I'm building a Monk right now in prep for a new game starting up in a couple weeks, and am wondering about the to hit bonuses as well. I played a fighter in the just finished portion of our campaign, and had a +11 to hit at level 6--and I barely hit anything.
+4 to hit, +1 from fighter bonus, +3 from level, +2 prof bonus... that's +10. +11 if you're using a blade... you're actually behind where you could be with that character: you should have at least a +1 weapon, hopefully +2 at that point.
However, +11 to hit... monsters at that level have average AC of 20, so while you're likely behind the curve, you're still hitting on 9 or better, for 12 outcomes out of 20, or 60% of the time, plus or minus 5% per level differential That's not 'rarely'. That's actually spot on.
This is only my second character, and it would hit against ref and fort instead of AC, but I'm not sure how my bonuses stack up. I have two variants: one who uses an Urgrosh and has a +10 to hit with +10 damage; the other uses a ki cutting wheel +1 and unarmed strike (with a +2 ki focus) for a +10 to hit and +8 damage. Is this appropriate for the level? I'm leaning toward the unarmed/cutting wheel one, and could up the damage by switching a couple things going to a +9 to hit...
Implement attacks are different tho. At level 6, you can expect +4 from attribute, +3 from level, +2 from your enchantment bonus. +9 is like above... spot on. If you're +10, you're a tiny bit ahead of the curve.
The trick here is to leverage which defense you target. Generally, you use the attack that will have the most success. This is something you have to get a feel for, but you use your reflex on slow tough things, and your fortitude on fast skinny things.
Monsters are designed so that while they generally have an AC which is spot-on where it should be (soldiers being the exception), their other defenses vary greatly. Some will be higher, and others will be lower to compensate. By hitting the lower defense, you'll essentially give yourself an effective bonus to attack of anywhere between +1 to +4! If you're starting ahead of the curve already (65% in your case), then you're on average, if you're using your attacks intellegently, going to be hitting 70-85% of the time once you've got it all sorted.
So... yeah. You're golden
if you play smart.
As for sacrificing hit for damage... don't. The math on it is terribly complicated, but it's generally a bad idea and you end up doing less damage AND doing less cool stuff by lowering your hit.