting for the *real* judgments.
**JUDGES - NO peaking until after the match in question has been judged and is complete! **
Competitors - No reading until you have posted your own story for any given match.
Judgements (will update these after official judgements are made):
Round 1 - Elimination Round: (match - *winner* (my pick))
FickleGM vs. phoamslinger - *phoamslinger* (phoamslinger)
Rune vs. Rodrigo Istalindir - *Rodrigo Istalindir* (Rodrigo Istalindir)
Piratecat vs. Deuce Traveler - *Piratecat* (Piratecat)
Wild Gazebo vs. SteelDraco - *SteelDraco* (SteelDraco)
maxfieldjadenfox vs. UselessTriviaMan - *UselessTriviaMan* (UselessTriviaMan)
Hellefire vs. Daeja - *Daeja* (Daeja)
Round 2 - Semi-Final Round: (match - *winner* (my pick))
phoamslinger vs. Piratecat vs. UselessTriviaMan - *Piratecat* (UselessTriviaMan)
Rodrigo Istalindir vs. SteelDraco vs. Daeja - *Rodrigo Istalindir* (Rodrigo Istalindir)
Round 1:
FickleGM vs. phoamslinger:
[sblock]**phoamslinger - Styx Freight, Inc.**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Excellent! I found the story witty and light, enjoyed the interaction of various pantheons and of that alternate world with our own. I very much enjoyed the concept. But... - 9/10
*Picture use* - The first picture was used well enough, as a lead in and meaningful. The second picture was used in wonderful fashion, as an integral part of the story - I generally don't like the use of day/dreaming as a format to link pictures to one story, but in this case it did not distract at all from the story so well done! The last two pictures however were..linked to the story but did not make any kind of impact at all. They seemed kind of thrown in at the end, which brings us to our last point... - 5/10
*All around* - The story began in great fashion, I was hooked by the characters and the action and the theme and then....it sort of dumped off the last couple pictures and ended. - 6/10
*Final Analysis* - Really great beginning, I had a lot of hopes. I almost feel like taking off another point because of the great let down after that, but I won't, because the creativity and flow began so well. Average would be 7.5, but these are weighted (grammar certainly does not count as high as other factors). Though the last pictures make sense in the story, they do not pop out. Good effort. Great creativity and style. As PC said, absurdly fast. 5 hours and 10 minutes. No points however for speed.
**SCORE: 7/10**
**FickleGM - The Heart of a Kiwi**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 9/10 ( I think 'What lied before us?' should be 'What lay before us?' I think...
)*Creativity* - OK, so we have a sentient, special bird, which is a good idea, and its terrorized owner, and the mad colonel. Interesting twists, but...I didn't get it very well I think...6/10
*Picture use* - The teapot was used in a scene, though only in a peripheral fashion - and the background (the counter top) wasn't really used. The ruins were just used as a passing point, moving from point A to point C without pausing much. The bird pic was of course a focal point of the story and very well done. The man in the boat fit the ending, but again wasn't detailed a lot...4/10
*All around* - The story had interesting characters, but they didn't get developed much, and I ended up with a lot of questions in my head. What did it find? What else did he smell? They found it...again...why was it worth dying for this time? 'The sound, as always, was deafening.' Had he shot at them before? Shot them before?...4/10
*Final Analysis* - I liked the base ideas of the story that I understood, but two things really killed it for me - those ideas weren't played out very much, and there was much more that I just did not get. I was also a bit disappointed in the picture use, but then again my match hasn't come up yet.
**SCORE: 5/10**
My Pick: **phoamslinger** for great flow and a bit better picture use and development.
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Rune vs. Rodrigo Istalindir:
[sblock]**Rune - Transition**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Trippy story, which I really like - its great when I have to re-read something a couple times, and I like the integrated poem. It was a good...basis...for a story... 7/10
*Picture use* - Unfortunately, the sphere picture did not really enter into the story except peripherally. The man picture was integral and came back around in the end, which was good. The tree picture was used, and part of the story, but seemed a little forced. A very good job, I thought, integrating the fuzzy thing picture... - 5/10
*All around* - The story was a cool concept, unfortunately due to the length it was sparse in some parts and non-existent in others. It is hard to compare very short stories against short stories against novels against haikus. I would rate this as a very short story, which did not allow it to really be deep in any of the sections. - 5/10
*Final Analysis* - I really like the idea of the story, but it didn't seem to get much beyond the outline stage in my humble opinion. It gets bumped up a bit for good writing and creative ideas.
