[4e Realms] Pool of Radiance

[Jeremy]

Uthal vs Maniacal Masonry

Tribe am get Cyricist corpses hidden away and reset ambush with plenty of time. Lots of time to be ready Banites.

Lots and lots of time.

Uthal absolutely am not fall asleep waiting Banites come.

...

Maybe Uthal am rest him eyes for just moment.

***

Uthal am hear march of metal shoes and big ogre stomping, me duck back in rubble and hide. Tribe across street in burnt out wreck tribe am kill Cyricists from except for fancy pants. Me am see him slip across street into different ruined building and peek out hole in wall.

Ogre lead way for Banites, him keep looking around and snuffling at the air. Banites definitely look like expect trouble, not sure if already fight some off. Uthal hold breath as column pass by, get good look, Banites are orcs! Me like killing orcs! Banites march together in column, all in heavy metal. Ogre, then orc guards, then big hammered iron plate orc with standard bearer priest Bane. Weird floaty skull thing fly along above them on fire. Then two more orc guards, they all pass by and not am see Uthal. Get close to tribe building...

Big boom as must be knife ear make her loud spell, dust and rocks fly everywhere, not sure if she hurt orcs though. Ogre just laugh and raise big club. Metal man charge while him distracted and stab into ogre hides, not sure him notice that either. Then black magic hit ogre, him definately notice that. Uthal no have clear shot at Bane priest so charge orc rear guard to get at him. Uthal hit him so hard him splatter all over wall of broke building most tribe in. But now Uthal up close, not sure best place fight Banites, they plugged up in alley with tribe one side and Uthal on other, but they packed in tight and hard am get at Bane priest. Fancy pants start battle chant and make Uthal move faster.

Since no get to priest, try and smash other orc guard head in, him duck though so Uthal am swing through and try knock big iron plate orc out of way. Him hold up shield and stop Uthal hammer dead, not even hurt him arm. Him laugh at Uthal from him metal helm and motion other guards forward while him square up on me. Most guards go get around metal man except first one who duck Uthal after him buddy be made paste. Him stick Uthal with sword, Uthal would dodge but too busy jumping out of way big iron orc sword. Him curse as Uthal dodge back. Metal man get lots wholes in him armor as orcs surround him but him do flashing blade spin thing and two orc heads come rolling down alley next to me and big iron orc.

Bane priest spit foul curse of Bane on Uthal and metal man, can no fight it off. Ogre raise up him huge nail board and slam it down but metal man am raise his shield just fake ogre and jump aside last second. Him grumble but back up under cover orc guard still am have him head to fight metal man from outside him little reach. Fancy pants say something funny and Bane priest face turn all purple, him charge toward fancy pants building but metal man right there in alley and stop him. Keep see black magic and elf magic shoot out building into alley, think it silly dress who make big ogre all burst into flame. Him greasy hair on fire and him eyes get big. But flamey skull thing shoot fire from eyes into ruin and Uthal am hear knife ear cry out.

Me am not shake Bane curse and shout and rage at big iron orc, him step inside Uthal reach and me am put hammer through crumbly wall. When me pull hammer back out spray of stone come with it and catch iron orc off guard. Me score first blood on him. Him orc guard now can't get down alley to am help Bane priest so him stick Uthal again with him sword, better that than big iron orc jagged black sword. Fancy pants still make Uthal to fast him am hit me.

Stuck next to metal man Bane priest try to get away but metal man pin him to spot with him sword. So him try cast spell right next to metal man and that get him stabbed too. Fancy pants calls out to focus on priest but Uthal have big mountain of iron orc in way. Heedless of ogre glancing nail board off him, metal man follow order and keep putting holes in Bane priest. Silly dress though help metal man by blowing hole in chest of last orc guard up front. Knife ear then send river of fire sweep down alley, everyone duck and cover except pinned Bane priest who burn to death. Flamey skull thing laugh in fire and move to different hole in wall to shoot eye beam at silly dress.



Can't find way past big iron orc's guard and can't squeeze past through alley so Uthal am burst through whole him break in wall and charge out other side into street to surprise ogre. Uthal big hammer crash into him spine and him howl. Orc guard that had been poking me looked to follow but the big iron orc pointed him into house with silly dress and knife ear and soon Uthal am hear knife ear scream as she wounded. Then big iron orc stride down alley and knock Uthal silly. Ogre haul back for one big last strike with black magic strike him and him big body finally topple over. Fancy pants am use him magic to direct metal man over to big iron orc. Then wall orc guard went into collapse as him ragged corpse come flying out into alley. Knife ear standing bloody in hole in wall with glowy staff infront her.

Uthal stumble around seeing stars while big iron orc laugh and ring metal man bell. Me head clear just in time see metal man stumble around like Uthal was. Silly dress make smokey blur line as him stride out into street hurling black magic at flamey skull while knife ear point staff at it from back in alley and elf magic hit it. Spinning in the air the skull suddenly swooped down and coughed up a big ball of flame that exploded all over silly dress and through the building fancy pants was in. Him come rolling out into street coughing.

