1,327 things you don't want to hear from your fellow party members

[Panthanas]

176. Ahhhh!!! Pink elephants!

 

[Bihor]

177. half-orc barbarian: Don't worry I'll talk to him.

 

[Nyarlathotep]

I'm ashamed to admit this one:

PC: "Okay, well I take a drink from the bottle... what happens? I feel massive indigestion and feel like I have to spit at someone? Okay... I spit at him (pointing to other PC). A flagon of the dragons? Never heard of it."

 

[gunter uxbridge]

178. - (ripoff) "Is the world rising, or am I sinking?"

179 - "I leap into the water!" ***splash!*** "What do you mean swim check -18? All I'm wearing is my armor and...ummm....oh."

180 - "I walk into the tavern and find the biggest, meanest looking dude in the place." **groans from the other players*** "Then I buy him a drink!"

 

[gamecat]

181.

Goblin #1, after Wizard blasts away with fireball: "What happened?"

Goblin #2: "Someone set up us the bomb. We get signal"

Goblin #1: "What?"

Goblin #2: "Main screen turn on."

Goblin #1: "Its you!"

Wizard: "How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction."

Goblin #1: "What you say?"

Wizard: "You have no chance to survive make your time."

Couldn't resist.

 

[The Grey Dwarf]

From ranger: "If you told me none of you has matches, I'm dead on leaving"
From wizard: "I'll cast Wazaa's Whirlwind"
From elf: "I'd like to find sandals that would match my green skirt"
From dwarf: "F*ck, we're not going to let a blasted door p*ss us off ?!"
From barbarian: "Fray !"
From rogue: "Someone should stay behind on guard duty at the dungeon's entrance"
From ogre: "grruuhhh*"
(* "he said f*ck you", translate the wizard)
From banjo-playing orc: "org groumph wosha ahahah"
From DM: "prepare to live the most formidable adventure ever"

(If someone outside of France get the joke, kudos!)

From ranger: "There's never two traps one after the other!"
From wizard: "I'll cast Namzar's Slapping!"
From elf: "I broke a fingernail."
From dwarf: "I've got no money!"
From barbarian: "This place is boring !"
From rogue: "I was feeling alone."
From ogre: "Gola tounda*"
(* "he said he doesn't like your song", translated by the wizard)

 

[eris404]

Actual statements made in our game by players:

From our Ranger: "I don't heal, I kill."
From the Rogue (to the Druid): "Well, a bear could eat [our prisoner's] head. I'm just saying. If we poured honey on it, would it make it taste better?"
From the Psychic Warrrior: "Other groups play good cop, bad cop. We play bad cop, psychotic cop, bathtub and wet badger. We rule!"

I guess you had to be there.

 

[Janos Antero]

Actual quotes from our gaming session:

*Adventure opening read by the DM*

Player: I've seen porn movies that started like this!

*Adventure opening read by the DM*

DM: Oh and guys before we begin, my girlfriend is playing tonight, she's an Elven Ranger named Arwen.

 

[StoneAxe]

After being surrounded by a group of NPCs

Player : What do you mean they have crossbows?

 

[Jeph]

"So, I have 70,000 GP from the dragon's lair? I buy a brothel!"