**SCORE: 6/10**
**Rodrigo Istilandir - The Hitchhiker**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Exceptional - Ideas which touch on concepts and go wild - 10/10
*Picture use* - Wonderful...mostly. Picture one (4)...fuzzy thing... entirely integral to the story. Picture 2 (2)...artisan... entirely integral to the story. Picture 3 (1)...tree... tied to the story. Picture 4 (3)...metal sphere... kind of part of the story. Went from exceptional to auxiliary. Still probably best use I have seen so far! ... - 7/10
*All around* - Such a great story! Integration of pictures and ideas and...really great story! ... 9/10
*Final Analysis* - This was one of the best stories I have seen in a while. The flow of it, they idea behind it, and where it went in the end. A couple of pictures may have been used more/better, but the whole idea of the story was grand.
**SCORE - 8.5/10**
My Pick: **Rodrigo Istilandir** for a story that held my attention, would not let go, and delivered emotional content to the end.
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Piratecat vs. Deuce Traveler:
[sblock]**Piratecat - Bullheaded**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Excellent job of creating a Greek Myth based realm, with diverse elements that interacted logically...8/10
*Picture use* - Wonderful picture use. The main characters came from the bull picture, which was also used some for scenery. The winged chick became an important side character. The horse cup was a central item, used for purpose and recurring. The final scene used the last picture, and took various elements into account. I would have liked to see pictures of the sailors and most especially the dragon, but the ones used were used well. - 8/10
*All around* - The story had an excellent flow. The characters were great and made sense and developed as the story went. I was intrigued through the entire story. The only negative comment I have is that it was a bit...loose. By that I mean it incorporated a variety of ideas and characters and scenes well, but I think they could have been a bit more..tight. - 7/10
*Final Analysis* - I enjoyed the flow of the story a lot. The rhythm of it, the characters, the humor. It was fairly light-heartened and fun and catchy. I wasn't completely blown out of the water, but I enjoyed myself!
**SCORE: 8/10**
**Deuce Traveler - Acts of Murder**
*Grammar, etc.* - great-ish - 8/10 (I think I saw 3 typos/grammatical errors)
*Creativity* - Great job with integration of military mindset and magical ruleset and the superstitious meeting of the two. The story itself I though was more creative than the picture use...8/10
*Picture use* - All of the pictures fit into the story. Something I really liked was that all of them except the scenery one came around twice in the story. What I didn't like was that they were all part of the story, but not a BIG part of the story. Key props, but I think I would have preferred to see pictures of the farm house and the goblins. Still moderate use for all of the pics, and nice that they were referred to more than once each...6/10
*All around* - The story flowed really well in most parts. It seemed a bit jerky in the part with catching up to the 100 spearmen, but besides that was a nice even flow. A bit predictable in parts, but nice to read - 7/10
*Final Analysis* - It was a well-written story. I enjoyed reading it and found the characters believable and fun, if a bit stereotyped. I really liked what you did with magic rules. I was a bit disappointed with picture use - even though you had moderate use of all of them, there seemed to be a lot of details that could have been used from each of them. Fun read though.
**SCORE: 7/10**
My Pick: **Piratecat** almost entirely for better picture use. I found both stories very good reads, almost identical in their...goodness.
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Wild Gazebo vs. SteelDraco:
[sblock]**Wild Gazebo - Summer Spark O Magic**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 9/10 (While the general tone allowed for technically incorrect grammar, there were a couple actual mistakes I believe).