Me am force my way to skull and try am break with hammer, but it fly too fast and big iron orc is driving metal man back as him keep getting him shield bashed aside. So silly dress cast fire curse on big iron orc and when flamey skull laugh at Uthal and burn silly dress with him eye beams, iron orc fire curse flare up too and burn him. Knife ear hold staff certain way then make huge boulder of fire that roll up next to big iron orc.

Uthal try him best to hit flitting flamey skull but it just too fast and even though fire ball scorch iron orc, him continue to beat and bloody metal man. Metal man try him best to get back into fight but big iron orc keep batting aside him attacks and punishing. Tribe tries to save metal man as silly dress and fancy pants and knife ear all throw sparkly lights at iron orc. Metal man seem inspired by aid and maybe not bleeding so bad. Meanwhile skull keep trying to blast silly dress but him dodging from rubble to rubble under cover him smokey spell.

Me am frustrated with flitting flamey skull so get behind big iron orc and keep grabbing at him shield arm to give metal man a clean shot. Fancy pants liked this and shout encouragement to metal man while moving to iron orc to hinder him too. With tribe there to help him metal man make come back and land big blow that bloodies iron orc but him recover quickly, catch him breath, and him jagged sword start glowing bright red. Silly dress and knife ear continue to dodge fire from flamey skull while catching iron orc in crossfire of them magic bolts and Uthal and fancy pants keep doing best to hinder him.

Iron orc burst out of tangle of tribe and gets good angle to beat metal man senseless again. The fire boulder came rolling in following iron orc who was laying about on every side with him red sword. Between the fire, the orc, and the flamey skull all of tribe is out of breath and bleeding.

When metal man finally removed the big iron orc's head from him shoulders while him struggle in Uthal's grasp tribe almost collapse in relief. Until flamey skull near kill silly dress, then we all blast it out of sky. It still very fast but Uthal land one good blow and chip it and tribe pour enough magic into it that it finally explode in ball of flamey bone dust.

This time Uthal really do collapse and catch breath. But not metal man, him dive onto iron orc body and and pull big burlap sack off him that rattles with metal. Tearing it open him free very pretty suit of armor from auction and dance around with it. Then him shuck off all the plates of him normal armor as fast him can. Me not think Uthal am see metal man out him armor before, look puny without it. Look REALLY good in new armor though. It shine like it trying to find sun on purpose and Uthal keep think him hearing metal man talk to it.

Metal man so stupid.

Him striking pose in armor right now.

Uthal go over and stomp on bits of flamey skull, it no flit out of reach now. Others pull lots of shinies off orcs and shimmering set of chainmail off Bane priest body as well as necklace thing when halfling stride out in red leather armor out into the now twice very bloody street.

Him laugh at tribe and say him too late ambush Banites. Uthal think that not true because tribe wait so long on Banites. Stupid halfling probably watch whole time. Say he going to take armor now for Fire Knives but will let us leave if we just give it to him. Metal man answers halfing boast for boast until him decide to just answer with him shiney sword.

Here we am go again...

***

 

[Jeremy]

Uthal vs Big Mouth, Small Eyes

Fire Knife halfman kept strutting and taunting metal man, but as him did more and more tiny halfmen and knife ears in leathers stepped out of shadows in alleys and buildings all around tribe. Metal man full of even more pride since put on new shiny metal suit and him no care at all. But then, it hard to be scared when threatened by little things barely come to Uthal knee. Metal man apparently have enough of little halfman lip and him throw him shield right at halfman flapping lip as him eyes get real big. Shield bang off him face and shut him up as him grab jaw and wave knife ear archers open fire. But metal man quick and him step under one arrow and grab shield coming back to shatter second arrow with it.

Fire Knives in for a spanking if they think metal man give up that shiny metal suit.

Everyone stand around staring at metal man so Uthal am charge into nearest building and make little splat mess of first halfman I find there, like fighting children, not know me hit him so hard. Other halfmen see big Uthal rumble down street and into building and hear little squeak of first dead halfman and start aiming and running at Uthal. Halfman leader shoot Uthal with little dart and Uthal feel very sick. Some other halfmen come from other building to swarm around metal man throwing little rocks that ding him armor, him no look very bothered by them until elf arrows start poking out of him from both sides. Meanwhile knife ear still standing around in street watching when some little halfmen come for her too. She blast one in face who fall and stop moving before she run down street towards rest of tribe. Fancy pants hear commotion and come out him building and make fun halfman hairy feet, but they no seem care so fancy pants come over near Uthal.

