Booting a Player (and setting a good example?)

[Blue]

If the DM is also the host, then the DM can flat-out tell the misbehaving player that future invitations depend on how they handle that conversation. If the DM is not the host, then the DM can tell the host that her willingness to DM is at stake.

A DM doesn't have to run for anyone they don't want. One can say "I won't run for you" and make it stick. Period, no discussion. No need to involve anyone else or get the buy in from the host or group. The DM has rights as well as everyone else.

That's not kicking them out of the group, nor of the house however. If the group as a whole says "that's fine, we'll have someone else run", that's also part of the group dynamic - the DM only has power within the game, and only at the pleasure of the group.

 

[Riley37]

That's not kicking them out of the group, nor of the house however. If the group as a whole says "that's fine, we'll have someone else run", that's also part of the group dynamic - the DM only has power within the game, and only at the pleasure of the group.

Indeed. That's why I drew the distinction between DMs who are hosts, and DMs who are not.

When I am the DM and not the host, I *can* tell a player, right when that player walks through the door, that I won't run a game which includes that player. I prefer to let the host know, in advance, as a courtesy. Maybe the host finds that useful, maybe the host sleeps on the decision before designating another DM, maybe not; but in the working relationship between host and DM, I'm gonna keep my side of the street clean, as best I can.

 

[toucanbuzz]

...But I'm confused. It sounds like you have a great group of long-time friends. The guys aren't gelling. He's cheating. Why do you feel the need to make such an effort? It seems like he just isn't a good fit. Don't invite him back. Or do you need to interact with him often outside of game settings?

On reflection, he's the "new guy" in town and part of me feels like I haven't given him a chance, and by not giving him a prolonged chance, I'm sending a message to the newest player (albeit 2 years with me a longer with another of our gamers) that we don't give second chances. Then the practical side of me lines up all the players who didn't work out in the past after given a chance, and they had all the symptoms. Ultimately, I'm just reassuring my decision by reminding myself there's not been a happy ending story where someone took a player doing these things and voila, it all worked out.

 

[Valetudo]

Lets be honest. Not everyone deserves a second chance.

 

[Lillika]

Lets be honest. Not everyone deserves a second chance.

You are clearly not redemption paladin material.

 

[Doug McCrae]

Instant boot as far as I'm concerned. Life's too short to train players. Being a good participant in a roleplaying game is their responsibility, not yours.

 

[Valetudo]

You are clearly not redemption paladin material.

Nope, im more off a drunken master kinda guy.

 

[Dausuul]

On reflection, he's the "new guy" in town and part of me feels like I haven't given him a chance, and by not giving him a prolonged chance, I'm sending a message to the newest player (albeit 2 years with me a longer with another of our gamers) that we don't give second chances. Then the practical side of me lines up all the players who didn't work out in the past after given a chance, and they had all the symptoms. Ultimately, I'm just reassuring my decision by reminding myself there's not been a happy ending story where someone took a player doing these things and voila, it all worked out.

It makes a difference if the guy's an established part of the group.

I mean, if one of the people you've been gaming with for 15 years started doing this stuff, you'd talk it out, right? Or even the guy who's been with you 2 years. You wouldn't just kick them to the curb. They've been playing well for years, contributing to everyone's fun; you know they can do it, and they used to do it; if that's changed, they deserve a heads-up and a chance to fix it.

But someone who's only been playing with you guys for a little while hasn't earned anything. As soon as you feel certain he's not going to work out, and the rest of the group agrees, you should toss him. To drag it out is a disservice to you, to the rest of the group, and even to him - I mean, every session that he spends getting invested in the game and the group is going to make it that much more unpleasant when the inevitable Day of Tossing comes.

You already gave him his chance. He blew it. If you want your group to remain open and welcoming to new members, it has to be able to kick out the ones who abuse the privilege. Otherwise everyone will, quite reasonably, become more and more reluctant to let new people in at all.

 

[jasper]

You are clearly not redemption paladin material.

Yes but in real life we don't get to stabby stabby the unredemption.