*Creativity* - Great mix of different aspects - old timer and magic and fairies and structured society. There were a couple places where their cohabitation seemed a little strained, but only a little. Very nice! - 9/10
* Picture Use* - The house was the beginning location and a main plot device. The chess piece drove the story a bit, though the floating in blackness part seemed like it was forced to exactly match the picture. The ant as a fairy was a wonderful tough. The underwater-ish aspect of the under-house world was a way to use the underwater picture without actually being in the water, and I think fairly well done....7/10
*All around* - Mostly great flow, though there was a part in the middle where the first person voice seemed like it was suddenly more...eloquent. Lost some of the drawl and used a lot more grammar and vocabulary. The general tone and the transition to the fairy under-house world was great. I really liked that the fairies had a structured society when compared to the human old-timer. Very fun read! - 7/10
*Final Analysis* - I think you did a great job putting a lot of disparate ideas together into one, and I really enjoyed the different slants and ways in which the elements contrasted. Really great ideas! Unfortunately there were some points that the suspended disbelief was strained.
**SCORE: 8/10**
**SteelDraco - No Title**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 9/10 (Tim instead of Time, and not sure what You're never 40 means).
*Creativity* - The mystical world of alchemy mixed with mental projection - exciting stuff! And mixed with the supernatural was the normalcy of a cleaning woman. The fountain of youth, stolen from people through the mouth of ants...excellent! - 9/10
* Picture Use* - The ants were vitally important throughout the story, excellent job there. The house was the setting and well described at one place. It's hard to say it was not well used because it was the location for most of the story. Maybe it was the least-good used one. The chess piece as the game mixed with the queen ant was inspirational! The heads of the victims at the bottom of the sea was also great...8/10
*All around* - Gripping to read. Character development and story progression and plot thickening. Very well written story with a logical ending. Not gripping surprise, but great ideas and did not see most of it coming (though some was a bit obvious). Wonderful job! - 8/10
*Final Analysis* - I thoroughly enjoyed the reading of the story. I felt close to the characters, The end line 'he'd never have the strength to die' was profound. A couple bits seemed jumpy, but that's only a minor criticism. Great job!
**SCORE: 8.5/10**
My Pick: **SteelDraco** by a nose, for slightly better picture use and because the flow of the story was a bit more even.
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maxfieldjadenfox vs. UselessTriviaMan:
[sblock]**maxfieldjadenfoxetc - Let Sleeping Gods Lie**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Great job of integrating supernatural things into (modern) life. Well, modern-ish. I really like how you added a layer on top of the usual to make it supernatural, as opposed to them being separate things - 8/10
* Picture Use* - Great job! The future-telling device was key to the beginning of the story. The horned girl as the daughter of a horned god worked great, and of course she was integral to the story. The temple to the god came as a central scene and recurred in the end. Lala was of course central to the story, and being frozen and forced to watch made sense to the story some, but it wasn't a strong use of the image, I thought. - 7/10
*All around* - Story grabbed me and held my attention throughout. I do not know that part of the world or that mythos enough to know how much was based on fact and how much was exaggerated or simply made up. But it was believable and done well if either was the case. Great read! - 8/10
*Final Analysis* - I enjoyed reading the story and was curious about and caring of what happened to the characters. There were twists I did not see coming, which I always delight in, and I would have liked to read more if it was a novel. I really liked how the ending set a major change.
**SCORE: 8/10**
**UselessTriviaMan - The Caretaker's Gift**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - The mixture of the market with the temple district was intriguing and exciting and fun and scary. Nicely done! I liked the metaphysical/spiritual mixture of the priests and powers. - 8/10
* Picture Use* - The Suraiym turned out to be one of the central figures - great job taking a less detailed photo and giving it a lot of life. The hunstman's hall was of course a scene for much of the tale, and well done. The horned priestess ended up being the main antagonist and that was also very well done. The gnomish device was also vital to the plot, and good job with that explanation for it! The only real problem I have with picture use was that there was none of either the narrator (ok if you consider the story through his own eyes) or of Digger - I certainly wanted to see one of him! - 7/10
*All around* - The contrast of the marketplace with the temple district was well written (though I wondered why they didn't visit every day if they could get free food!). I liked Digger a lot, he was very well fleshed out. I was a bit disappointed at the end that he was killed off rather quickly. I see how it fits into the story, and it was obvious from the outset he was going to die. But just that second of being the big guy before being killed was a bit tragic. Maybe that makes it better. I saw that his digging was his connection to his friend, but kind of thought he should/would do his own thing. In any case, I connected with the characters and greatly enjoyed reading it! - 8/10
*Final Analysis* - The story was written in a way that left me feel for a bit what it is like to be an urchin. It was told from an urchin's personal point of view, and that was done well. The characters were well developed, and the flow was good. I would be interested in gaming in that world and knowing those characters!