Uthal not like little halfmen darts and rocks so him crush little halfman out him way while him howl and charge other halfmen in side alley. First halfman knocked out of way slam into ruined wall and crumple to ground, second little thing try to duck away from Uthal hammer but not fast enough. Uthal smash him hammer into him and him into next halfman them both make smoosh sound and collapse. Little men should not fight stoneblessed, just common sense. Still no feel too good from dart though, but Uthal live. Halfman leader jump out of building Uthal leave and surprise fancy pants stabbing him with little sword and making him look green too. Fire Knife archers shoot at metal man to cover little halfmen charging at him and then they draw swords of them own and move to follow. Knife ear stepping quickly around crazy little halfmen melee as metal man duck and spin and block and stab keeping most eyes in street on him while knife ear find good spot and fire start swirling around her. Little halfmen must have hear something because they hit deck in hurry just before knife ear let loose all fire and it sweep through same alley she just burn Banites in, this time setting Fire Knife archers on fire.

Fire Knifes on fire. Heh. That funny.

But just then, Fire Knife human mage come running up huffing and puffing from where Uthal and knife ear left him in dust. Him out shape, but him still raise him staff high in air call down big thunder strike on only tribe that not already flee out bloody alley. Poor metal man in midst of so many foes that him have nowhere go when bolt come down and blast him, him beaten, bloodied, dazed, and surrounded.

And smiling!

Fancy pants run away halfman leader to metal man but him get stabbed on way by, still him wince and tell metal man him doing great, and metal man look like him not so hurt after all. So metal man swing sword and shield and bash little halfman away (it go down limp and roll in dust) as him turn to face advancing elves. Uthal already smash all halfmen in him building and alley so try and move back help knife ear and fancy pants and metal man but him sick and sucking wind, not get very far. But start feel better at least.

Mouthy halfman leader back to talking again as him shoot little dart into fancy pants and him start staggering on him feet. Meanwhile since metal man busy with Fire Knife elves, remaining little halfmen start swarming knife ear instead and find her dress easier stab through than metal man shiny suit. She tottering around bleeding now too. Elves flit around metal man with double swords and stab and feint in shiny dance. But they stop for just second as lightning bolt blast between them (through metal man!) and into fancy pants, would have got knife ear too but she quick and saw spell coming. Metal man look at fat Fire Knife mage and spinning elves while him catch his breath, then him set him feet and raise shield and sunny sword and motion them bring it on.

Uthal finally feel better and not really want attack Fire Knife leader while him still got so many friends around knife ear and metal man, but they all hurt and Uthal not really, so Uthal howl and pounce on little halfman smashing flagstone him standing on just second before he roll out of way tossing darts at Uthal. But shattering rocks throw him aim off and darts get tangled in Uthal thick hides. Other halfmen move to finish knife ear off, but first one misses and fancy pants direct her exactly where to step so halfmen stumble into each other and she get away.



Steel keep ringing as metal man fend off elf swords and make way to fat mage before spinning in deadly circle and slashing all three. The fat man tried to get away but metal man hedged him in, so him try do magic right there and got sword in him big gut for him trouble. But him hit him target and while him almost dead with sword in him, knife ear am grabbing smoking hole in her shoulder and barely on her feet.

Uthal mad and swing big hammer into mouthy halfman and put him through crumbly wall where him land sprawled out somewhere in ruined building. Uthal run to help knife ear and fancy pants before them fall. But knife ear not down yet, she shift gracefully aside and make big thunderclap that narrowly miss metal man but crush both Fire Knife elves into the bloody street then without taking time to take a breath turned and hurled magic bolts from her staff and blew the fat mage off him feet and him lie still too while him body smoke. She and fancy pants both quickly swallow healy drinks while fancy pants leaned on building next to him and catch him breath. Just then the mouthy halfman jumped out of the ruin Uthal smashed him into and launch poison dart at metal man who turn and swat it away with him shield. It then that halfman leader notice him only got two little friends left standing and most tribe am looking right at him.

That shut him loud mouth.

Uthal use cover of other house to ambush last two allies of Fire Knife leader and crush them both with two big swings of him hammer. With no one left to help him, Fire Knife shoot another poison dart into Uthal big leg and make me sick so him can run away. You should am hear him shriek when fancy pants use him spell to pull him little body right back to tribe. Metal man and knife ear put him down hard.

Tribe sure am kill lots of bad people at this little intersection of streets and alleys.

Metal man and fancy pants start moving from body to body checking for useful things while Uthal go grab big ogre Banite body and drag it over onto Cyric deathpriest. Then Uthal start arranging Cyric guards around body of big iron orc Banite. After that me take burnt Bane priest body over to blasted Cyric mage corpses. Then tribe all head back to Phlan with a few new magic trinkets and big grins on faces. None so big as metal man strutting in him new metal suit.

***

 

[Jeremy]

Uthal vs Destiny

Tribe headed to the council hall and found Barnabas there to tell about Legion auction. Tribe not only witness auction and bidders, but came back with the armor too. Barnabas gave us each pick of various magical things town recovered from other fallen prospectors like tribe. Him help Uthal find really nice suit of raider armor made of good thick hides. Metal man found good set of thick iron armbands just like Uthal’s while knife ear got some little shiny glass ball or something. Fancy pants and metal man then headed off to talk to some friend of theirs while Uthal head to Sune temple and tell them we know where to find people they look for but not able to free them yet. Will still try though.

