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Spring Ceramic DM™: WINNER POSTED!
- Thread starter Piratecat
- Start date
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
You got me jealous; I just wrote a short piece for the "follow-along" thread.
http://www.enworld.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1489901#post1489901
http://www.enworld.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1489901#post1489901
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Judgment of Match 1-8: Francisca vs. NiTessine.
Maldur:
Strange how ideas can multiply. Both stories feature agents of some sort of secret service visiting scandinavia.
Although both stories ended kinda abruptly, Francisca created the better story (IMHO) so this round my vote is for Francisca.
Arwink:
My apologies for my brevity here, but I’m squeezing the judgment in before dismantling my computer and shipping it northwards to my new home.
Francisca - Be careful what you wish for…
As a general rule, I tend not to have a problem with segmented stories but one of the things I found myself wishing for in Francisca’s tale was a more linear narrative. The flashes backwards and forwards in time didn’t really seem to do anything but detract from the tension of the story, and the lack of action in the early parts means the story doesn’t really catch the attention of the reader until some kind of narrative action starts in the third section that begins “Six weeks before his meeting with Rumsfeld”.
The need for Keady to prove that he was right didn’t really come through as a strong motivator for the story, and I found myself searching for some character conflict to drive the story. The impact and weight of each individual section of the story didn’t really seem even, which left the narrative feeling alternately abrupt and slightly flat as the pacing changed. While the story contained some interesting ideas and settings, I couldn’t quite get past the pacing problems to really engage with them.
NiTessine – Ragnarock
I love the opening paragraph of NiTessine, full of genre humor and a wry irony that sets the tone very early. The story itself is an interesting idea that plays well into the mood that’s generated, but the tendency to gloss over the action in the name of expediency tended to detract a little. While the humor and irony is great, the action-adventure elements are needed to balance things out a little. The story is ambitious by its very nature, and it’s easy to feel a little cheated when it takes the easy way out when it comes to the action.
Judgment
I give the round to NiTessine, although both are interesting stories that need a little more work to balance out the narrative. In the end it’s the wry humor and understated grandeur of NiTessine’s tale that lures me in.
Piratecat:
I liked the premise of Francisca's story partially because I'm not sure that it's anything I would ever think up myself. It needs more conflict, though. Things went remarkably easily for the protagonist, who never really was responsible for any of his success but who succeeded nevertheless. If this was a RPG game I'd say that his DM had a linear lot and was fudging dice because he didn't want to kill him; blacking out during the dragon attack was an especially frustrating example of this, because I wanted the dramatic payoff of the confrontation.
I enjoyed the story despite this. I would have liked to see more detail on how people respond to the existence of magic in the real world, and the consequences thereof. For instance, I wonder what would have happened if Keady had brought the photos to his Section Chief before actually heading to Greenland. More internal dialogue would help round out Keady as well.
One note: Inuits are the native people of North America. I'd have to check, but I'm pretty sure you aren't going to find any in Greenland.
Picture use was fairly straightforward for the man and the statue, but I liked the charging reindeer (which lost points because it was only imagined) and I loved how the old ball of twine became a dragon's heart. That was inspired, and a great use of the ingredient.
NiTessine begins his story with a fine mix of humor and tension, buoyed by tight and snappy dialogue. The pace slips somewhat with some logical inconsistencies (the lancer who is immune to bullets but not bare fists) and a glossing over of action scenes.
Never trust anyone named Lyesmith. Neil Gaiman's American Gods taught me that. *grin*
The ending was a little anticlimactic. Confusing, too; if Heimdall blows his horn when he sees Loki, but Loki is under a mountain and working by proxy, I'm forced to wonder what Loki's plan was. Heimdall certainly didn't blow his horn just because he saw the proxies, and I'm not sure what they might have done to bring about the end of the world.
Photo use was good. The twist of the glasses which are a med device raised the photo into interesting prominence, and the ball of string as a tool of the Norns was very clever.
My judgment goes to NiTessine. Despite some possible holes in logic in both stories, better dialogue and and a more satisfying conclusion tip the scales in his favor.
FINAL JUDGMENT: 2 out of 3 for NiTessine, who will go on to the second round.
Maldur:
Strange how ideas can multiply. Both stories feature agents of some sort of secret service visiting scandinavia.
Although both stories ended kinda abruptly, Francisca created the better story (IMHO) so this round my vote is for Francisca.
Arwink:
My apologies for my brevity here, but I’m squeezing the judgment in before dismantling my computer and shipping it northwards to my new home.
