Art Objects: Pimp My Lair (originally by wereooze)

Eltab

Lord of the Hidden Layer
Art Objects ... Pimp your BBEG's crib !

DM: A search of the necromancer's tower uncovers 4500 gold pieces, a Shield +2, and a 1700 GP gem-encrusted ring.
Player: Another gem-encrusted ring ?! Who buys all this stuff?


Who buys gem-encrusted stuff indeed? An oft-ignored (until now) treasure table in D&D has been 'Art Object'. This is well and good, except the DMG fails to embellish much, and many DMs are left handing out three pieces of "art": Gem-encrusted rings, Golden statues, and Elvish tapestries.
If you run a 'Hack n' Slash' game, I suppose that would be just fine. Kill, loot, and do it again next week. But for those of us who run more elaborate campaigns, we have all new ways of (psychologically) torturing PCs. We have horse thieves, taxes, entire legions of undead to threaten helpful NPC villagers. But always have Heroes enjoyed the valuable 'Gold Piece'. But now I suggest you put even more of the BBEG's total treasure value into 'Art Objects'.
After all ... do you own stuff, or do you own nothing and have all your money in a shoebox?
Yes, most of us BUY stuff. Playstations, couches, Mail-Order Brides, compact disks, towels, cars, motorbikes, deer rifles. And since we buy stuff, we must assume most BBEGs like to spend money too (except possibly dragons who sleep on mounds of gold and still cut coupons). Since BBEGs tend to be wealthy, intelligent types, they will spend money on 'Art Objects' ... Because plasma TVs haven't been invented yet.
BUT, say the DMs, we don't know what Art Objects are! That's OK. Just think of any object, and chances are there are super-expensive items that do the exact same thing, but people buy anyway: $2000 pens, $1,000,000 stereos, BMWs, etc etc.
Why more ART? Because
A: It's harder to haul out of the dungeon
B: PCs now have to find an Art-Dealer to sell it to
C: It's funny to see what PCs 'collect' themselves



Fumbuck the Half-Orc Barbarian: "This is my mahogany davenport with solid brass accents and a polished marble top. It was hand-carved by halflings in the village of HappyFunLand and I found it in the possession of an Ogre Mage whose skull I smashed with a hammer. Would you like to see my collection of ceramic rust monsters, or maybe my Electrum dwarvish-whiskey shot glass set?"
Other Character: -twitch-

Introducing the Dungeon Decorators Collection ... to stock a BBEG lair with, or add spice to your campaign world ! (Based on Table 7-6: Art Objects from DMG 3.0). Inspired by a copy of The Home Decorators Collection that showed up with the junk mail.

This link works (or at least it did at the time I tracked it down).
https://web.archive.org/web/2015102....wizards.com/forum/whats-dm-do/threads/947276
 
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