When fancy pants and metal man came back knife ear met us and told us that she had talked to mage guild people about black wizards and told them about them being Cyricists and being dead now. Har har! Fancy pants started talking about the pirates we had learned were supplying the Fire Knives and how he wanted to give them bloody lip. Said good money in it for us, and that him have people looking into other allies of Fire Knives. We take enough them down, they have to send their own men out to run things and that make hitting their manse easier. Sound good Uthal.

Knife ear then went back to mage guild to copy and study some book, fancy pants go with. Him promise make me special gift, Uthal give some shinies for him buy supplies or something. So metal man and Uthal go to martial hall and work with dwarf there again. We train and trade stories but Uthal not good words and probably mess up story.

It very odd, when Blood Skull orcs charge out of Thar and scatter Uthal people to winds, sack and burn Glister, then nearly take Hulburg Uthal life completely change. Uthal work here and there helping Galladon and others hunt orc and goblin and chase back into wastes of Thar, but Uthal never think he be where him be now. Meet up with little people sent to just smash some not-goblins, instead crush them AND them great dragon leader. Sent to spy on orange goblin auction, instead get right up to it, see whole thing, AND jump Cyricists, Banites, and Fire Knives AND steal the magic armor. More and more when Uthal go to rage of berserkers, him feel strength of him ancestors and power of spirits with him. It humbling and exciting same time. Uthal always like hear stories of skywatchers tell tales of great heroes of stoneblessed, never think Uthal live stories like that and be hero himself.

After metal man and dwarf tell them stories, Uthal tell favorite story of him people, story of Hoorum Cloudstrider.

Hoorum was brave stoneblessed warrior among tribes to west in snow peaks of the Spine of World. Skywatchers tell of his tribe hunting and living off migrating herds of snow elk and caribou until a number of them hunters come home hurt but alive after encountering big dragon with bright silver scales.

Hoorum go alone and face this wyrm that call herself Ixra and he learn that she had been forced from her icy home in the mountains by Jotun spawn of Annam. Hoorum hear great challenge in this and want see what kind foe could war upon such big dragon and win. He swore him tribe would throw down Frost Jarl and him giants so Hoorum returned to him tribe to plan how.

Hoorum taught him tribe fight with long lances that countered reach of giants and led them in swift raids in mountains leaping away to safety before them sons of Annam could reinforce. Them attacks greatly anger Frost Jarl and him eventually manage ambush Hoorum’s tribe, hurling stones and chunks of ice down on them from high ridges.

But as Frost Jarl look for leader of Hoorum tribe him not find, until Hoorum come streaking out sky behind giants on Ixra and earned him given name. With their combined fury they led surviving tribe to victory over frost giants and won eternal home in stories of people’s skywatchers.

Among Uthal people great steel tipped lances are often called Hoorum’s Teeth and usually have niche for shard or crystal be set inside in imitation and honor of Heart of Ixra that was set within Hoorum’s bright lance.

After listen Uthal tell story, dwarf say that while Uthal hammer originally used by dwarfs to smash knees of giants, him can also teach Uthal how use long lance like Hoorum tribe. Him teach Uthal always be aware and how use reach and sweep of spear to hit and trip and stab and pierce and lots of stuff. Fight with big long pole much harder than just swing big heavy hammer. But Uthal like challenge and find me good with lance after get hang of it. Spend lots of time working with dwarf and metal man while fancy pants and knife ear and I guess silly dress all keep noses in books at mage guild.

Guess one day metal man must am tell others what Uthal training at because one day fancy pants give me strong heavy lance with fierce beast etched in steel head. Uthal train with great gift that day and make good progress.

Before tribe ready to set out again go check with Tormites and see how priest we rescue doing. Crazy smurf had brought him back Phlan and him been recovering long time, but him going to take long time get over see all him brothers die to dead things in graveyard, then him time when captured. Uthal know what it like to be on losing side of big battle and lose many friends like that. Not easy get over. While we there Tormites mention them see signs of break ins into burial mounds outside town. They not like this, they usually try stop things like this because either big bad stuff recovered from mounds and used for bad, or worse, something big bad woken up buried deep and make even worse bad. Tormites offer tribe healy drinks and to replace if we use if tribe stop whoever raiding barrows.

Barnabas also send word for tribe meet him. He make offer give tribe keep, title, and garrison to hold if tribe take fort that guard east road out Phlan through lizard man swamps. Not seem like good deal Uthal, everyone know best homes high in mountains, even little humans build keeps and forts on highest little hills they find. Why take fort down in swamp of Thar? Even if take from lizard men, just have to live in or near nasty muck and swamp and watch for next tribe of lizards or orcs or ogres that come around. But Barnabas want fort to guard trade route out of Phlan and metal man want to be Lord metal man. Little men don’t understand all trappings of nobles and leaders and land just shackles of more work. Don’t understand joy of tracking herds and living free.

