Advice for Gamers in Society

[Ulrick]

The idea for this thread started when a friend of mine started talking about how gamers would always want to talk about their favorite character. She didn't understand why gamers used this as a pick-up line. See, I learned years ago that people (both gamers and nongamers) really don't want to hear about my character unless they specifically ask me.

That got me thinking about other gamer stereotypes that might hinder their inclusion into social situations outside of gaming. This thread is not meant to offend anybody. I would like, however, to help gamers overcome the anti-social unwashed stigma that I've encountered over my 20 year history as a gamer. Think of what is said here as advice for the average gamer who wants to interact with society. Much of what I'll say stems from trial and error as an introverted gamer struggling to come out of my proverbial shell. And I hope to help others do the same.

With that said, here are guidelines for gamers interacting with society:

A gamer...

1. ...should not talk about his or her character unless specifically asked. A non-gamer just doesn't understand why a certain character is so awesome. Mentioning a favorite character on a first date will quickly make it a last date.

2. ...should not solely talk about RPGs and gaming. It's okay to reveal that you're a gamer. The hobby has become more mainstream since I started playing. Just don't go into a whole lot of detail about the hobby--unless specifically asked. If person gets glazed look in their eye, it might be time to talk about something else. Don't let your hobby dominate a conversation. Which leads too...

3. ...should talk about his or her other hobbies/job/past times, etc. A gamer should know that gaming should not take over his or her life. In fact, participating in other activities will help the gamer become diversified and well-rounded. If a gamer does not have any activities outside of gaming, should find some.

4. ...needs to maintain personal hygiene! This is the worst of the stereotypes. Unfortunately there is truth to it.

5. ...should not gawk at members of the opposite sex. In my personal experience, I've witnessed entire rooms of male gamers hush and swivel their heads at the sound of a female voice...and continue staring. Which is often uncomfortable for the person being stared at.

6. ...should realize that going around dressed in black and pretending to be a vampire is not a social norm. Don't get upset when people express concern and not want to put up with it. Yes, this mainly geared toward Larpers playing in a public area. Over years I've repeatedly watched some larpers get booted out of a given area and wonder why.

7. ...does not try to defend their hobby against somebody who thinks its Satanic. Fortunately, much of the Satanic Panic is long gone, but I still encounter people who condemn me for my hobby. It's best to ignore them and walk away. If they persist, just tell them that their behavior is unacceptable and avoid them if possible. Confrontation should be a last option, if an option at all.

Well, those are the seven that I can think of at the moment. Feel free to post your own and discuss.


Edit: A gamer should also realize when he posts in the wrong forum! Would the mods please move this thread to the right forum, perhaps General RPG Discussion... My apologies!

 

[RangerWickett]

This is like "tying your shoes" level social interaction advice. I personally wouldn't associate with anybody who hadn't mastered these basics by the time they're in their 20s.

 

[Oni]

This is like "tying your shoes" level social interaction advice. I personally wouldn't associate with anybody who hadn't mastered these basics by the time they're in their 20s.

Might seem like simple stuff, yet I've seen pretty much everything on that list many times.

 

[El Mahdi]

Number 3 is just ... well ... BLASEPHEMY! How dare you!?

 

[Darkness]

Edit: A gamer should also realize when he posts in the wrong forum! Would the mods please move this thread to the right forum, perhaps General RPG Discussion... My apologies!

Done.

 

[cougent]

... Never argue over game mechanics in public (like at a restaurant) loudly.

This came from an actual encounter I had once, at a restaurant. I am a huge Star Trek fan, a co-worker of mine was a huge Star Wars fan. The 2 of us and 2 other co-workers were at lunch one day and he and I lapsed into a comparison of the two genres. However we were comparing not just the Sci Fi-ness of the genres, but actors abilities, directorial style, production values, plots, storyline, etc. The other 2 non-Sco Fi junkies were even participating in the conversation. We all became aware of a discussion several tables over where 4 males probably in their 20's were having a rising volume discussion over Warp Core dynamics. I do not remember the conversation now, and it was pointless then as well, but here were (supposedly) grown men arguing in public over something made up for entertainment. The fact that they were all 4 large, unkempt, and slovenly just made the whole thing even worse. My 3 co-workers all looked clinically at me and for the first and only time in my life I was ashamed to be a "Trekkie". I told them, "It is those types that give all of us a bad rep."

 

[T-Bone JiuJitsu]

It's okay to reveal that you're a gamer. The hobby has become more mainstream since I started playing. Just don't go into a whole lot of detail about the hobby--unless specifically asked.

I would disagree with this point. Unless you KNOW that the person you are talking to has some interest in gaming, or is into alot of sci fi type stuff, I would avoid the RPG subject altogether. Save it for AFTER you are much more familiar with the person. Once they know you and realize that you are not someone to be feared and avoided, you can let them in on your RPG hobbie.

I'm sure there are some who disagree, but really, seriously, weather you want to believe it or not, most people will judge you if you tell them you play D&D. It is NOT socially acceptable. Seriously.

 

[Chainsaw]

First rule of D&D is... You don't talk about D&D.
Second rule of D&D is.. You don't talk about D&D.

Haha, seriously though, it's a hobby that I only reveal after I know someone really well. Got sick of the snarky comments that 95% of people have.

 

[Calico_Jack73]

Personal hygiene is a big one for me. It is one of the reasons I avoid most FLGSs, especially the ones that have in store gaming because of the sheer magnitude of "The Funk". It just nails you in the face as soon as you walk through the door when you've got 20-30 people who haven't showered in a week. Please shower every day or AT LEAST every other day... AND PLEASE USE SOAP.

Don't neglect dental hygiene either... nothing is worse than someone violating rule 1 and 2 with breath that smells like they ate a pound of cow dung.

And for the LARPers who insist on wearing black trenchcoats PLEASE shower and use antiprespirant/deoderant especially if it isn't quite cold enough to wear the trenchcoats yet you insist on it. You'll get hot and start sweating and if you already smell funky it'll just turn the funk level up to 11.

Edit: Oh yeah... know when to say when in regards to sugar and caffeine. Almost nothing is worse than a gamer violating rules 1 & 2 when they are bouncing off the walls from downing No-Doze chased down by a 2 Liter of Mountain Dew.

 

[JackSmithIV]

7. ...does not try to defend their hobby against somebody who thinks its Satanic. Fortunately, much of the Satanic Panic is long gone, but I still encounter people who condemn me for my hobby. It's best to ignore them and walk away. If they persist, just tell them that their behavior is unacceptable and avoid them if possible. Confrontation should be a last option, if an option at all.

Why? Because the ignorant should remain so? Because we don't need people to accept the hobby as an appropriate way to spend our time?

I'm a pretty intense Christian, I'd have to say. Church on Sundays whether anyone will go with me, all-night vigils around the holidays... but I'd never put up with another Christian trying to put down D&D because some misguided source told them it was wrong or Satanic. It's a big hobby, but stigma like that hurts our acceptance into mainstream culture.

There's a very intellectual way of approaching a conversation with those who believe D&D is morally wrong. Crusade for the hobby every chance you get. Geeks and gamers will be made a target of ridiculous stereotypes as long as we allow ourselves to be. Many of the social issues raised by the OP are the result of a person being ostracized from mainstream culture because their hobbies or lifestyle choices aren't considered acceptable for one reason or another. We continue to keep silent, the cycle goes on and on.

Let's not be separate anymore.