Francisca - Be careful what you wish for…
As a general rule, I tend not to have a problem with segmented stories but one of the things I found myself wishing for in Francisca’s tale was a more linear narrative. The flashes backwards and forwards in time didn’t really seem to do anything but detract from the tension of the story, and the lack of action in the early parts means the story doesn’t really catch the attention of the reader until some kind of narrative action starts in the third section that begins “Six weeks before his meeting with Rumsfeld”.
The need for Keady to prove that he was right didn’t really come through as a strong motivator for the story, and I found myself searching for some character conflict to drive the story. The impact and weight of each individual section of the story didn’t really seem even, which left the narrative feeling alternately abrupt and slightly flat as the pacing changed. While the story contained some interesting ideas and settings, I couldn’t quite get past the pacing problems to really engage with them.
NiTessine – Ragnarock
I love the opening paragraph of NiTessine, full of genre humor and a wry irony that sets the tone very early. The story itself is an interesting idea that plays well into the mood that’s generated, but the tendency to gloss over the action in the name of expediency tended to detract a little. While the humor and irony is great, the action-adventure elements are needed to balance things out a little. The story is ambitious by its very nature, and it’s easy to feel a little cheated when it takes the easy way out when it comes to the action.
Judgment
I give the round to NiTessine, although both are interesting stories that need a little more work to balance out the narrative. In the end it’s the wry humor and understated grandeur of NiTessine’s tale that lures me in.
Piratecat:
I liked the premise of Francisca's story partially because I'm not sure that it's anything I would ever think up myself. It needs more conflict, though. Things went remarkably easily for the protagonist, who never really was responsible for any of his success but who succeeded nevertheless. If this was a RPG game I'd say that his DM had a linear lot and was fudging dice because he didn't want to kill him; blacking out during the dragon attack was an especially frustrating example of this, because I wanted the dramatic payoff of the confrontation.
I enjoyed the story despite this. I would have liked to see more detail on how people respond to the existence of magic in the real world, and the consequences thereof. For instance, I wonder what would have happened if Keady had brought the photos to his Section Chief before actually heading to Greenland. More internal dialogue would help round out Keady as well.
One note: Inuits are the native people of North America. I'd have to check, but I'm pretty sure you aren't going to find any in Greenland.
Picture use was fairly straightforward for the man and the statue, but I liked the charging reindeer (which lost points because it was only imagined) and I loved how the old ball of twine became a dragon's heart. That was inspired, and a great use of the ingredient.
NiTessine begins his story with a fine mix of humor and tension, buoyed by tight and snappy dialogue. The pace slips somewhat with some logical inconsistencies (the lancer who is immune to bullets but not bare fists) and a glossing over of action scenes.
Never trust anyone named Lyesmith. Neil Gaiman's American Gods taught me that. *grin*
The ending was a little anticlimactic. Confusing, too; if Heimdall blows his horn when he sees Loki, but Loki is under a mountain and working by proxy, I'm forced to wonder what Loki's plan was. Heimdall certainly didn't blow his horn just because he saw the proxies, and I'm not sure what they might have done to bring about the end of the world.
Photo use was good. The twist of the glasses which are a med device raised the photo into interesting prominence, and the ball of string as a tool of the Norns was very clever.
My judgment goes to NiTessine. Despite some possible holes in logic in both stories, better dialogue and and a more satisfying conclusion tip the scales in his favor.
FINAL JUDGMENT: 2 out of 3 for NiTessine, who will go on to the second round.
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Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
arwink said:
Oh, like YOU never thought it?
Congratualtions, Round 1 winners!
Our final round 2 matchups are as follows:
2-1: Macbeth vs Alsih2o (already posted)
2-2: Drose25 vs Mythago (posted tonight, iirc)
2-3: Zhaneel vs RangerWickett (posted late Wednesday/early Thursday)
2-4: BardStephenFox vs Nitessine (not yet scheduled.)
BSF and NiTessine, when do you want your photos?
BSF
Explorer
NiTessine said:
Congratulations NiTessine!
Let's see, morning is not my ideal time (though it might be NiTessine's since that will be afternoon in Finland). Late afternoon or evening works better for me. Drose25 & Mythago have tonight. Hrm. I have gaming on Thursday, so I would need to post by Wednesday night. I suppose that gives me two days though.
Umm, sure, Tuesday morning can work for me. That will be Tuesday evening for NiTessine right? Does that work for my esteemed opponent?
EDIT: I am basing times on when Piratecat has been posting for morning. I am GMT -7, Boston is GMT -5.
Oh, check that out. This is post #997 for me. Heh, I wonder if I can hold off posting too much and actually slide the story in as post #1000.
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