But between tracking down pirate allies of Fire Knives, or mounting expedition into swamps to see what got lizards all stirred up and take fort that guard east road, or just going outside town to burial mounds and stopping some thieves tribe pick more time underground in cramped places. Uthal not want keep fort in swamp, but looking forward being able stand up straight outside for time, guess not. Lazy tribe not want walk any distance.

Metal man ask around bars see if anyone coming around covered in tomb dust trying fence spoils of raided barrows, meanwhile fancy pants ask around mage guild and council. No one in tamed part of town knows anything. Knife ear goes back ask Tormites who noticed break ins and they say they seen signs it happen twice but not see any more since post guards. Them forces to depleted since failed graveyard purge so can’t go into barrows to investigate themselves, they hope tribe going soon. So tribe heading in tomorrow morning and see if we can’t figure out what going on.

***

 

[Jeremy]

Going to be a bit before the next session, last week got postponed due to a birthday party, and this month is all messed up with holiday plans and such and if it's not one thing it's another. I'm definitely looking forward to more smashy goodness.

 

[Jeremy]

Uthal vs Food Fight!

Uthal vs Food Fight!

Uthal am working with Danon at Martial Hall when fancy pants am come get him. Him and silly dress want get back work. Knife ear still am off somewhere buying pretty ribbons and shoes with her share and haven't seen metal man since him go across street from Sune temple to Red House.

Uthal am know how nice ladies be there. Hope metal man am have lots of shinies.

But Uthal am no have money and want try out new lance so go with fancy pants and silly dress outside town to old grave barrows. Find one Tormites upset about with door burned into side burial mound. Uthal am walk in but it am dark and Uthal no see much until fancy pants scream like little girl. Then Uthal see bone man with breaky sharp bones stabbing him pieces into fancy pants. Oops. Uthal more good hurt things than protect things.

Even though him hurting from hurty bone pieces bard still trick bone man into run in Uthal lance. Har har! Him look funny squirming around on Uthal stick like that. But then ugly dead thing come out of darkness and claw Uthal across back, Uthal am hurt worse before but this make Uthal much more tired it should. No am have time complain though because more bone men now stabbing and slicing silly dress and fancy pants, them both not look good though silly dress making big flashy lights with him little knife. Still think him need bigger piece of steel, and maybe wear some too, then maybe him not bleed and smoke so much. How little man think him fight with knife and dress?

Uthal rip lance out one bone man and smash other with haft while trying find place where me can hit both like Danon teach. But even when fancy pants work out bone splinter digging at him, bone men just work another in, now all three of tribe hurting from hurty little bits. The fast dead thing also keep am coming in and making Uthal more and more tired. Fancy pants doing him best, but not going well, need rest of tribe. Silly dress had enough then and make big burny explosion and follow up with another blasty light that really blow lots of bits off him bone man.

Problem be him blow so many parts off that Uthal and fancy pants get shredded by all the hurty bits, and the bone man STILL fighting back even though him missing chunks of him body. Uthal am just about get real mad and smash boney thing when everything get real dark and floor jump up and hit Uthal in face. Maybe Uthal more tired than am think, maybe sleep for little while.

So nasty dead thing like how Uthal taste and skitter off to am find more friends to eat Uthal, Uthal so tired find it hard care at time. But silly dress and fancy pants still fighting for them lives, and fancy pants shout at Uthal pretty words about Uthal destiny and strength. But them him start squealing as more bone men step past Uthal on ground and stick them swords in him. Uthal really not like this so am roar and stand up. Me am crush one with big sweeping blow and blast it past other one silly dress almost blowed up. But Uthal not done yet and fill with great spirits of him people thunder into one me am just smash.

Uthal am so dumb.

Uthal crush both bone men into pieces, but them pieces are hurty little things and blow up all over burial chamber and all but kill Uthal and fancy pants. Silly dress keep doing this thing with him stupid cape and some how look fine. Maybe Uthal should am get cape?

No, Uthal look dumb with fruity cape.

Uthal am standing around bleeding all over everything when last bone man poke him sword through Uthal from behind. Must be spirits of Uthal people still in him because Uthal not get attacked by floor again. Fancy pants and silly dress both am hurl big burny lights at bone man as they am run away. Uthal am use lever-rage trick Danon teach him to both get distance on last bone man and also throw it back.

Then Uthal run away too.

Uthal not want write about this anymore.

***

Next day cannot find metal man or knife ear still, wonder if them am got thing going on... But Tempus battle brother come see Uthal and after good headbutt greeting say him have orc problem him want tribe to squish. Bane church pressing remnants of Blood Skull orcs into service and battle brother know where they am garrisoned. Uthal not know what that am mean, but Blood Skull orcs scatter Uthal people so any chance smash them is good.