**SCORE: 8/10**
My Pick: **UselessTriviaMan**, but only because I felt more immersed in that world - I have much more knowledge of and experience with generic medieval worlds than the mid-eastern part of my own! To be honest, this was a dead tie as far as I was concerned regarding creativity, picture use and story telling. I just - connected more with the fantasy one (though I liked max's ending sentence more).
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Hellefire vs. Daeja:
[sblock]**Hellefire - MMI-7**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - It is generally very hard for me to rate my own creativity. I really enjoyed having pictures which allowed the creation of part of a module/actual adventure. I think the part of the adventure shown has some creative elements. And I think it was great to write an actual adventure for a DM contest ... 8/10
*Picture use* - I think I used the pictures fairly well. The tree was an integral character, the sharkgulls the main fight encounter, the beach one of the primary (and the end scene) and the foot the best piece of loot. Maybe not exceptionally well, but fairly well, for all of them...7/10
*All around* - Writing a portion of a module was fun, and I think a fun idea. The bit that was there I think included a fair number of elements (encounters, OD&D stat blocks, fluff, random table). I think it may have been a good idea to expand it a bit more (though I had already reached over 2000 words)...7/10
*Final Analysis* - It was a cool idea and fun, and integrated the pictures well. It was a bit short and fun but not epic. And how the Helle do you judge an actual adventure against a story? The judges may Love or Hate the idea. We'll see!
**SCORE: 7.5/10**
**Daeja - The Shift**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Excellent! Fully believable and interesting rules of magic and character and societal interaction. Though nothing that made me catch my breath, everything went together smoothly and flowed well...8/10
*Picture use* - Excellent picture use! The sharkgull was one of the main character, the tree was the other. The foot was a main prop used repeatedly. The rock/egg was a major catalyst. All important images and used throughout the story. Beyond a tiny more development with the rock/egg and the tree, that was truly great picture use...9/10
*All around* - The story was written extremely well. Nothing shocking or very deep, but great flow, light and funny, and did touch on some deeper points (Shanna staying to try to save Felix to save both him and villagers). A great read!...8/10
*Final Analysis* - I really enjoyed the story! It was fun to read and kept me interested the entire way through. The humor was great and the action was pivoting. I expect more great stories from Daeja!
**SCORE: 8.5/10**
My pick: It's hard for me to vote against myself, and it is hard to compare such different styles. However, the points are what they are. While Daeja's story itself is just great, not exceptional, that combined with picture use, etc, etc means I put *her* ahead by a smidgen. But it could still go either way (I'm going to keep telling myself that!). **Daeja** by a nose.
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Round 2:
phoamslinger vs. Piratecat vs. UselessTriviaMan:
[sblock]**phoamslinger - The Favor**
*Grammar, etc.* - great-ish - Looked like a typo and an error (Asperon/Asteron) - 9/10
*Creativity* - It was very fun inter-mixing an adventure game with gamers and metagaming. I liked that a lot! The ideas would make for a good adventure, though are not fleshed out much. Not a lot of wow factor past the initial idea, though some of the humor was pretty good. ... 7/10
*Picture use* - Mixed picture use. The candelabra was used in an exquisite and elegant fashion and was directly tied to the story. The desert as one of (and the first) terrain type was adequately used but not great. The seal was made a somewhat important repeating character who turned into a hat - fairly good use. The head was the main person they were seeking and a decent use, though not overly engaging....7/10
*All around* - I really liked the idea behind the story and think you did that really well - with the god/dm ball and its actions. I think that was a great plot device. The story flowed a bit fast from one scene to another, with side mentions of killing but nothing much, and there was no danger to the characters in any form. I would like to see the story expanded and fleshed out....7/10
*Final Analysis* - Great background idea and good writing, nice imagery. I liked the story in general and was hooked to it. Unfortunately, it did kind of flow into a monotonous pattern near the second half. Also, I was a bit upset by your addition of 'notes'. Add these later, in another post perhaps, but putting them in the same post, even with a disclaimer, rather invites the judges to read them and lumps it together with the story into your 'entry'. And the idea isn't to explain your thoughts on the images or process outside the story, but to let the story do that. Not that I would disqualify you for it, but I will drop your score some in my personal scoring system for it.
