I asked social media for real-life examples of "bad" DM etiquette and got about a hundred responses. I've taken that information and devised 7 golden rules of DM etiquette:
- Be Consistent: Apply the rules consistently. Be clear about whether you're using official rules or house rules, and ensure that players understand and experience them uniformly throughout the campaign. If you need to make a change, communicate the reasons why and get player buy-in. In the same way, present the game world details as consistently as possible; this greatly aids player immersion.
- Respect Player Agency: Value and respect your players—that means respecting their characters, their decisions, and their creativity. If a player uses an ability or item effectively or creatively, reward this ingenuity rather than looking for ways to counter it. This encourages players to pay attention, think laterally, and engage more deeply with the game. And avoid overriding player decisions or dictating character reactions as this is a quick way to get players to disengage.
- Be Prepared and Knowledgeable: Ensure you have a solid grasp of the game rules. You don’t need to be an expert, but you should understand the fundamentals. Prepare adequately for each session. The level of preparation required can differ among DMs, as some are naturally adept at improvisation. Determine the amount of prep you personally need to ensure a good session. A knowledgeable and prepared DM facilitates a smoother and more immersive experience for the players.
- Honor Player Boundaries and Foster Inclusion: Be attentive to your players' comfort levels and boundaries. Avoid introducing content that may be inappropriate. Do not show favoritism toward some players—rather, ensure the spotlight is shared around equally. In the same way, do not hold grudges against a player. Indeed, avoid being adversarial, and instead treat all players in a fair and welcoming manner.
- Avoid Overbearing Control: While guiding the game, avoid being overly controlling in your storytelling. Allow space for player-driven narrative and be flexible enough to adapt when players take unexpected paths. Where possible, incorporate changing character goals into the campaign. Avoid lengthy lore dumps or sessions dominated by exposition, and instead balance DM narrative with player interaction.
- Communicate Clearly and Effectively: Keep communication with your players clear and direct. When introducing new rules or making other significant decisions, discuss these openly with your group to maintain transparency and clarity. At the start of each session, provide a simple recap of the last session. And don’t be afraid to ask your players clarifying questions, especially when they are describing character actions.
- Encourage Mutual Respect: Foster an environment of respect where both DM and players feel heard and valued. Encourage players to actively listen when others are taking their turn—this creates a collegial table environment and often leads to excellent roleplaying moments. Check in with players after heavy sessions, or if you think someone’s boundaries were violated. Resolve conflicts quickly and directly, rather than ignore them.
This article was originally posted on my blog.
A great list, and one I wish more DMs heeded. It very much seems to me that most of these (except maybe point 3) are forgotten or even intentionally ignored in this
glorious age of "DM empowerment."
You distilled the feedback down to really clear points, M.T., all of which feel true to me too. Really nice summary of things to aim for as a GM!
I highlighted the only one that I actually like to change up now and then. It's one of those things that just isn't in player awareness, but it can help me as GM to let one of the players give us a recap because that shows me what's sticking for them, what was memorable, where their joy is, and if maybe there are things they've forgotten that I need to highlight that session.
I can see why most players would prefer the GM do it (voice of authority/clarity and all that), but I actually end up doing a little better as a GM if I turn this over to the players at least part of the time.
I don't remember precisely which game system a prior GM got it from, but the idea of "ritual phrases" (which are prevalent in TTRPGs, but rarely called out as such) does a lot of work here. I have a ritual phrase I use at the opening of every game: "Previously, in the Desert..." It gets variations relative to the tone or context, e.g. when the party went to the perpendicular plane of Zerzura (based on the very excellent
The Gardens of Ynn), I instead would say, "Previously, in Zerzura..." Or, for an upcoming example, the party is about to take an ocean voyage, so the sessions reflecting back on that voyage will begin with, "Previously, in the Sapphire Sea..."
One of the great benefits of such ritual phrases is that the GM doesn't have to be the one to speak them every time; the words begin to carry a power all their own once they've been used long enough. As a result, you can arrange for someone else to do the recap if it is useful/relevant/productive, by having them invoke the ritual phrase instead.
Other useful ritual phrases for me are, "
Are you sure?"/"
Are you sure you want to do that?" (read: that sounds risky, you might want to reconsider your options), "
What do you do?" (classic PbtA gameplay loop), and for me, because I loved the first Myst novel as a child, "
What do you see, <name>?"