Take silly dress and fancy pants into ruins and past old well keep to Red Legion plaza. Fancy pants do him tricksy words thing and we am get little pass things go into orange goblin territory. From there not hard find orcs, just follow stink. Fancy pants want sneak around back so we look at broken building them in. It good sized, have tall watch thingie too. But Uthal am remember time with people hunt elk, not much different. Elk probably smarter than orcs.

Find cellar stair in back that lead down into them place, would have go jump on orcs but stupid old door in basement squeaky. There be two orcs guard some kind prison thing with at least one fresh body in it, also have nasty stink beetles. They all red and big, Uthal think him remember something about something like them. But then axes start flying at and through door and no time for think anymore. Fancy pants and silly dress come right up behind Uthal and start using twinkle finger type spells through door and even hurt one big beetle thing. But they both skitter up to door and spark flame off them tusks and spew it all over us. Right as soon one finish, the other start doing same so Uthal step in front and hold arms out try protect little men behind him. Uthal get burned very, very badly. But though Uthal on fire, Uthal still standing and Uthal very mad now. Uthal am skewer one beetle and pick up whole thing on lance and smash down on other beetle. Fancy pants think this funny and say something or other before kill second beetle with spell.

Uthal burnt off ears no grow back yet, didn't catch what him say.

Dungeon built strange, there cells and door and cellar stairs, but there also raised up guard post thing and axe come flying out it too. Another orc up there. Them still mostly hit doors though. Silly dress not having that problem though and lighting up nearest orc now with him dark spells. It come up and open door to swing him big axe at me but get it caught in top of door frame. Fancy pants help me use that to advantage to get some distance so Uthal howl and charge and ram him lance right through stupid orc. On good path so just keep charging and stab right into him orc sergeant. First orc very dead.

With Uthal up fighting orc silly dress now not harassed and starts letting orc have it with him burny spells, but then axe from upper guard post thingie come whirling down and almost hit him. Meanwhile fancy pants keeps telling Uthal when and where to jump so big orc keep missing and Uthal all lined up for another charge. Fancy pants and Uthal working together good and him insulting orc so much it look like it am hurting him.

Not as much as silly dress putting smoking hole in him head though. Uthal also am get great shot when hurl spear through window orc keep through axes through. Stick that orc good and magic stick even come back all by itself. Fancy pants also making twinkle fingers up at window as Uthal try and find ladder up. Everything going so well that we am make it up ladder, kill orc, and press right on through into something look like orc feast lodge.

There am big orc captain still with him mead horn in hand about ten feet from where Uthal burst in, him still looking at me dumb when me put big lance into him and send him sliding on him butt across floor and into table. Him look real funny when bowl of orc stew fall off table and dump on him head. Him roar at him orcs to get us. Some of orcs come charging up but Uthal hold them off while fancy pants and silly dress make mess of them safely behind where Uthal am hold door. But him stupid orc grunts just make orc captain mad and him stand and charge Uthal with him great axe. Him get right past Uthal guard and him blade bite deep, everything start go black. Uthal probably should am at least wrap some bandage on all him burns and cuts before attack whole room of orcs.

Uthal not very bright.

But Uthal very strong, and am kill orc grunt in one thrust as blood start singing in ears and power of Uthal people start making me feel better already. Me unleash rage of people on orc captain and him stagger under Uthal assault. Fancy pants cheer Uthal on and make Uthal feel even better still so that just then when orc Bane priest come running in and give Uthal evil eye, Uthal just laugh at him squished up squinty face and stupid bug eye. Even more laugh when silly dress unload on Bane priest and make fire explode all around him sending dead burning orcs flying all around Bane priest while him swat at him burning clothes. Finally orc captain press back in on Uthal but him use him lance to foul up big sweep of orc great axe.

Orc captain have desperate look in him eye much like Uthal must am look after many times him big hammer miss just as Uthal pointy stick flick out and take him in throat. Lance maybe not leave as big holes in orcs as hammer did, but sometimes little holes work just fine. Better make little holes in orcs than big holes in floor and columns next to orcs. Bane priest yell him orcs back up around him and they all step over charred orc pieces silly dress made to get to priest. Fancy pants and silly dress both started hurling them shiny spells at the Bane priest but him orc grunts keep getting in way. When they finally split for second so we can see priest it only because him just finish cast him evil spell and all tribe feel him power hammer us into floor.

Uthal should remember what Danon been teach him and keep hold door, but him not trained as long as metal man and something hit Uthal, Uthal hit back. So Uthal howl and charge across feast hall to try and stab Bane priest around him grunts over their smelly stew cauldron. But Bane priest hold him ground and shout, "Now!" to stupid orc grunt Uthal just now am see back behind him knot of orcs. Stupid orc grunt pull stupid handle thing and open stupid pit trap under stupid falling Uthal.

Then orcs dump boiling orc stew cauldron down into pit on Uthal.

Stupid orc stew.