**SCORE: 5.5/10**
**Piratecat - Repo the Seal**
*Grammar, etc.* - great - 10/10
*Creativity* - Great use of what was there - good imagery and characterization. I think it was a great idea, and the story flowed very well, and I really liked the interactions. Not a lot of wow's past writing style and general idea though. 7/10
*Picture use* - Mostly great picture use - The seal was of course the focal point for a lot of the story and used in various ways. The candelabra fit well and made sense, though if reading the story first I would want a picture focused more on the girl and less on the candles. The head was a main object in the story and used in a few places from a few angles, but for some reason I had trouble seeing it as Indian (except the plant headdress part). The desert scene was a main scene in the story, for the beginning and the end, though it didn't drive the story itself much. Again, reading it first, I think I would have preferred to see a picture of the mansion or their office...7/10
*All around* - Great idea behind the story and fun genre and, as always, excellent writing. I cannot say anything negative about the concept or pace or writing or characters. I found it interesting throughout. But - I just found it interesting, not - engrossing or titillating...8/10
*Final Analysis* - Good story, fun to read, loved the characters. Great picture use with the seal and good picture use otherwise, though the pictures were parts of the story but not sure they were main parts. Awesome writing style as always. I liked it a lot, but it didn't get my heart pounding or my head racing.
**SCORE: 8/10**
**UselessTriviaMan - Royal Pains**
*Grammar, etc.* - 'and almost all were all in various action poses' - I think there's one too many alls in there, and there was some thing else I noticed but don't remember - 9/10
*Creativity* - Awesome - The story went in not only a few different directions, almost all of them surprised me and I find that doesn't happen a lot, especially when I have seen the pictures before reading the story. There was only one overlying genre which didn't allow for extreme creativity, but still a really great job - 9/10
*Picture use* - Really great job! Seal - As a familiar, central character (though I would have liked to see a clearer picture of Vashka), desert - central location (wish it had white flowers in there), stone head - central character and theme, awesome job here, candelabra - good job here, not as moving as the others - 8/10
*All around* - Great writing style, nice mixture of drama, comedy and fantasy and great flow. I really enjoyed the story and was gripped throughout. Not only was it funny, it was also surprising - and again, after seeing pictures first, it's hard not to see things coming from a mile away. My only issues are some pressing questions - like why was the princess getting married if she didn't already have the flowers? Or if the flowers were on the statue why didn't they work? The end was a bit...jerky. Story rocked though! - 9/10
*Final Analysis* - I really enjoyed this story. It flowed well, had several sections and went from one revelation to another and didn't stop. Great use on pictures. Extremely fun. Good jokes. The drama at the end was good but a bit jumpy-ish.
**SCORE: 8.5/10**
My pick: The flow, picture use, pace and creativity of UselessTriviaMan in this case surpassed even Piratecat's entry - which was very good. Without the penalty I gave to phoamslinger, he would have been right up there too with a great story of an actual game adventure, complete with the quirky floating DM (a plot device I really like). It was actually a lot closer than the points say, but I am still going with **UselessTriviaMan**
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Rodrigo Istalindir vs. SteelDraco vs. Daeja:
[sblock]**Rodrigo Istalindir - Revenge is a Dish Best Served Sticky**
*Grammar, etc.* - Spelling was fine, but I found 5 or 6 grammatical errors, which were a bit annoying because they pulled me out of enjoying the story - 7/10
*Creativity* - While I generally take points away in this category for riding on the coat tails of someone elses story, this extreme other take and continuation on Willy Wonka was done in an excellent manner - both following the naming conventions and ideas but going completely in a different direction on the idea. Also, great songs! - 9/10
*Picture use* - The homes of the Oompa Loompas was a central location and made perfect sense with the story, the knids were centralish characters and fit their role perfectly - really great use with that, the skeleton as Willy Wonka without skin (and leaning against treasure) as the main villain and the ruby heart, also great use and very important. Wonderful job! - 9/10
*All around* - The beginning was moderately interesting, building up the the revelation of who and what we were talking about. After that moment there were several points which became funny because of it, leading up to the end which made me lol at work. I can find little to fault in this telling except maybe it would have been nice to see some new candies from Charlie used in addition to the classics. - 9/10
*Final Analysis* - This story was great - very funny, creative, and though only moderately gripping at the beginning it built up and up. Besides trying to get me fired, the only glaring negative was the multiple grammatical errors which bug me as a reader. Enough that I am tempted to round down some, but...the ending still has me laughing so I am going to round up instead. Great job!
