Are you a good-

[BlackSilver]

The Better person thread, a recent conversation with a friend, and some posts here on EN World got me to thinking about friendships and how far some people will go for their friends.

How good a friend are you? What have you done for your friend(s) that makes your relationship special?

I know the old saying about friends- “friends help you move, while real friends help you move bodies.” Do you (seriously now) have friends that you would do virtually anything for- even imprisonment or the worst die to help? Do you feel they would do the same?

Would you drive hundreds of miles to get your friend from a sticky situation, missing a day of work, and leaving a pissed off spouse to get to your friend in need?

If a friend did something uncharacteristic would you give them another chance? Would you believe in them enough to forgive them? (Friends- true friends to my way of thinking, forgive with a single word or a single action.)

If a friend asked you to do something that made you change the way you speak to them, would you do it?

If a friend were gravely injured would you help them pay their bills? If they were suddenly unemployed would you help them with their house payment, knowing that they may one day repay the money?

Personally, I have only a few friends, people that I feel I would do anything for and would do so without question. There are a few of my friends that I would think about their request before I did what they asked, but that is just because of who they are and what they have been involved with in their past.

Unfortunately, a few months back I was attacked and really badly hurt, I could not work, had no insurance. When rent came due I discovered that my friends had joined together to pay it, and my utilities. I am getting my business going again, and things are looking better, but it might be years before I can repay them (the money)- I mentioned this to one of them- “your friendship is enough for now, pay us back when you can.”

What about the people you care about?

 

[Darth K'Trava]

I've taken a new friend to the series finale party of Star Trek Enterprise in Spartanburg, SC, back in May and then a week later brought him up here to see Star Wars Episode III with a group of people I know (friends and other associates). Brought him up here for the 4th of July holiday weekend so he can get away from that hellhole known as home. His parents are real (censored for Eric's Grandma) and I wouldn't want to be there around them all the time and hope he can get away from them...

In two weeks, I'm taking him to Dragoncon. It's the first time he's been there....

Haven't done anything like that for any of my other friends... they have the money to do stuff. He doesn't. And didn't do that stuff for the other broke friend as he's too much of a bore and gets on my nerves with his depression....

 

[Angel Tarragon]

Sacrificed going to a Britney Spears concert (that is when I was really into her) to take a friend to see the remains of the Titanic at the Phoenix museum. The tTitanic is important to him because Ballard discovered its remains on his Birthday.

 

[megamania]

...... I suck........



I have never had close friends and at 36 will never have close friends. This is not to say I wouldn't do crazy / immature / even unwise things for them. I just have a way of putting up barriers to protect my psyche and myself.

..... I really suck ......

 

[Harmon]

I use to think I was a really good friend- fixing roofs, water proofing in windows in the rain, drive thirty miles to fix a door, or put up blinds, loan over three thousand dollars (one person says that the money was returned the other- when ever she gets a wind fall has something important to pay on), helping people move, buying food, enduring relationsships friends invest in knowing it will not last (biting my tongue when they say "I love her"), and so many other things.

When I was hurt in '99 friends disappeared, or would call and make mocking statements. When things got better for me they returned, wanting to rekindle. I gave them a get lost- "friends do for each other when they need. I needed you, and you denied me."

Some held on through the tough times but refused... (promise held).

Now I doubt my "good" friend belief. I treat people how they treat me, and expect very little from others. I confide in few who know me of emotions, and real things in life that bother me or things that have.

Now a days I have three friends. When they go I will not be surprised. In the end we all die as we came into this world- alone. I have tried to effect people in a positive way and to often it has blown up in my face.

Hopefully I can change when my kid gets here, but right now we are happy, working, doing our thing, and loving those who want us in their lives and say good bye with tear filled eyes to those who do not.

(I hope that answers your question Silver.)

 

[Chimera]

I don't think the people I call friends have ever been aware of how much they can depend on me when the chips are down. Then again, I don't think they have ever really known me very well. I'm just not like most people. I don't think the same way.

Got rid of most of my so-called "friends" when I started to change my life about 4-5 years ago. Was left with only those who were friends of both myself and my wife. Then lost every single one of them in the divorce process. A very painful experience. But like Harmon, if they were to come back knocking on my door, I wouldn't take them back. They were not true friends, they were not 'good people'. When difficulty arose, they ran for cover or turned their backs on me - in my time of need.

I have only a couple of loose friends now too. Doesn't really bother me. I am aware that I can be hard to know.

Better friends will come in time. No worries. No need to throw myself away seeking them.

 

[diaglo]

i helped a buddy pay off his wedding reception and ring and other commitments after he called it off.

even after i found out he slept with my girlfriend.

 

[BlackSilver]

I have never had close friends and at 36 will never have close friends. This is not to say I wouldn't do crazy / immature / even unwise things for them. I just have a way of putting up barriers to protect my psyche and myself.

It is really sad to read something like this.

Part of me wants to disbelieve, and just think that your having a low or depressed moment in your life.

If you want a friendship to go to the next stage, then you have to make that effort. You have to make more of an effort to change in yourself.

Love, give, smile, ask people you game with to meet over coffee or something (just to shoot the breeze), and be there when they need you. When they say something that doesn't seem right, don't jump on their back about it, ask for an apology (good friends will give them) and forgive.

Communication is vital in all relationships. Good relationships thrive in communication free environments.

Don't over step and make an apology when you do.


Harmon- I am sorry to hear that.

 

[LightPhoenix]

I think it's a little bit more than a simple yes or no question as to whether I'm a good friend.

Unfortunately past things have helped me erect barriers, and while I'm working on tearing those down, for the majority of my life I've been very distant and detached. So am I good friend in that manner? No, not at all.

I'm an extremely blunt person when it comes to problems, and I lack a good degree of patience for standing around and talking as opposed to doing. I get very frustrated with my friends when they don't try to go out and fix them. So in that case, no, I'm not a good friend.

I'm extremely loyal to the friends I have, and I'll call someone on their bull when they are bad-mouthing them. I'll start a fight if you puke on my friends' feet. I would drop all my responsibilities to help them and be there for them. So yeah, I'm a good friend.

Um, so I guess I'm not a good friend after all.

 

[mhacdebhandia]

There's really only two people I'm not related to whom I would do anything for - my best friend and my girlfriend.

My best friend has a fiancé of her own, but since I've known her and been very close to her for about twice the time they've been together, and I've seen her at her emotional and psychological worst, there are just some things that she prefers to turn to me for. He's a sweet guy and will be a very good husband to her, but I don't think either of us believe he could easily deal with some things about her. She doesn't hide anything from him, of course - it's more that she doesn't want to ask him to help her deal with some of her issues because she knows he won't have an easy time of it.

Then, of course, there's always the need to talk to someone else about what's going on with your partner anyway.

I would say that I am a better friend to the people I like than most people are.