Now that Uthal down in pit in stinky stew no one holding door for silly dress and fancy pants and orc grunts swarm them. Hard to tell how them doing from bottom of pit but it sound like them fighting hard. Uthal try and find footing at bottom of soupy pit and manage to climb out but more orcs swarm around me including Bane priest who smashes me with his stick and finally manages to extinguish silly dress's hellfire. Meanwhile fancy pants and silly dress are fighting rod and knife and wand and sword to press back the orcs around them while continuing to fire bolts at the Bane priest.

Uthal ignore orc grunts swaming around him and press through them towards rest of tribe. But before moving rest of way to them Uthal growl at taunting Bane priest and fling him into soupy pit. Not hear from him again, guess him land bad. Then push through orcs taking little knicks and scratches to rest of tribe and hold line for them. Turning him focus on grunts now silly dress starts burning holes orcs left and right.

Rest of orc grunts try and surround and crush us with numbers but tribe just keep blasting or pushing them back into them own pit trap and killing them one by one until none left.

Tribe grin and have a chuckle then begin seeing if we find any good stuff up hear or back in cellar. We left word for knife ear and metal man back in town where we were, hope they get here soon, or fancy pants and silly dress and Uthal just have to split all spoils between us! Har har!

***

 

[Jeremy]

Uthal vs Study Hall

Uthal and fancy pants still chuckle as go back down in dungeon. Him rifle through orcs we ambush down there while silly dress ransack orc feast hall. Uthal look at poor dead elf in cell but not able find what him doing there. Find shiny rock in him boot though. Then big noise as metal man and knife ear burst in from door and find all orcs already am dead.

Fancy pants fill them in while we go back up to feast hall. Silly dress still not done picking over all bodies so Uthal add him own mix to dead orc stew in stupid pit trap. Har har. There am food closet that orc Bane priest was hide in, and big door out to mansion entrance hall. But when metal man try door it won't open. Orcs on other side scared of tribe, use spears and axes to bar door. Metal man put his shoulder to it then move when him hear Uthal thunder up behind, smash stupid door to kindling.

Metal man stride right into room and taunt coward orcs up on balcony shooting sticks at him shield. One of orcs at least worth him blood and charge down one of twin stair cases on big worg.



Him worg get face full of metal man shield while big orc go flying through air to bury him axe in door frame above Uthal head.

Stupid orc.

Uthal plant him lance right in orc chest and knock him back before head back into feast hall away archers. Make him follow Uthal into tribe archers instead if him want fight. Speaking of tribe, metal man slide over to side and tag orc just as worg get face full from silly dress, fancy pants, and knife ear who hit both orc and worg without am hit metal man. Her aim much better! While metal man am hold all orc attention archers manage finally sneak stick past him shield but him tough and just laugh. Him still laugh when worg pull him leg out under him and him go down in crash. Uthal think maybe metal man can take all orcs while lie on him back with both eyes closed.

Big orc think things going him way until him look past metal man on floor to see Uthal run him through with lance. But that not worst part, while him squirm on Uthal pole, tribe blast, burn, and cook him like rabbit on spit, Uthal make sure to turn spit next time to cook more even, orc probably still not good eats if not fall apart in broken mess like this orc do. Metal man say something about him shoes then flip up to him feat in full metal armor and grin at Uthal before beating worg face in and smashing big thing into middle of entrance room. Uthal watch and think that funny until coward orcs on balcony decide shoot Uthal instead of metal man and poke lots of holes in Uthal.

Worg frothing at mouth with wild eyes but him snapping jaws can't get anything but mouth full of metal man shield as silly dress and knife ear am pick it apart with them pretty magic blasts from the feast hall. Fancy pants move in to feast hall and try use him magic to yank coward orcs down over banister, him bust one through but him fall down and clutch at edge to stop from fall down to Uthal and metal man. So metal man and Uthal am charge up same stair to get to coward orcs.

Knife ear and silly dress start setting other coward orcs on fire while last one look like scared goblin as him drop him bow and fumble around with him big axe. Metal man brush past him dismissively and slap stupid orcs axe away with him shield make him look even more dumb. Finding spot in center of balcony him like metal man sweep around in big steel circle and hamstring orc archers all around. Uthal try to follow close behind and same orc try stop Uthal too and look very surprised when metal man bright sword flash out and stab stupid orc in shoulder. Uthal also get in on orc smashing fun and work back and forth behind metal man shield with him long lance stabbing back and forth.

No sooner one orc get up than fancy pants try to yank him right back over or through rail, silly dress also setting them on fire from down below balcony while dazed and confused orc that metal man been embarassing try again to cut Uthal open with him big axe, too bad him run him throat into metal man shiny sword on the way to Uthal. Others have metal man in between Uthal and them and not want end up like them orc friend. Last orc get him back on him feet when whole balcony shudder as knife ear am hit it from below with her big boom and send orcs flying into far wall.

