shilsen
Adventurer
Philosophy
“So, Cedric,” said Orion, “What do you think of our chances?” Before his companion could reply, he shook an admonishing finger and added, “And no lying to make me feel better!”
Cedric grinned. “Come on – you know I never lie. Sure, I may not share some information, but I won’t lie.” His grin broadened. “Plus it’s too much hard work to come up with a lie, and any time you do, you’ve got to remember who you lied to, what the truth is, worry about whether they’ll find out about it, and so on. Too bloody complicated for me.”
Seeing the look in his friend’s eyes, he waved a hand in apology and said, “Yes, yes – I’ll quit rambling. So, what do I think of our chances?” His grin didn’t falter, but his tone softened slightly – “I think we’re dead.”
“Truly?” You are not kidding, are you, Cedric? thought Orion.
“Truly. This fort was never as strong as the sodding bureaucrats made it out to be and we have maybe two-thirds the men we need to hold it. Kurgash’s hordes are well-equipped and drastically outnumber us. We stand no chance of being reinforced, unless Gareth not only decides to ignore the king and break his leaguer, but pulls off a forced march that I’d have a bloody hard time making alone, leave alone with an army. Kurgash may not have anything in the way of siege engines – other than ogres hurling rocks, that is – but we’ve got no real way to keep his forces from the wall either. Let the wall be breached and we’ll last maybe a day or two. I expect we’ll sell our lives very dearly, but at the end, I expect we will sell them.”
Orion’s expression had grown steadily gloomier as Cedric calmly described the situation. As he considered that there was really no basis for argument, a thought struck him. “On a related note, then – why are you here?”
“Huh?”
Orion grinned mirthlessly at seeing Cedric taken off-guard for a moment. “Just what I said. Why are you here? You’re pretty sure we’re going to die and you’re probably right. I’ve got to be here, because I am the commander. This is my duty. But you decided to ride poor old Bo… Beobarius all the way here. Why? You couldn’t be missing me that much!”
Cedric threw back his head and laughed raucously, drawing curious looks from the pair of guards down at the far end of the otherwise empty hall. “You know, Orion, sometimes you can be a bit thick. Have you not met me?” The mirth disappeared from his face, but his eyes still twinkled, as if he was privy to an intensely private joke, as he added, “It’s quite simple, actually. You needed help. And since I couldn’t bring an army, I came alone. That’s it.”
“Yes, I get that, but what I don’t get is the rest of it. You came to help, right?”
“Yes.”
“But you expect that your help will very likely not change the fact that I will be killed here.”
“Also, yes.”
“And, in fact, you fully expect to die by my side.”
“God, you’re good. Go on – you’re giving me goosebumps.”
Orion ignored the comment and continued, “So you’re here to ‘help’ even though you expect that this help will be of no avail and will lead to your death. That makes absolutely no sense, even for you, Cedric. If our state is so completely hopeless, why choose to be part of it?”
Cedric held Orion’s gaze steadily for a moment, for speaking. His voice was dry but, for once, lacking the undertone of irony it usually held. “Because I should. My nation and its people are under attack, and a friend of mine stands alone … well, relatively alone … before the onslaught. So I think I should help him. Whether my help will save him or not, whether success of failure are in the offing, whether I will garner fame and glory beside him or die in the mud on a hobgoblin’s pike, are immaterial. What matters is that the action is right. And at this moment, there is no place more right for me to be – my friend – than by your side.”
His voice was almost embarrassing in its sincerity and for a moment Orion could not meet his gaze, feeling a lump in his throat and a sting behind his eyes. Fighting off the reaction for a moment, he continued, speaking a little thickly, “Believe me, there are few people I would rather have by my side than you, but I still do not completely understand. Doesn’t the possibility of success or failure matter to you?”
