I want players to find secrets too, but I want them to do so through exploring the setting with their PCs. If they turn out not to find stuff, well, it's still there, because that's how real life works. Again, stories and RPGs are different things, and in my RPGs the world exists independent of...
More evidence that WotC has simply too much power and influence in the industry and the community. This one's a little weird to me in that your wife told them you weren't playing D&D, which is specifically the game this person wanted to learn. Why did they come anyway?
You don't just let them have it because that doesn't meet setting logic. Why would they know about it if they didn't see it? And your entire argument rests in the assumption that there's some "story" that has meaning beyond the action in the world, that affects the players rather than their PCs...
Basically I see mechanics as having their best use being modeling the material trappings of the setting and how they interact, and have little use for "game" outside of that, beyond what is practically necessary to play.
No, both are important, but to me exploring the setting through your PC is more important than engaging strictly as a game. I think mechanics should only exist in service to the setting and everything in it (including the PCs), not the other way around. I never said "dispense with the game" or...
It's also how you interact with the setting, and that's very important to me. In fact, it's what makes role-playing an enjoyable activity to me, and wouldn't be worthwhile otherwise.