Uthal and metal man both stab same orc as him fly by while fancy pants, silly dress, and knife ear splatter the other one all over the wall him smack into. Uthal am quietly check door out from balcony for any orcs coming (or trying bar door) but whatever on other side door appear fine preparing for tribe in them own way just as tribe prepare in their normal way for next battle (by looting bodies of fallen enemies).

Tribe am finished catch breath and formed up on balcony when metal man breach door and strike him favorite pose. Him sure pose a lot since him get new shiny armor.

On other side of door is big study with lots and lots of books of all sizes all thrown around everywhere. There is big orc sitting in last not ruin chair with even bigger worg next him. Him stand and taunt metal man as they have pose fight from across room. Uthal think metal man am winning but not sure. Silly dress think posing am stupid and just start hurling him dark magic at big worg. Knife ear think this best idea and summon big fire boulder next to orc and wolf and rolls it into the surprised poser so fancy pants shrug start use him magic too.

Metal man seem ok just letting tribe pick apart stupid posing orc from door but want get him licks in too so him get a running start and hurl him shield at big orc just as two other orcs burst out from behind tumbled book shelves and slam into metal man from either side. Metal man knock one axe away with him sword but shield not back in time him block other orc and him take him first real good hit of day. Uthal not about let this go by and follow right in behind metal man and use Danon fancy double stab attack to lance both orcs on either side metal man.



Big orc and worg try to get away from hot fire boulder and charge across study but metal man stop them both, surrounded on all sides metal man laugh and sweep through all orcs and wolf with him spinning arc of steel. Orcs not like that and try to move but metal man just lock them down with him sword. Uthal and silly dress focus on closest orc to tribe while fancy pants calls down big bright rune on worg and tell metal man to hit it. Knife ear still out on balcony and casually rolls her fire boulder up and into back of orc captain who howl nicely for her.

Maybe light play trick on Uthal but things look bad to Uthal for a moment as big captain shoves him men into position then almost take metal man arm off at shoulder with him giant axe, but Uthal must be confused because metal man still smacking worg and other orcs back with him shield and fancy pants shout at him that him doing 'magnifi'-something and next time Uthal see metal man shoulder it am look just fine.

Just a flesh wound.

Uthal just about stab shocked orc closest to tribe when silly dress am make him head pop in bloody mess, so Uthal am just put him heavy lance point into next closest orc. They are doing them best to overwhelm metal man but him like big metal bulwark and all Uthal can hear is loud crashes of them axes being smashed aside by metal man shield. Stupid orcs can't even get away from metal man as him tieing up them axes, knocking them off balance with him shield, and gently encourage them to stay put with him shiny sword point. Uthal not know him supposed keep fighting or start laughing and clapping for pretty war dance.

But then knife ear make big bang above orcs heads that they all look at but not seem troubled by until silly dress follows it up with him big fiery ball spell that blasts away big worg, injures him captain, and sets closest orc to tribe on fire. Fancy pants help poor burning orc out by kill him. Stupid orc must want die anyway if him attack tribe! Even though captain see all him men dead him still fight on and make skillful block with him axe knocking metal man shiny sword up high but him not see Uthal taking big wind up or hear him whistling lance until last second when it blindside him and send him flying through air to land with a crash in a pile of books.

This am too much for Uthal, Uthal now have stop fighting and start point and laughing.

It not captain fault, him probably most skilled orc Uthal ever am see. Him move well, block and dodge spells and spears from every side as him keep fighting. Uthal laughing make captain eyes bulge and him keep try getting around metal man to spill Uthal blood but metal man always one step ahead and in the way. Uthal just dance around metal man in a circle striking out past him with him lance and finding him mark over and over in orc until him start to slow with him injuries. Knife ear keeps getting her shots in with her little bright balls of magic and big flame boulder and things not going to end well for captain.

As captain come around metal man again trying to get to Uthal, silly dress lines up really good shot and blows the big orc back into knife ear's big flame boulder as she snaps her fingers and it consumes the big orc completely. Too bad him born green, him good fighter. Ugly as troll, but good fighter.

Tribe so no signs of other orcs, think we am wipe them all out. Bane church probably not like that, but then no orcs left tell who did it. Har har. Tribe am not sure what orcs look for in all tossed books, must not be very important if Bane church send stupid orcs that probably not read. Fancy pants and knife ear make big deal about one stack of books that not in piled heap but set aside and made up of big thick tomes of different ages. They say them give instructions for ritual of some sort and snap them up and push them into sacks.

Tempus battle brother not very specific in what him want done, but Barnabus at council always want heads so Uthal chop off big orc captain head and put it in him sack. Him have good thick iron armbands like Uthal and metal man, him good taste for orc. Like Uthal say, too bad him born green. Tribe head out happy back to New Phlan where tribe am have good time telling battle brother story of crushing Bane orcs. Him laugh and enjoy story and happy we blessed by Tempus so much. Forget if him promise tribe something, Uthal not really care, like battle brother say, good fight with orcs blessing by itself. Maybe Uthal people look down from sky and proud of Uthal.