Cleon
Legend
As you like, I don't have skin in this game.
There's nothing stopping other DMs (myself included) from having multiple Fire/Storm Giant hybrids, after all.
Blue Fire Giant
As you like, I don't have skin in this game.
There's nothing stopping other DMs (myself included) from having multiple Fire/Storm Giant hybrids, after all.
Exactly, and theres nothing stopping you from changing the lore to fit your game.
Please dont take my responses as argumentative, I fully am listening to your critiques and have plans on remaking the stat block to flow better. I just don't understand the idea the lore is too restrictive when you, or anyone else who is using this stat block, is just going to change the lore anyways to fit their world. Like if I was pouring my heart and soul into a creature, maybe? but this is just a quick stat block with some basic lore ive given.
Cleon
Legend
No worries, I was probably just being picky and over-thinking things like usual.
Oh, and I didn't find your responses argumentative (at least in any negative sense). Just defending your position, which is a perfectly reasonable stance to take.
Cleon
Legend
Yes, I've got plenty of spare time to
By the way, do you wish for your Homebrews to be enshrined on the General Monster Talk's Completed Fifth Edition Creatures Index once they're completed or would you rather leave them out of it?
If the former, it'd help to post links to the D&D Beyond webpage of the finished monster(s).
That question also applies to your Witch Hound Homebrew.
oh theres no link to dnd beyond, im making the stat blocks with a program I got a few years back.
Cleon
Legend
Oh right, now you mention it I recall you mention that these aren't on D&D Beyond.
In that case if you would like your monsters on the Completed Fifth Edition Creatures Index I'd have the link point to the Enworld post with their stats.
sounds good
but only if you think they look good att this point, I wouldnt want them added and they not be up to speck.
Cleon
Legend
Well that's a major advantage of having the monster posted on Enworld rather than D&D Beyond. Once I add them to the Index they post can be corrected without having to change the link.
Okay, getting back to the actual monster.
I like the revised lore, it makes it a clearer these are from a specific milieu.
There appear to be a few minor spelling or grammar errors in the text and some sections that seem to be worded oddly or clumsily but are grammatically correct.
Here's the ones I noticed in the Description entry, with corrections of apparent typos in RED and BLUE for suggestions for polishing some bits of phrasing (these are numbered, with explanations as footmarks):
Blue Fire Giant
"Many years ago, too long to count for most mortals, and barely thought of by those with lives long enough to possibly remember the event¹, two powers fell in love:² a storm with a volcano, and the volcano a storm. While others saw their love as cursed they themselves could not care for they had each other. Through the seasons their love grew, till one day they had a child, a small island whose heat was that of the sun. They saw the child as perfect, and brought it to the Mother of Earth³ for blessing, who saw how beautiful the child was and blessed it with magic to craft whatever toy it wished. Sadly,⁴ as the blessing ended the Mother of Earth's³ husband, the Father in Heaven⁵, saw the child and only saw a monster. The pair fought with the Father in Heaven⁵, begging him to spare the child, but all he had in his heart was anger for he felt their union was a betrayal of creation. With a massive hurricane he absorbed the storm⁶ and sank the volcano, next was the small island child who did not even know what life was. The Father in Heaven⁵ was only stopped⁷ by his wife!
"You may kill the storm and volcano, for they sinned against you, but the child is pure and undeserving of the sin. Please spare it, so it may spread the power of your wrath."
The Father in Heaven⁵ agreed, but cursed the child, so it would never know the love of its parents, and so the toys it made with the magic the Mother of Earth³ gave it would simply burn to ash. The Father in Heaven⁵ called out!
"To all storms of heaven¹⁰, and volcanoes of earth, the children you bore when in union shall be cursed the same.¹¹ For I am the Father¹² who allows creation, and to do so against my law deserves only this!"
"You may kill the storm and volcano, for they sinned against you, but the child is pure and undeserving of the sin. Please spare it, so it may spread the power of your wrath."