“Not really. I am aware of them, and I will act to maximize the chances of success where possible, but at a fundamental level, they do not matter. What matters for me is to do what I should do, as well as I can, every moment of every day. Once I do that, I have a satisfaction in my actions that neither success nor failure can touch. And believe me, I know. I have plumbed the depths of failure before and will again – though this time it might be terminal. In the short term, can I help save you and your men’s lives? I certainly hope so, but I just as strongly expect that I will not. And in the long term, it is quite likely that my actions here cannot prevent the eventual fall of our nation. Even if we fight off a hundred invasions, some day, long after you and I are gone, a force may come forth that cannot be stopped, and it will wipe our land from the world. In the material sense, at that moment, everything you and I have done to protect it will be meaningless and futile. But that does not – and never will – impact our actions in this moment. Right here and now, in this moment, all that matters is that we should stand against the foe, even if it is a foe we cannot hope to defeat. And so, I do.”
“You know, Cedric, I don’t know if that makes you an incredible hero or a complete and utter fool.”
“Both. And neither. I’m just a man. But I am exactly the man I choose to be, doing exactly what I choose to do, in exactly the place that I choose to be. And I have been, for many years now. That is a joy worth dying for.”
“If you say so,” said Orion, looking unconvinced.
Cedric grinned. “Or maybe I’m just talking out my ass. What the
do I know?” He winked and then jumped to his feet, “Time to stop talking philosophy and go check on the preparations, don’t you think? I have a couple of ideas to make things harder for Kurgash.”
As Orion rose to his feet too, Cedric looked inwards within himself, testing the truth of his words and himself, as he constantly did. Just as he had mentioned to Orion, he found the very real belief that he would be dead in a couple of days. There was a muted sense of sorrow at the impending loss of a life he truly loved and enjoyed, mingled with a greater sorrow at the place of eternal loss, sorrow and pain in the world. There was a complete and utter lack of fear, and a mild amusement at the lack thereof. And overlying it all was the never-ending joy he felt every day of his life at the fascinating beauty of the world, with all its facets and its mutability, and the utter adamantine certainty of his place within it. Yes, he thought, as he followed Orion towards the door, It will be a pity to leave this world. But I could not choose otherwise and remain what I am.
“So, Cedric,” said Orion, “What do you think of our chances?” Before his companion could reply, he shook an admonishing finger and added, “And no lying to make me feel better!”
Cedric grinned. “Come on – you know I never lie. Sure, I may not share some information, but I won’t lie.” His grin broadened. “Plus it’s too much hard work to come up with a lie, and any time you do, you’ve got to remember who you lied to, what the truth is, worry about whether they’ll find out about it, and so on. Too bloody complicated for me.”
Seeing the look in his friend’s eyes, he waved a hand in apology and said, “Yes, yes – I’ll quit rambling. So, what do I think of our chances?” His grin didn’t falter, but his tone softened slightly – “I think we’re dead.”
“Truly?” You are not kidding, are you, Cedric? thought Orion.
“Truly. This fort was never as strong as the sodding bureaucrats made it out to be and we have maybe two-thirds the men we need to hold it. Kurgash’s hordes are well-equipped and drastically outnumber us. We stand no chance of being reinforced, unless Gareth not only decides to ignore the king and break his leaguer, but pulls off a forced march that I’d have a bloody hard time making alone, leave alone with an army. Kurgash may not have anything in the way of siege engines – other than ogres hurling rocks, that is – but we’ve got no real way to keep his forces from the wall either. Let the wall be breached and we’ll last maybe a day or two. I expect we’ll sell our lives very dearly, but at the end, I expect we will sell them.”
Orion’s expression had grown steadily gloomier as Cedric calmly described the situation. As he considered that there was really no basis for argument, a thought struck him. “On a related note, then – why are you here?”
“Huh?”
Orion grinned mirthlessly at seeing Cedric taken off-guard for a moment. “Just what I said. Why are you here? You’re pretty sure we’re going to die and you’re probably right. I’ve got to be here, because I am the commander. This is my duty. But you decided to ride poor old Bo… Beobarius all the way here. Why? You couldn’t be missing me that much!”
Cedric threw back his head and laughed raucously, drawing curious looks from the pair of guards down at the far end of the otherwise empty hall. “You know, Orion, sometimes you can be a bit thick. Have you not met me?” The mirth disappeared from his face, but his eyes still twinkled, as if he was privy to an intensely private joke, as he added, “It’s quite simple, actually. You needed help. And since I couldn’t bring an army, I came alone. That’s it.”
“Yes, I get that, but what I don’t get is the rest of it. You came to help, right?”
“Yes.”