**SCORE: 9/10**
**SteelDraco - Shards Out of Bond**
*Grammar, etc.* - I only found one mistake - '...and he was miserable enough in the hot jungle in the jungle that Jokjok started...' - 9/10
*Creativity* - Great mix of fantasy and higher tech (bags of holding and elves and dwarves and skimmers and guns oh my). I couldn't tell if it was a published world, but it seemed a bit of DnD and a bit of ShadowRun and maybe a bit of others, or maybe it was purely made up. I would play in that world! - 9/10
*Picture use* - The balls as soul bound rocks was good - a funky picture to start with, the crystal as raw crystal and part of driving the story was good, the 'hive' thing was used as a location and would have been central to the story from that point to the climax I am guessing, and the Skeleton guy was probably the lich, but wasn't actually used. The pictures used were...ok. They were used in the story and the story was great, but they were merely points in the story, there were many other images I would have liked to see if I read the story first. Also, going to have to gize no points for the last picture which wasn't used. - 4.5/10
*All around* - The story flowed great - had an adventuring group and a mission and a mystery. As far as story-writing itself, outstanding job! Unfortunately was not able to finish the story and that left lots of gaps. I imagine if it had been finished it would have gotten a great score, if it continued as it started (about an 8 or 8.5, maybe even 9). Scoring it as a bit more than half of the story - 5/10
*Final Analysis* - I really enjoyed this story! I could see it as a short story in a sci-fi/fantasy magazine or as a chapter in a novel. I dig these kinds of adventures and these kinds of games, and the story was written in an excellent manner. I wish it could have been finished!
**SCORE: 6.5/10**
**Daeja - No Title**
*Grammar, etc.* - I only found one mistake, though it bumped me out of the story for a second - 9/10
*Creativity* - Excellent story and nice mixture of adventure, horror and romance, sometimes hard to wrap up together. Nothing jumped out and surprised me much though. - 8/10
*Picture use* - Jack the Skeleton was one of the main characters, and all elements of the picture were used. The Crypt was the primary location and you used all aspects of that photo well. The clay balls as part of the magic spell - brilliantly done. The blood crystal was mentioned earlier and ended up a major device at the end, was a bit too obvious for my taste with the description enar the beginning. Some authors use pictures literally and some figuratively. You use them literally, and while normally I find trying to get all aspects of pictures into the story seems like shoehorning, you do a really great job of it - 9/10
*All around* - The story flowed well. The mixture of adventure and romance among undead issues was great. I think you did mostly a great job of building up the romantic part. The main question I have about that is why Jack seemed to be ignoring her so much in the beginning (she had to coerce him to come) then coming back to his feelings later. That may be because of his mental state and ego and slowly remembering, etc, etc, but it seemed a bit clunky. All around though, great story! - 8/10
*Final Analysis* - The pace and multiple elements of this story made it interesting and a bit emotional. Nice banter and wit. I think you did a great job and worked with this set of pictures wonderfully. I would have liked to feel more emotion of some kind - excitement or fear or Love. Good combination of all 3, just not intensely on any. Great read though!
**SCORE: 8/10**
My pick: **Rodrigo Istalindir** for his witty and hilarious rendition of later adventures of Willy Wonka. Daeja is a great author and writes a great story and intermixes genres in a great fashion, and I hope writes in many more of these! SteelDraco has a gripping writing style that exactly meshes with my sense of fantastic adventure, and I am very sorry that the story was not finished.
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