FormerlyHemlock
Hero
Do I optimize? Sure. I will make choices that are good one. But sometimes, I will specifically *not* optimize (yeah, I know that weapon does more damage, but I think this weapon fits in better with what my character would be). Other times, I just don't care (Eh, I'll just hit the thing.) But the main thing is (when I'm playing) I do it in the context of the group. It's all of us having fun. If I were in a group with a magic user who kept using his slot for chromatic orb, I'd probably make a joke about it, and move on. Because in the long run, if that's what he likes? More power to Orb Boy the Magnificent.
Then it is possible we are in agreement. It is not the act of optimizing itself (a very human activity, arguably universal) which causes issues; it is the impedance mismatch between different members of the group. Social problem, not a playstyle problem.
Here's the test to see if we're in agreement: we're both willing to live and let live with Orb Boy the Magnificent. If he comes to you and asks you to stop optimizing, will you oblige him in the general sense? (I.e. not just one specific thing like a using specific tactic or spell, but cease being more effective than he is, across the board. E.g. don't Disengage when moving away from enemies, nova early and often with your best spells on weak targets, get in fist fights with liches.)
If you say, "No, that's going too far," then we are in agreement.
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