“But you expect that your help will very likely not change the fact that I will be killed here.”
“Also, yes.”
“And, in fact, you fully expect to die by my side.”
“God, you’re good. Go on – you’re giving me goosebumps.”
Orion ignored the comment and continued, “So you’re here to ‘help’ even though you expect that this help will be of no avail and will lead to your death. That makes absolutely no sense, even for you, Cedric. If our state is so completely hopeless, why choose to be part of it?”
Cedric held Orion’s gaze steadily for a moment, for speaking. His voice was dry but, for once, lacking the undertone of irony it usually held. “Because I should. My nation and its people are under attack, and a friend of mine stands alone … well, relatively alone … before the onslaught. So I think I should help him. Whether my help will save him or not, whether success of failure are in the offing, whether I will garner fame and glory beside him or die in the mud on a hobgoblin’s pike, are immaterial. What matters is that the action is right. And at this moment, there is no place more right for me to be – my friend – than by your side.”
His voice was almost embarrassing in its sincerity and for a moment Orion could not meet his gaze, feeling a lump in his throat and a sting behind his eyes. Fighting off the reaction for a moment, he continued, speaking a little thickly, “Believe me, there are few people I would rather have by my side than you, but I still do not completely understand. Doesn’t the possibility of success or failure matter to you?”
“Not really. I am aware of them, and I will act to maximize the chances of success where possible, but at a fundamental level, they do not matter. What matters for me is to do what I should do, as well as I can, every moment of every day. Once I do that, I have a satisfaction in my actions that neither success nor failure can touch. And believe me, I know. I have plumbed the depths of failure before and will again – though this time it might be terminal. In the short term, can I help save you and your men’s lives? I certainly hope so, but I just as strongly expect that I will not. And in the long term, it is quite likely that my actions here cannot prevent the eventual fall of our nation. Even if we fight off a hundred invasions, some day, long after you and I are gone, a force may come forth that cannot be stopped, and it will wipe our land from the world. In the material sense, at that moment, everything you and I have done to protect it will be meaningless and futile. But that does not – and never will – impact our actions in this moment. Right here and now, in this moment, all that matters is that we should stand against the foe, even if it is a foe we cannot hope to defeat. And so, I do.”
“You know, Cedric, I don’t know if that makes you an incredible hero or a complete and utter fool.”
“Both. And neither. I’m just a man. But I am exactly the man I choose to be, doing exactly what I choose to do, in exactly the place that I choose to be. And I have been, for many years now. That is a joy worth dying for.”
“If you say so,” said Orion, looking unconvinced.
Cedric grinned. “Or maybe I’m just talking out my ass. What the
do I know?” He winked and then jumped to his feet, “Time to stop talking philosophy and go check on the preparations, don’t you think? I have a couple of ideas to make things harder for Kurgash.”As Orion rose to his feet too, Cedric looked inwards within himself, testing the truth of his words and himself, as he constantly did. Just as he had mentioned to Orion, he found the very real belief that he would be dead in a couple of days. There was a muted sense of sorrow at the impending loss of a life he truly loved and enjoyed, mingled with a greater sorrow at the place of eternal loss, sorrow and pain in the world. There was a complete and utter lack of fear, and a mild amusement at the lack thereof. And overlying it all was the never-ending joy he felt every day of his life at the fascinating beauty of the world, with all its facets and its mutability, and the utter adamantine certainty of his place within it. Yes, he thought, as he followed Orion towards the door, It will be a pity to leave this world. But I could not choose otherwise and remain what I am.
Well, this one isn't very biological, unlike the rest. It came from two things. First, I honestly believe women are attracted to confidence (it's a defensible position and it would explain why my attractiveness has varied the way it has throughout my life). Fearlessness would breed confidence, and if it didn't, it would fake it real well. Second, women ARE attracted to social status (a fact that I can back up with about a dozen psychology studies if anyone disputes it). That part is solid, but here's the total opinion part: Fear is the primary determinant of male social status. The less fearful of the other males you are (whether said fear is of getting beat up or of being socially disgraced) the higher you end up in the hierarchy. This is my theory of male human social hierarchies, but it's a work in progress, so I readily accept that it might be total crap. If there's any truth to it. The paladin will instantly own any room he walks into.