The Father in Heaven⁵ agreed, but cursed the child, so it would never know the love of its parents, and so the toys it made with the magic the Mother of Earth³ gave it would simply burn to ash. The Father in Heaven⁵ called out!
"To all storms of heaven¹⁰, and volcanoes of earth, the children you bore when in union shall be cursed the same.¹¹ For I am the Father¹² who allows creation, and to do so against my law deserves only this!"
— An old story found in a bards college.¹³
Outcast by Father
Blue fire giants are a rare and special sight; lumbering in height with skin like grey stone covered in dry cracks and hair like massing white clouds.¹⁴ While not part of the ordning created by the All Father god of giants, they are protected by the goddess of earth, Othea. It is said they are born when royals of the fire and storm giants disobey the ordning, meeting with one another in secret to love. Sadly if this is true it seems their respective societies must see such children with disdain, as most blue fire giants are seen solitarily, in places far away from other giants and even further from societies. It's unknown if they can even produce young of their own as they have never been seen in pairs.
Brilliant Craftsmen, Horribly Cursed¹⁵
These giants are noted to have amazing crafting magic that most people of other races can only dream of¹⁶, but with a minor catch. Their bodies produce a blistering heat that often burns⁶ or melts the things they craft. Luckily they can use this magic at a distance from themselves, so they can still craft without harming their creation. However,¹⁷ it is still sad to know they will never get to enjoy the things they make. It is almost like they have been cursed by the gods. No one knows where they gained this magic or how they know of it, as its clear no one taught it to them, the best most adventurers who have met them can tell, it's just natural to them, like breathing.
- "lived long enough to even have a chance to remember the event" seemed overly clunky.
- Maybe a colon here to break up the sentence more cleanly?
- Should this being's name be Capitalized? Also, one of them (the "mother of earths") was missing an apostrophe.
- I think it reads more smoothly with Sadly at the start, the other way round works but would benefit from a comma or commas, depending on intend (i.e. "As the blessing ended sadly," or "As the blessing ended, sadly" or "As the blessing ended, sadly,")
- I'm suspecting "haven" should be "Heaven", and it's inconsistently Capitalized, with a few fathers and a bunch of Fathers.
- Doesn't need the intervening comma.
- Doesn't need "however" in "stopped however by".
- The "it is the child who is" can be polished down to "the child is" without losing anything.
- While it could be a run-on sentence ("of the sin, please spare it, so") does it not scan better as two sentences?
- Now I'm more confident "haven" should be "heaven"!
- It's got a new sentence starting with "For" so should be preceded by a full stop, not a comma.
- Guess this father should be "Father" too. He seems the Type To Refer To Himself In Capitals!
- You had two quotes here (" ") instead of one ("), and I took the liberty of italicizing and right-aligning the "source credit" to its own sentence.
- This sentence was so messy I took the liberty or reordering and rephrasing. "Blue fire giants, Lumbering in height with skin grey like stone covered in dry cracks with hair white like clouds before they mass, are a rare and special sight"?
- As it refers to multiple giants, it's "craftsmen" not "craftsman". Plus capitalizing "Horribly" and not "craftsman" and "cursed" doesn't appeal to me unless it's two mini sentences (i.e. "Brilliant craftsmen. Horribly cursed"). 5E prefers to Capitalize words in these titles that aren't connecting fragment (i.e. the Monster Manual Aaracokra has Enemies of Elemental Evil not Enemies of elemental evil). Oh and it uses BOLD ITALIC rather than just BOLD, but that isn't important.
- This sentence can be compressed in several places without losing anything important. The "have been seen and noted to have" can become "are noted to have" and I don't see the purpose of the "in the" before people. I took the liberty of adding "can only" before the dream.
- The "however" appears to be the start of a sentence and could do with a comma. It could also be joined to the following sentence ("However, it is still sad to know they will never get to enjoy the things they make, it is almost like they have been cursed by the gods.") if you prefer that wording.
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